Forces of the unknown have caused our world to merge/combine with a typical fantasy world...

Interesting. I was feeling D&D type magic, where magic users are just people who've learned to channel/manipulate the ambient magical energy they call the Weave, in much the same manner physicists harness the fundamental laws of the universe to make weird shit happen. Theoretically, that ambient energy could leak through portals and be carried with people and objects, lending our own world a less powerful touch of magic that locals could harness in a similar but likely much more primitive fashion to our fantasy friends.

Beardless female dwarves. It's the dwarven equivalent of a leper

one question
how do i even a snek

Way I hear? Pretty much the same as you would a human woman. I was talking with a nip who told me he accidentally got his hands on one's panties. He had no idea what that weird, slightly stiff, slightly sticky triangle of fabric was until she told him. Based on the fact that these women can weigh upwards of a fucking ton and most of it is muscle, he was lucky she likes him.

>talking about her loot is getting the harpy excited
>she has a glimmer in her eyes
>”hey user, wanna fucking help me get more damn cool loot?”
>get more loot?
>I’m interested…
>’how?’
>she’s grinning from ear to ear
>”well, I’ve been making a fucking plan. A damn good fucking plan. There are these fucking caravans that come by through my damn canyons. I always see them carrying some for the most fucking fantastic loot I’ve ever damn well seen. I figured I could attack the bastards and fucking steal some of the loot.”
>a raid on a caravan?
>’I’m not to sure how I feel about that…’
>the harpy looks pouty
>”aw don’t be a bitch about it. Those faggots are trading and dealing with all sorts of shitheads, irks, goblins, skaven. Hell, I think it would actually be a good thing if we took those caravans down a peg”
>I begin to feel my blood boil a little
>fuck goblins
>and these guys trade with goblins?
>fuck them too
>besides, (((they))) are merchants
>and 90% of merchants are evil
>HandsRubbingTogether.jpg
>grin at my harpy
>’well, it seems like I’m a raider now’
>harpy chirps on excitement
>”hell yeah! Let’s get these fucking plans drawn out mother fucker!”
>oh boy, here we go
>Jow Forumsube help us both

Don't respond to bait, friend.

"Don't respond to the trolls. It means they win." But I'm honestly not sure who's retarded and who's being retarded on purpose.

New on Mercefairy: A Fairy Tale

>'well well well... coming to little ole me for help?'
>Rachelle sits on her chair, lazily turning back and forth
>Spera grits her teeth
>'need know about merchant. You tell!'
>Rachelle grins
>'oh ill tell.... on a few conditions'
>oh here we go
>first! A discount on mercenary escorts for at least 2 weeks
>doable
>'two! You agree to purchase ammunition exclusively from the Crimson Caravan'
>jewish, but doable
>'and three.... your little second in command comes over to my house for drinks afterward you get back'
>Spera growls
>'Witch slut! Trick! You try rape!'
>they begin arguing
>[angry female sounds]
>eventually Spera sighs
>'fine. One night! No more!'
>wut
>Rachelle claps with glee and agrees
>'now, listen closely...'
>the Shipwheel company began as a confederation of various pirate crews
>this is their land division
>fucking dark elves
>they deal in drugs, weapons, slaves occasionally, selling to the highest bidder
>they also occasionally do mercenary work, on soft targets
>their moral Judaism means they have risen as one of the richest companies this side of the portal
>even earls and kings listen when Big Elf talks
>'why do they need us?'
>Rachelle shrugs
>'why do we hire you? We have guards, sure, but you SPECIALIZE in mercenary work. Youre all much better suited for this, and they can afford the best.'
>Spera preens
>'It must be lucrative cargo though; and with the Shipwheel company, that usually means less-than-savory means'
>me and Spera look at eachother
>fuck what did we get into

Attached: Tactical+elf+bigcenterhttpswwwpixivnetmember+illustphpmodemediumillust+id63348481centerbig_bcd791_68 (600x737, 67K)

Honestly, the magic system from Fate Stay Night was one of my inspirations, considered doing a spinoff with a Jow Forumsube holy grail war

Never did watch Fate/Stay.

it's pretty great, I would definitely recommend it, though the watch order is strange

Boss

Attached: 1552672853812.png (435x487, 299K)

>get the plans drawn out
>harpy knows the caravan route like the back of her hand, so she has no problem drawing out how they come in and where they go out
>apparently she would regularly spy on them and fantasize about attacking and raiding it
>her fantasies are about to become reality
>we have a few days to get ready for the raid, so we have little time to just fuck around
>now, for the supplies gathering
>which luckily the harpy has plenty of thanks to picking up all the stuff that she does in the desert
>lots of slavshit ammo for our guns, which means plenty of suppressing automatic fire from the mountains
>get some empty bottles and metal pipes, turning them into Molotov cocktails and IEDs respectively that we can booby trap the road with or lob them down like grenades
>going full Abu Hajaar with this one
>....
>wait a minute...
>AreWeTheBaddies?.gif
>put the thought aside in my mind
>we’re all the baddies to someone else
>BigThink.WeLiveInASociety
>maybe I should quit being a bounty hunter and start being a philosopher
>let’s just hope the caravan isn’t that prepared
>most of the merchants are very arrogant anyways
>who the hell really spends that much money on protecting their caravan?
>....
>oh
>that’s a stupid statement
>Jow Forumsube help me, what have I gotten myself into?

Terroranon again.
>we decide
>we're going to Maine
>I insist on trying to move under my own power
>Nimba ain't happy with me
>don't care, must retain SOME pride
>elfbro thinks I'm an idiot for probably shortening my already limited lifespan
>Ricky and dwarfbro applaud my determination
>partyvan is indifferent
>Jow Forumsleric is simply worried, bless her little heart

>Jow Forumsleric walks beside me, leaning on a quarterstaff I can only assume elfbro cut and carved with runes for her
>I wake up kilometers later a few times, like I fell asleep and kept walking
>other times, everything feels slowed down and a hundred meters takes an hour
>Jow Forumsleric's nose and cheeks get redder every time I look
>shakily offer her a scarf, which she takes
>lose balance
>hit the thinning snow
>wake up next to a small fire, wrapped in a pile of blankets in my giantess' lap
>comfy but still in pain around the eye socket
>Jow Forumsleric is muttering her prayers over my SKS, probably trying to connect with the Jow Forumsube to send me an "angel," whatever such an angel might look like

>God I hope the Jow Forumsube's angels look like the KanColle version of Bismarck
>hah, I'm a weeb to the end
>try to get up
>immediately collapse
>Nimba scolds me for being retarded
>"If you wanted to be closer you should have asked."
>wot
>she picks me up and cradles me
>my pride has been kicked in the nuts again
>my actual nuts feel pretty okay though
>even the immense beard he wears cannot muffle dwarfbro's laughter
>I manage to squeeze out some words
>"fuck... You... You... Scottish midget."
>laughter intensifies
>roll my one good eye and settle in for a nap

Did I miss a post?

