Low-self esteem and virtue

That's what I think about this camgirls as well. Some of them are beautiful and fit, they should be getting married and start having kids, not jerking of in front of random men for money.
I've seen eastern-european women working in cafees and stuff here, and other European countries, why can't the camgirls? Or just be a mail-order bride is even better.

>Any suggestions on how, I and other anons, can build themselves up mentally and spiritually?
Most of the regulars here are introverted at their core. I believe the pursuit is the most important aspect for modern living. Learning how to stop pursuing when it starts affecting you negative is also important.
Talking to poisonous people will seep poisonous thoughts. This is something I've noticed a lot of people don't seem to grasp especially young men when it comes to women online.
>Mentally
Routine, discipline, order out of chaos, pursuit, growth, letting go, holding on, and many more should all be looked at until a more complete picture of you starts to form.
>Spiritually
Forcing yourself to go out around other like minded people is one of the clearest methods of growth in this regard. Meditation and introspective thinking is also a path to take. Religious teaching are another. If the goal is improving your mind then working towards improvement is all that is needed.
>I still feel like shit
We all do and always will. Happiness is a myth perpetrated by the consumerist market implanted into us from a young age and simultaneously told it will not be good enough. This creates a desire for searching by spending and a pitfall many end up desiring above all else. Do not search for happiness and do not expect yourself to ever find it.

>introverted at their core
I'm INTP

>Talking to poisonous people will seep poisonous thoughts.
I haven't talked to camgirls for some time. But tonight people were really vicious on another board, for trivial things, and for me just stating something. People attack you, call you stupid, that you should kill yourself and what not, just for having a different opinion. Before that I was feeling good. I guess I need to grow tougher skin.

Reset: good advice, brother. Thank you.
>Do not search for happiness and do not expect yourself to ever find it.
I search for meaning, a higher meaning. Meaning and love are important. People who live for a higher purpose go willingly into war, willingly sacrifice their lives. Live up to or close to what resonates with your archetype.

*Reset: good advice, brother. Thank you.
The rest: good advice..

Sometimes I think it's spiritual. Like it's a trick being played, and I have to learn it when it comes around and stop it. In Judaism they call it the evil inclination. In Christianity it's the flesh or demons or other forces attacking you. In Islam they call it the whisperers, the djinn (demons). Other schools have similar thoughts about the subject. Some believe in voodoo and psychic warfare. That there's a psychic war on the mental plane, spiritual on the spiritual plane (might be the same as the mental) and physical war on the physical plane and sometimes (often?) they intertwine.

>People attack you, call you stupid, that you should kill yourself and what not, just for having a different opinion
I have many opinions that go against the grain. If it makes sense to you and any attempt to bring others to your own point of view is a disconnection between A or B. If it's not you it's them. You can't do much if it's not you other than call them stupid nigger faggots back. If it is you though then identifying it as such is important so you can pick through the rabble and see if there's anything useful. Tougher skin is good and so is conviction in your own belief.
As you said if you're not willing to live for a higher purpose then you're living for other individuals reinforcement which a crux of social media and if being called a nigger faggot once or twice helps build yourself into something stronger then it's a risk that should be taken as it costs a fowl mood for a day to achieve a step towards pursuit.

Well, I also took the mensa IQ test online (it's not the full test). The drugs the shrinks have been pushing me have made my IQ score go from 135 3-4 years ago to 110-118 now (took the danish test and the norwegian one). It made me feel more despondent. They've managed to wreck my intelligence. I've noticed it even before taking the test again. 2 years ago it was down to 125, now 110. I've never "heard" things or "seen" things, no hallucinations yet they put me on 30mg olanzapine/zyprexa (that's 10mg over the recommended highest dose).
>Olanzapine is not indicated for use in doses above 20 mg/day.

Psychiatry is quackery, but in this country they have the law on their side, they can commit you and force drug injections on you, for whatever reason they come up with. Feelings of being persecuted by the state I guess adds to the self-esteem issues and despondency.

>But tonight people were really vicious on another board, for trivial things, and for me just stating something.
>stating something
And stay out. No one gives a fuck to hear what you're 'stating', least of all /lgbt/.

I don't trust modern medicine to solve problems of the heart while claiming it's in the mind. If it's hurting more than it helps finding alternatives is necessary. Having to deal with medicine that is negatively affecting you so that you don't feel negative is the psychiatric field in a nut shell. In the US they'll only force medication if you're labeled a danger to yourself or others and after you get released it's up to you to maintain the dosages.

Well, they said I was a danger to myself and others. Something that my family did not understand, nor did I. They can say whatever they need to say to get you.

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Was a good guess heh. Yah, fanbois are fucked up, I don't get why they're so fucking loyal to brands, s'not like they give a shit about anyone.

