Hopefully you kept your guns and room up to code
2 AM ROOM INSPECTION
Is it possible to hide two hookers in one locker, asking for a friend.
Nothing to see here
You're here earlier than I expected.
guns in the barracks
Cowabunga it is!
guns in barracks
this it ain't it
Get the fuck out nigger
Exactly I shouldn't see any guns at all
Oh shit, story time!
fresh babbyfaced Chair Force warrior one week into my first duty station
everyone who lives in the dorms is supposed to register their personal funs and keep them locked up in the base armory
like any dimwitted A1C would do, I solved this issue by shaking my head when the First Sergant asked if I had any guns, then promptly stuffed my sizeable collection underneath my bed frame
one night after work I began my weekly ritual of cleaning all my funs when I remembered I got a package in the mail
the second I walked outside and heard the door click shut I realized I left my key card inside
also didn't put any pants on, was shirtless in a bathrobe
also had to wake up early in the morning to drive some broke dick into town to get his wisdom teeth pulled
as I lived on the second floor, B&E was not a realistic option
start to panic, as this is an article 15 worthy happening and I don't know anyone on base that could help me out
also left my phone, car keys, and wallet inside, making me tonight's big loser
eventually some other dorm rat walks by and tells me to call Security Forces, who has an emergency master key
fuck it, I got a plan
the Sergeant working the desk tells me that in order to get the master key, I need to report in person with my supervisor
I start to panic and explain that I just got here and don't even know who my supervisor is, let alone where he lives
the desk sergeant decides to be a bro and hook a player up
I breathe a sigh of relief, only to panic again when I realize that my tens of guns would be in full view of anyone who opened my door
eventually a patrol unit comes along and I meet a very relaxed SrA who goes to open the door for me
I was in there watching porn, and I'm embarrassed of what you're gonna see in there. Can I do this, please?
the SrA laughs and explains that this happens all the time, and asks me what porn I was watching
the situation was critical, so I said the first thing that came to mind
uh... gay porn. I was also playing with some beads, so it's a little messy inside
the SrA's face turns white and he immediately looks away, handing me the card
says something to the effect of "yeah bro, here you go. I'll be over here, just toss it over..."
promptly crack the door open and slip in unnoticed, thanking him for his discretion
until I PCS'd all the cops would whisper to themselves and point fingers whenever they saw me
a small price to pay for not getting my shit pushed in on my first week
This is bullshit, but I believe it.
have to report w/ supervisor if you get locked out
what the fuck? the air force really is gay as all hell with their lifestyle.
in the marines either duty has the master key or they just call the pissed off snco on duty who does. the fuckfuck comes after but at least you get in your room reliably.
gj dodging bullet though i hope your story is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. you coulda got real fucked and gay porn would be the last thing on your mind
i do shift work, do not disturb. im suposed to have full sleep before i go on duty
Really you are going to fucking inspect my hobo-fuck-shack trailer room you stuck me in this 9000% humidity for-fucking-saken desert in? Here fucking rub this white and black zebra shit mold that will give me cancer you fuck wit, and get your crayon eating army CE fuckwits to fix shit without using multi-tens-of-thousands of dollars equipment that I have to use as "weights" causing them to be cemented to fucking wood you chuckle fucks.
LET ME FUCKING SLEEP
I got a week of extra duty for having six Uzi mags unloaded in my barracks room. Kept a Glock in there whenever I actually slept there, but would just shove it in my waistband for inspections.
HAHAHAHAHAHA user never did "12+4s" while having to share living space with fucking nonner's
im not a fucking squid, that's why.
Swear on my grandmother's timbs this really happened. I still haven't told anyone IRL about it, but I still kept them all there under my bed until I moved out.
I would always leave something else in my room slightly fucked up to avoid drawing the first sergant to my bed during room inspections.
The only other time I was in danger of getting caught was when some retard who lived next to me set off the fire alarm by vaping in his room and the firefighters started going through all our rooms trying to find a cause because the little shit tried to say it wasn't him. I had a glawk in a backpack stashed in the corner.
Dead or alive?
just don't open the door
...well if they're dead then: you can make them fit.
The best move, as you describe, is to stuff them in there while theyre still technically alive.
Schrodinger, as we all know, was a philandering, svengali, hooker super predator. And that's how he developed his theorem actually
The math says that you can get 3.5 hookers into a locker, but you'll need a wood chipper
must be some pog bitch or post 13 shit. I "forgot" my key several time and whoever was the physically broken QC bitch of the week would just let us drunken assholes in our room. They'd take our ID just to make sure we weren't pointing to the wrong door out of stupidity or drunk shenanigans and watch us flop on our bed.
