Am I an asshole for telling a girl I didn't want to go out with her anymore after she never had sex with me?

Am I an asshole for telling a girl I didn't want to go out with her anymore after she never had sex with me?

I went on 5 dates with this woman over the course of 2 months. Everything was fine and normal. On the second date we kissed and we had good chemistry so on the third date, I attempted to see if she would have sex with me. She said no and told me it was a little too fast. I respected her wishes and told her its fine.

Our fourth date was good, but no real progress. I didn't make a move this time. A couple weeks later we went on our fifth date. It went great, I made really great plans and she had a lot of fun. I took her home and again, attempted to go further. She said no and it was still too soon. I asked her how long she needed, she just said "I don't know." It was an awkward atmosphere. I told her it was fine and I wished her a good night. She gave me a kiss and then said good night.

I was feeling a little upset afterwards. We weren't just going on dates, we talked all the time in between our dates and I felt like we knew each other well enough where our relationship should have progressed by now. I'm not an asshole that would have pumped and dumped her or anything, I was looking to date her long term. I felt like I was getting used at this point.

Next day I called her and I told her I just didn't feel like we were compatible and I want to see other people. She asked me if it was because she wouldn't sleep with me. I said we've been dating for 2 months and she doesn't want to progress our relationship at all, so how else am I supposed to feel? She was really mad at me and insulted me. She said I was entitled and other shit. I just said bye and hung up the phone and blocked her number. I was done with her.

A couple days later she apologized to me for what she said and she wants "another chance". I'm not trying to force her to have sex with me. If she doesn't want to have sex with me, that's perfectly fine. But if she doesn't, I want to move on.

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well she's obviously trying to make this work even though you pissed her off.
She's not going to repeat the same thing that caused the break up in the first place, so I think that because she does want to further the relationship she'll fuck you this time.
maybe

Three dates is standard practice. Five dates and not even some suck? Nah, she was using you.

>I felt like I was getting used
Used for what?

The part where you were right: her not supporting the progression of the relationship (either by escalating or at least giving you a reasonable explanation)

The part where you were wrong: two months to get through five dates, and waiting even that long for intimacy. You need to set a pace in order to get a clear picture if your dates are willing to support it. She got away with this for far too long because you let her.

Oh, and absolutely do not give her "another chance." That's either
a) total bullshit because she wants more food/attention/whatever,
b) a desperate plea that will result in yet another refusal, or
c) an attempt to trap you with a rape accusation after she tells everyone that your last contact was basically coercing her into sex.

1/6th of a year is qualifiable benching, sans explanation nor plan.

No, not an asshole at all. Sexual intimacy is very important to some people and you're one of them. That's just what it is.
Make plans for her only if it's not really costing you anything/isn't a bother for you, otherwise just focus on moving on

Nope not an asshole

oh no, a girl is not an absolute whore and fucks everyone after meeting them twice, what should I do?
yeah, please leave her

>I'm not an asshole that would have pumped and dumped her or anything, I was looking to date her long term.

Let's assume for a moment this is true. You behave like a fuckboy. Why would she believe you're not a fuckboy?

Look OP, I have been in this exact situation. You did well. She will fuck with you.I have been in this exact situation as well. The most possible scenario is that she wouldn't fuck if you didn't do this and she would dump you .

Nah it’s perfectly fine if you say you don’t want to see her. You don’t owe her anything since you’re only dating. Dating is only to see how you feel about the other person.

Attention, validation, maybe money
, gifts free dinners. Women do this all the time and it's totally socially acceptable.

You shouldn't have to owe a woman anything at any point. Her body her rules her problem. Women completey abuse a system meant to be compassionate with women. We will never have gender equality until that shit gets taken away. Blame your fellow women not men

It doesn't have anything to do with egalitarianism, you have the right to not see someone if you're only dating.

all women are whores how dare they not fuck me on the third date this is a coherent and logical train of thought

>I don't have the right to stop seeing a woman if she gives me blue balls in every date.

