>Be me >Broke up with gf 4 days ago because her BPD got out of control and she lied to me about going to therapy >We live together >She came into my room and apologized for things that she said >Said that she's gonna get help >Said she isn't telling me this to get back together with me >I just told her to get help >Now I can't get her off my mind
I'm super upset and frustrated. I don't believe that she doesn't want to be back together with me, I think she told me that to fuck with me though a bit too. What should I do in this situation? I will be moving out by the weekend, and she doesn't have a chance until she gets help and addresses her issues, but I'm just so bitter.
Should I wait on the premise of her getting help, or do you think I should just walk away entirely?
Julian Rivera
bump
Adrian Reed
I say wait and see what happens, don't try to initiate anything, but support is nice.
Angel Thompson
This is the best advice Stop looking for the answer you want, you know its wrong and thats why youre here. Walk away. This is either a very stupid, naive, or bpd suffering woman. Yeah support is so nice, for the person lashing out and not suffering for it.
Ayden Watson
This guy, walk and walk confidently. Don't be turning back to undo choices she made in the first place
Ethan Collins
What she's doing is called hoovering. I wouldn't be surprised if she's lying about getting help. You really need to go no contact with her. I'd also say get some therapy as well after one of you moves out, and not to tell her you are getting therapy. These types of people are very good manipulators.
Noah Cooper
This is another guy with experience in this field. Listen to him, profound lies and forms of manipulation for the smallest reasons are in your future.
Since you already know the answer you want, you probably wont listen. Enjoy turning gray at a young age and dying early of stress.
And thats just the tip of the iceberg.
Carter Peterson
I just want to believe she would get help. I know you guys are right. I'm moving out this weekend, and after that it's no contact. I probably will need to get therapy.
Brody Reed
You will. Please talk to someone. We are prone to stoicism and even when we think we've healed we've often gone numb. Putting up with a relationship that is that hard on you mentally, and in many cases physically, can leave you scarred and effect how you go about your relationships with others. A third party can help you see things more clearly and come to terms with the reality of the situation.
If you really have hope for the future you need to detach and let her sort herself out first. Dont be her shoulder, dont even talk to her, if youre too compassionate youll fall right back in. You need to let go and to tell her to get her shit together.
Yadda yadda if you love it let it go, she needs help.
And unfortunately she will more than likely never be fixed.
Cameron Jenkins
Thanks user. I'm just really bummed out. I know there's a really funny and awesome girl I fell in love with in her, and I was so sad that I had to call it quits, but it just upsets me that she told me she's going to get help after it was all said and done. I know it's probably just a trick to manipulate me, but I just can't help but feel resent and sadness. I resent her, as childish as it sounds, because I feel like I'm the stepping stone, and I'm sad because her getting help is important, but it's probably just another lie.
Noah Rodriguez
Her hoovering will last from months to years. If she has BPD, this isn't something you can easily deal with. It usually takes years of medication and therapy. Lots of psychologists don't like dealing with BPD patients cause of the problems they cause, and refuse to see them.
This
The therapy I suggested you get should earlier should be from a psychologist who specializes in therapy for significant others who have BPD. This is because you need to not carry the baggage she created to your next relationship.
You'll need a lot of help on how to properly distance yourself from her. Expect your ex to manipulate, stalk you, put pressure on you, and also approach and harass your new future girlfriend. Same goes for your family.
Not to scare you, but this can last years before they move onto another person and suck the emotional life out their next victim.
Benjamin Roberts
Well she might want it at the moment out of desperation of losing her support. But that's more akin to the bargaining stage of grief than an actual pledge to better herself. And thats what makes it hard. You feel empathy for that. But you need to think about it realistically and think about yourself. She is unstable and desperate in that moment. Remove yourself, ans find someone that returns the same level of compassion.
Gavin Hernandez
>You'll need a lot of help on how to properly distance yourself from her. Expect your ex to manipulate, stalk you, put pressure on you, and also approach and harass your new future girlfriend. Same goes for your family
Heed this warning.
Isaiah Phillips
I just want to see her succeed. I know she is a good person. I know that my best option is to no contact for 3 months minimum, and see what happens after that. I'll be a different person by then and have a lot going for me, my music career is getting amped up anyway and it's probably best I don't stay too committed.
I don't know if she will stalk my family or me, but I don't know though. There haven't been any unusual accounts viewing my instagram story, and I haven't seen anything else. Really what tipped me off was her walking into my room to apologize and making a promise she would get help. Do you think I'll know if she's stalking me?
Jordan Jenkins
>3months What the fuck did we just say? >my music career How old are you?
Kevin Powell
I understand. I hope she moves on then.
22. And I'm a moderately successful musician, I've been featured on a few popular youtube channels, and have interviews with some of the bigger underground blogs.
Landon Reed
>BPD
Just get out now. Just find another girlfriend.
