2 AM ROOM INSPECTION

Hopefully you kept your guns and room up to code

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Is it possible to hide two hookers in one locker, asking for a friend.

Nothing to see here

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You're here earlier than I expected.

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>guns in the barracks

Cowabunga it is!

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>2 AM
>guns in barracks
this it ain't it

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Get the fuck out nigger

Exactly I shouldn't see any guns at all
Infraction

Oh shit, story time!
>be me
>fresh babbyfaced Chair Force warrior one week into my first duty station
>everyone who lives in the dorms is supposed to register their personal funs and keep them locked up in the base armory
>SHALL.jpg
>like any dimwitted A1C would do, I solved this issue by shaking my head when the First Sergant asked if I had any guns, then promptly stuffed my sizeable collection underneath my bed frame
>one night after work I began my weekly ritual of cleaning all my funs when I remembered I got a package in the mail
>the second I walked outside and heard the door click shut I realized I left my key card inside
>also didn't put any pants on, was shirtless in a bathrobe
>also had to wake up early in the morning to drive some broke dick into town to get his wisdom teeth pulled
>as I lived on the second floor, B&E was not a realistic option
>SHIT.gif
>start to panic, as this is an article 15 worthy happening and I don't know anyone on base that could help me out
>also left my phone, car keys, and wallet inside, making me tonight's big loser
>FUCK.pdf

(continued)

>eventually some other dorm rat walks by and tells me to call Security Forces, who has an emergency master key
>fuck it, I got a plan
>the Sergeant working the desk tells me that in order to get the master key, I need to report in person with my supervisor
>I start to panic and explain that I just got here and don't even know who my supervisor is, let alone where he lives
>the desk sergeant decides to be a bro and hook a player up
>I breathe a sigh of relief, only to panic again when I realize that my tens of guns would be in full view of anyone who opened my door
>eventually a patrol unit comes along and I meet a very relaxed SrA who goes to open the door for me
>WAIT.ppt
>I was in there watching porn, and I'm embarrassed of what you're gonna see in there. Can I do this, please?
>the SrA laughs and explains that this happens all the time, and asks me what porn I was watching
>the situation was critical, so I said the first thing that came to mind
>uh... gay porn. I was also playing with some beads, so it's a little messy inside
>the SrA's face turns white and he immediately looks away, handing me the card
>says something to the effect of "yeah bro, here you go. I'll be over here, just toss it over..."
>promptly crack the door open and slip in unnoticed, thanking him for his discretion
>until I PCS'd all the cops would whisper to themselves and point fingers whenever they saw me
>a small price to pay for not getting my shit pushed in on my first week

You’re lying

This is bullshit, but I believe it.

>have to report w/ supervisor if you get locked out
what the fuck? the air force really is gay as all hell with their lifestyle.
in the marines either duty has the master key or they just call the pissed off snco on duty who does. the fuckfuck comes after but at least you get in your room reliably.
gj dodging bullet though i hope your story is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. you coulda got real fucked and gay porn would be the last thing on your mind

i do shift work, do not disturb. im suposed to have full sleep before i go on duty

Really you are going to fucking inspect my hobo-fuck-shack trailer room you stuck me in this 9000% humidity for-fucking-saken desert in? Here fucking rub this white and black zebra shit mold that will give me cancer you fuck wit, and get your crayon eating army CE fuckwits to fix shit without using multi-tens-of-thousands of dollars equipment that I have to use as "weights" causing them to be cemented to fucking wood you chuckle fucks.

LET ME FUCKING SLEEP

I got a week of extra duty for having six Uzi mags unloaded in my barracks room. Kept a Glock in there whenever I actually slept there, but would just shove it in my waistband for inspections.

>full sleep

HAHAHAHAHAHA user never did "12+4s" while having to share living space with fucking nonner's

im not a fucking squid, that's why.

Swear on my grandmother's timbs this really happened. I still haven't told anyone IRL about it, but I still kept them all there under my bed until I moved out.
I would always leave something else in my room slightly fucked up to avoid drawing the first sergant to my bed during room inspections.

The only other time I was in danger of getting caught was when some retard who lived next to me set off the fire alarm by vaping in his room and the firefighters started going through all our rooms trying to find a cause because the little shit tried to say it wasn't him. I had a glawk in a backpack stashed in the corner.