Imagine coming from a place where it's still swords and bows for the most part seeing a JDAM go off in the middle of your army. Humans on this side are polite murder machines and it'd probably terrify the everliving fuck out of things coming across even if we're nice. They'd see the death even just the average joe could unleash alongside what happens when we mean business.

Pastebin to current Cascadia user Story--> pastebin.com/FqMWCnnj
Pastebin to other Cascadia user Stories-->pastebin.com/U74s6616

>Fall asleep wondering if gf actually knows what she’s doing
>wake up next morning and go to meet Fudd and HMG-bro
>wonder if they’ll actually give us another truck
>remember about the ghost
>oh yeah, we were going to go look for clues
>...
>I hope they actually give us a truck
>wonder if they’ll give us the same route even
>after the meeting
>don’t actually get an assignment
>go try and find the guys anyway
>Fudd is here
>HMG-bro is missing
>”Where’s HMG-bro?”
>”He said he was going to get Ostwind, since she wasn’t at the briefing”
>”oh...doesn’t she skip these anyway?”
>”HMG-bro told me about the plan you guys came up with last night, he thought she was going to show up this morning”
>”oh. So he went to check up on her then”
>pause a minute
>”speaking of last night, what were you doing?”
>”I was talking to the elders of my clan about bad spirits. I didn’t really get much info”
>”they don’t know anything?”
>”No, they need more info”
>”oh”
>bit of a pause
>”...So, we don’t have an assignment today; I wonder why that is...”
>”you go ask user”
>eventually go talk to the sergeant
>don’t know whether to bring up us wanting to go back into the pass to look for clues
>decide that I’ll bring up not having an assignment first and ask if he’s in a good mood
>go to sergeant’s office in the back
>door open, he’s sitting there piling over charts and maps
>”uh, can I come in sir?”
>he looks up, then looks back down at the maps
>”Sure user, what did you want”
>”Fudd, HMG-bro and I don’t have an assignment”

>”I know, I figured you guys would want a break after being on a patrol 6 hours longer than you were supposed to, let alone running into something supernatural and unkillable while on patrol for the second time”
>”oh”
>stand there stupidly for a few minutes
>Sarge looks back up
>”Is that all user?”
>”well actual-”
>”of course it isn’t, what is it?”
>”well we wante-”
>”Let me guess, you guys want to go be detectives and find more stuff out about the ghost?”
>Staring me dead in the eyes
>”y-yes?”
>He sighs and looks back down
>”can’t you guys just take the day off? I don’t have any trucks available for you to go up there and lose”
>he looks back down
>”besides, the Harpy leader is ill...”
>He shuffles around some papers
>”I need her to pinpoint some of these locations, cause I don’t speak bird”
>looks back up
>”know what user, gf is a doctor; go see how the harpy is doing, that’s your assignment now”
>go back to the guys
>Fudd is staring off into space
>gf is zoning out from boredom
>”So guys, we got an assignment”

fucking piss of you absolute nigger, if you dont like our threads then dont click on it. fucking uncultured plebiscite..

how would a nest of snek women fare against a big amount on tannerite?
asking for a friend

Far better than you'd expect, on the other hand, they fare far worse against human fuck than one might expect

that's a lot of tannerite you're going to need

Y'all have missed several posts if the drug "bust" is the last thing you remember. Since pastebin is out of date I'll recap what I definitely remember.
>Jow Forumsamp got raided
>Jow Forumsleric went to juvie
>this angers the terrorists
>Jow Forumsleric retrieved from juvie by means of blitzkrieg
>the retreat was also a blitzkrieg
>some cool biker dude called Ricky shows up with a lot of very illegal guns and booze
>Jow Forumsamp got raided again to much more devastating effect
>Jow Forumsleric lost her uncle, user got shot in the head and ultimately lost an eye because of it
>dwarfbro, elfbro, the party van, user, Nimba and Jow Forumsleric got away
>user's missing eye keeps hurting
>he gets a fever
>Jow Forumsleric takes his temperature
>rectally
>he passes out and has a weird fever dream about his motives and the consequences of his actions
>wakes up having jizzed his pants
>wonders if cumming because the loli stuck it in his pooper breaks his nofap streak
>user finds out there's a fungal infection in his empty eye socket
>it's growing into his bones and will eventually reach his brain
>need to find someone who can fix it
>decide sneeki breekiing across the border into a friendly part or the Former United States is best way to do so

>wake back up several more kilometers down the trail
>Nimba is carrying me while dwarfbro lugs most of my gear
>feel bad making them take care of my useless ass but know I can't do it all on my own
>lunch consists of venison stew
>thanks, elfbro

>several days later, paranoia sets in as we draw closer to the border
>every tree has a horsenigger hiding behind it, every lump of snow is an informant or a scout
>stay the fuck away from roads and rely on paper maps and the moon and stars to guide us with elfbro's interpretation
>Nimba won't let me out of her sight more than a couple minutes at a time
>won't let anyone but Jow Forumsleric touch me either
>it occurs to me that I don't know her name, and neither does anyone else
>party van crew says they asked and she wouldn't tell them for some reason
>our loli trusts nobody
>a few nights later, she's changing the dressing on my eye and I remember my earlier pondering
>I mention offhand that nobody knows her name
>she suspiciously looks to either side and whispers in my ear
>"Don't tell anyone. It's embarrassing."
>Fine, kid, whatever. I'll keep it secret.
>"And don't laugh."
>fine
>"It's Andromeda. My mom named me after a bunch of stars."
>I'm sure she meant well, kid.

Hey Andromeda is a cool girl name, tell her that, an ancient and strong name!

Writer talking here, I've used it before as well, as a name for another little girl character who had the gift of precognition.

Good thing you didn't use Cassandra, it's legendary what happened to the last Cassandra that had precognitive powers

How do I get a Jow Forums Dwarf or Giant gf?

Attached: dwarf girl small.jpg (723x1024, 590K)

Nobody ever believed her. My motives were less mythology and more logic. Andromeda is a galaxy, a group of stars. Stars are often used for divination. She had the gift of precognition during her epileptic seizures. Also, I mistyped that should have been 'another little girl, who had precognition.' This Andromeda has no such gift. My reasons for the name are different this time.