Exactly. The more you try to appeal to reason and ask: why are you talking like this. It's vulgar, bitter and just dumb, the angrier and more vicious they get. Maybe it's the "power process" Ted Kaczynski talked about. The feeling that they are fighting for something. Tough guys behind the keyboard.

That's the kikery of the industry. I can't really comprehend a free healthcare system. Over here we'd just switch doctors or tell them to fuck off and give us a different pill. Anti depressants and modern medicine does nothing to stop underlying causes and will always lead to more health problems in the long run. Unless you're actually a danger to yourself or others then it's just a CYOA by the doctors who prescribed you medication in the first place. They'd be responsible if you did something that could be avoided. Find out what's best for you not what's best for others.

There is no meaning, realising this fully can be very liberating though.

I am so sorry to hear that, user. I'm also on antipsychotics so Idk how much longer God is going to let me keep reaping the gifts of my 134 IQ.

There is, mate.
The trick is finding it and taking it.
For an animal a poetry, a book, is just random patterns, maybe the see some repeating patterns but it's just nonsense to them. To us we decipher these patterns and get their meaning, it's full of meaning. Even to some humans they can read but not understand certain works. The universe has meaning, everything does. The universe is not just some accident and random patterns, it's meaning.

We are Sims thinking our little digital universe with it's earth and sky and stars is it, there isn't anything more. Because we don't see the operating system our world is running on, nor the hardware, even less what's outside the computer.
We can't pick through the veil. We think traveling the stars is some great discovery. The great discovery is finding the way to the operating system, then to the hardware than out of the box all together.

Maybe it's my all-nighters and irregular sleeping patterns.

I also finished the test in 10 minutes or so (you have 25 minutes), but I used to do it as quick before and got 135. I'll try later when I'm more rested, maybe it's not the drugs.

Although they say antipsychotics shrinks the brain.

If you search for meaning in a world where there is non you set yourself up for disappointing.

I really hope not. I also stay up until 4am.

Guess what I'm saying here is: don't be an NPC.

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I don't search for meaning, I know there is meaning. Knowing.

>Low-self esteem
who cares? fucking take the jackpill. get on adderall or something similiar, fake your way through the meetings with the doctor and just save that shit for weekend. i stay up for 2 days straight, friday and saturday and fucking wank and download terabytes of porn that would make a catholic priest blush. i have a huge collection so i can always get a chest burster then i take my supplements and get rest on sunday and i fucking conquer my weekdays. i always feel like a new man after a two day commitment. i love living now- you fuckers need to take self pleasure seriously. use your non dominant hand, try different lubes, more "esoteric" jack materials, all sorts of shit can bring you to new levels of fucking amazingness. and hey if you cant get a script you can use other drugs or goto the drug store and get benzedrex and make jack tea. so many ways to live life and you fuckers fret over a good wank

It's not good for you, user.

> How to live in a world that seeks to destroy you at almost any interaction, as a person who does not intent to hurt anybody or anything in any way

I feel with you nordbro.
Ages ago, we had myths and ideals teached to us from our earliest days on. Now we are getting teached to be the anti-hero and our teachers are mostly women or feminist men with no virtues. So we struggle with our social live.

For me, I think a stronger worldview could deal with this problem. But thinking and feeling about certain topics are completly different tasks. You can watch yourself struggle in your very heart, when promoting a "harder worldview" to others. Or maybe it's like that because I live under tyranny in germany.

For that reason, I can't say if my plan will work out or that it could work out for you, as we are in very similar situations. The only thing differs you and me as far as I can tell, is that you have not yet isolated yourself like I did years ago and that I already have some years of critical, political thinking on my shoulders. But you already said it yourself
> I need to grow a thougher skin
I don't know what else could make you feel less pain. Only the way to get this skin is different.

Hope I could give you some food for thought

Jews run the pharma industry and they genetically lack a good pre-frontal cortex. Guess what part of the brain meds damage most?

Depends on dosage. I don't think it's all-nighters.
Some guy that's done loads of meds told me you get it back once your off them for a while, can take a few years though.

Jew.

Enjoyed reading your post, user. Keep it dry.

when i have a chest full of burst and feel like a million bucks i think i know what is good for me

Even if I did I can't orgasm or have many feelings due to the pills I take, so it's no point. If I could I would still feel the same way though.

Mods: Can we close this blog post now?

Stay strong mate. I guess you are right about the spiritual mechanism behind everything, what you call a "test".
I'm certain righteous people will experience the same spirit that pulls them down at this moment, but in the other direction, upwards.
There will be a force that pushes you in the right direction, that almost lifts you up a little from the ground and makes you feel blessed for going through all of this missery

I think what you need is to find a purpose in life, be it a duty, starting a family or supporting those around you. Everyone needs a purpose, and I understand it can be hard, I sometimes still struggle, wondering if I am following the right path. But user, not all those who wander are lost, you can still find purpose, even in the least likely of places.