5th date*

Nobody but the biggest incels would call a woman a whore for sleeping with a man she's been actively building up a relationship with for months.

you have the right to stop seeing whoever you want for whatever reason, just like she has the right to not fuck you for whatever reason

I'm pretty sure plenty of people would call a woman a whore for fucking every single man she's known for 2 months and seen 5 times.

good thing that's not what OP said!

>you have the right to stop seeing whoever you want for whatever reason, just like she has the right to not fuck you for whatever reason
Did I say she doesn't have the right. Not me or OP implied that. My greentext was me doing the exact thing that you did in order to piss you off .

You said that he didn't owe her anything since they're ONLY dating, implying that if it was different circumstances he might owe her something. That's incorrect. Full equality or no equality.

Except for men are shamed more often than women. That's thy difference.

OP implies that he expects sex on the third date and is upset that she was unwilling to 'progress' at his preferred pace despite her specifically saying that she wanted to go slowly.
So maybe she's 'using' him, or maybe she's a good christian girl who doesn't give it up for peanuts. OP is an asshole for not considering the errant possibility that she might think 2 months is too little to spread it for any man, and instead assume she must be 'using' him.

>Full equality or no equality.
What the fuck are you even talking about?

when girls are attracted to you they hop your dick at the first chance, if a girl treats you like that she isnt really attracted to you she just wants something from you

it's not the 19th century anymore we don't really have courtships

>OP implies that he expects sex on the third date
No he doesn't. Where in the OP does he ever say that?

>OP implies that he expects sex on the third date and is upset that she was unwilling to 'progress' at his preferred pace despite her specifically saying that she wanted to go slowly
So OP never said that she is obliged to fuck him on the third date.He said that her not fucking him made him frustrated. You trying to shame OP, and your inability to be punctual in written language makes me believe you are a female.

OP is a retard, but I was not talking about him in the first place. I was mocking the stupid cels whining about equality like little faggots.

What about shy and inexperienced girls ?

Good posts

No one in this fucking thread implied what you said in your first post.

OP there is also the possibility that she wanted you to be more aggressive, and you passed her test. I have been in this exact same situation and when I gave her an ultimatum we started fucking and this resulted in a 2.5 year relationship.

Dude you’re fine. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. She was in the wrong for yelling at you. You literally did nothing wrong or remotely disrespectful. I’d move on if I were you, because she seems immature.

This OP. You obviously liked her because you kept seeing her, and she probably likes you as well as she asked for a second chance.
How about trying to talk to her sincerely about how you felt instead of making shitty excuses about incompatibility, say like you phrased it: “I'm not trying to force her to have sex with me. If she doesn't want to have sex with me, that's perfectly fine. But if she doesn't, I want to move on.”
If she’s nice then give her a chance to explain herself.

>Am I an asshole for telling a girl I didn't want to go out with her anymore after she never had sex with me?
not necessarily, ,depends on how you said it, but honestly you're entitled to go out with whoever you want and it's probably better to tell people right away instead of just avoiding it and making everyone waste their time.

>I'm not trying to force her to have sex with me. If she doesn't want to have sex with me, that's perfectly fine. But if she doesn't, I want to move on.

I totally feel ya and you're 100% entitled to your decision here. honestly I personally think she was kinda shitty there, at the phone call thing you told us, that was kind of a shit immature attitude. I guess it depends on how much you like her and how much are you willing to overlook that. to me it's always best to be honest and make it clear what are your goals. you want sex and that's totally fine, there ain't nothing wrong with that. if she isn't looking after that at all, then y'all got a conflict and y'all gotta figure out how to fix it.

You know what you are looking for, and it's not her. It doesn't matter what that is called, because people will have different opinions on the matter.

Five dates and 2 months of getting to know each other is more than reasonable to expect sex.

Women act like men are never ever entitled to sex from them, and while technically true in the broad sense of society, if you want to have a relationship with a man then he IS entitled to sex. That's not saying he is allowed to rape you or anything, but he has a reasonable expectation to get sex on a regular basis. What "regular basis" means depends on relationship to relationship, but if you're not going to provide that in any capacity then get ready to be dumped.

