Hpothyeticly, what would happen if I was playing with bullets and I lost one while I was playing with it?

45acp

20mm Vulcan

Congratulations. You’re now a breech loader.

Ok, everybody stand back. I got this. I remember the thread from when the user got a .22 round jammed 3 inches up his urethra, base first.

Ok, OP, you’re gonna need to round up some supplies. Here’s a list;
-Anbesol
-Bad Dragon cum lube, or comparable
-A power strip, like what you plug all of your electronics into. Surge protected isn’t a bad idea.
-A 6 foot extension cord
-A wire stripping tool. It should have a cutting attachment, if it doesn’t, you’ll need cutters too
-Gorilla tape
-Inspection mirror, on a flexible wand
-Led work light
-One of those magnifying mirrors that chicks use for doing makeup shit
-Long forceps, or longnose needle nose pliers
-Electrical tape. The good kind, if you get that dollar store shit you’ll burn your asshole shut.

Go round up all of that stuff, get back to me when you have it all.

I feel like I know exactly who posted this, and I love you for it.

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Ok will do, give me an hour

Then you have 1 less bullet

>MY SIDES, user
>THEY'RE IN ORBIT

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>user got a .22 round jammed 3 inches up his urethra, base first

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>or comparable
idk why but thats what got me

No time to waste, OP. We have to move quickly on this. You’re having an emergency. Oh, a couple of things I forgot to add to the list- a 20 ounce plastic soda bottle, and a hacksaw. Everybody’s got a soda bottle, you can use a breadknife if you don’t have a hacksaw. Coke bottle is best, they’ve got the right shape for this. If you don’t have one, empty the piss out of one of your Gatorade bottles and use that.

Ok, now that you have everything, do some prep work. Use the hacksaw or bread knife to cut the bottom off of the soda or Gatorade bottle. Then cut the threaded narrow end off, just below the little flared collar. Clean up the cut edges, for your own comfort. Set the bottle aside for now.

Next, cut the female end off of the extension cord. If it has an outer jacket, cut that back 6 inches. There should be 2 or 3 wires exposed, black, white, and green. Pay close attention to this next part. Strip 1 inch of insulation from the black and white wires. Then, carefully bend them away from the green wire. Get your wire cutters on the green wire, work them down as close to where all 3 wires come out of the outer jacket as you can. Got it? Good. Now, cut the green wire.

Everything ok? You should have a black wire, a white wire, and no green wire. If that’s the case, plug the other end of the extension cord into the power bar. Make sure the power bar isn’t plugged in yet.

I’m gonna hit the letter limit pretty soon, so I’ll have to continue this with another post. You’re gonna be ok, OP. We’ll get you through this.

Ok, I’m back. Now, spread a towel on the kitchen floor. You’re gonna need to be laying down for the rest of this, so get all of your supplies within arm’s reach. Put the switch on the power bar in the off position, then plug in the power bar. Make sure you have a couple of feet of slack in the extension cord, you might need to get pretty far up there.

Plug the work light into a different outlet, you’re gonna need good light for this. Get yourself into position on the towel, then set up the worklight and the magnifying mirror so that you can see your asshole clearly.

Once you’re set, take a moment to tape the stripped black wire to one handle of the forceps or needlenose pliers. They still need to work, but definitely be connected. Take a strip of gorilla tape and fold it into a loop, sticky side out. Stick the exposed part of the white wire to the adhesive on the gorilla tape. You want the loop to be small enough that you can slip it over the pliers and hold it in place by opening them slightly.

Now that’s all done, you’re ready to do the needful thing. You’re doing fine so far, handling this like a champ.

Take the whole bottle of Anbesol and slather it all over your bunghole. Work it as far up in there as you comfortably can without feeling gay. You’re gonna want to be numbed up for this next part.

Liberally grease the cut off soda bottle with lube. A good thick coating. Dab some excess on your numb bung. Once everything is all greased up, work the narrow end of the soda bottle into your sphincter. Use a twisting motion. You want to get it far enough up there that your sphincter clamps down on the narrow waist of the bottle. That way it doesn’t shoot out of there at the wrong time.

Looks like I’m running out of room again, I’ll have to continue in another post. Don’t worry, OP. It’s almost done.

Hurry

Now that you have the bottle stuck in your ass, you can use the light and mirrors to look around to see where the cartridge went. It can’t have gone far, although you might have to tap around with the pliers until you find it. Once you have eyes on it, figure out which way it’s pointing. You want to nudge it around until the nose is pointing back out your asshole. It would really suck to shoot yourself in the ass from the inside, so lets not do that, ok?

Now, slip the loop of gorilla tape with the white wire over the pliers, and open the jaws just enough to hold it in place. Then, carefully work it up into position so that the bare part of the wire is touching the side of the casing. It’s gotta be the side, otherwise this won’t work. Press it firmly enough that the gorilla tape sticks to the brass and holds it in place.

Now, carefully back the pliers out of the tape loop. Check to be sure that the bullet is still pointing out your ass. Pull the pliers out for a second, while you set up the last phase. Reach over to where your pants are, and dig a penny out of your pocket. If you can’t reach, don’t worry. There’s always a penny on the kitchen floor, somewhere. Either way, grasp the edges of the penny in the pliers, so that the plane of the penny is perpendicular to the axis of the pliers. You’re gonna need to be able to work the penny behind the cartridge. Maybe tape it into the pliers, you sure as hell don’t want to drop it and have 2 things lost in your ass.

Anyhow, carefully work the penny up behind the cartridge so that it’s only touching the head of the cartridge. When you have that done, turn the powerbar back on.

What’s gonna happen is, current is going to pass through the cartridge from the wires. The heat will spot weld the brass to the penny, and ignite the powder. The bullet will shoot out of your ass, probably killing the refrigerator. You pull the pliers out, with the penny and brass, your problem is solved.

Go to the ER to get the bottle pulled out of your butt, they see that kind of thing all the time. Nobody will think it’s weird at all. Other than that, you’ll be shitting gunsmoke for a couple of days but you’ll be fine.

Underrated post.

Cool read, predictable ending.

Thx. I lost my train of thought about halfway through, it got pretty formulaic after that.

you'll find it eventually
or your girlfriend will find it and get pissy at you