>The Escape & Survival Module was developed for a US military unit, but it also can be a lifesaving device for those who travel in harm’s way or in dangerous regions. This kit provides effective tools to enable escape from captivity and subsequent survival. It’s all contained in a special o-ring sealed module which was designed to provide maximum concealment options when capture is imminent. >Despite its small size, it includes all of the following components: 4 lock picks, handcuff key, 2 styles of lock shims, Kevlar® escape saw, diamond rod saw, ferrocerium fire rod, 3 waxed jute fire starters, and ceramic razor blade. Even the module itself is a working component – it’s milled from magnesium and can be shaved down with the back edge of the ceramic razor blade for fire starting. Also included is a small packet of petrolatum (does not fit inside the module), for uses that include first aid, fire accelerant, etc.
>maximum concealment Garand Thumb, is this your doing?
Imagine having to shove that so far up your ass that when you squat and cough when you get arrested and are in processing that it doesnt show
Gavin Reed
waifu sez she not a skinwaker. wat do?
Daniel Wright
Does it have a vibration function that can be remotely operated if you are tactically operating in an operation with a bro and need it to vibrate but your hands are tied up? Asking for a friend.
>Also included is a small packet of petrolatum (does not fit inside the module) What could this be for?
Jonathan Gray
Chapped lips, my dude
Nathan Perry
Can you not just poop it out? Ive never shoved shit up my ass before but I don't understand how things get stuck.
Eli Myers
If you haven't 'excersized' the muscle (or just take tiny shits) it can get stretch past the muscle in there and then its to big to come back out. Like when you have a really big shit but it's just too big
Nolan Hill
a man can dream
Juan Hernandez
>Ive never shoved shit up my ass before The absolute state of Jow Forums in the year Two Thousand and Nineteen of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior.
>It’s all contained in a special o-ring sealed module which was designed to provide maximum concealment options when capture is imminent. >module which was designed to provide maximum concealment options >maximum concealment options lmao, come on bro, just stick it up your ass, it's not gay, I promise, just the best concealment option hahaha
Charles Lee
You always have poop inside you, but you generally can't poop on command. Your body has to give the signal and your sphincter relaxes, and then your involuntary interior muscles start pushing. Think about that, and then think about inserting some artificial object past the point that you can't grab it. You basically have to wait for it or have a doctor help you, it's not good.
Easton Green
put a string on it for gods' sake
Eli Evans
Haha yah c-can you imagine? W-who would have such a cavernous pooper? Haha
Matthew Kelly
way up *buurp* waaay up your asshole Morty
Connor Wood
Fuck, that would have been useful in MGS3
Charles Murphy
>Ive never shoved shit up my ass before yikes!
Lucas Gonzalez
>entirely round tip
so CIA niggers had to train their asses beforehand
Jace Rodriguez
Holy fuck enjoy your magnesium toxicity.
A good idea otherwise, but you have to know you're getting captured and have enough time to jam it up there, unless you're gonna have it up there all day... there should also be a shiv inside. Pretty much it should just be a jail escape kit.
Hudson Long
BRO IT'S FOR AMERICA. YOU WANT TO SERVE THIS GREAT NATION? THEN YOU PUT THIS IN YOUR ASS, MISTER.
Daniel Mitchell
do any of you shitbirds know how to english?
David Morgan
Time to get off the computer, grandpa. Go take your medicine.
Isaiah Carter
>but you generally can't poop on command Not with that attitude.
....b-but i don wanna stick things up there even if it's tactical. it's a price of freedom i simply cannot pay. no butt stuff. a gf once said to me, "if you loved me then why would you want to put it there?" as opposed to other gf, "PUT IT THERE I'M DRUNK," then it's ok i guess. tactical.
Charles Phillips
>Imagine having to shove that so far up your ass that when you squat and cough when you get arrested and are in processing that it doesnt show
You don't have to go that far.
The semi-pros know you're supposed to take some shit and stuff it back into your ass to hide the plug.
The pros actually decorate and glue fake plastic shit to the end so they don't have to bother with that step every day.
I didn’t have a problem understanding any of these posts
Anthony Reyes
Your girlfriend was asking why you’d want to butt fuck her if you loved her? As in, if you truly loved her you wouldn’t want to stick it in the pooper? That sounds manipulative, she could have just said she didn’t want to do it, love isn’t a factor when it comes to plugging assholes, I mean just look at the gays. Or was she talking about your ass? “Please don’t make me give you a prostate massage babe, I thought you loved me :(”. This post is a train wreck. In my opinion there aren’t many things more romantic than spending an evening stretching and filling someone’s anal cavity, especially your own. You’re missing out dude
Owen Jackson
If you still think that because someone is wearing a dress it means they don’t have a teeny cock n balls tucked under it you haven’t been on Jow Forums long enough
William Phillips
>Magnesium shell. Oh right, because I want to blow my ass up when I shove that thing in and it makes contact with water.
Jeremiah Lee
Gonna be hard to escape from people who can just follow the trail of thick ropey semen I leave behind
Jace Evans
>tfw about to be captured >enemy kicks open the door to find you with your pants around your ankles frantically trying to shove a fat dildo up your ass
>effective tools to enable escape from captivity They should have tools for escape from cavity as well.
Eli Evans
>shoving poo back into your ass
just arrest me
Colton Long
I was a corrections officer for awhile, the squat and cough thing isnt cause contraband will pop out, its so that if a shank is up there they wont cough cause itll cut them
Christian Stewart
Trannies can use it as a dialator so their open wound vaginas don't close up in the field.
Jack Reyes
>get captured >forced to drink gallon of water >asshole explodes No thanks
Blake Price
HA
Cameron Robinson
Hey if you think about it that could be used for covert communication. You can send morse signals with short and long vibrations
There need to be a hentai of this.
Gavin Edwards
P S Y O P S
Brandon Young
>it's milled from magnesium So if I fart hard enough, I'll start a fire?
Oliver Taylor
clearly the next step in psychological warfare
Landon Harris
if you're willing to die for you country, getting your ass fisted at the farm is just a minor inconvenience
>its so that if a shank is up there they wont cough cause itll cut them ...Has anyone, literally ever, tried to actually sneak a knife anywhere in their ass?
Elijah Hughes
>Magnesium In unrelated news all militaries and intelligence agencies have rolled out a new detection device for standard issue.
I am 99% certain that thing is not enough to set solid magnesium on fire
Matthew Russell
Yes, some dude in Florida also had a 38 in his ass.
Nathaniel Adams
you know full well this has been attempted. just from the fact that the test exists is enough evidence.
Oliver Green
>I worked at a maximum security prison for a number of years. There was one inmate who stored contraband in a shampoo bottle that he kept up there. No real way to stop him. Just chalk that one up as a loss.
>People might be amazed at some of the stuff these guys did. Realistic soap sculptures, various tools made from things like toilet paper, starting fires with batteries, “inmate fishing” where they would hook their ID card to home-made string and fling it across the rows, sometimes even from one floor to another, to pass stuff back and forth, some of it was kind of amazing, thinking back. Many even kept pet bugs or spiders. 99% of them were homosexuals, I didn’t believe it for a long time. Even the ones you thought wouldn’t get down like that, until late one quiet night on a wing check you’re walking by and…
Can I engrave the coast guard district 13 on it???? I'm asking for myself
Anthony Lewis
>actually work at a maximum security prison >one night a guy slit his ass open trying to shove a razor blade up there >30 COs laughed at the guy as he was walked to the clinic I hate my job