Plain and fucking simple, you have to contribute your part to the relationship. He is not an asshole for doing so, sex is part of relationships. If you have no intention of sleeping with a guy then tell him up front instead of leading him on for months then being surprised that this guy who has invested in me emotionally and financially wants to stick his peepee in me.

Guys aren't entitled to sex. Women aren't entitled to our attention.

Yes, women absolutely are entitled to your attention. Fuck outta here with that shit

Nah, you did the right thing.

Women nowadays are massive timewasters, had a girl I went on one date with and talked constantly with, but she would always either cancel or turn down invitations for a second date.

I liked her a lot so it took me solid 6 months to realize that nothing was gonna happen and she was just a timewaster.

Never focus only on 1 woman, always have a backup and never waste more than a month on a bitch if she doesn't give you sex.

Most modern women are flakey time wasters.

Relevant for me. Bump

It is amazing how you all will say a woman is a whore if she had sex with more than a couple guys, and then complain if a woman doesn't fuck with you after 3 dates.

Maybe she is virgin and is just scared?

Holy shit. OP the guys above arent serious. She totally has right to not be fast about sex. You have right to either respect that or dont.
You guys are probably the ones that call women whores later. She seen him 5 times and the guy sperged our 2 times already.

>I felt like I was getting used at this point.
user, that only happens when you are doing something for someone expecting something in return. Don't make this mistake again and your life will improve tenfold, stuff like will become irrelevant in your mind.

>Relevant for me.
Unless you are OP, you're better off sharing some details if you want relevant info. His case is that he and his girl aren't progressing at the same pace, it's troubling him, and he needs to talk to her about it.
The possibilities include:
1. They talk and she agrees to move forward at a pace OP accepts (which I doubt, but I can't know)
2. They talk and OP agrees to stay at her pace until she decides to go further (based on his word choice and that he already tried to end it, I doubt this even more)
3. They break up.

That's it.

What are you hoping to learn?

Subjectively what you're saying is right. Objectively, "not be fast" is not the correct way to describe what she's doing. This is glacial.

If the speed limit is 25, you can go 20. But you're going too slow, not "not fast."

>This is glacial.
They've been out on 5 dates. Five fucking dates.
My boyfriend and I went out every day for 4 months before I felt comfortable enough to have sex with him. After 5 dates he didn't even know my address.

Going on five dates in two months is the glacial part.

I mean, maybe they have bad schedules or live far apart.
I don't think it's necessarily the girl's fault here.

I don't think it's anyone's "fault." That's not the right word for a situation where neither of them wronged the other. But she's participating in a situation which compares to your case, as an example, like molasses in winter.

I went on about 60 dates before I slept with an ex. It was the best sex in my life. I also waited about 60 dates with someone else and gave up on the relationship.
I also slept on the first date and the sex was great, just not a lot of connection. Slept with someone I knew for 3 years and the sex was awful.
Really, if you can't wait, find someone else who can't. It may or may not be worth the wait, but at least you can leave with self respect. At this point, it sounds like you used abandonment as a means of control and you should feel shame. At the same time, at least you told her the truth. She sounds desperate and it probably won't turn out good in the long run, because you showed her you will abandon her for hedonic reasons. She will probably be paranoid of you cheating and may even feel bitter about giving in to you.

Did you ask her why?

Kys roastie.

She's fucking other guys while leading us on.

I waited months with my boyfriend. I didn't fuck anyone.
Men who want to sleep on 3rd date deserve only sluts.

>men are 1 person

Also, before doing anything, always ask yourself if you are doing it because you want something from someone. Don't do it if that is the case.
A small loan to help a bro out expecting he does the same for you in the future? Don't give the loan, you will regret it.
A dinner to have sex with a woman? Don't give the dinner, you will regret it.
A dinner just because you think it is fun? Give the dinner.
Giving a small present to someone because your heart tells you? Give the present.
Giving a small present expecting a present in the same price range in return? Don't give the present, you will regret it.