Benjamin Wilson
Walkaway man. My ex was schizophrenic and I don't medicine. I fell in love with the cute attractive girl who made me laugh and feel good inside. one night we were just chilling in my room and she looked over at me and told me to stop talking to the person I left. I left that out but she grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said that she was serious. I looked into her eyes and could tell that she wasn't fucking around.
About a week later she calls me and tells me that she has to rope around her neck and it's got to hang herself. I told her no and stop I will be right there. When I got there she just wanted me to encourage her cuz that got her off. Stupid thing having sex with her at this point but I known I had control over her to do whatever the hell I wanted with her. The sex was very great and filled my every perverted pleasure and kink.
this was the final straw and I ended the relationship with her. She kept coming to my house and calling me a pedophile and even scratch that in my car.
Run The Fuck Away. Don't Look Back. Those months I was in a relationship with her were the hardest in my life.
U told her what she needed. Run away.
About a year-and-a-half after all this happened I heard from her again. Basically she got plastic surgery on her nose and she got a titjob. She was easily the most beautiful girl I ever dated beforehand and she just goes and ruins her body. Her nose was fine and her tits were awesome and big. Now she just went and scared her body permanently. I heard she was still obsession over me and got the surgery to attract me and possibly "lure" me back in.
TLDR: RLH (Run Like Hell)
Grayson Collins
>I just want to see her succeed. I know she is a good person. I know that my best option is to no contact for 3 months minimum, and see what happens after that. 3-months isn't going to do shit. Seriously, by contacting her will hurt her in that fucked up brain of hers. Borderline Personality Disorder is considered secondary psychopathy. As I previously stated, borderline can take years before they make any noticeable progress cause of that psychopathy. It's becoming more common to treat borderlines who've been admitted into the psychiatric ward to have absolute no contact with anyone on the outside for a long time, cause it feeds into a destructive cycle and interferes with treatment. This is in addition to lots of therapy and medication. This is why no contact is the best route, in addition to protecting you.
>I'll be a different person by then and have a lot going for me, my music career is getting amped up anyway and it's probably best I don't stay too committed. Oh, well in that case, also be prepared for the strong possibility she'll trash your career too. Expect your band members to get harassed and stalked. She may become a groupie follow you around hoping to win you back, and sleep with your band members. She may even lie that one of you even raped or beat her. Even if you weren't in a band, there's a good chance she may make a false complaint with the police, or tell your friends and family. It's not uncommon for borderlines to adopt the, 'if I can have him, no one can' mindset and go scorched earth mode.
Carson Mitchell
Corrected: 'if I can't have him, no one can' mindset and go scorched earth mode.
Connor Turner
Walkaway man. My ex was schizophrenic and didn't take medicine. I fell in love with the cute attractive girl who made me laugh and feel good inside. one night we were just chilling in my room and she looked over at me and told me to stop talking to the person on my left. I sorta laughed at that thinking she was joking, but she grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said that she was serious. I looked into her eyes and could tell that she wasn't fucking around.
About a week later she calls me and tells me that she has to rope around her neck and she's going to hang herself. I told her no and stop I will be right there. When I got there she just wanted me to encourage her cuz that got her off. Stupid thing having sex with her at this point but I known I had control over her to do whatever the hell I wanted with her. The sex was very great and filled my every perverted pleasure and kink.
this was the final straw and I ended the relationship with her. She kept coming to my house and calling me a pedophile and even scratch that in my car.
Run The Fuck Away. Don't Look Back. Those months I was in a relationship with her were the hardest in my life.
U told her what she needed. Run away.
About a year-and-a-half after all this happened I heard from her again. Basically she got plastic surgery on her nose and she got a titjob. She was easily the most beautiful girl I ever dated beforehand and she just goes and ruins her body. Her nose was fine and her tits were awesome and big. Now she just went and scared her body permanently. I heard she was still obsession over me and got the surgery to attract me and possibly "lure" me back in.
TLDR: RLH (Run Like Hell)
*Edit fixed
David Rivera
Fuck. This sucks.
Jonathan Clark
I guess I should expect it. This just all sucks so bad.
Angel Richardson
BPD is just a euphemism for narcissism. get that nigger out of your life
Gavin Rivera
While I believe my ex did not have BPD she seemed she had other issues besides depression. I've been considering therapy for a while now and I'm not sure if part of it is due to crazy that happened in that relationship. What you said resonates with me even though it's been over 2 years since it ended.
Blake Young
Do people actually think BPD is a thing?
Fuck's sake man that's just bitches being bitches. Therapy won't do shit. At best, she'll be chemically neutered.
If a chick is crazy, don't stick your dick in it. And now that your dick is free, ffs don't stick it back in.
Josiah Ross
She probably isn't getting help and just said it to fuck with you. Run while you still can.