You said you pulled all-nighters talking to camgirls. A few years back I would do the same, although these women weren't cam girls per se, not because I was horny, but because I was helping them (more specifically one) to escape the claws of sex work and to support her through her depression and her family issues, I haven't talked to her in a while, but she's doing a lot better now.

Just know that everywhere you must go, there are many paths, and you aren't near the end yet.

I wish you the best of luck, sven.

I don't live in Germany, but doesn't seem like a tyranny, but psychitary where they drug you up and lock you up, not intersted in drug free treatment sorting out stuff is though.

Thank you, user. Kind of you.
It's important to have faith and hope.

Thank you, Carlos.
Good lad what you did, God bless.

It is a question of definition.

Your definition is most likely that you've got in your childhood from your family, your teachers and the media.
But pushing drugs on people that harms them surely isn't a nice thing

At least the doc I have now is better, finally. Lowered my dosage by a lot.

Glad to hear. And remember, It's always darkest before dawn.
I promise you'll make it.

I guess it can be a good learning experience. Plants need rain and sun to grow. Too much cloudy sunless days with rain and it dies, to much sun and it dries out and dies.

Good to hear.
I think I can semi relate to this, because I have to take meds for a chronical illness (if that makes any sense in english) and they can make me pretty messed up, if I don't take them for two days.

As much as I'd like to think the way, that one should stay away from that stuff, I rather come to the conclusion, that thinking about it negativly is much worse than the midication itself. Like a negative placebo effect.
So maybe you want to alter your thinking about medications a little for your own good.

Those are my two pennys for you. Have a blessed weekend

Loving doesn't mean approval. There are souls more than happy to accept and approve of your choices, and then rob you. It's their shtick to make sure you feel exactly that, before they pounce.

Sorry about your illness, user.
Agree. I've had positive placebo effect when I thought nicotine would reduce the impact, since I read a study that smoking reduced the effect on the brain, so I took nicotine gum and felt great. Then I read about negative effects of the drug itself and feel bad. I didn't take them before bedtime tonight :( Some things are my own fault to, no one forced me to stay up. Have a blessed weekend as well. Thank you. Helped reading your guys input.

Good observation. I've thought the same thing. It's a trick.

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You sound like you have ADHD, with low threshold for boredom, low self-esteem, sensory processing disorder (overstimulating environments increase your anxiety or anger or depression, think bars, sudden loud noises, strong sunlight), emotional hypersensitivity (you're afraid of getting hurt and alternate between periods of wanting to be open with everyone then reading rejection and giving up), changing public personas (low self esteem plus desire to connect leads to you to mirror in conversation which makes you disgusted with yourself).

Mine responded very very well to zinc. Some respond to magnesium. Make sure you control your magnesium intake. Not water soluble and can fuck up your heart if you overdo it. Also be aware of other sources of magnesium in your daily diet not to OD (spinach, etc). Do a blood test, talk to your physician, and stary with low doses. Also check if you have Vitamin D and B12 deficiency. Many do and it affects their mood drastically. I'm on regular Vitamin D (get D3) and zinc. Anxiety and depressive thoughts almost disappeared.

Change your diet to include more fiber. Cut down on heavy fat stuff and eat more salmon. Eat whole foods.

Exercise regularly. My type does no do well with weight lifting. Swim, it's been great for me. Or take long walks.
Invest in good noise cancelling headphones. Reducing the noise levels and listening to repetitive chakra music did wonders for me.

Invest in sunglasses. Generally, strong stimuli will be bad for your mental health. You can manage this.

Congrats, you're a very sensitive, very intuitive, very introverted person (introversion is due primarily to environment being too overstimulating; if I'm right about you, you do well in smaller groups where you feel you can read each person; large groups are stretching your emotion-reading capabilities and you feel overwhelmed again, withdraw, then look for one or two people to connect in a corner).

Your mind and intuitiveness are special and rare.

Thank you, user! Good moral boost. Much appreciated, all of you.

Nice sub alpine trail, looks like areas where I live in BC

Psychoanalysis was developed to replace the confessional. The sinner was no longer told to repent of their sin, but sin was encouraged and rationalized away. The call to repentance became the cause of their illness. Sinning is not the issue. All sin. Forgetting what sin is, is the bane of the modern world.

You shut your whore mouth.

German flag. Probably a Freudian.

Oh weh Gewalt!

Yup. Psychiatry teaches to integrate the shadow, Christianity teaches to do away with it.
Christianity wants to make you white. Psychiatry would have you gray - and dull.
They said I was "splitting" because I catogrized people in good and bad, or trustworthy and untrustworthy, when it came to doctors and nurses. This was proof of my mental illness. It's hogwash and they know it, it just another tool in their toolkit against you.

>Splitting (also called black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking) is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common defense mechanism.

>bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole

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