Fuck off insecure manlet

Men on this board tend to have pretty strong opinion about women having more than a handful of partners.
Maybe not you in particular, but the vast majority of this board does care about partner counts.
Guess what, you don't get a low partner count by sleeping with everyone you went out twice.

And they do, end up raising their "wife's kids"

holy.. shit! do men really care this much about getting sex in a relationship??
this makes me sad, i live in a conservative country and marriages are mostly arranged to some level! but i personally feel like i have to know the guy first, so i want to get into a secret relationship but i can't go beyond hand holding before marriage. does this mean i should stop thinking about getting in a relationship before?
the problem here is that guys in my country say things like; "if she did it with me she will do it with someone else", pretty much dump girls who give them chances and go for girls sure to be virgins, so girls have to always be extremely careful not to give guys everything they want!

What country do you live in? I can relate

>Spent time with this person 5 times total in my entire life.
>Guess I have to risk bearing his children, getting STIs, and permanently ruining my ability to pair-bond with my future husband now because this guy is horny.

Getting naked and putting your genitals inside someone else may be casual and comfortable like a high-five to you OP, but for some people it is actually a serious, deep, impactful, emotional thing that they take seriously. A smart woman knows that the more sexual partners she has the less valuable she becomes very quickly. No amount of beauty, money, personality, or skills, can ever compensate for a woman's partner count once it gets too high.

In your defense, spending time together 5 times in 60 days is a little on the low side, is there a long-distance or logistics problem? Once every 12 days is a weird rhythm for getting to know a person.

On the other hand, you behaved 100% like a fuck-boy and proved her right for wanting to wait until she had serious commitment. You don't have to be full-on married because the legal system has turned that into a trap for men these days but you need to have an equivalent level of commitment and security for her before you get to smash that booty. This isn't testing the waters "oh cool you like sushi too" style, this is an irreversible decision that permanently alters a woman's mind. In your post and to her you have presented yourself as someone just looking to hit it and quit it. If this isn't true then you need to seriously change how you portray yourself.

I think it is a little disingenuous to think that men on this board are going to give you an accurate image of men in your country, since Jow Forums is mostly an american/european site and you don't appear to be either.

i'm from jordan, where are you from?

I would prefer a partner with a low body count (ideally a virgin) and I'd be happy to wait to sleep with her as long as our dates werent expensive or we split the bills; otherwise I'd feel like I was being used for my money. You roasties think every guy wants a slut, just because only thirsty guys speak to you. This board is full of normies and normies only care about superficial things.

It's not a gender thing, it's a culture thing.

Imagine if in your culture a man took two months after five visits to your family's house and still would not formally say that he's looking for a wife. He's not being reasonable about how things are supposed to move.

In OP's culture, two months across five dates is not reasonable about how things are supposed to move.

>jordan
They filmed episode 9 there, I even did a presentation on that in my uni. I'm from Georgia

I feel like you're saying that if you spend money on someone she should at least suck your dick, which is mildly disgusting.
Stop sperging.

6'2" chad here, kys cunt

>if you spend money on someone she should at least give you something in return
Thats how society works. In the west, women are weary of guys using them for sex and men are weary of girls using them for free food/stuff/etc. If a guy views a girl as wife material, it's not unreasonable for her to expect him to wait for sex. If a girl views a guy as husband material, it's not unreasonable for her to be content with him not injecting serious cash into their relationship until it turns serious. Sex is exchanged for stuff in the west. Tell me why I should be happy with paying for a girl who does nothing more than giving me her time an attention. You come across as a toasty roastie.

Women will fuck Chads the night they meet them.

Why are you roasties surprised that regular men are wising up and realizing that you're only using them for the free food/attention?

Pity sex isn't worth 3+ dates and all the money you have to spend on a woman.

