Wtf is wrong with me

im a disaster of a person and live my folks. i want to fix myself so ive been trying to change myself through certain habits and changes that require will power and discipline. whenever i get started i do well for a short time but then my abusive sibling (who would hurt me all the time when we were younger) comes in his presence (which is intolerable to most people) demoralizes me to the point where i break down and give into my indulgences. its keeping me down and i dont know what do about it. you'd think it'd be more motivation for me to work harder but it just drains me of my strength. and for the time being i cant leave the folks house, which is i why i need to figure this out so i can get myself out. its not as simple as get up and leave. i know my environment will change positively so how can i stop being crushed by the negatively and work through it?

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Pick one problem and solve it.

Time to shoot heroin.

man those are some hot bitches

take your time user, it'll get easier to work when you're ok psychologically, you should focus on your well being.

i know how to solve my problems and the steps to take them but for some reason i cant i dont know if its true or if its a cop out but i feel like living with my family is why
how do you think that could help? ill do it if it does
the thing is i dont think ill ever be ok psychologically because of my environment (which wont change for a while) and because thats just how life is. i need to learn how to work in hell because thats the environment otherwise i wont go anywhere but i dont know how. i agree i should focus on my well being there is basic things like exercise, diet and hygiene but i cant even seem to get those down

>i don't think ill ever be ok psychologically because of my environment
i've been living with my abusive father for 7 months now after getting out of a psychiatric hospital for being psychotic, you do get better and you'll get stronger from this, you just need to persevere and seek truth about what is troubling you so you can get better. i've realized my father abused/abuses me because of his shortcomings in life and feelings of inferiority (i mean bc he has a shit moral character too ofc) and he can get to me, but he's mostly just an annoyance now, i can see how pathetic he is. i wanted to work hard af on my goals too but i realized i couldn't do it until i was ok and focusing on work was actually slowing my process of recovery bc it was distracting me from realizing things i need to realize for my well being, like a big cause for my social anxiety being spending too much time on the computer and consequently having little connection to reality, and other
idk, this is a bit ramble-y but i hope it helps

I know at the end of the day I need to nut up and live for myself despite all the bullshit so I can get out and be my own person but its not as easy as saying it. really I just made this thread to see if someone could tell me some secret or say something to spark a revelation in me but I cant bring myself to do anything and its getting to me. the people around me are actively destructing me and everything I do is self-destructive

Don't measure yourself by the achievements of other people, but rather by how you were last month. Take small steps and keep making small improvements over time. This way if you fail at one of them it's not the end of the world. Just a small failed task in a long series of successful tasks. Eventually these small improvements will accumulate and you will look back at big improvements.

man, idk, sorry.

move out?

you'll be putting in twice the effort when you could've done it with little effort if you didn't stay there

thanks I have to try to take what you said to heart
me either but good luck
>move out
this is the best way but I still need to accomplish tasks and set action patterns to make my way out. im incredibly incompetent at basic social and functional tasks due to my upbringing but youre right that staying in my current place is stunting me further

thanks, u too.

try harder

when it seems like everyone and everything is against you you don't see the reason to try harder. you don't see the reason to try at all. sure I can say to try for the future when ill be around people that aren't shitty, but fighting for imaginary friends can only get you so far

You're a disaster of a person and I'd hate to know you.

thanks

Didn't read your post, but cute girls.

The first thing I'd recommend is trying to remind yourself every day that it is not your fault.
Like everything else you struggle with, that's much easier said than done.
I want to suggest looking up self-compassion though this was a struggle for me since so much of it is delivered in a way that I felt to be shallow, emasculating and almost infantalizing. All of which are demoralizing and make absorbing the idea from those sources another exercise in humilation. Maybe you could find better sources than I did though.

I had debilitating mental blocks and an inability to sustain myself through the agony of social interaction necessary to begin climbing out of the hole I was in.
My revelation that these things were not my fault only came 2 years after my own abuser (also my brother) had found someone else to abuse (financially stable gf) and moved away.

You're surrounded by people abusing you and now have developed longstanding habits of abusing yourself as well.
The last fucking thing you need is to hear from anyone is at this was/is all a choice.

Pushing harder and putting more and more pressure on yourself does not work when a person has deeper underlying problems and is out of energy anyway. It's only going wear you out and make things worse in a lot of cases.
It's like putting your foot down harder on the gas pedal if the car has run out of gas, the battery's gone dead, the engine is on fire, the car hasn't even been fucking started, etc.

true