Anyone else goes to bed every night wishing to die?

Anyone else goes to bed every night wishing to die?

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not me, i go to bed looking forward to the morning cause im a morning person

No, I love my life. Its really great. I have a wife, and we are trying to start a family, and we have a stable income, and I have Jesus in my heart.

When I was a child I used to worry about dying in my sleep, now I worry about waking up.

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Yes

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Kind of

The worst is right as I wake up. Haven't even opened my eyes but I can feel the crust in them. A loud repetitive sound usually causes me to stir, my family doing laundry or mowing the lawn, neighbors testing a car engine, a barking dog... My back is sore but oh who cares nobody ever listened to that "excuse" before. My knee doesn't fare much better, but at least I can remember doing the injury. Before I even open my eyes I am suffering physical and emotional pain. Eventually the smell of my bedroom (and thirst) draws me up. I blow my nose on whatever furniture or cloth is around then walk to the fridge for my first beer. Maybe I will drink two or ten beers before I vomit, and save the rest for in the shower. By then the shower water is cold and all my crusted tears are washed away. I look at my body, unimpressed. If only someone who cared lived in here. I don't care. If my actions kill it faster maybe I can escape. I usually start shiverring while I dry myself. A home should never be this cold. It makes me feel ashamed and reminds me of childhood punishments. Then I go back to bed for a while to chain smoke and stare at my facebook wall. I would type so much into that thing some days, but always delete it. Sometimes it's racist, sometimes it's sexist, but it's always criticism. People don't like criticism because it gives them a chance to improve. When I was 8 years old I used to watch cars pass and think about how easy it would be to pop my head under their tires. Trucks were even more exciting, and cliffs, poisons, anything really that gave me comfort to believe I was 5 minutes away from a peaceful silence. So after my "morning" it's usually dark outside. I walk into the shed and open the beer fridge without even turning on the lights. Another beer. If the fire is on I wont drink it in bed. I will stay in this position for maybe ten hours, staring into a void of self-reflection. Sometimes I create origami or drawings. I always burn them.
Then I wake up

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Even more so with these t_d posters. Can't have a single thread without guzzling trump-israel cum buckets

I go to bed every night wishing they would die.

Fuck, are you me?

Rolling for:
Everyone that posts in this thread will die in their sleep painlessly.

no lol thats kind of weird?

I beg God every day to take my life but they don't hear me. That's okay, I'll continue to trudge through the drudgery but I ask God every night to not wake up.

Holden Caulfield over here.

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Not when I go to bed, but nearly every morning when I wake up.

Yep every single night. but, for two second after I wake up I feel ok, than down we go again. It all about those two seconds user..

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I wish death upon myself everyday.
Maybe I’ll stop being a coward, one day.

Wut? Why? I am actually pretty happy.

Roll

I want to go to sleep, and then die and wake up in a world where everything is good again.
All I get in this life is short dopamine rushes from shitty memes and fucking porn. I hate almost everything in this world but I hate myself more. I want to stop being such a fucking fatass leech but then I just think why? To please a society that would hate my anyways, and vise versa? Why try when everything you do never turns out, when your voice is silenced and ignored when you speak. I just can't fucking do it anymore. But that's not what I care about. The only thing that truly hurts more than anything is knowing we're not gonna make it, and knowing I have disappointed my ancestors. That fucking stings.

SIG saves you all. When you trying hard for better life. This is pure happiness. Iam not watching porn already. Get a stem degree, planning a family. I maybe can't do all shit. But trying is enough. Real trying.

hit the gym and stop fapping, you lazy faggot.

Deep

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>Maybe I'll stop being a coward, one day.
What's keeping you alive isn't cowardice, it's hope. Every day you make it through the sadness means you've made a conscious decision to live because you have hope that something better is just around the corner. Hope that things work out. Hope that the pain subsides. Hope that you'll catch the sunrise and feel it wash over you like a warm blanket of peace and serenity.

It's okay to be sad sometimes, but you have to continuously check yourself to make sure you don't slip to far into the darkness. It starts with the loneliness when you're by yourself. Then you start to feel lonely even when surrounded by friends and family. Then your sleep becomes erratic.

Then you start to drink.

1/2

Soon, your day is filled with sadness to the point where you start spending more time drinking or doing drugs to numb yourself. It turns habitual. Once you get far enough down that hole, your brain triggers to let you know that you've slipped a bit too far, but instead of snapping out of it, you realize you're trapped now and need a way out. Your willpower is gone, so you start to feel worthless and weak for not being able to overcome it on your own - as a challenge that we as men require because it gives us purpose. Once the feels overwhelm you, you realize that your only way out is to remove yourself. But wait, that's a stupid idea.. or is it? You'll start entertaining the thought, and over time, you become desensitized to the negatives.. what if it hurts too much? What if I fuck it up and end up a vegetable? What if...? The darkness has covered you by this point. You no longer feel anything but the pain. You lose interest in everything else and imokaywiththis.gif about death. You go from planning out a method, perhaps in some wilderness so you won't bother anyone with the mess you'll make. Eventually, you get lazy and figure you'll be gone anyway, so who cares about the mess, the pain is greater than giving a shit about some mess left in this fucked up world. You decide to say fuck it and reach for your weapon of choice. You've suddenly regained control of your life. You get to choose. You have crossed over from feelings of worthlessness to complete power over your existence. You're facing the darkness and not wavering. You have become a God. Your eyebrows raise and your lips curl up into a half-assed smile.

2/3 (fucked the first one up)

You're feeling good right now, so much so that you see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're going to be okay. You set the weapon down and fall into bed in an almost euphoric state.. you have hope. Tomorrow might be better, and you can always do it tomorrow if it's not. You drift away into a most comfy slumber, feeling good about life and all of its possibilities.

Then you wake up. You are sad again. The cycle continues.

If any of you faggots are stuck in this cycle, the only way out of it is to reach out. Suck it up and talk to someone. Call a hotline, tell a friend. Who cares if you break down and look like an idiot. Sort yourself out because ultimately, you still have hope. Breaking the downward spiral may be the biggest personal challenge you'll ever face. If you can do it, you have mastered yourself and all future challenges will be easily conquered. Your life will get better. You've passed through pitch black and are alive. Nothing can stop you now.

3/3

>To please a society that would hate my anyways, and vise versa?
>worrying about what society thinks or does
I'd say KYS, faggot, but this is not the place for that. Stop worrying about society. This is YOUR journey. This is YOUR life. Take control of it and better yourself FOR YOU. Fuck the haters. We get so caught up in giving a shit about what everyone else thinks. We give up parts of ourselves to please others. While being a good person and helping your fellow man is enlightened when moderated, if you give up to much or worry about everyone else too much, you find yourself with less. It's okay to take care of yourself and put yourself first. When the shit hits the fan, only YOU will have your back, as we are self-serving by instinct. Talk to someone, sort your shit out, and get back to living.

/thread

>Anyone else goes to bed every night wishing to die?
>not reading Patanjali yoga sutras
>not meditating before falling asleep
>not trying to trascend this material world and become one with God
>not wondering why you are conscious, what is the smallest time interval of awareness etc

good post

No, explain yourself in detail.

Have sex

noticing were in a more aware timeline lately? like over the last week lately...pol needs to get its manifestation ability in order before they trick us into manifesting catastrophe