Behind you a portal opens up and you've been hypno-suckered into going into it. You will jump through the portal in exactly 30 minutes.
As a part of the hypno-suckering you know that on the other side of the portal is a fantasy world very much like a standard D&D world and that return is not an option (in the short term at least, high level magic MIGHT be able to get you back). You also know that you'll be dropped into a temperate forest area that is home to Orcs, goblinkin, and other hostiles.
What do you bring, what do you wear, what to you try to do to survive?
>YWN be raped at the siege of Berlin by power bottom muscular ork soviets. >How they have enough calory intakes for those mad gainz despite being a communist shithole has made NATO jelly ever since
>What do you bring, what do you wear, what to you try to do to survive? I throw anything that might have resale value on the other side through the portal beforehand(something as simple as assload of modern stainless steel cutlery should fetch a great price from local aristocrats sold pieacemeal), steal my neighbors horses at gunpoint if necessary, send them through just before going myself Weapon of choice is a mosin nagant modified by the finnish army over 70 years ago and I will be wearing US woodland camo BDU
I suspect just knowing how to make gunpowder would be something you could sell as a service
First goal after arriving will be to leave the forest and locate the nearest local human kingdoms, long term accrue local mediums of exchange and track down a wizard
>all these battle hungry dweebs Yes, a mauser and a backpack full of ammo is coming with me but more importantly, all the printouts I can manage of the wikipedia pages and the like of smithing, iron works, Bessemer process, steam engines and the like.
Then, off to the nearest city and become a captain of the industrial revolution with the cutest blacksmith in town.
>not taking rolls of aluminum foil only have one in pantry at the moment
what happens if I get arrested during the 30 minutes trying to get some?
Jackson James
>Cast Banishment >4th level spell >Can get any mid-level abjuration wizard to do it for you
But really, why ever go back?
Nolan Taylor
>why ever go back? Because you want to walk down a street without stepping in someones shit, have you ever read anything about medieval cities?
Charles Moore
A variety of weapons and ammo - along with war machine schematics, and how to make gunpowder - to show a clan the gospel of Dakka and join their ranks. Their desire for moar dakka and the idea they can never have enuff will fuel the industrial military complex. And as the bringer of this might, I will ascend the ranks of the first Dakka Clan and claim an Orc waifu for myself.
I'd bring a completely useless water goddess and hope for the best
Blake James
I don't get that reference.
I'd wear the most tactical kit I own. Which would be a Normandy era Paratrooper kit (although I would use modern boots). Fill a pack with shelf-stable food/water purification and survival gear.
Besides the fucking Tarasque couldn't take 8 rounds of 30-06.
Christian Howard
Oh boy I like this.
Joseph Miller
Cringe.
Nolan Reed
(Un)fortunately, that is an edit of Hushabyes Oni's so there's no more pics of her with tusks and green skin.
I'll say it. If i could wear them without looking like a retard i would wear puttees over high boots.
Ethan Thomas
>puttees over high boots. it just cant be done without looking like utter crap
Evan Russell
If those orc chicks don't have cocks I swear to god I'm just taking a flamethrower, a 44 magnum, and some good boots. I'll eat my way out of that forest one burned goblin village at a time.
Start transferring gunsmithing files from computer to tablet. Get backpack. fill with canned food, ammo, water purification tablets, first aid kit, solar charger Grab AR 15 and wish I had a battle rifle Khaki pants, comfortable t-shirt, and leather jacket cause thats the closest I have to armor Try to find someone who can teach me necromancy once accomplished start creating an undead industrialized army
user, i don't know how to break this to you, but...girls don't have penises. at all.
Jaxson Ross
>Succ so good became known as a god of fertility >The belief accumulate so much in the astral field you really turn into one >A thicc futa sucubus is leading the Great Orcish Crusade >30 years later a rift opens in the middlle of America spewing forth millions of muscular futa orcs naked and oiled with cosmoline armed with nuggets >They will only accept peace if California is nuked (twice), the right to open carry extented to the whole world and all cute traps are handled to them along with the Murder/k/ube
no need to nuke california, just cut off their water
Nathan Nelson
that's a dude, my dude. you can like dudes, i don't give a fuck, but don't call a cow a horse.
Jace Green
Man nipples=ok to show on blue board female nipples= not ok on blue board.
If a trap shows nipples, is that considered against the rules?
Nathaniel Ward
I would grab my FN-FAL, a hiking bag, all 800 rounds of .308, a ruler (metric and imperial), MREs, hand ax and a buck knife. I would go through with 2 gallons of water (I have strong legs). Also, paint my self-green. Purge the dumb orc and dumb goblins, the smart ones will join me on my crusade to create a great orcish kingdom. BTW not my fault if there are tons of blonde haired blue eyed orcs running around in a few years.
Brody Rogers
Unlike women traps are pure so of course it is sfw.
I don't think the D&D rulesbook will be of help if you are litterally in the D&D world.
Anthony Myers
This is ThunderFire here, it seems I picked up some radio transmissions from Terra, I'm glad the portal opened again so I'll fill you in about this place.
From what I've learned this planet is nearly identical to Terra, with many species being a absolute match. Other species it seems are completely alien, some of which are sentient.