>chad here
If you were one, you wouldn't be such an insecure manlet

Rim my arse you dirty skank

you did the right thing. also you got upset at her for all the right reasons. you taking her out validates her, and you need to be given something in return, if she isn't giving you love or affection, it's time to move on. she's getting all this free attention and not giving you any sex or affection back which is bullshit. you walked away and she tapped you on the shoulder.

it's good she contacted you back because you played your cards right so you're showing strength by not caring about her. kudos on your end. since she came back to you and appologized I say you give her another try. if she continues along the same path then drop her like a ton of bricks.

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>Rim my arse
So you are speaking from experience of dating other man. Gay relationships work differently user

yes it's being an asshole

it's 100% ok to be an asshole

stop being a fucking nice guy.

you're doing good so far

>Tell me why I should be happy with paying for a girl who does nothing more than giving me her time an attention
Because you enjoy spending your time together, you like her and you enjoy treating her to nice stuff, or doing experiences together.

You have a very depressing view of relationships, and you're treating them like prostitution. It's not a societal problem, it's a you problem.
No one expects you to spend thousands of dollars on a girl you just met, but your view of love and sex is absolutely disgusting.

All these fake ass girls acting like they're pure maidens that wait 6 months before sex. You're not fooling anybody.

>do men really care this much about getting sex in a relationship??
No, no, no. No. Not all.
Men really care this much about getting sex. Some just prefer it to be in a relationship.
I guarantee that men in your country care about sex just as much, they just might not expect it from someone they don't regard as a literal whore.
In America, it's expected to find a partner that is compatible and then commit to them, sex beforehand is therefore common. In other cultures, you are expected to commit to the partnership and then work to be compatible, so sex only afterwards makes sense.
I can see wisdom in both approaches, when done well.

>Going on 5 dates with no even the case of making it an official relationship
That is plenty of time to push things through. Hell, even after 3 dates if things are going smooth you usually spend more time as a couple.

OP, I don't think you've done anything wrong, you've stated your objectives clearly whether it's casual or committed and you've detailed that nothing has happened. There is nothing wrong with this.

Personally, I'd say drop her, yeah I can understand her emotional kickback from the whole thing, but it won't improve (or it'll improve, and then they'll complain you pressured them to improve). Just accept you're not compatible and call it quits

Sex after three dates has been the norm for decades. OP only had a problem with it after 5 dates, as he should.

Mmmmmm yeah bitch get that tongue in daddys arsehole yeah LAP MY FUCKING BALLS MMMMMMMMMM

>Because you enjoy spending your time together
If she enjoys spending time with me, then she should be happy spending time with me for free or maybe with a cheap lunch. Im not going to buy her 4 star dinners or expensive gifts if Im getting nothing in return. If Im paying for sex, it's different.
>you're treating them like prostitution
Thats what dating sluts is. It's basically prostitution with extra steps. If she's not a whore, then she shouldn't expect to be paid like one.
>No one expects you to spend thousands of dollars on a girl you just met
If it takes 60 dates to get into a serious relationship, and im spending a modest $10-20 on her each date, that's $600-1200 overall. Im willing to spend that to get to know her and see if she's the one before we fuck, but expecting me to pay more with no dividends is ridiculous and shallow on her part.
>your view of love and sex is absolutely disgusting
Your roastie entitlement to men's cash is disgusting. If you werent a golddigging whore, maybe you'd be happier.

Why are people acting like 5 dates in two months is super low? Assuming one date a week, the max would be 8. Maybe the man is just busy and has life commitments. Or maybe she was busy. Or maybe they just fucking felt like it.

Deluded roastie cuck mad af because men are waking up to womens bullshit

He has to jump through all the hoops, spend all the money on "experiences", while Chad gets to fuck her asshole after 2 hours

Kys

It's not our fault that your country has a different culture

Sorry, I'm not a man, search for your asshole wrecker somewhere else

I think men care more about the status that comes with having sex than the sex itself.
America/Europe are currently EXTREMELY aggressive about shaming men who don't have it.