>"In fact, being named after a galaxy is pretty impressive. I guess that's how big you were to her."
>"I never really saw it like that. It sounded like one of those wishy-washy "unique and interesting" non-names people give their kids, like Faith, Hope, and random Swahili words."
>goddamn this kid has gone cynical and jaded for her age
>I'm influencing the loli's worldview
>this is probably bad but I'll roll with it

Morning gents. Archivanon here with the updates

>Mercenary: A fairy Tale updated
>Neumagh updated
>Harpy user updated
>Fan/k/asia: Become Tank by /wfg/ writefag IsekaiSS added
>AdVenture Capitalsim updated

>LORE ADDED: UNDEAD
finally the discord fags got off their ass and did something again. The lore covers the undead and necromancy. It can be found at the bottom of the sticky in the lore section. As always, you're free to use or ignore it however you wish, but it's there if you want it.

Featured Story: Jow Forums and a Sheep
pretty cute story featuring a relatively uncommon fantasy race.
pastebin.com/UhkmDVWP

Join our discord to shitpost with other autistic faggots, discuss ideas for writefagging, and build lore.
discord.gg/tCswhK

>pic related: current hits for each story
This only applies for stories that I have personally binned. If you are updating your own paste and having me link to it, then it won't be visible here.

Attached: Archive Hits 3-16-19.png (1604x960, 103K)

Probably should throw a link to the archive
pastebin.com/s8cvej28

fugg I always forget something

Cool, thanks!

Hey terror, you never actually sent me the story. I just gathered what I have by combing through some of the old threads. If you could send me the entire thing so I don't have to wade through 16 threads that would be great.

t. Archivefag

>don’t want to die at a college
>like some kind of punk ass freshman who can’t handle his liquor
>doors one and two lead to a good chance of death
>lets try door number three
>notice several pipes coming through the wall above it
>one leads to a radiator on the wall
>Fuck yeah, steam tunnels!
>”Benny, can you unlock this door?”
>Gnoll comes over and rips the padlock off with his bare hands
>not what I meant, but it works
>room is sunken into the ground
>filled with pipes, valves, and electrical boxes
>ramp raps down from the door to the floor below, hugging the wall
>another short ramp drops further into the tunnel where all the pipes and conduit lead
>Veyra and Raf follow me into the utility room
>”Well user, this looks to be where we part ways. This isn’t your fight.”
>before she can turn and leave, door slams shut behind her
>can hear the sound of the chain being wrapped back through the handles
>”Benny, what are you doing?”
>Fake accent is suddenly gone
>Gnoll’s deep voice is barely audible through the door
>”This safer way out. I buy time. Lead them away. Human, keep boss safe.”
>last part almost sounds like a threat
>Harpy bangs on the door
>”OPEN THE DOOR NOW BENNY! WE CAN ALL GET AWAY!”
>”no, no time, go now”

*New party member added*

My brother, I would if I'd saved any of it myself.

Imagine seeing a guy in a bathrobe take control of your missile and send it back where it came from.
Or pulling in demons who are not effected by any non-magic weapon.
Dragons that laugh as missiles and lead spatter against as so much rain.
Only to set everything within a mile on fire with flames as hotter then the sun.

>day of the raid comes
>harpy is excited
>I am nervous as all hell
>i'm usually shooting AT raiders and bandits, not being them
>this is going to be an interesting switch
>the ambush spot is nice
>high cliffs all around
>narrow path
>i'm going to be laying suppressive fire while the harpy attacks from above and drops bombs and molotovs
>have a few IEDs set up to disorient the convoy
>let's hope this works
>I’m sitting up on the top of a small cliff where the desert road beneath can easily be seen
>prime position
>in the shadow of the cliff from the sun, I can barely be seen
>got a top so I can rappel down to the ground
>the harpy is going to attack first, and then i'm going to start firing at them while they are distracted with her
>I hope she stays safe
>she hasnt had the best luck when it comes to attacking targets
>dust is filtering into the canyon
>the caravan is approaching
>group of wagons guided by a Jeep, with another Jeep as the rear guard
>browning .50 cals on the jeeps
>nice
>wait, those are going to be firing at us
>not nice
>something about the caravan wagons and jeeps catches my eye
>the wagons have a sylized red wagon on the side, with a label that says “C. C.”
>jeeps have a .308 casing with wings emblazoned on the doors
>why are those familiar…
>WAIT
>oh shit
>C. C.
>the crimson caravan
>protected by sparkling brass merc company
>fuck
>pic related
>maybe I should call the harpy back, it might not be worth it
>as of on cue, I hear a hawks screech and see several flaming bottles fall out of the sky
>they smash into the ground and start fires
>IEDs go off, catching the lead Jeep
>hear cries of surprise and fear as the harpy unloads at them with her TKB in full auto
>....
>well fuck
>cowabunga it is then
>Jow Forumsube help me

Attached: FUGG.png (1024x576, 653K)

a gift for Mercefairy user

Attached: Sparkling Brass.png (128x128, 2K)

STRIKE FAST, ANNIHILATE EVERYTHING, THEY CAN'T COME AFTER YOU IF YOU KILL THEM ALL
AND DON'T LET THEM CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS

technically its a stealth mission if there's no survivors to tell the tale

Even if they all died a terrible and not at all subtle death?
Like being blown to smithereens with an m32?

>start raking them with fire from my AK
>take out elf .50 cal gunner who was trying to aim at the harpy
>sorry buddy
>lob a Molotov at the Jeep
>my throw is extra lucky and it goes through the gunner hatch
>see the windows light up as the inside goes up in a burst of flames
>at least I can’t hear the screams from up here
>some Mercs are jumping out of one of the covered wagons
>cut them down with the a full auto burst from the AK
>bullets start smacking into the cliff side
>highly inaccurate since they can’t see me in the shadows
>move around to different firing positions between bursts of fire, the only thing giving me away when I’m hiding being my muzzle flash
>mercs are all hunkered down around the flaming wagons
>full auto fire from both me and the harpy is confusing them
>the TKB fires wicked fast
>triple barrels will do that for you
>the mercs seem to be confused and disorganized by the harpy strafing them
>pick off the confused ones with controlled bursts
>it’s going well so far
>as if my thoughts were heard, the door to the Jeep that I fire bombed swings open
>out steps a burned ork carrying a grenade launcher
>OHFUGG
>he aims it at my cliff
>MOTHERFUCKER
>chuck another Molotov and book it towards the edge where the rope is
>grab onto it and begin to rappel down
>hear a few slight thumps as I am about half way down
>seconds later, blast light up the top of the cliff
>bricks have been shit
>hear several more thumps
>FUCKFUCKFUCK
>maybe about thirty feet from the ground
>MustGoFaster.gif
>25ft
>20ft
>BOOM
>rope goes slack and I begin free falling
>FUCKFUCKFUCK
>Jow ForumsUBE SAVE ME

What the fuck are you all on about with these crazy adventures. Don't you guys pay taxes on those bounties and shit? You do realize there are still laws and that's a lot of murder you're all doing. Those people had families. Also don't you guys wear ear pro? Guns are loud how do you not have hearing damage?