Dead or alive?

schrodinger's hooker
just don't open the door

...well if they're dead then: you can make them fit.
The best move, as you describe, is to stuff them in there while theyre still technically alive.
Schrodinger, as we all know, was a philandering, svengali, hooker super predator. And that's how he developed his theorem actually

The math says that you can get 3.5 hookers into a locker, but you'll need a wood chipper

must be some pog bitch or post 13 shit. I "forgot" my key several time and whoever was the physically broken QC bitch of the week would just let us drunken assholes in our room. They'd take our ID just to make sure we weren't pointing to the wrong door out of stupidity or drunk shenanigans and watch us flop on our bed.

Best time was my class using the ditch infront of sarc park because we were too drunk and passing a carton of marlboro blacks and bacardi around between us hammered at 2am. Fucking Secfo shows up and asks us if we are okay and this one guy noticing he's an E-2 yells at him "He's an airman, he doesn't know shit" I yelled at him that "So are you and you know less", He apologized telling the dude he loved him. He let us go if we promised to save him a drink for next time.

Fucking Secfo guy shows up next weekend off shift and we handed him and the SSgt he was with handle of knob. Fucking guys covered our asses for the entire time, including how we stole another guys Dodge Stealth and pushed it across base. We tought it would be funny.

/endrantstorytimewhateverthefuck.

Mmm good old fashioned hooker soup.

neither am I you should know that by the lingo fuckface.

well excuuuuuuuuse me. im a retard and for some reason skimmed your shit and interpreted living space as rack and went to "hot racking", ignoring the fact that you said nonner

>Cowabunga it is!
I've been on Jow Forums since 2009-ish. And thats honestly the fucking best meme of the last years. Always makes me chuckle

>Staff Sergant gives me shit for having trash in my bin
>get invited to his house for the holidays
>absolutely fucking trashed with pizza boxes and dip bottles everywhere
>Filipina wife is screaming incoherently in Tagalog every time he asks her to do something
>shouting match intensifies as all of us boots sneak out to drink mad dog 40/40 behind the gym

NCOs need to be gassed man...

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We don’t have some random faggot on CQ duty at our living areas outside of tech school. What’s CQ going to do in case of active shooters? Call SF like anyone else with a phone could?

Gotta fit them in there like shoes in a shoe box

>And thats honestly the fucking best meme of the last years.
Probably becasue it's the most honest one. People are getting fed the fuck up with Feds.

Think it's unit dependent. Army infantry fag here, had same rules. Never could figure out why though

...thats my GF
For ISRAEL !

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I hope I'm up to standards, sir.

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Yeah, I'm a huge WW2 buff

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:)

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Its time for the pills :3

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>you'll never be manhandled by your man handle

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>Its time for the pills :3
LOST

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test

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Whys everyone sayin

>no guns in the bricks

Yeah fuckin right, let the duty come through that door

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dude...

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Quick question what was the reason for keeping your own firearm in your room? Mass shooter? Were break-ins common?

Devil.... You are forgetting that nobody here has actually served. Nobody here knows the 53 life. Or the 53 heater

Killer Kilo*

1. Why is his rank upside down
2. Why is this retarded specialist inspecting my room at 2 am?
3. Why am I active duty instead of being in the guard?

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GODAMIT
It's people like you that would fuck up my 4days by doing stupid shit like this.
Leave that shit at a buddies house and save yourself the future clusterfuck of getting caught.

>1. Why is his rank upside down
Hes the nigger anti-christ

You don’t know shit about barracks life, boot.

Nigga’s got a type 14 in his toes
Ban Fuckin Sai

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Why the fuck are you in your barracks room posting on here? Get to the common area and have your SL kick hip pocket classes. Next time when I come around the bricks and your blinds aren't open I am putting you on duty.

t. SSgt

Marine Corps OOD's are armed.

>t. Boot ass bitch

Get outta here, neverserved cunt

True and extremely gay

Fuck that’s trashy

>not scaling three stories to get in your window
>not scaling three stories while the OOD who has the master key walks by
I'm not letting these fucks call top in the morning.

First, you're a fucking idiot.
Second, you're a fucking genius.
Never underestimate how uncomfortable someone can get with sex/porn/jackoff related stuff.