Best time was my class using the ditch infront of sarc park because we were too drunk and passing a carton of marlboro blacks and bacardi around between us hammered at 2am. Fucking Secfo shows up and asks us if we are okay and this one guy noticing he's an E-2 yells at him "He's an airman, he doesn't know shit" I yelled at him that "So are you and you know less", He apologized telling the dude he loved him. He let us go if we promised to save him a drink for next time.
Fucking Secfo guy shows up next weekend off shift and we handed him and the SSgt he was with handle of knob. Fucking guys covered our asses for the entire time, including how we stole another guys Dodge Stealth and pushed it across base. We tought it would be funny.
Mmm good old fashioned hooker soup.
neither am I you should know that by the lingo fuckface.
well excuuuuuuuuse me. im a retard and for some reason skimmed your shit and interpreted living space as rack and went to "hot racking", ignoring the fact that you said nonner
Cowabunga it is!
I've been on Jow Forums since 2009-ish. And thats honestly the fucking best meme of the last years. Always makes me chuckle
Staff Sergant gives me shit for having trash in my bin
get invited to his house for the holidays
absolutely fucking trashed with pizza boxes and dip bottles everywhere
Filipina wife is screaming incoherently in Tagalog every time he asks her to do something
shouting match intensifies as all of us boots sneak out to drink mad dog 40/40 behind the gym
NCOs need to be gassed man...
We don’t have some random faggot on CQ duty at our living areas outside of tech school. What’s CQ going to do in case of active shooters? Call SF like anyone else with a phone could?
Gotta fit them in there like shoes in a shoe box
And thats honestly the fucking best meme of the last years.
Probably becasue it's the most honest one. People are getting fed the fuck up with Feds.
Think it's unit dependent. Army infantry fag here, had same rules. Never could figure out why though
...thats my GF
For ISRAEL !
I hope I'm up to standards, sir.
Yeah, I'm a huge WW2 buff
Its time for the pills :3
you'll never be manhandled by your man handle
Its time for the pills :3
Whys everyone sayin
no guns in the bricks
Yeah fuckin right, let the duty come through that door
Quick question what was the reason for keeping your own firearm in your room? Mass shooter? Were break-ins common?
Devil.... You are forgetting that nobody here has actually served. Nobody here knows the 53 life. Or the 53 heater
1. Why is his rank upside down
2. Why is this retarded specialist inspecting my room at 2 am?
3. Why am I active duty instead of being in the guard?
It's people like you that would fuck up my 4days by doing stupid shit like this.
Leave that shit at a buddies house and save yourself the future clusterfuck of getting caught.
1. Why is his rank upside down
Hes the nigger anti-christ
You don’t know shit about barracks life, boot.
Nigga’s got a type 14 in his toes
Ban Fuckin Sai
Why the fuck are you in your barracks room posting on here? Get to the common area and have your SL kick hip pocket classes. Next time when I come around the bricks and your blinds aren't open I am putting you on duty.
Marine Corps OOD's are armed.
t. Boot ass bitch
Get outta here, neverserved cunt
True and extremely gay
Fuck that’s trashy
not scaling three stories to get in your window
not scaling three stories while the OOD who has the master key walks by
I'm not letting these fucks call top in the morning.
First, you're a fucking idiot.
Second, you're a fucking genius.
Never underestimate how uncomfortable someone can get with sex/porn/jackoff related stuff.
have liquor in room
not allowed to have hard liquor in barracks regardless of age
had it locked in walllocker in a duffel bag
BANG BANG BANG, OPEN UP.
HEALTH AND COMFORT INSPECTION
Motor T SSgt that just wants to go to the gym comes in
Checks everything quickly and half assed
Asks me to open walllocker
Uh, SSgt, I have a freshly used pocket pussy in there. I didn't have time to clean it...
He laughs and leaves
not remaining silent when someone knocks on your door so they think you're out
not having a network of shammers of all ranks to back you up when you claim you're on a "detail" or at "dental"
not dodging formations, layouts, and inspections like the plague
never gonna make it
can confirm that the marines do this at camp lejeune in french creek.
Thats probably one of the reasons why gear is stolen all the fucking time.
Lmao try Helmand 2010 bootfuck
since Im going to commission, I should plan on having my own housing right? I was thinking about living in the barracks for a year just for the experience and to save money, but now after hearing some stories im not so sure.
How do I even apply for my own housing?
Anyone ever get hammered in the armory?