>Be me.
>Be sitting in elf inn.
>On vacation.
>Nice and cozy little place.
>Still have G98 and Luger because fan/k/asia can be dangerous.
>And no they're not enchanted.
>They don't have some stupid magical power like explosive bullets, lasers, poison, no bullet drop, or anything autistic like that.
>Regular guns.
>Be reading… some… "content."
>Of the illicit nature.
>It's hentai. I'm reading hentai.
>Fuck off there's no internet here.
>Man has to get his fill somehow.
>There's an explosion in the parlor of the inn, I can hear screams.
>No I'm not getting up.
>There are like 80 other kommandos will their little magical traveling band of assholes.
>They can take care of it.
>A couple stray bullets go through the nearby wall.
>Nope still not getting up.
>Another explosion shakes the building.
>I pop in some ear protection.
>No, I AM NOT GETTING UP.
>An orc kicks in the door to the room.
>He raises his shotgun towards my head.
>I watch as he gets knocked out of frame by a kommando's machine gun.
>The kommando pops his head in the room.
>"DUDE CAN YOU HELP US? THERE ARE SO MANY ORCS!"
>"No fuck off."
>Flip the page of the doujin.
>good shit.
>More sounds of ultra violence rocket through the halls.
>A grenade rolls into my room and I just casually kick it back out.
>It explodes somewhere else.
>There's more screaming.
>NOPE. NOT GETTING UP.
>Suddenly the floor beneath me gives out from an explosion.
>I don't black out though.
>That'd be stupid.

Attached: EXCUSEMEEE.jpg (750x729, 46K)

>I fall into a room with a kommando holding a girl elf close while they feverishly fire at orcs who are trying to come in through the windows.
>"OH THANK GOD SOMEONE TO HELP US!"
>UGH FINE.
>I pull my Luger out and pop some shots in the general direction of the oncomers.
>I leave out the door.
>There's blood everywhere and orc limbs and mush on the ground.
>Great now my shoes are ruined.
>I reach for my doujin and realize I dropped it somewhere.
>I go back into the room and see the kommando making out the elf.
>I walk by looking for the hentai.
>"Hey, a little privacy?!"
>I go back up to my room and see an orc holding my hentai.
>"Dude you can borrow it after I finish reading."
>The orc yells and hops out the window.
>great there goes my hentai.

>I'm not hopping out the window.
>There's broken glass and everything.
>That's dangerous and we're on like the 3rd floor.
>I go to the parlor and see the battle has pretty much come to an end.
>"HUMAN!"
>A dwarf approaches me.
>"I see you have survived the battle!"
>"..."
>"Surely you've lost something of value!"
>"what?"
>"This is the start of your great adventure right?"
>"No I'm on vacation and need to go back home in a week."
>"But surely you want to go on a grand journey to seek retribution against those orcs?"
>"No… not really."
>The dwarf looks frustrated.
>I hear a feminine elf voice.
>"Well I need a partner."
>I look at the source and it's a smoking hot elf.
>Blonde, blue eyes, pale skin, stacked, great ass, the whole package.
>"Those orcs are the ones who have killed my family."
>"..."
>"I want vengeance against them!"
>"..."
>"And I need a partner!"
>"..."
>"I said I need a partner."
>"..."
>The elf girl grabs me by the collar.
>"I SAID I NEED A PARTNER!"
>"do you mean me?"
>"YES YOU DOLT!"
>"why?"
>"Humans are great fighters!"
>"and?"
>"Humans like elves right?"
>"yeah sure?"

>"Well I was thinking you could come with me on my journey to kill those orcs and I'll be all hostile and cold to you at first. I'll be your guide.Then overtime slowly warm up to you and there will be some dramatic moment where you save me from something like a dragon. Then I reveal my dark past to you and we grow closer, before eventually becoming lovers after a long battle together. Then we fight together side by side and eventually grow old together and keep going on amazing adventures!"
>what? I just met her.
>"Sounds like a good offer but I'd rather not."
>"WHAT?"
>The elf bends over and pokes her ass out at me.
>"But surely you want a beautiful elf waifu to fight through the fantasy hordes with right?"
>"not really"
>The dwarf steps back in.
>"Well there are lots of other companions you may choose! Like this goblin!"
>excuseme.png
>"He is a strong fighter and will act black so you can make tons of funny racist jokes and have him as a total bro, the one you wish you always had."
>The dwarf points to another elf.
>"And he is a crack shot and will offer fire support and great wisdom in times of need."
>"Dude I don't want to travel with anybody."
>"WHAT?"
>The dwarf stands confused.
>"But I thought all humans wanted to operate!"
>"No… I'm a student. I'm on vacation here because of the natural surroundings and the food."
>"... you don't want to slaughter orcs, goblins, and defeat great evils?"
>"No… I was hoping to go get my hentai back."
>"SO YOU DO HAVE A GREAT JOURNEY!"
>The dwarf pulls out a map.
>"To find a good start on who took your… hentai… and where they took it you will need to venture to town of Great Beginnings. There you will meet a friend of mine who is a wise, blind, old drow who will be able to use his magical wizard powers to locate it. But you'll need to find him the eight magic water glasses for him to drink his Monster in. There will be a great forest full of dangers ahead so I recome---"
>"Yeah I'm not doing that."

