Finally have enough range tickets to get a new rifle

>crab legs

Are you the asshole who killed all the brass crabs at my range? We had to re-hire the fucking brass dwarf again

N-no.. it was the cook. H-honest

>go to the range
>set up on the long range bench
>range jester is watching me from the back, thinks I don't see him
>flip him off, head down range to set up target
>come back, sit down, grab for the bolt on my rifle
>it's floppy
>turn the rifle to the side
>there's a fucking rubber chicken in the action
>head and neck stuffed through the chamber and barrel
>jester howls with delight as he dances away
Still looking for my bolt

How much to tip the range twink? Asking for a friend

>save up range tickets
>buy a dozen range loot boxes
>uncrate nothing but paper targets, a voucher for TEN FUCKING MINUTES in the range sauna, and 2 boxes of .40 SW
>don't even own anything in .40
>mfw

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I'd take our old brass dwarf any day over the new fucking brass elves. Little fucks keep tieing my fucking shoelaces together and giggling when I trip.

>Roof operators dropping twinkies on my line and chuckling through their NODs
I'm losing weight, do I really have to wait until I'm thin to wear my cool cosplay plate carrier?

giving him enough tip as it is. Chill out, most range twinks are volunteers anyway.

>mfw spooked again by the indoor range gachapon machine.
This is the sixth damn time i got a PSA ar15 fuck

Also, don't fucking shoot at the target rats. The RO says if one more gets killed they'll stop offering them and we'll go back to pinning up our targets ourselves

>doing some draw/presentation/fire drills
>third time or so that I draw, present and fire a double tap into a 7yd target
>brass elves running around like newbies trying to catch brass as soon as it touches the ground
>brass dwarf head honcho is checking on them from a corner, isn't impressed
>draw, present, fire
>hear a dull clunk
>nailed elf in the head with a 9mm casing
>little guy laying unconscious on the floor, the other three frantically trying to carry him off
>wouldn't want him to get squished
>brass dwarf laughing his ass off and berating them all
>apparently, this is why you wait for a cease fire to gather brass
>after shooting, leave my guns in the range provided cabinet for a trip to the range masseuse
>come back super relaxed just to find the crosshairs in my rem700 scope were tied in a knot

fucking range elves I swear I'll give them more than enough reason to wear a hardhat on the job

>range fudds constantly try to steel my brass

>I've had to resort to plinking them in their ankles with .22 short until they retreat back to their kennels

>his range has fudd kennels
>his range allows ballistic deterrence

are you a range baron or is life in private ranges like this, user? Let a Jow Forumsommando dream

Hello I am from France
Is this what America is really?

I usually use rat shot. They either scream something about my "sayori black rifle" or "terminal ballistics" and scamper away

Every story itt is 100% true.

Wait? You mean the French don’t have range jesters and brass dwarves? You at least have the complimentary trap right?

>go to the monthly cookout
>make some "hamburgers"
>the meat of from range rats I've killed
Has to give the brass goblin a whole box of 45-70 to get him to collect the rats. Completely worth it

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>got my FFL a year ago

>all the gungoys call me asking if I want their new titanium plated prostate stimulaters
>”no”

Would aluminum suffice?

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>arrive at range clubhouse for penis inspection day
>regular inspector can't make it
>owner asks range trap to do it
>ask range trap to skip me because I'd definitely pass
>trap insists on inspection
>drop spaghetti and semen gets everywhere
>get put on probationary membership and made to sweep brass for 3 months before I can shoot again

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>How much to tip the range twink?
About 1cm

>Get a perfect bullseye on the 200 yard machine
>Ticket roll runs out so I get an attendant
>He refills it and doesn't give me my tickets that would have come out
>Waste like 10 more tokens trying to get the same shot

Fucking public ranges

>he goes to a range that can't afford real jews

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>finish shooting and head to buffet
>jester dancing around me the whole way, offering "prizes" for my tickets
>motherfucker always trying to get me ever since I shot his dick bell off
>not today damn it
>finally get to buffet
>crab legs are smaller and tougher than usual
>finish plate anyway
>jester comes up giggling incessantly
>"ooooh youhoooooo guess whaa-aaat"
>fuck off faggot
>"i provided today's crabs!"
>incredibly long silence punctuated only by jingling bells as I stare into his smug shit eating grin
>projectile vomit so hard it goes right into the bullseye in the skeeball machine
>arcade jew skitters out with tickets to sound of winner buzzer
>starts chittering in fury when it sees what happened
>instead of tickets I get triple penis inspection
>jester's face when

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Gets me everytime

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What do you mean? I'm french too and that's how it is here in shooting ranges.
You've obviously never entered a french shooting club before.

French here, this guy is obviously a nogunz, I guarantee you it's the same here.
The range jester will throw creme fraiche tarts at you whenever you miss the target.
Traps in maid uniforms use their buttocks as sandbags and moan accutely to call hits.
And brass dwarves with their big noses, big berets, and cheesy odor, will steal your casings you use for reloading if you don't keep them in your tactical purse.