Corporal, Staff Sergeant said he wanted the platoon outside in formation right now
I don’t know dude he sounded really pissed
It’s after you’ve been secured Anons, wat do?
I pre-gamed a change of command ceremony and got so drunk that I couldn't stand at attention and fell face first on the gravel.
Broke my nose but my boy was one of the medics that was on station, he just told my boss that I had a heat stroke.
So I got to sit in the shade with a sweet, sweet saline drip and also got a no PT profile out of it too because I said it was too uncomortable to do push ups with the cast on my nose
10/10 would malinger again
living in barracks
[laughs in BAH]
My 2.5 year old niece walked off with one of my guns and I have no clue where she put it. She doesn't really know what a gun is so when I ask her were she put it she doesn't know what I'm asking her for.
The Hilton at Horno?
to be honest you could probably get a bum to come clean it out, in exchange he gets to keep all the cans
My base had an automated kiosk that would produce a temporary backup key card if you got locked out during off hours.
Not only was I in the Navy but I got medsepped, so fuck off and get out of here Private Schmuckatelli.
I remember this
Listen here Specialist Bucket lip, unfuck your rank, uncuff your sleeves and get the fuck back to your barracks before this SSG decides to reinstitute wall to wall counseling. I'm trying to fuck my Platoon Sergeant's wife right now.
Sir, reporting for inspection, sir!
That's not a specialist
I don't take orders from niggers.
Jesus. how often does this happen
thats a little beyond article 15 material, only time i ever saw someone get busted for unregistered funs he went from E4 to E1, lost clearance, eventually got separated. Granted this was army
I'm fast asleep with a firm grip on my gun.
Sorry about the mess, Sgt.
do you guys actually keep guns in the barracks? I only have 3 pistols and was debating if I should give them to my dad until I finish my contract rather then keep them in the armory
WHY THE FUCK IS HIS SLEEVES UNDONE!? IS THAT THE PROPER WAY TO WEAR YOUR PC?!
Thats gay as fuck
At my squid barracks on Pendelton the guy on duty (usually an E4 or E5) would just do it. Hell half the time he just gave us the key and wed bring it back
They inspect your dorms?
After getting fucked with relentlessly on field day (NCO fuckery until 0230, pt at 330) my roommates and I decided we had enough, so we framed a picture of Chesty Puller above our sparkling shitter and I kid you not, we didn't have a single field day inspection after. I truly believe Chesty watches over Marines after that.
guns in barracks
The U.S. expect you to protect its freedom, you're all to dumb to keep guns in barracks.
My girl always bitches that I leave knives and guns out in the open in our room with our kid around.
Absolutely every private would have dozens of guns if they were allowed and then they would get drunk and shoot holes in the floor because they are retarded
Grandmothers timbs, are you a negro?
my nana wears timbs too
Cause guns fucking rock that's why. I was always too chicken to do it, but I would hide my spice inside my dirty socks in the laundry bag. Works every time.
If they are enlisted, yes. Enlisted are children and are treated as such.
dog officers don't live in the barracks, they get automatic BAH and if they lived anywhere it would be around other officers,barracks can be fun as fuck though desu, it's just the room inspections and easier to get called for working parties that sucks but some goon ass shit is always going on
Based Morning Star. Can't learn that fire is hot until you burn yourself on it.
It's people like you that we have a 6 pack limit, jackass.
Glad I went guard everyone says they hate active
based and satanic
there's a nigger in the 32nd BDE
You woke me up. Start pushing.
lmao bunch of slackjawed faggots in this thread. bought a revolver my first week at my duty station, when I got my gear issued I wrapped it in a towel and stuck it in IOTV plate pouch. at one point I had 3 handguns in my room for a year till i moved out. shit's easy peasy if you're somewhat likable and responsible
yes. i thought everyone knew military room inspections were a thing.
they also inspect your uniforms from time to time, user.
if a PFC comes to inspect my room, hes going to have a bad time
first room inspection as an E2:
bare walls, everything put away in drawers or hung up, TA-50 organized and locked in the closet
PSG: guy your room looks like a prison cell, get some posters or something
room inspections as an E4:
figurines, body pillows, and wall scrolls everywhere
one daki in mopp 4
other daki wearing my iotv and ach
1SG enters, audibly WTFs, does an about face, and exits
I wish I saved the pictures I took, it was glorious.
Circa 2016, Ft Riley barracks
cover one wall in paper
attach about 30 headshots of attractive women.
half if them are x'd out in red.
got room inspected while at work.
note on my bed says "see 1st Sergeant asap".
Sir, I'm shopping for a mail order bride, those were the candidates.
