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Someone mentioned how long Neumagh would be of expanded into a standard writing format, and I have thought about doing that, I would need a few good months for it, which would get in the way of writing Neumagh itself. Maybe later this year we’ll get the Neumagh novels.

>writing a Neumagh novel would take all the time out of writing Neumagh
>maybe later this year we will get novels
This implies that you are going to stop writing Neumagh. I’m sure this is just me overthinking, right? Right?

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>motion for Drowbro and Roland to lift him up
>they grab him by the wings
>he looks at us terrified
>”what the hell do you even fucking want from me? Why are you doing this shit?”
>get in his face
>’you fucked with the wrong harpy.’
>Derek laughs
>”you’re here because of that useless bitch? I only did what shit she deserved to get. She’s a pathetic excuse for a fucking Harpy.”
>smash the Billie club into his face again
>get really close to him
>’well, you forgot one thing.’
>Derek smiles with most off his pointy teeth being missing or broken
>”what the fuck is that?”
>’She’s MY Harpy.’
>head butt him in the bridge of his nose
>punch him in the stomach several times before he can recover
>stop punching to let him breath for a second
>only to sock him in the gut when he exhales
>he’s completely winded now as I continue slamming my fists into him
>occasionally mix it up by punching him in the face or kidneys
>get exhausted after nearly ten minutes of on and off punching
>Roland and Drowbro drop Derek onto the ground
>he’s barely breathing
>his skins already bruising
>blood has stained his once neon feathers dull
>get my shotgun
>loom over him menacingly
>point the barrel at his face
>pump it
>he cringes and closes his eyes, blood bubbling out of his mouth as he sobs
>he looks absolutely pathetic
>I go to pull the trigger
>...
>I try and pull it
>...
>I…
>damn it
>this isn’t right
>as much as I would love to...
>I can’t just execute him
>it wouldn’t feel right
>sling the shotgun
>’come on, let’s leave.’
>Drowbro looks confused
>”not going to shoot him?”
>shake my head
>’nah, it’s not worth it. Besides, it’s more embarrassing for a Harpy living with the fact that you got your shit kicked in by a slave. Gossip does spread fast around here.’
>spit onto his face as I turn away
>Drowbro and the rest quickly follow me as I begin to walk back home
>Jow Forumsube help me if I EVER see that faggy parrot again

you are forgetting something

Stop using google's reverse image search, it's utter, useless trash compared to yandex and bing and also censors many results on top of being an inferior algorithm.

Here's where that image comes from:
deviantart.com/kimplate/art/knight-on-duty-538981829

But it is Windows UAC right?

>not shooting him
you have disappointed the Jow Forumsube

found pic related in a a grove, kinda spooky

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I’m not stopping, I’d just need to find a good schedule.

Nature itself is learning...

Orc niggas, they're true, they're strong and see every threat as a challenge.
Very cool.

BLEEDIN ROIGHT WE IZ

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That'll do user

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Heed these words Harpy user. Look to the past to remember what it is you need for the future...

pull the trigger and tell us what happened

Seconded

saw something like this used by some ents on a homesteader who did not heed the locals' warnings on cutting down old-growth.

instead of gunshots I heard the sound of trees creaking, which didn't strike my attention at first (they're ents, they're always creaking) but then the fucker dropped his axe and started screaming; shortly after that he fell over and a couple saplings exploded out of his corpse.

Don't fuck with ents guys.

Just got back from deployment, boy do I have a story for y'all. Tell me, ya skinwalkers?