>"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?"
>The dwarf is really angry now.
>"HUMANS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO ON MAGICAL JOURNEYS WITH LOTS OF GUNS AND FUN STUFF!"
>"No I was actually just gonna take my car."
>"TO WHERE?"
>"To the nearby orc town."
>"And you're going to kill everyone and burn it to the ground right?"
>"NO! What the fuck? I'm not murdering random people because some orc stole my doujins."
>"BUT THEY'RE ORCS!"
>"Yeah and they have families. I was just gonna go and get another copy from the store there."
>"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KILL ORCS TO FIND YOUR WAY!"
>"I'm not a psychotic murderer."
>"THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE A G98?"
>"Because it's a nice rifle, and in case I get attacked somewhere?"
>"WHY AREN'T YOU USING IT?"
>"Because I don't want to file a fucking police report afterwards."
>"GOD DAMN IT HUMAN"
>The dwarf starts kicking the nearby table out of anger, the elf girl, elf boy, and goblin grab him trying to calm him down.
>I just back away and leave

>Out in the parking lot I see a loincloth scrap on a tree.
>It is right below my window.
>No I'm not touching that.
>Ewww.
>Why would in my right mind would I carry that?
>What would I even do with it?
>Take it to some detective?
>They'd kick me out for shoving a gross crotch cloth in their faces.
>I get in my car and drive down the highway.
>I get stopped part way through.
>There's a dragon on the road sleeping.
>oh for fucksake.
>I honk the horn and the dragon blows fire up into the air trying to scare me off.
>naw bitch I got places to go.
>I lower the window and stick my head out while laying it on the horn.
>"COME ON SCALEY SUSAN MOVE YOUR ASS!"
>The dragon gets up and starts charging the car.
>oh ffs.
>I reverse it and pull around the dragon as it charges like a bull.
>After it passes I just drive on.

>I get to the orc town and it's a nice little suburban neighborhood.
>What?
>Were you expecting some great fantasy kind of town with gothic architecture?
>Or a middle eastern style sprawl?
>Or a mongolian style war camp?
>No not everyone here is a psycho, some of us try to live normal lives.
>I get to the magazine store and go in.
>The orc at the counter is being held up.
>"GIVE US THE MONEY!"
>Oh shit.
>I get ready to call the police but notice a couple officers just chilling at a cafe.
>I run over and tell them what is happening.
>They run over to the store and take care of it.
>Thank god for our boys in blue.
>I buy another copy of the doujin and some other stuff as well.
>I drive back to the inn and see a couple mages using repair magic.
>They wave me in.
>I go back to the front desk and ask about my room.
>It's all fixed.
>I go back up to the room and pass the dwarf on the way up.
>"human… are you absolutely sure you don't want a long winded journey that would takes pages upon pages to chronicle and have a beautiful fantasy waifu to shoot fantasy creatures with?"
>"YES. I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE. I DON'T WANT TO."
>I slam the door and lock it.
>I can hear the dwarf sighing on the other side.
>I sit back down in the exact position as before.
>And no… nothing else action packed happens.
>I just go back to school at the end of the week.
>the end

Beautiful story user

>tfw this would be any normal person reaction to the Jow Forumsonvergance

>hit the ground with a thump
>I can hear what sounds like several ribs cracking
>fuck
>the ork luckily didn’t see me fall
>light him up with my AK
>dump half the mag into him before he keels over
>get up on my feet
>at least my legs and arms aren’t broken
>now I’m on the ground floor with the mercs
>oh boy
>glance up and I can see that the harpy has stopped strafing the area and dropping bombs
>she must have noticed me falling
>thank the Jow Forumsube
>don’t want to be danger close
>a couple of mercs have noticed me
>a few humans, some elves, and a halfling or two
>they begin to fire at me with what I think looks like a mixture of MP5s and ARs
>return fire with my AK as I scramble to behind the flaming Jeep
>hit a halfling right in the head
>punch several holes in a few different elves
>not bad work
>catch my breath for a second and switch to my shotty
>swing it out from behind the Jeep and blend a blast from it into an approaching elf
>pump it and fire at one of the humans
>storm of pellets rip him apart
>pump it and advanced through the wrecked caravan
>hear a beat of wings and the harpy lands next to me
>she’s grinning from ear to ear
>”this shits going fan-fucking-tasting!”
>smile back nervously
>’I-it sure is!’
>”when we get back, we’re going to be fucking mating damn hard.”
>she gives a wink and flys off
>we are in the middle of a massive ambush
>and the harpy is thinking about banging
>Jow Forumsube help me

>it takes us the full week to get ready
>our intel lolis return with no intel but many cookies, rumors of rouge gangs of stab-lolis haunting bakeries at night
>perhaps their training needs improvement
>in any case, seeing as how we dont know the first thing about what we're getting into, we pack everything
>and i do mean everything
>when the day comes, we pack up and head out twords Saunders Glenn
>the kindly old elf mayor seems to be happy to see us
>Spera is happy with his back scratchies
>i am happy with his famous homemade jam and marmalade
>we meet a dark elf at the counter
>'old on now
>those curves
>that backside
>the slight lust it inspires
>fuck me, we got involved with a drow
>she grins at us
>'aaah so yer the fellas the boss is bringing along'
>Spera chitters angrily
>Uurg seems upset as well
>'Oi we wuznt suposed ta be wit un 'o UR kind 'ere!'
>she flashes an impish smile and looks at me, sipping on her drink
>'MY kind? What does your orc mean, mister... Doc, is it?'
>i clear my throat
>'we were told we were working with Dark elves, not... drow.'
>she humms
>'well, it seems plans chan- wait what?'
>record scratch
>freeze frame
>wut
>'.... drow... we didnt know there would be drow here'
>she scrunches her nose
>'its pronounced 'DROW', human'
>Drow? That sounds weird
>Grundr taps my shoulder
>'eh Laddeh shes right, ah sey et Drow'
>Spera pipes up
>'Drow?'
>the Drow facepalms
>'NO! DROW! D-R-O-W! DROW!'
>'ah sez it Drow too, Boss'
>Elyria looks at Uurg weirdly
>'its Drow, sweetie'
>Kolt grunts something at Roogr, who smacks the back of his head and grunts something back
>they begin to slapfight
>the drow fumes, her cool intro ruined
>suck it cunt
>'... lets just go meet the train...'
>we follow the drow

Attached: steve1989-nice-cup.jpg (951x923, 88K)

>
>I Woke up a few hours later
>Groggy
>Tired
>Arm is asleep because of an Elf
>I've never seen her sleep before
>cute
>Manage to wiggle my way out of bed without waking her
>Pull out a piece of Paper and a pen
>”I’m downstairs whenever you are ready to go”
>laid the note on the bed and went downstairs to try and find some breakfast
>And Coffee
>See Dan sitting at one of the tables.
>He waved me over
>”Ayy laddie, got ya some coffee, figured ya'd be down soon”
>Dan hands me the glass of sweet brown liquid.
>Take a full swig
>Immediately spit it out
>”What the fuck Dan, is this fucking Vodka?”
>”AYY LADDIE, ITS DWARVEN COFFEE!” He says chuckling through his beard
>really not in the mood for this shit
>Order some real Coffee and Eggs bacon and Ham
>Order Kaylessa the same, except adding in some leafy greens
>I take care of my elves
>”Wheres Krom?”
>”Hes down at the docs office getting checked out, Sustained a few injuries durin’ the fight. Didnt want the Elf to strain herself to hard. Speaking of the elf, did yall…”
>He trailed off, raising and eyebrow and whistling a couple of times
>”Nothing happened”
>he laughed a bit “Anyway laddie, I've got some news”
>I raised an eyebrow at him while taking a sip of coffee
>”You see, we dwarves dont take to kindly anyone attackin’ our guests. The governor sent in a small strike force into the lower wards to flush out the mage.”
>”Did they get him?”
>”No. There was a fight, he took down a couple of apprentice Magi looking to make names for themselves.”
>”So he escaped”
>”Ayy, but they found… somethin’. There was a pool of blood, bodies,enchanted tools etc typical Blood mage shit, they been doing this for a while”
>definitely dont feel bad about blowing his brains out now
>“But he got away”
>”But he wont be coming back to Nuemagh for a while.”
>Dan took another bite of his toast
>”So Laddie, what are ya plans for the day?”
>I told him my plans for the day.
>About that time, Kaylessa Came walking down the stairs