They doubt me but can't prove I'm murdering women.
On account of the digits, I should point out they were all white women.
working nights, know I'll be inspected while I'm sleeping.
NCOs enter my room
sleeping face down
wearing wetsuit and full scuba gear
UVB-76 playing on bedside stereo
They looked at my room and backed out slowly.
I've got a bunch of these
barracks can be fun as fuck though desu
Being around dumb niggers isn't fun. If it was fun, corrections officers would do their jobs for free.
it can be when you feel like you're a part of the dumb niggers
like obviously room inspections, police calls, godawful room conditions, not being "allowed" to cook in the rooms, and all the dumb shit but it is pretty nice being in a building with all your friends and some alcohol for good measure
besides there's not too many places you can work where I can wake up like 5-10 minutes before work and just be there
My room overlooked the parking lot for two dorms and the mess hall.
filled out a range card and placed it in my window. Including PSL in the weapon slot.
"Sir, I had a hard time grasping the written material on that topic and needed some additional practice."
"unlock your wall locker user."
"not without a search authorization sir."
wait four hours for search authorization
wall locker has clothes in it.
Including multiple foreign uniforms.
post yfw you get selected for a random inspection at the gate
The state had just passed a very restrictive abortion law.
salvation army was selling a medical bed with stirrups for $40.
bought that shit up.
Placed it in my room with some tarps, had field surgical kit laid out on my desk with some abortion/adoption pamphlets I grabbed from a clinic.
as the NCOs came down the hall I walked past them wearing medical scribes.
They immediately headed to my room
as I drove away I could see two of them looking out the window at me.
horrified and angry, unsure if they should believe what they see.
note they left on my bed merely states, "remove excess furniture"
There are bachelors officer's quarters but they aren't anything like the barracks you dumbfuck.
And honestly if you stay in them you're retarded because you get automatic BAH which you can save money on while living in nicer housing.
t. Drunk officer
My technique at Fort Stewart in the late 80s early 90s was mop the tile floor with straight uncut bleach. The inspector couldn’t see or breathe to inspect anything, but the floor was verifiably sterile.
i hope my room is above standard, sir.
Bumping for shenanigans
I'd live there. I've been blessed with the ability to sleep ANYWHERE and any time at my own command. Meanwhile my faggot brother can't even sleep in a different bed.
so whats the processes for that like, do I apply for it? Im curious what my living arrangements and pay will be like
I can't believe it, and don't, but I do. "it was real in my mind"
If you think I'm opening the fucking door at 2am for any motherfucker in my chain of command you are higher than giraffe pussy
Can confirm. Got locked out with my girlfriend I was hiding in my dorm room at tech school which is a lot stricter. Base never knew we lived together and I got locked out and she doesn't have a car. I was on some weird shit program with a curfew because of aircrew sleep schedules and I was locked out, with a chick, way past curfew. Try to wake my dorm mate but this kid went to sleep listening to music and my pounding isn't working, or it is working, because I get a noise complaint from a room across from me for knocking so loud. Also having a chick on base in tech school, a civilian, was probably gonna get me kicked out. The CQ desk guy comes up (same rank as me) and sees this chick with me and I explain I got locked out. The dude was decently cool about it except he demanded 341's (dumb fucking discipline forms) from both of us, because I think he assumed she was an airman. Smooth girl says I didn't bring them let me go to my room (she was gonna run I found out) but the CQ guy said it was cool to hand them in tomorrow to him. He never saw her again, but she and I keep in touch. Sorry if incoherent i'm high.
Alright Jow Forums, let's settle this: which base has the best strip club nearby?
Only faggots who can't get a women go to strip clubs.
That's a pfc... and that's probably why you're in the guard.
In my bed right now about to miss my 7th week of pt in a row.
If you ain't cheating you ain't trying.
Fuck off bro, I'm doing my job.
Roger sergeant, you'll have to talk to my team chief.
get back from afghanistan
wanna buy a gat
get a 1911, oh shit where do i put it?
if you keep it in the company arms room you have to bug the basically-a-pogue armorer to open it for you
steal barracks key while on CQ
i can now open any lock in the barracks
there's some sort of ceiling space access compartment in my closet's roof
play with the 1911 too often to keep it up there, instead keep it in my computer case
keep ~500 rounds of .45 hidden up in the ceiling of my barracks room
nobody ever finds shit after 5 room inspections, one of which was targeted after some shitbag told on me
felt good man. i'd just get off work, go back to my barracks and drive off post to this rock quarry where everyone used to shoot their privately owned weapons.
