I just shit myself at work. I am currently hiding in the bathroom and I don't know what to do...

I just shit myself at work. I am currently hiding in the bathroom and I don't know what to do. I don't have anybody I could call to bring me extra pants. I have light brown pants on and it's clearly visible that I shit myself. Wtf do I do?

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Take of your jacket/shirt/whatever and tie it on your hips to hide it. Easy.

Clean your pants, get them and maybe your shirt wet as well and say someone spilled water on you/ something stupid happened that got all your clothes wet and go back home for a new set of clothes.

All I have is a collar shirt. I'll be shirtless without it and I work in an office

No use. My pants are absolutely stained in shit. I've already tried washing them and it didn't work at all

Bite into a pen and sit on the spilled ink.

The guy mentioning the pen thing might be onto something, you could use the pen to cover the brown stain on your pants, if you manage to fix the smell then you'd be golden there, otherwise seeing as you don't have anyone to call to get you another pair it looks like you're gonna have to bite the bullet and tell someone, obviously preferably someone who doesn't go around spreading rumours.

Fucking genius. Thanks user

No problem, just make sure to bite carefully not to stain your lips too, it happens super easily. Use scissors maybe.

If the pen thing doesn’t work tell your boss that you got sick and had diarrhea. I think most people wouldn’t judge you they’d just sympathize lol everyone has a bodily fluid problem so often

Or just leave work.

I have done this before, although it was more of a shart. I just toss the underwear in the garbage and go commando rest of the day

How does that explain the shit smell though?

Hey everybody I'm at work and I smell a guy who shit himself. He's dumping ink on himself.

Lol I'm just kidding op

How did it go OP

You could take an early lunch break or something and rush home to get changed. Or to the next clothing store. Or say you are sick.

Book it out of the office, leave the country and then change your identity.

Or do it the Chad way. Take off ALL of your clothes, toss them in a garbage bag, and clean yourself. Walk out completely erect and confident, take your stuff and leave. If you're questioned tommorow just deny anything.

In option 1 you're known as the guy who shit himself, in option 2 as the mentally derranged Chad (worst case scenario is a fine for indecent exposure and a mental health test).

I would seriously advice for option 2.

P.S. It is important to remember one thing. In weak males, stuff happens to them. Strong men make the choice of something happening. For example, balding is not optional, but shaving your head is your choice, you retake control of the universe.

Same thing here, priority numero uno is to make it seems like you did it on purpouse. If people perceive you as a victim that is when you get bullied. The man's way is to say "Yeah I shit myself so? Keep fucking with me and I might just shit on your car. And you KNOW I will. Bitch."

Good luck fren

Updates OP. I need to know how you handled this in case I ever shit the bed.

Sorry boys I forgot about this thread. I pussied out and couldn't do it. I decided to wait in the bathroom until everyone left, and I waited inside the bathroom for an hour. I waited an extra half hour inside in case anybody was still inside. I escaped afterwards without being seen. I didn't think about the security cameras though, so if my boss looks at the feed he'll see my cock

>I didn't think about the security cameras though, so if my boss looks at the feed he'll see my cock
So you didn't even pull up your pants when you left the bathroom? You just waddled out of the building with your pants around your ankles? What?

Unless you think there are cameras in the bathroom, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

I felt disgusting wearing those pants and I knew there wasn't anyone in the office and the car lot is very close to the office. Looking back, this was a really stupid idea, but I was high as fuck at the time

u choose the right decision user

Thanks bro

Fucking retard

GUYS HE JUST TRIED TO CALL ME I'M SCARED HE KNOWS. WHAT DO?

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How about taking you role-playing to literally any other board?

I'm not larping, this seriously happened. I'm scared I don't know what to do

Why were you high? Does your shit have mind enhancing qualities or is the toilet just the place where the local dealer stores his stuff?

I did a bit of coke in the bathroom to calm myself

This absolute mad man

fucking kek! someone screencap this

Jacob? Is that you?

Who the fuck are you? How do you know my name?

You also use the chan? Kek my friend. See you at work tomorrow!

Just An Hero my friend. There isn't any thought to it DESU.

If OP is an amerimutt there wouldn't be any noticeable difference

It's Matthew. Pick up your Goddamn phone

How the fuck does ink fix shit?

Presumably at this point you just leave and say something about feeling horrible the next day.

Ink will cover up OP's shame and he will have an excuse to gtfo