>she had on a Simple Green T-Shirt and skin tight blue jeans, and the Ruby Necklace around her neck
>”You took care of that Necklace, right?
>”Ayy, I even put my own protection Enchantment on it. It's only good for one shot every 24-48 hours and will automatically activate if the enchantment feels her life is in danger”
>nice
>”Its bound to her and no others can use it except her.”
>double nice
>Kaylessa approached and smiled
>”Mornin'” I said
>”Good morning”
>I waved over to the waitress and she brings Kaylessa's food
>she tore into it
>must've been hungry
>I stop mid bite
>I just realized something.
>where was Kaylessa's CZ?
>pose the question to her
>She stops mid drink of coffee and looks down
>”I...I left it back home… I forgot to pack it”
>Looks sad. Ears drooping a bit.
>”Its alright. Come on, finish up, were going shopping”
>She finished her meal and coffee and we headed out towards the market.
>walking down the road to the market, we both looked at where the jewelry stand was
>it was gone
>We continued on to one of the gunshops.
>This one had quite a bit surplus
>German, American, russian etc
>we look for about 20-30 mins
>decide that getting a Full size wasnt right for her, as one of the problems with carrying the 75 was it was too large and heavy.
>5'5 half elf problems
>she picks up an old CZ 82
>girl likes CZs. Good.
>this is the One
>”Well?”
>”I like it, I think I'll have to get one when I get back.”
>”Nonsense, we'll get it now” I said throwing down the 25 gold on the counter
>”W-what?! N-no!”
>”Why not?”
>”You've already spent so much! I cant accept, it's too much.”
>”Think of the gun as….” I thought for a moment. “A tax write off”
>”A tax write off?”
>”Yeah”
>”And how can you write this off?”
>”Well, I can very well have one of my Security team running around armed with only a bow.” I said giving her a wink
>”I'll have you know Im- wait, a member of your security team?”

>”Yes, Kaylessa Elisnour, from this moment on, you are a full Fledged staff member of Dragon Jow Forumsing Customs. Your Offical title is Security and Ambassador to the Elven Realms. And as a member, ANY work related expenses..” I said, pointing to the Makarov, “Will be taken care of, free of charge.”
>She look shocked and confused, then her ears dropped a little
>”So, what about the necklace….?”
>I looked down at her, noticing she was rotating the ruby between her thumb and forefinger.
>I lifted her head by the chin and planted a kiss on her forehead
>”That was a gift” and she smiled ear to ear
>Someone cleared their throat.
>It was the gunstore employee
>”Oh, we'll take a few thousand rounds of 9x18”

>we took her new gun out to the range just outside of Neumagh so she could try it out
>Turns out she loved it
>Fit great in her small hands,
>recoil wasnt terrible
>”Im going to have Krom Train you” I told her when we were packing
Up.
>She just nodded, not sure if she was even paying attention, just kept beaming over her new toy
>”He’s pretty Brutal”
>”huh? Yeah sure.”
>This elf is in for a rude awakening

turns out user is incapable of giving a shit

>guy in a robe
That gets headshot the second he gets spotted.
>demons
Generally it's a bad fucking idea to use entities that can and will fuck you over the instant your guard drops.
>dragons
They die.
>hotter than the sun
No. Magic at those levels would be treated as we would treat nukes, and would be retaliated as such.

Magic will be researched, even if we can't use it. We will psychologically subvert or biologically engineer entities that can for maximum profit.

>I begin to sweep through the caravan wagons
>only meet resistance a few times, and each time it’s removed with a blast from my shotty
>there doesn’t seem to be any Crimson Caravan workers in here though
>thankful for that, don’t want to have to shoot civilians or worry about prisoners
>get to a cart that’s a bit different than the others
>seems to be a bit more tough looking
>maybe this might contain some good loot?
>just as I get ready to swing open the cloth covering I hear something
>it sounds like like a little kid crying
>....
>I swear to god I better not have to shoot a child soldier
>throw open the covering with my shotty Ahmed and ready
>three dead mercs are slumped over on the floor
>seems like one of them was killed by an explosive, while the others were wasted by the Harpys guns
>the dead bodies start moving
>NaniTheFuck?
>get flashbacks from the silo
>time to double tap
>...
>wait, no
>it’s something UNDER the bodies that is moving
>get up in the wagon to check the thing
>please don’t be mortally wounded and want to be comforted
>I don’t need that kind of drama in my day
>move the bodies over
>a small child with horns and red skin wearing a dress is hidden under them
>she looks up at me and sniffles
>”are you going to hurt me?”
>stare into her big green eyes dumbfounded
>fuck
>seems like we are having a prisoner after all
>’don’t worry, Don’t do anything stupid and I won’t hu-‘
>a gunshot goes off
>a bullet goes through my shoulder
>oh no
>that wasn’t supposed to happen
>Jow Forumsube help me

first time writtefag, pls no bully
>be me
>be 19
>be working security for a small merc company specialized in storage of sensible items and information
>kinda like a warehouse for people who want to keep something important safe
>must of the time it's big weaponry like artillery or combat vehicles
>but we also have a cell block in case anyone wants to keep someone in, like pow's or hostages
>bosses have alliances with no one, so we serve everybody that can pay the monthly fees
>this stings me in the moral bone but i can't do anything about it
>i'm just a guy watching the camera's feedback in a closet and giving announcements through the intercomm, they don't even trust me with a gun on the job
>i always arrive armed but i'm forced to lock everything away before starting my shift
>in all honesty this job kinda sucks but i got no other options and the pay is not half bad
>one day a convoy of armed humvees and a ural park in line outside of the building and a total of 20 something fully spookyfied mercs disembark from the vehicles
>ohshit.mp3
>connect the intercomm system to the directors office and inform him about the spooks outside
>he tells me not to worry about it and that he's been expecting them
>sigh in relief and relax for a few seconds before turning to look at the monitors again
>see director walk outside alone and unarmed and recive the mercs with open arms
>the mercs kinda just glance over the cordial greeting and start showing papers to the director
>looks like they are straight to the point kinda guys
>i can see the director nodding at the papers, he then starts to wave at one of the mercs
>the merc he waved at and 2 others start to move to the back of the ural
>after a few seconds the mercs bring out of the back an elf, a centaur and a beast halfling of some sort out of the back of the truck
>all barely dressed and looking rough
>ohno
cont?