>be me
>have liquor in room
>not allowed to have hard liquor in barracks regardless of age
>had it locked in walllocker in a duffel bag
BANG BANG BANG, OPEN UP.
HEALTH AND COMFORT INSPECTION
>Motor T SSgt that just wants to go to the gym comes in
>Checks everything quickly and half assed
>Asks me to open walllocker
Uh, SSgt, I have a freshly used pocket pussy in there. I didn't have time to clean it...
>He laughs and leaves

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>not remaining silent when someone knocks on your door so they think you're out
>not having a network of shammers of all ranks to back you up when you claim you're on a "detail" or at "dental"
>not dodging formations, layouts, and inspections like the plague
never gonna make it

can confirm that the marines do this at camp lejeune in french creek.
Thats probably one of the reasons why gear is stolen all the fucking time.

youtube.com/watch?v=LzVjuQj8Bsg

Lmao try Helmand 2010 bootfuck

since Im going to commission, I should plan on having my own housing right? I was thinking about living in the barracks for a year just for the experience and to save money, but now after hearing some stories im not so sure.
How do I even apply for my own housing?

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Anyone ever get hammered in the armory?

>Corporal, Staff Sergeant said he wanted the platoon outside in formation right now
>I don’t know dude he sounded really pissed

It’s after you’ve been secured Anons, wat do?

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I pre-gamed a change of command ceremony and got so drunk that I couldn't stand at attention and fell face first on the gravel.
Broke my nose but my boy was one of the medics that was on station, he just told my boss that I had a heat stroke.
So I got to sit in the shade with a sweet, sweet saline drip and also got a no PT profile out of it too because I said it was too uncomortable to do push ups with the cast on my nose
10/10 would malinger again

>living in barracks
[laughs in BAH]

My 2.5 year old niece walked off with one of my guns and I have no clue where she put it. She doesn't really know what a gun is so when I ask her were she put it she doesn't know what I'm asking her for.

The Hilton at Horno?

to be honest you could probably get a bum to come clean it out, in exchange he gets to keep all the cans

My base had an automated kiosk that would produce a temporary backup key card if you got locked out during off hours.

Not only was I in the Navy but I got medsepped, so fuck off and get out of here Private Schmuckatelli.

I remember this

Listen here Specialist Bucket lip, unfuck your rank, uncuff your sleeves and get the fuck back to your barracks before this SSG decides to reinstitute wall to wall counseling. I'm trying to fuck my Platoon Sergeant's wife right now.

Sir, reporting for inspection, sir!

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>Specialist
That's not a specialist

I don't take orders from niggers.

Jesus. how often does this happen

lmao

thats a little beyond article 15 material, only time i ever saw someone get busted for unregistered funs he went from E4 to E1, lost clearance, eventually got separated. Granted this was army

>2AM
I'm fast asleep with a firm grip on my gun.

Sorry about the mess, Sgt.

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do you guys actually keep guns in the barracks? I only have 3 pistols and was debating if I should give them to my dad until I finish my contract rather then keep them in the armory

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WHY THE FUCK IS HIS SLEEVES UNDONE!? IS THAT THE PROPER WAY TO WEAR YOUR PC?!

Thats gay as fuck
At my squid barracks on Pendelton the guy on duty (usually an E4 or E5) would just do it. Hell half the time he just gave us the key and wed bring it back

They inspect your dorms?

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After getting fucked with relentlessly on field day (NCO fuckery until 0230, pt at 330) my roommates and I decided we had enough, so we framed a picture of Chesty Puller above our sparkling shitter and I kid you not, we didn't have a single field day inspection after. I truly believe Chesty watches over Marines after that.

>guns in barracks
The U.S. expect you to protect its freedom, you're all to dumb to keep guns in barracks.

My girl always bitches that I leave knives and guns out in the open in our room with our kid around.

Absolutely every private would have dozens of guns if they were allowed and then they would get drunk and shoot holes in the floor because they are retarded

Grandmothers timbs, are you a negro?
>my nana wears timbs too

Cause guns fucking rock that's why. I was always too chicken to do it, but I would hide my spice inside my dirty socks in the laundry bag. Works every time.

If they are enlisted, yes. Enlisted are children and are treated as such.

dog officers don't live in the barracks, they get automatic BAH and if they lived anywhere it would be around other officers,barracks can be fun as fuck though desu, it's just the room inspections and easier to get called for working parties that sucks but some goon ass shit is always going on