We also have mime range masters, you must always look at them for commands, that's why french shooters can't aim for shit: they always look at him to not miss any command.
That means the range jester has to throw a lot of creme fraiche tarts in the face of everybody. It's a very physical and demanding job. Range jesters become jacked as fuck very fast from all this running and throwing, and get a lot of range trap boipussy.

To provide for the amount of tarts our range jesters have to throw, every french range includes a boulangerie-pâtisserie from where the jester gets his projectiles your subscription must pay for (which may be high if your range houses a lot of bad shots). You can also buy macaroons, croissants, baguettes, and every sort of cake there (except american ones of course, that would be disgracious and uncultured, hon hon hon). As a result there are dry and greasy crumbs everywhere.

Also remember in order to call for cold range, a mime range master always raise a white flag. Be aware if you come shoot here, since if you keep firing, the mire range master may surrender as well, then go on a strike, rendering the whole range unusable for days!

Can you sell a range loot box on gunbroker and what is the procedure?

Anyone complete their range's challenge for red tiger camo?
Also do they hydro dip the guns or just paint them?

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>he thinks you're allowed to take the loot boxes home
you've never got a loot box have you?

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Honestly no, I'm saving up my tickets, none of the limited time giga-rare drops have really appealed to me till now.

they hydrodip them into a vat of tiger period blood, just make sure you dont fall in

>can't sleep, so I sneak out of the range hotel at 2am to go shooting
>at this hour it's very dark, and activating the lighting costs 5 tokens
>decide to just activate nightvision scope on my rifle because I'm a cheapfag
>I'm looking for the Jester but can't see him, can only hear the bells and distant laughter
>can't use the nightvision scope to find him as that violation would awaken the RSO hanging from the ceiling
>thisisfine.jpg
>start shooting at target
>in between shots I can hear the Jester getting louder and closer
>ignore it, score bullseye
>win 30 tickets, walk up to the machine and hold out my hands waiting for it to dispense them
>still can't see very well, hopefully with these tickets I can buy a flashlight
>suddenly I feel something slimy and warm come out
>It smells like shit
>Loud laughter
>It wasn't a machine at all, it was the Jester in a cardboard box pooping from a crudely cut slot
>throw it back at him
>health inspector bans me to brass collection for 2 months as punishment
>Have to sleep in the brass-dwarf barracks instead of the hotel

Sometimes I wonder what is the point

hey at least you didn't get sent to the lead mines

My dad got sent to the lead mines. He was never the same after that. He never talked about it.

what are the lead mines like? my local range doesn't allow any flash photography inside and admittance is prohibited unless you did something really bad.

what actually goes on there?

>what are the lead mines like?
be grateful that you dont know

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>go to the range-gym
>realize I forgot my squat plug at home
>shamefully ask the cute trap at the front desk for the public one
>all the stalls are taken so I had to put it in in the showers
>kept slipping out when I'd squat so I had to reinsert it after every set
fast forward to an hour later
>doing a 3 gun lane on the range
>in the middle of the balance beam lane the squat plug I forgot to take out shoots out like a canonball
>the force of the ejection makes me shit my pants in front of everyone
>funs clatter to the ground as I fall off the beam
>start crying and run away, leaving my funs and plug lying in a pool of shit under the balance beam
I don't go to that range anymore

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you better have tipped that receptionist good for getting you a public squat plug

>shooting the jester's ding bell

Very disrespectful

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FUCK

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>be me
>go to local gunstore+range
>got my loyalty card, going to cash in for my free range visit (every 10th visit free)
>grab gun, ammo, brass dreidle, hearing protection, eye protection
>fuck I forgot the salt, the salt at the store here is so expensive
>go in anyway
>the range jester is blowing baloons for little kids
>ask the range jester where the salt is
>"I wouldn't worry about it"
>tfw range jester didn't ask me a riddle
>draw my .357 magnum with oak-tipped bullets blessed in Appalacian rains.
>shoot him
>kids screaming
>everyone draws their guns at me
>"WAIT!, LOOK." I exclaim.
>Range jester's corpse morphs into the skinwalker's base form.
>everyone's clapping
>cop shows up at scene, rewards me with another brass dreidle.
>get in my lane
>brass jews are heckling a .45-70 reloader for his brass.
>since I have a spare, summon the brass jews and demonstrate one of my dreidles
>beyblade_let_it_rip.mp3
>dreidle is spinning, the brass jews are distracted
>assist reloader in collecting his brass
>get to my lane when im done and proceed shooting
>the dreidle's effects have warn off and now they're trying to get my brass
>jokes on them, I'm shooting steel-cased ammo which clogs their arteries.
>brass jews writhe in pain and die
>get kicked out for not using brass ammo
>owner is pissed but decides to call it even so I won't be sued to compensate for new brass jews that the store has to order from "The Forge" again. Tells me to just wait a few weeks and I can come back, the shareholders would forget about it by then.

All in all, an okay day.

>tfw raised pentecostal
watching old people flailing about while speaking in tongues sure was something else

>brass dreidle

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Alone at the range again user?

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>tfw ranges unironically have no singles policies

>the crosshairs in my rem700 scope were tied in a knot

Fuck, did you manage to untie them? I once had to throw out an entire scope after I left it in the drier and the crosshairs got tangled.

what is the shooting range equivalent of this bullshit

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You fucking retard, there's no such thing as brass crabs. Why do you think people bother with things like brass dwarfs, and brass Jews.

They were probably nickel plated crabs and you poorfags with your poorfag ammo starved them to death.

>his range doesn't fit the rats with tiny little armor plates

You bastards dont deserve them.

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I'm not a range barron, but I do serve the local range Duke. I'm a member of a roving band of mercenary landsknechts.

The job is pretty sweet, we got to rape and pillage an entire village of glock fags the other day.

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Some of this stuff is exaggerated but there are some stories here that could be true.

>glock
May want to get yourself tested m80

That man looks absolutely fabulous. I guarantee you'll get laid dressed like that.

>what is the shooting range equivalent of this bullshit
bowling pin match but the bowling pins are bolted to the table

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>bolted to the table
Time to break out the .50

Not for long.

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i love how mercenaries of that time spent all their money on whores and retarded clothes

What's the point of being a mercenary if nobody knows you're a mercenary?

>tfw local range payed illegals to shoot back and spice up the experience
>tfw they didn't bother telling anyone
>tfw they killed my range buddy of five years AND the jester yesterday

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That sucks dude. On my first range loot box I got my choice of suppressor and $200 reimbursement for my tax stamp.

I definitely peacocked and have spent most my money on whores during my contacting time.

Never looked THAT fabulous though.

I hate that I can understand that image

Lucky fucking bastard

It's to prevent someone from blowing their brains out with a rented gun.

Post yfw you catch the fucker who molested your gun and due to Section G:77 of the book of guns you can legally rape him with the barrel.

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I'm so glad Jow Forums has its own Robert

God bless Jawman, this world would be a far darker place without him.

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The range trap keeps flirting with me and getting me to let them shoot my guns. What do?

>make my way past the range manlet pit
>it's smithing day for the dwarves again
>brass jews are shoveling bucket loads casings into the pit
>get fed up with them because they won't let me pass without contributing to brass smelting ordeal
Fuckem
>I toss the cheapest steal tula into the pit
>it wasn't discharged yet
>brass jews look at me in astonishment
"What have you done?!"
"Now the manlet's will figure it out!"
"They will learn that there's more to this range than smelting brass!"
>shit.png
>the range instantly fills with manlets
>there's a cacaphony of Shockwaves, CZ's, and AR15s going off
>I hear several squeeky voices larping along with the gunfire "Yeah? Is this what you want longman? You want to make me angry? You enjoy seeing me get riled up?"
>an absolute riot breaks out
>everyone above 5'11" is shot except for myself
Tfw I became the king of the manlets.

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Is the range trap charging you? That's illegal if you pay your membership.

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phoneposter get out

>>I hear several squeeky voices larping along with the gunfire "Yeah? Is this what you want longman?
Jesus fucking Christ user please.

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>leaving evidence at the scene of the crime
Also youtube.com/watch?v=OGuO1NH0sr8

Shit, found an archive with all the jawman pics and edits somewhere and forgot to save it. Know where one is?

No I don't unfortunately. I really, really wish I did though.

took all my google skills but I found one, imgur.com/a/uWlX4

>find a hi point for only 400 dollars
>contact seller and agree to meet at local range
>everything seems in order
>call 911 to summon a constable to witness the transaction
>offer the constable my firearms license and a case of beer
>he gives a nod of approval
>give the seller his money and a collection of local herbs
>the seller begins the ritual and breaks his bond with pistol
>I produce a dagger and recite the oath and spill some blood on the pistol
>the pistol is soul bound to me
>take it to the range to try it out
>notice an older cowboy action shooter a few lanes down is struggling to fight off brass dwarves
>rush to his aid
>when I finally get back to my stall I notice the range jester has filed down the barrel on my new pistol
>the RSO and three RCMP officers move in to apprehend me
>I end up losing my license and having to serve 15 years in prison
Just another day in canada

>Canada

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I hear they squirt real easily. Like you give them one spank and they explode.

What kind of illegal. One of those crazy gyppos that Prestor John threw out of his kingdom in Asia for cutting soil with sand and trying to sell it as cheaper than dirt?

Or the mexigolians?

Fan-fuckining-tastic. I won't make the mistake of not saving these twice.

Mexigolians, must have been. No way a gyppo could have ever made a seven hundred meter .17 HMR shot off like that much less repeated it.

cool

>tfw I only get mudcrabs

Nope, 100% true. Nigga, this is America.

Are there strike breaking mimes? Do mimes have a union?

>almost failed the penis inspection
People actually fail?