cont user. let's see where this goes....

thank you mate i'll update soon

>the prisioners are all transported into the cell block cuffed and with a piece of cloth in their mouths
>they are shoved into a cell, the mercs immediately turn to the director and shake his hand
>they then hand him over a briefcase and proceed to leave
>after my shift ended i went to ask the director about the whole deal
>he said "those mercs, they are a group called the cape of humanity and the prisioners they brought are their pow's"
>"i see" i replied but as i was leaving the office the director tells me "but don't go telling people about this deal, ok?
>"yes boss, im aware of our privacy policies" i said and left
>next day
>the director announces that “from tomorrow on all the staff will rotate chores every 2 days, so you better get a look into other’s positions and how to work them before you end up fucking up”
>”YESS BOSS” is said aloud in union by everybody in the warehouse
>i get exited thinking that maybe i’ll finaly be able to come out of the closet
>nowait
>but before i can keep daydreaming another message comes throught the intercomm
>”also i would like if user could present himself in my office, thank you”
>dread status: SUDDEN OVERDRIVE
>everbody in the crowd glares at me with eyes of panic as if to tell me that i’m beyond fucked
>everybody scrams to their positions still with a look of shock
>dread status: EVEN FURTHER BEYOND
>old timer aproaches me and says “when the boss wants someone in specific at their office, it’s not a good sign, for everybody”
>that explains the look of mild panic in everybody else
>report to the main office
>boss greets me and tells me to sit down
>leaking sweat like a whore on church day i sit down and listen to the director
>”listen user, you are the youngest employee i’ve got here” said the director
>”yes boss i know, is there a problem with my age?” i replied
cont

>be me: writing style
terrible

seems good so far user. I'll be looking forward to reading more when I wake up tomorrow

im sorry user, what could i do to improve myself?
thank you user, i continue to post tomorrow for i've gotten busy right now

Ay, not bad shit there mate. keep it up.

>get pitched off balance and fall out the side of the wagon
>the little girl is screaming
>look back and aim my shotty at the prick who shot me in the back of my shoulder
>hes aiming right for my head
>fuck
>the blast catches him right in the plate carrier
>he gets pitched off balance and falls
>I stumble to my feet and pump my shotgun
>pull the trigger
>*click*
>...
>it’s empty
>AmIRetarted.gif
>drop my shotty and bring up my 1911
>just as the fucker brings up his glocknade
>both of us mag dump at each other
>his shots hit my plate carrier due to his bad angle
>my shots hit him everywhere
>one finds his head
>his lifeless body still twitches and pulls the trigger on the empty glock out of reflex
>didn’t need to fucking see that
>hear more gunshots
>turn around and begin firing my pistol at a small group of approaching mercs
>drop the lead one
>aim at the second one when I feel something smack into my head
>I’m knocked back
>try to get up, but I realize I can’t
feel more impacts on my body
>why can’t I move?
>my vision is fading
>wait, no
>am I dying?
>fuck
>that’s not supposed to happen
>I can’t leave the harpy
>not like this
>I can hear her screaming and firing her gun
>”You Nigger-Smelling Thick-Skulled Cuntmashing Fucknugget from Satan's hairy ass!”
>no
>I can’t die
>not like this
>Jow Forumsube h

>a small child with horns and red skin wearing a dress
thats at least a solid 5 on the rfs

Attached: rfs.jpg (720x720, 125K)

Part 13 ^^^
14/???
we return to our Raider user (Arnon) in this next chapter

>after a few hours I go to scrounge up food
>I manage to get some day old bread, a cask of ale, preserved meat, and a small block of cheese
>all for a low low price of 20 cases, fucking brass jew
>I head back to my cabin but before i enter i hear banging and swearing
>oh boy
>but as i undo the lock the noises stop
>I draw a dagger to be sure
>as soon as I open the door a raging goth Drow female in sweaty goth cloths charges me
>i left my mauser on the table but she has no idea how to load it
>her shirt would be any giveaway that she would have no clue how guns work
>she then procedes to beat me on the head with the handel like a club
>throw her off and onto the wall near a bead
>it takes a while to subdue and bind her to the now wobbly chair again
>i bring a table over and set down some food
>"if you expect me to eat any of that you fucking pig!"
>i should never have taken a slave we dont even speak the same language
>i reply with, "Spiese det!" (eat it)
>"dont bark at me you entitled fuck!"
>ok ive never had to deal with this before
>after a second of concentrating the most harsh thing i can as fast as possible "vil du helst sulte eller jeg kunne kaste dig til de andre fyre for at have det sjovt med?" (would you rather starve or i could throw you to the other guys for them to have fun with?)
>"what the fuck are you even saying?!"
>im pissed now, this is getting nowhere
>i throw the bread on the table and move it back near the bed
>storm out and lock the door again
>i need to find a damn translator!

15/???
>after some alleyway bargaining i manage to get a half-elf translator
>his name is Emaer
>hes a scrawny half fed trickster standing a little over 5'2"
>even smaller than a normal Drow female
>as we head back to the cabin, would you beleive it!
>she managed to break loose again
>this time i have my mauser and i begin yelling whatever pops into my head
>she cant understand me so whatever i say will sound strange
>immediately she stops
>she may be a rebellious young drow but the moment she realized who had a working gun, she froze dead
>almost terrified
>this time re-binding her is easier but not without struggle
>i drag her over to the table where the meat has been tossed to a corner and the cheese is a smear on the floor
>i get to the business of translating
>"du er min slave nu, elf tæve"
>i turn to the translator "you are bitch slave now elf!"
>she begins to snicker
>dude what the fuck
>"thats obviously not what i said at all"
>he replies "well, i never said i was any good"
>"fuck it just keep going"
>"du vil tjene mig, indtil du eller jeg dor"
>"you will serve me until we die"
>she looks at me and starts swearing and spitting
>yeah she understood that one
>point the gun at her to remind her whos in charge
>thats right the fucking Ulfking
>"Når vi vender hjem, vil du adlyde mig"
>"obey me when we get home"
>she begins to get the gist of it, shes not going back to california
>"hvad hedder du slave?"
>"slave, what name?"
>for a second she doenst respond
>i lean in closer to her
>"Hvad hedder du?"
>"what is-" i jab Emaer
>she looks at me, fearful with tears welling up in her eyes
>"Na-Narttu"

Well
I currently live in northern Italy.
Close to two major cities one of which was the capital of the Holy Roman Empire.
I would immediately declare myself a vassal of the true heir of the Italian Throne:King Carlo di Borbone amd prooced to fortify my position.

