Recently I have came into possession of a small nuclear warhead and was wondering where I should store it
I want to keep it because it's cool and if worse comes to shove, I have a nuke
But I am also worried about the radiation
How can I store it in my house without suspicion?
And what's the best way to make a make shift launcher?
You're already fucked if you haven't disconnected the gps tracker. My vote is for hitting it with a hammer when you hear your doorbell ring.
Rig it into a vest with a deadman’s switch. It’s the ultimate ccw.
If he stole a nuke it almost certainly is from some forgotten bunker in Kazakhstan or some shit. OP's also almost certainly lying but sure, let's play along.
Go on a pilgrimage to Mecca. You know what to do.
This is how detonation works.
Nah, at best you could pry it open for the uranium and pack plastic explosives around it to make a dirty bomb.
Impossible to trigger without the code and impossible to wire the warhead to create a chain reaction without a large lab and literally a dozen nuclear scientists to help you do it.
>Bring a bomb to Muslims
Yeah what a great idea faggot
>bring a bomb to muslims
>detonate the bomb
cover it in cum to neutralize radiation danger
Use it to give burgers free treatment for cancer
Sell it on Craigslist for bingo money
In your ass obviously.
>Recently I have came into possession of a small nuclear warhead and was wondering where I should store it
...
...Benis.
Motorcycle sidecar.
This. Put it in a motorcycle sidecar. Figure out whether or not the explosives are wired properly to go off simultaneously. Then hotwire it so you can trigger them. Then dress up as a clown and head to San Francisco with it, and detonate yourself in the middle of the city.
Ship it in a freight container filled with bananas. The natural radiation from the bananas will mask that of the warhead's and you'll get through customs, provided they don't put it through an x-ray.
This is simply not true, hit it with a hammer op
I'll get the sledgehammer and take it to a Field far from the city if anything happens
Uh OP?
Raven?
Prove it faggot, detonate it in the center of your nearest big city, if we see it in the news we gonna believe
YT?
>San Francisco
Would Unironically make California a better place.
radiation isn't a big concern unless your weapon is leaking tritium, in which case you should probably store it in a detached garage or shed with good ventilation.
I'd put it in a motorcycle sidecar and wire it up to a bio-metric monitoring implant - have it so that if you flatline, or the system doesn't hear from you for a while, it triggers.
I'm pretty sure a guy built a cruise missile in his garage in the 90s, and consumer technology has only gotten better since then (thanks to drones) - that's probably your best route for practical delivery at long range, since I doubt you'd be able to explain away a ballistic missile of sufficient size.
also, almost forgot - most consumer GPS units have firmware triggers that will cause them to stop working in the ballistic missile flight regimes (high altitude + high speed), intended to prevent states like best korea or syria from using our own satellites against us.
so, if you did want to make a ballistic missile delivery system capable of landing in the same zip code, you'd need to design your own receiver unit.
Its either that or DC, in the Capitol building.
You are going to sorely regret making this stupid joke when your ISP rats you out to the government and a SWAT team raids your house.
first amendment bitch
You're most likely fake and gaying, but I still want to know how you got it
>But I am also worried about the radiation
Shouldn't be an issue
>How can I store it in my house without suspicion?
Basement or a lot of material in the way to try and hide any radiation they might be able to sniff out
>And what's the best way to make a make shift launcher?
The real question is, do you have acces to the initiation sequence or codes required to actually arm the weapon; without it the launcher is useless. If you would have a means of setting it off you'd better just go Sum of all fears on whomever you're targetting and transport it in a truck or van. Sure you'll miss out on the airburst detonation mayhem, but you'll still be the worlds first nuclear terrorist.
Based X-Com Poster
>worlds first nuclear terrorist
I believe Israel has you beat, although they simply threaten everyone with theirs.
Rig it up to 6 pressure switchs in a circle your living room but only leave 1 functional. every morning when you wake up, brush your teeth and then stand in the center of the circle and put on a blind fold, then do the hokey pokey and turn yourself about and put a foot blindly down on a switch
if your foot comes off the switch you'll have a good day that day
Pray to Allah one final time before I rid the world of the Great Satan America, got it
>do you have access to the initiation sequence
This might be a stupid question, but it's obviously not a first world nation's nuke. So did the Soviets have dumb ones laying around? Like the US had the nuke artillery thing for a bit, and the Crockett. This is a LARP, obviously, but is it possible that some don't need codes?
OP????
Get a used refrigerator off of Craigslist. Bomb goes in fridge, fridge goes on back porch. Slap a couple of beer stickers on there, put a padlock on it, nobody will ever guess you have a nuke in your beer cooler. Now, about the launcher- have you considered a trebuchet? You can keep it in your backyard, if anybody asks you can just tell them it’s a swingset for your kid. No kids? It’s for your nephew, then. If anybody notices that your trebuchet doesn’t look very much like a swingset, just say you got it from Ikea and this is how the instructions had it come out. That should also allay any safety concerns, because Ikea is Swedish and Sweden makes Volvos, which are the safest cars on the road.
Good luck, op! Hope this helped.
Now the ATF will know where I hide my automatic rocket launcher
1. Rent a van
2. Drive to 99 New York Avenue NE, Washington, D.C., 20226
You'll know what to do when you get there.
Best part of all, he can hide in the fridge to save himself from the nuke after he sets it off.
I actually wonder how well something like this would work
>use trebuchet to launch nuke into city center
>run to bunker
It's like preparing for SHTF, but you choose when it starts
if it's a gun type uranium warhead he doesn't need any fancy pantsy codes, he just needs a way to trigger the detonation of the acceleration charge, a 12v battery would probably do it if all the components were in good working order.
Should be more worried about the tritium deteriorating.
some of the best advice i've ever seen here.
Keep it under your pillow. The rads will kill the cancer that is your brain.
>How can I store it in my house without suspicion?
Stick a glass or wood pane over the top of it.
Claim it's a coffee table.
Shove it halfway up your ass then detonate it.
But will OPs ass be able to contain the blast?
>the something may happen and we will never know because the feds will cover it up since it would look bad if people found out a neet managed to steal a nuke
look up "broken arrow"
shelf life of uranium is like 18 or so months. trash it