I took a friend to a lake in the mountains and he told me to fire a shot near him so he'd know what if felt like to be...

Remember that a man is known by the company he keeps.

I became friends with him before all this happened. It wasn't something I expected.

>I became friends with him before all this happened. It wasn't something I expected.
You two can work through this user.
wikihow.com/Accept-Someone-Close-to-You-Admitting-They're-Gay

>how-to-accept-your-friend/family-descending-deep-into-mental-illness
:(

Your friend should go camping with Paul Harrel. He would be more than happy to oblige.

My friend wanted me to miss. Paul Harrell would not miss.

Best choice would be to not miss, sounds like your friend should probably be put down.

Yes, but then what would I do with the body?

Have sex with it

I'm neither a homosexual nor a necrophiliac, and even if I were, fucking the corpse would not prevent the police from finding it.

No but eating it would.

Even if I were a cannibal, there's no way I could eat all that. It would take weeks to eat through that much meat.

Obviously not fucking it hard enough if the cops can find it.
>homosexual necrophile
It's not about sexual pleasure. It's about asserting dominance and marking your territory and disposing of said body.

>It would take weeks to eat through that much meat.
Sounds like you're making excuses, user. I think you're just not committed to seeing this through. Some extra protein never hurt anyone.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

Hey, thanks for getting OPs shit straight.

Are you telling me no one on here wanted to sit behind a berm and let someone shoot a machine gun over it?

Would work great, except there weren't any pig farms near the lake.

Your friend is a danger to himself, and society at large. Cease hanging out with him

Ah, Snatch is a classic.

The fuck is this. I'd honestly drop all my contact info and move. This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard.