ITT

ITT

Okay, I dont know where to post this...
What would you do if a hitman were hunting you do. *Please be detailed*.

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I would’ve not taken the fucking suitcase and not go back for the cartel member.

*down*

Die, probably. He's a hitman and I'm just some guy on a phillipino glass etching forum.

Not post on Jow Forums Josh.

>not weapons related
also get out LARPer.

Go to the police. Whatever you did to piss off the mob will make you a valuable witness to the da.

N-nani? H-how did you know?

>remove anything that could possibly track me
>shave head and modify face
>withdrawl all the money I have in the bank
>grab a nice large ol’ backpack
>drive to the closest big city and abandon car there
>take a bus ride out of said city
>take several bus rides until I reach several states away
>buy camping supplies and a new gun
>survive
>wait a year until the coast is clear

Alternatively
>FBI witness protection

Set an ambush and cap the fucker.
What is this? Kindergarten?

I mean if you had to fight back! What would you do then!!! Im convinced this guy will come any second. The fucking phones are down. What do I do now!

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Do I know he's gunning for me? Cuz he's a pretty shitty hitman if I do and if not how am I supposed to defend myself unless he acts like some common redguard mugger.

Assuming I do somehow know the obvious option is to lure him into a ambush, preferably take him alive and mail him back the guy who sent him piece by piece.

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This, buy (or make because if you're on here, you're a cheapo faggot) some ceramic armor and rig up a vest. Then arm yourself, preferably a gun with large ammo capacity, and then just do stupid shit like going into deserted alleys wishing a nigga would.

Die probably.

Depends what group the hitmans working for
if Sicario or gangbanger
^ do the above or go to the sheriff and tell them the whole story

however if youre dealing with the Mob, Hells Angels, or worse (Triad/Yakuza) you're probably considered a deadman walking so do this.
although I'll add, dont contact any family or friends period, disappear. Once youre in another state let law enforcement there know your story about a month in.

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Im in my home, the phones are down * I tried *, I have no guns on me. Guys I hired a fucking Hitman on myself! IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING.
If you want i can tell you the story while I await death...

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>Guys I hired a fucking Hitman on myself
congrats idiot

Wait in my basement for months trapping the way up to me. Explosives, Bear Traps, Hunting rifle in hand, wearing my brown jacket with a bunch of pockets on it.
>First off, I'm not trapped, this was a tactical choice, all right?
>Roach meat for protein
>Lick the condensation off the pipes for water
>Do my business in the far corner
>I'm not delicate.

So basicaly I was fucking around in the deep web when I searched *hitmen for hire*. As i was looking I found one page that let you hire a hitman to kil you....
I thought it was harmless and went and gave them my info...
I did this while drunk by the way...

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>Dorthy Haze
Partisan choice my friend

Right now im just too scared to go in my kitchen. I went in the boiler room and brought some snacks with me. Im currently downing a bottle of whiskey while listening to the Gladiator soundtrack. My pet dog *Rosco* with me...

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Just hang up a sign, he'll talk to you about it. You didn't pay the guy in advance, right?

Tell him to post pics after he's done.

Maybe I did....
FUCK IM STUPID!

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moron

Lol shoulda grabbed a stack of two and left the problems

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I hear his steps. I lowered the volume of my laptop. Should I talk to him. Should I unleash Rosco. Hes an 11 year old fat fucking terrier by the way.

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Strip naked really quick and scream "NIGGERNIGGERNIGGER" while sprinting at him.

Also nice bait thread, you're not gonna post after this one aren't you.

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Maybe, Maybe not...

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Grab a gun, post up and wait.

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>I thought it was harmless and went and gave them my info...
It's probably a honeypot and the cops will drive by and they'll call you retarded for giving them a $100 to kill yourself

He aproaches the door. He stopps and says * Dont fucking run boy* In a wierd accent.
I raise the laptop to max.
I open the door full force.
I grab my fat6 fucking dog and hurl it at the man. He screams while missfiring.
I do what op told me to do and Yell NIGERNIGERNIGERNIGER
I grab the laptop and also launch it at his fucking skull.
Hes dead...
How do I hide the body...

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pics or you're a 45% tranny

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Place yourself at several local private investigator firms in the area. Really hit it up and give them a location to meet you at. Make sure it is an abandoned remote location no one visits. Wait at a high ground vantage point with a long rifle and wait until someone shows up. Wound them and go down and interrogate them. Figure out who hired them and then kill them. Find the man coming for you and kill him at a distance with a rifle once you learn his location.