Simple rules to live by. 1.YOU'RE NOT INVINCIBLE. Guns are fucking awesome and all, but remember you are still flesh and blood. 2.DON'T BE A MURDERHOBO If you show up to settlements killing everything in sight, what's most likely to happen is you getting a arrow in the knee and that bitch going septic and you dying in the woods after trying to amputate said leg. 3.BE FUCKING NICE NAP applies, pay for your shit, treat others ect.
Orcs. Orcs will be impressed by guns sure, but your CHARACTER is the biggest thing, if you act like a speech or be passive aggressive you're going to get your head caved in. Simple rules to live by.
1.TELL THE TRUTH. 2.DONT BACK DOWN FROM A FIGHT EVEN IF YOU LOSE 3.DON'T FLIRT Orc females are the action not words type, flirting is seen as weak and pathetic, do shit like bring food, shit to trade or teach shit, don't flirt. If she likes you you'll know.
Orc males are total bros, once you win their trust and respect you'll have a posse for life, and you're expected to do the same. Chads would get raped to death by them, very fucking literally. I've found Orcesses to be the most dangerous, as they don't rush in and start stabbing everything, and they learn FAST.
Yeah, humans are seen as twinks and Orcs are Greek in that aspect, so the Trap gf anons are going to have a real HARD time. Best case scenario? You're seen as the dangerous as fuck shaman nerd that keeps their kids alive and gives them cool shit.
Wyatt Harris
>be human in orc village >orcs are very warlike >orcs like me because I was able to save the chefs daughter when she had a hard birth >orcs call you fire and steel shamen because of your guns and your use of blades to save females during hard births. > one-day other orc shamen challenges you to magic >you try to explain you don't use magic >he begins to summon some weird ass power >so you put a 7.62 sized hole in his head >win magic duel >Feels good to be the FandS shamen
Jack Gray
>Everyone thinks you are a shaman >Pretend you need a giant "magic cup" filled with cum in front of you for good harvest and luck in hunt shenanigans >Living the dream
Daniel Long
I bet a dozen trained rifleman can take down whole warband of orcs, atleast in somewhat open terrain
Angel Mitchell
sorry man that won't kill cali, they will just start migrating.
Eli Thompson
a dozen, fuck that like 3 guys with nugget powered crap can hold back 100 orcish besiegers
Dominic Thompson
thats why you patrol the border and shoot on sight
Aaron Gomez
gay
Liam Ramirez
They have treasure tables to tell you what kind of monster gives what kind of loot. Give you a rough estimate of how tough each monster would be to kill and how they can kill you. Diffrent spells and their effects, along with magical items. Not to mention the Wilderness and Dungeoneering guides.
Oliver Smith
those are only loose guidelines and may be rewritten by the DM, you might be unpleasantly surprised
Anthony Martin
Those are women's dicks so no it's 100% heterosexual.
Orc Biology. What I've found out about Orcs fucking scares me. Orcs are Neanderthals that have been "tweaked" into nearly perfect warriors. They are strong as fuck, and can heal fast and have other abilities which I'll get to.
>skin chlorophyll You ever wonder why Orcs are green? Well, they've got a species of symbiotic algae in their skin that provides sugur from photosynthesis, in return the Orc body provides a warm and safe environment, so starving a Orc is nearly impossible to do. Malnutrition is still an issue, but Orcs are nearly carnivorous, with some fruits and vegetables. >fused ribs Their ribs have next to no gaps, so a blade is out of the question, if in CQB don't stab them in the chest, unless you've got a SHITTON of force behind it. >THREE adrenal glands Yeah, holy shit. A male Orc in Berzerker mode is completely fucking insane, the only way to stop them is multiple rounds of a large pistol caliber or rifle shots to the head. 9mm WILL NOT COVER IT.
Blake Johnson
The faggots are getting to be worse than the Jow Forumstards.
Why is capcha turning into online hell all of a sudden?
Jace Jones
I hope the DM's magical realm is full of genderswapping magic and futa orcs with their plump shortstacks gobos in chastity dick cages~
Josiah Bell
We said futa orcs. Not mushroom 40K orks. Even though being a crazy digga in the name of Gork and Mork would surely be fun as fuck.
Jacob White
No nigger not fungal, think how sloths have algae grow on them, but this is present in their skin at birth.
Evan Wilson
I'm tired of internet making me gay as fuck. If at least it made me litterally gay for men but NOOOOO it would be too good, instead I want REAL women but with huge throbbing dicks and sadly they don't exist. And no, traps don't count they are for fucking not loving and can only be bottom as required by proper etiquette.
Zachary Lee
Hushabye is a cutie swede which makes her artwork even better
Jackson Hernandez
>Orcs are Neanderthals
As with neanderthals we should fuck them into assimilation.
>10.000 years later magic Jow Forums is arguing that absence of orc DNA is why the southern troll-people are retarded
Owen Martin
She must be a turbo lesbian. Her belgian scientist speaking walloon while cuddling a cute alien made my belgian waffle heart melt.
Daniel Murphy
Op said standard. That's enough for me.