I have plenty of farms around me,I do not know to which extent we would be raided by either the magical creatures or the local gopniks,but assuming I can get the neighbours behind my idea of a mutual protection pact we could be fine.
Also considering one of them is a mechanic with lots of tool and whatnot the production of crude firearms and weapons is not out of the pictures since I have...somewhat legal blueprints for both.

As for magical creatures everything that's too dumb to submit or be trained get killed and dissected,vivisected if need be.

Also what would the area be populated by since it's Italy?
Classic italian mithological creatures?
Modern ones?
Niggers?

Attached: export.1.1511820.jpg--zingaretti___il_mio_montalbano__piu_amareggiato_ma_sempre_deciso_.jpg (670x414, 28K)

Kek. I actually enjoyed this. The fact of the matter is indeed that most people WOULDN'T go on fantastical journeys. That said, it's more fun when they do, so we suspend our disbelief.

no idea about mythological creatures apart from a couple sea monsters near Sicily, but the local traditions already give you plenty to writefag about
t. actual spaghetti-o

Anyone here interested in me reviving "Doctor and Nurse"? Also, would some stories of the Fan/k/sian mythology before the konvergence interest anyone?

I remember last time I visited one of these threads, and it was mostly "purge the xenos". I didn't expect it turning into a ise/k/ai stories thread.

You magnificent writefags you.

Give (you)s to the writefags you like, it sustains us.

Honestly both would be nice

fuck i overslep
>”no son, or atleast no a mayor one, we still can’t trust you with a long gun in the facility” the director answered
>”why no-“ but then the director cut me short
>”listen here son, i called you because i made a special schedule for you, instead of rotating Jobs like everybody else, you will work 3 days on your old post and 3 days as a cell block helper”
>”cell block helper?, what does that mean boss?” i asked
>”basic stuff, clean the empty cells, bring food to the prisioners yada yada yada, just stick to the warden and help him out with anything he tells you to, ok?
>”yes sir” was my reply before being dismissed back to my post
>after my shift ended in this pretty uneventful day i went down to the cell block to talk to the warden
>after meeting the warden named mike he told me that since there were only 3 prisioners occupying 1 cell this job should be a walk in the park
>as i leave i turn to see the 3 prisioners in the cell
>the centaur is just resting against the wall asleep, the elf is crying in the corner and the
tiger beast halfling is cleaning his scorpion tail
>wait his wat?
>ohshit, he's not a tiger halfling, he's a fucking manticore
>well, this is gonna get interesting tomorrow
>the next day yet again
>i get to my locker and i put away my rifle, my beautiful sl-8 with a modified magazine well so it can fit a normal 30 round mag
>i admire it for a bit, resting in the vertical rack of my locker
>mike suddenly walks in and says "hey, user, stop faffing about and get in position..."
>"sure thing miniboss" i said as i loaded my pistol, a cz75 in jet black
>inb4 muh soi boi memes
>as i walk down the hall to the cell block i think to myself about how cool it feels to finally be able to carry in the job
>ayyouboisknowicameinthisbitchstrapped.jpeg
continue later, got to work
also, thanks mate, your stories were my inspiration to finally stop being a bitch and start writting

No... This cliffhanger... You bastard!

Of course, it's common courtesy after all. But first I must feast upon this glorious bounty of stories that I've missed.

more like cliff faller if you ask me

Attached: carlos.jpg (600x600, 35K)

Touche`

If anyone wants to take part in this project, and get an inside look, join the server
discord.gg/wt7Dhk

pastebin.com/4y11Eyuu

>chat with the elf in the general store, a swole wood elf tapping away at a typewriter
>bought food, ammo, and other bits and bobs
>went on down to the butcher and picked up plenty of meat
>Ding loves her meat
>as I’m loading up the wagon, Ellior comes back
>she’s wearing an olive drab T-shirt, cut and tied to show her midriff like Loreli does, a pair of khaki shorts, and some desert tan jungle boots, socks pulled up to her knees
>Vietnam era surplus chest rigging and backpack loaded down with gear
>she comes over to the wagon, tossing two duffle bags filled with unknown amounts of milsurp, gear, and MREs into the back, and straightens a red beret on top of her head
>”They were having a sale!”
>I don’t know how I know but I do know that Loreli knew about the sale and planned this
>I just know
>”Well? How do I look?”
>”The gear suits you, come on.”
>hoist myself up onto the driver’s bench, and pat the spot next to me
>”I’ll let you drive us home, bring our haul back to base.”
>she smiles even wider and scrambles up, taking the reins

>as we’re about to get moving, I hear something
>the sound of horses, a lot of them, whinnying and hammering the ground with heavy hooves
>I grab Ellior and dive behind the wagon as gunshots ring out, striking the storefront and our wagon
>hear yelling, horses, and more gunshots going down the main road, the locals screaming
>grab my rifle and poke my head out from behind the wagon
>a fucking bandit gang, led by a guy on a black horse and a distinct lack of head
>they’re firing into the air and taking potshots at scrambling townsfolk
>I start to rise, but Ellior grabs my shoulder
>she reaches into a duffel bag that was dragged down with us, and pulls out a mini Draco AK47 pistol, loading it with a drum magazine
>I can feel Vlad smiling down at us
>as we’re about to rise and attack, hear a voice call out
>”STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!”
>everything goes silent as a tall, lanky elf dressed like Woody from Toy story comes sauntering out of the bar, a shiny gold star gleaming in the sunlight, a revolver spinning around his finger
>it’s the Sheriff
>we’re saved!
>he raises the pistol and aims at the headless rider
>”Reach for the stars!”
>yes! The town is saved!
>the entire gang cowers as they throw down their weapons
>as they’re locked up, the entire town carries their hero on their shoulder
>just kidding
>the headless rider raises a black mare’s leg and blows the Sheriff's fucking head off

>stop right there

Attached: the most interesting syrian.jpg (2918x1915, 1.01M)