Fuck off bro, I'm doing my job.
ooooooooooh boy you would have had a real fucking bad day at my unit. if you're some cherry PFC and you disrespect an E-4 with a CIB you're gonna be eating shit for a long ass time.
also a buddy of mine rescued a kitten once and kept it in his barracks room. with help he kept the thing for two fucking months somehow.
You can always fuck off back to plebbit, cunt
Give it a year, maybe you'll be able to get community service points for supporting single mothers.
very based and exceedingly redpilled
I hope it wasn't loaded
Hey neverserved. That's specialist rank upside down. Get fucked idiot.
PERFORMING ROOM INSPECTION
LICK MY INDEX FINGER REALLY GOOD
RUN IT ALONG THE FLOOR UNDERNEATH THE BUNK
TFW I SPOT DUST
LICK MY INDEX FINGER REALLY GOOD
I'm sure you wish you were licking something else
gonna be licking your gfs coochie while your weekend is revoked pvt faggot
Get your eyes checked, nasty girl. Look closer.
look closer at these nuts cocktard
Fake and gay. The only believeable part is you watching fag porn and playing with anal beads.
I am truly glad these knuckle dragging mongoloids are the vanguard of my freedoms.
show her a picture of it
TFW socially disabled and slightly mentally
TFW Chief let me stay in his spare bedroom because no frens and my room was basically a prison with nothing in it.
TFW Anchors away on his 19 year old daughter
There's the problem right there. I'd never be dumb enough to join an MOS where is have to stand at parade rest for senior PFCs and shit. I love watching infantry get smoked in the field for dumb shit. Makes me enjoy my job that much more.
We could jimmy our locks with a butter knife
Oh man I lost it. Just picturing the typical snco tough guy with their hooker filipina wife that’s rode 100 GI dick before him put my sides in orbit
4am penis inspection
there was actually a shooting on base while I was there, maybe you've heard about it... Fort Hood.
a raw power move desu. good on you. going gay can be a last resort option when the cards are against ya
That's why I said "Mass shooter?" you dumb fuck, no wonder you're enlisted
Idk what kind of fucking studio apartment style dorm you got put up in but that story is bullshit.
Had this argument once with gate-guards, that I was unlawfully carrying a firearm on base. They found it doing random car searches.
Pointed it out that my rifle didn't have a firing pin in at the time of inspection, and therefore wasn't a functioning firearm, by definition. it was a technicality, and it was quasi pleasurable trolling them.
There was an active shooter that happened during my boot camp graduation. Just in time too, fuck standing at attention in your blues all day.
TFW it wasn't a meme
what happened after the two months?
Literally fake and gay
Actually 200 iq move
The framed picture of Iwata makes it way worse somehow.
Dunno if it's you but a few years ago some user posted shots of his room with anime stuff plastered everywhere and linked video of inspection party reaction.
You said it yourself, you don't Fucking know.
Had plenty of dudes in my unit hide guns in the Bs. Mostly inside these clocks made to conceal handguns. Command always was very confused why everyone had desk clocks made by the same company. Had to do with the fact that the Arms rooms were shit and you should never trust the military to store your arms.
My LT came by and inspected rooms once. My room is always spotless cause I am not a filthy slob, and I was also rarely there cause I worked retard amount of hours. I technically had a room mate, but he lived off post with a buddy so I had the whole room to myself. LT was impressed until he walked over to my work desk which had my printer, books, notes, and writings on it. I had a copy of Panzer Commander among the books and he took great offense to the swastika on the cover.
"Next time, you better not have this cover displayed when a US Army leader walks in here. I should send this up for having such material in your possession."
He says this while the desk also has Infantry Attacks, Tank Tactics, and various other military history books and shit all over it clearly showing it was for my studies.
How about you get out, unfuck those sleeves and try again, boot?
Cause guns fucking rock that's why.
I like you :-)
one time I missed an entire week and a half of work and just stayed in my room and grew a beard
the rest of the time I would just go to PT “use the bathroom” then go to Starbucks with the lads
every training event we locked the doors and slept all day
I must have worked a cumulative 5 hours my entire enlistment
Fucking NCO cucks too busy filling out their bullshit paperwork and arguing with their 3rd wives to ever even notice
inna Air Force tech school
student leader rope is a first generation Vietnamese immigrant who doesn't understand English very well
I convince him that I'm exempt from doing PT, and that he should verify me during morning accountability
only do about three PT sessions my entire four months of tech school
on one hand, I hate you both for being lazy pogs, but on the other hand, I salute you for your accomplishments in the fine art of shamming.
god I wish I could skate that hard