Isaiah Anderson
>fuck them into assimilation Yep, more like she'll fuck you. Orcesses are VERY fertile and aggressive in mating. Orcesses only fuck to make babies, but when pregnant their sex drive goes into TURBO MODE. And orcs are polygyny so multiple pregnant wifes are very common. This is done in case a child dies and the mother can nurse the other children. Sisterwifes share their children, loving them as much as their own, this allows Orcs to do population ANTIMATTER EXPLOSION. Also female to male balance is nearly 3/1.
Dominic Howard
Yeah she's a dyke.
Ryan Adams
>What do you bring, what do you wear, what to you try to do to survive? I have thought about this too much, and I have concluded that the smartest thing to do would be to bring literally everything I can possibly get through the portal. The would mean collecting all my weapons and all the precious metal, food, tools, shoes, clothing, toiletries, medicine, and interesting trinkets that I have. I would also bring a shovel and all the ziplock bags, trash bags, oil, and grease I can carry. If possible I will bring a wheelbarrow, but if not I would cram everything into my rucksacks.
I know that I would not be able to lug all this shit, so my first order of business would be to dig a hole somewhere so I could bury everything except my tradeable goods, my AR + Glawk, and a bag with some essentials. After attaching my bayonet to my gun and wrapping some cloth around it (so it looks like some sort of retarded spear) I would try to make my way to a human settlement. I have a sizable amount of silver, so I should have enough money to hire a few thugs with a cart to return for the rest of my shit. I know for a fact that an English soldier in the 1300s was only earning a like 8 shillings a month, so I certainly have more than enough money to convince a few hard nosed bastards that I'm worth their time.
If I am unable to retrieve my shit it is not the end of the world. I would keep my primary and secondary on me. The rest would just be gravy.
listen you cumguzzling faggot, wanting to suck dicks as a guy is gay as fuck, no matter how you try to justify it Futas are gay Traps are gay Being attracted to people with dicks as a guy is gay
Wyatt Sanders
you can believe whatever you want
Leo Barnes
agreed.
But we can ALL agree that having sex with an Orc woman is the dream.
>B-But I can't get pregnant no matter how hard they pump me full of their futa baby juice. That won't keep them from trying tho Hope you brought enough lube
Chase Ortiz
Lost all interest. Purging of the green filth begins now.
Noah Thomas
do you not like free food?
Owen Harris
>Hope you brought enough lube
The first orc/oni lady's cum will act as lube for the rest of the village.
a medieval city has medieval cities civil engineering problems
Luis Gray
That term literally doesn't even apply to D&D worlds, they didn't have the same history as us. Their architecture, hygiene habits, and understanding of disease aren't under any obligation to be comparable to that time period.
Luis Diaz
I dress myself up as a wizard and bring all the reloading equipment and books I could find, along with my guns. I set up shop in the forest and begin my life as a reclusive alchemist that occasionally goes into town for supplies and to hang out at the local tavern. I spend my days figuring out magic and how I can apply that to reloading or firearms manufacturing. If the town is being attacked, I head over and cast cone of lead at all of the assailants. I live my peaceful cliche town wizard life until I get the call to adventure from someone who has heard of my powers, come back with a fuck ton of gold, magical items, and materials to use in my research. I'll take on an apprentice, and hopefully find a wife and start a family. From there I enjoy the rest of my days.
Jonathan Allen
This guy gets it
Medieval cities didn't have magic and shit, did they?
Landon Gray
>small solar charger >phone with multiple gigs of Jow Forums, /out/, and Jow Forums infographics. >wood axe >short sword >couple books >various objects around the house with resale value. >four flint locks >kuntucky long rifle. >maybe a deck of cards >a powder horn >.50 caliber shot mold
Blake Bell
they had plenty of shit
John Thompson
not everyone has wizards in their back pocket even in d&d
Nolan Miller
>You are considered as a weird small not green orc without tusk shaman but also a super cute twink bishonen by orc standards >As the cuddliest and sexiest bottom in orc history they start to think you are the avator of some fertility god from the myths >Some teen orc is only 2m tall, barely bulky for orc standards and her penis is only 20cm >She gets bullied a lot for it and is doomed to be forever virgin >Since she is still a hulking sexy lady for your standards you still act with her as you do with everyone else and reassure her that she is still a proud and strong orc >She akwardly ask one day if you'd do it with a disgusting weakling like her >*Spaghetti (which you introduced in their culinary culture) starts falling off of her loin cloth* >Of course you accept >Unlike the sex experts of her species she is super nervous and clumsy in a cute way >She cum after only 10 seconds >She is about to commit ritual suicide out of shame >You reassure her and cuddle a lot >Tell her you'll do it with her until she gets the hang of it >At the end of the night you are a climaxing mess in a pool of orcess sweat and cum >She later becomes one of the finest warrior and breeder of the whole clan due to your sexual tutelage >Rumors of a god avatar turning any wimp orc into a legendary warrior spread like wildfire into the orc clans >Hundreds of virgin orcs want to lose their virginity to you >The quest for user's booty kind of become a myth and pilgrimage on and off itself in orc culture
I should stop being so gay on the internet one day.