My laptop along with the webcam broke. i dont have a phone. only housephone. Having a phone is for dumb normies.

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Call the cops dumb dumb.

Damn, for a split second I actually thought your thread was real

tactically suck his dick
then shank him

Guys! FOCUS! How do I hide the body

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Even to think that for even a split second makes you a brainlet. But at least this was fun!

Crawl inside of it and steal his identity

Actually the guy has a glassy look in his eyes and looks at me in horror. i thinck hes a vegetable. Can my dog eat him! If so that would be great!

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He pretty much only tears up and flinches but otherwise hes still.

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Fucking idiot you said he was dead.

Test if he has pulse or breathing, if so call the paramedics and explain yourself. If you had any home cameras that's good, otherwise explain yourself.

Steel yourself and lean into his ear. Say "don't bother sending another killer or I'll send myself" or something like that.

Kill yourself so he can't kill you.

I decide to shit in his face while gigling like a schoolgirl. The look on his eyes is priceless. What do next, robots...

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>green

>be me
>hitman
>it's hard work but I'm paid very well for it
>on deepweb chatroom one day
>contacted by boss
>"new job my-alias"
>ok
>apparently its some crazy fucker who wants to be killed by a hitman
>service for suicidal people that don't want to make it look like they did it themselves
>good pay so I accept
>drive for four hours to get out to where he lives
>park a few streets away and get my equipment
>in through backdoor with skeleton key
>as soon as i enter i nearly puke
>it smells like fifty years of sweat, shit, and dried cum through the whole house
>ants and flies clustering over rotting mcdonalds on the floor
>i shit you not, fucking mlp poster on the wall of the kitchen
>hear noise from further inside
>more terrified of him than he is of me by now
>get pistol out, walk toward door
>try to sound as scary as possible
>"don't fucking run boy"
>i sounded like a fucking indian and i think my voice cracked
>door swings open, it's a naked guy that must be at least 280 pounds, his teeth are decayed and his eyes are crazed
>expensive gaming rig in the background with Jow Forums open on one monitor and e621 on the other, chugging loudly from all the dust and semen it's choked with
>the smell stuns me, my eyes are watering
>he screams with unholy force and shit dribbles down his ass
>"NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER"
>i'm whiter than casper btw
>he flings an early 2000s laptop at me like a baseball pitcher
>fractures my skull from the sheer force of bill gates' shitty product
>crumple onto floor
>he immediately sits down and posts on Jow Forums, i can barely see but i think it's about me
>it was a fucking trap wasn't it
>his fatass mangy dog paws at my face
>think about shitbulls eating people, am scared
>i black out
>wake up to his asscheeks hovering over me
>nearly drown in a salty liquid shit
>it gets in my nose and mouth
>internally bleed to death as he goes back to his seat to finish fapping

wear body amour
own dogs
barrier windows and doors
CCTV for perimeter observation
Carry a 44Mag revolver
Avoid public places and if in them walk through crowd chokepoints regularly and observe following pedestrians
Kill the person who hired them
Have fire alarms and extinguishers and mask +silent PIR alarms and a shotgun with slugs beside the bed
Never eat in public
Don't keep a routine don't order or buy in the same places regularly, don't take the same routes, use different times
Keep my cellphone turned off
Add wrought iron gates and razor wire to perimeters
Have a conealed entrance exit
Do not drive a vechicle, use random cab firms to another house nearby and have tem call you when there ten direct them to your real address
Use cash not cashpoints
die my hair
Write a death letter specifying who is trying to kill me and why and deposit it with a solicitor to be released if I go missing
Never order deliver food
Never answer the door to a delivery man etc
Join the military
Join the police

u forgot the >

>hitman
That's a funny way of saying someone paid a homeless druggie $20 worth of blow to stab you in a parking lot.

Literally become the embodiment of what you’re not. Are you a hot weather loving conservative in Nevada? Guess what now you’re a North Dakotan Maoist who’s completely changed his looks. Have fun.

Stalk him back. He won't understand. He's not used to being the hunted.

Wire yourself with explosives. You aren't getting out of this, but neither is he.

>Not wanting a waifu as paranoid as you are.

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