>"I like the colour orange."
>"Do you now? Enough to fucking breath it in?"
>"Uhhh not that much…"
>"Then shut the fuck up."
>"Wh---"
>"Everytime one of us opens out mouth to speak, we breath in more of this trash. Gas mask filter or not, I can feel the fucking tumours growing in my lungs."
>"I don---"
>"What the fuck did I just say?"
>"..."
>I fondle the handguards of my M16.
>They like to shift a little under my grip
>Kinda soothing in an odd way.
>"Tell me user, if you like the colour orange do you like dwarves as well?"
>"What happened to your whole 'no talking' rule."
>"Look… forget about it, alright? That was a stupid rule."
>"I'm not opposed to them."
>"Are you opposed enough to want to shoot them?"
>I laugh and raise my rifle.
>"Damn right I am."
>John slaps my rifle down and I can see his eyes smiling behind the gas mask.
>"I don't want our NCO to see you flag the entire column user."
>"Right…"
>I watch as more and more trucks go by.
>"How many are there anyway?"
>"Dunno… maybe it's endless and we're in purgatory."
>"Purgatory isn't orange, and it doesn't have dwarves."
>"It would have extreme amounts of mine waste in the air though."
>"It probably would."
>I lean back on the Abrams and look towards the horizon.
>At least the small black line that I think might be the horizon.
>It might actually be a mountain now that I think about it.
>"Is this really because one idiot decided to bomb their mines?"
>"Yep, and now not only are we involved, but we are breathing in their shit as well."
>"Wonderful…"
>"Is guarding a column of trucks something you saw you spending your weekend on?"
>"Not really. But… isn't this because an elf bombed the dwarf mine. Why the fuck are humans involved?"
>"Didn't you listen during briefing? The whole "truest alliance between elf and human kind must be honoured."

Attached: orange.jpg (2260x1280, 509K)

>I scoff and stretch a little further on the turret.
>"Ahh yes, our greatest ally."
>I hear a cacophony of laughter echo through John's respirator.
>"Don't let the NCO hear you."
>Man this turret is comfy.
>"Hey user?"
>"Yeah?"
>"Don't you think something should have happened by now?"
>hold up what
>"Like shouldn't we have been shot at or blown up? It's been really calm."
>He has a point.
>Let my eyes wander idly.
>See a dwarf hunched down like discount solid snake next to the tank.
>He was trying to sneak along and has a backpack with wires poking out in his hands.
>I look at the dwarf.
>The dwarf looks at me.
>Punch John in the side with my elbow.
>He looks at the dwarf.
>The dwarf looks at him.
>He looks at me.
>I look at the dwarf.
>I shrug my shoulders.
>"Could you... not?"
>The dwarf drops the backpack and slowly takes steps back
>He "runs" off.
>he waddles with his arms flailing side to side.
>I could jog faster than that lard
>Sigh and hop off the tank.
>"Come on dude, stop."
>WADDLING INTENSIFIES
>"Buddy! Just quit running. I don't wanna shoot you."
>WADDLING NOISES
>"COME ON! STOP IT!"
>Raise my rifle and aim at his legs through the aperture.
>Lower the point of aim.
>shoot to wound, shoot to wound, shoot to wound
>The shot goes high and clips him in the head.
>shit, I think I had the long range aperture up
>"I have some tylenol in my pack."
>"I don't think tylenol is going to help his headache."

>John and I check on the dwarf.
>"Is he dead?"
>"I dunno, let me check."
>John bends over
>gonna check his pulse?
>"WAKE UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
>There's an awkward silence
>"Nope, I think he might be dead."
>I'm gonna have to get a dressing down from my NCO, we're gonna have to call the bomb squad, and it's just gonna be a fucking pain.
>"What do we do with the body?"
>John looks at the body, and then at the bomb.
>"I have an idea."

>"I don't think this is a good idea."
>John drags the dwarf's body on top of the bomb.
>I look behind us to make sure we aren't too far from the highway or the firebase.
>"Come on this way we kill two birds with one stone. We get rid of the dwarf body and we get rid of the bomb. In this case we're killing a dwarf and a bomb, uhhh with the bomb."
>"Did that sound better in your head?"
>John slaps me on the back as we get behind a rock.
>"It's just like tannerite. Except with a significant increase in chemical explosives and dwarf."
>I aim my rifle, making sure to flip the long range aperture down
>The shockwave of the explosion fills my chest and the dwarf becomes a bloody mist.
>"See it worked!"
>Then the blood rain comes down.
>HOW DOES ONE DWARF HAVE THIS MUCH BLOOD?
>Then the dwarf giblets come down.
>A smoking ass cheek falls from the sky and slaps John on the helmet.
>He falls over grasping it in pain.
>"Man John, that's one hot piece of ass"
>Laugh and then get karmaed by a dwarf foot that kicks me on the helmet.
>I keel over in pain too.
>"Hey user, ain't that a kick in the head?"

>We try to sneak inside to the showers.
>We are both covered in dwarf blood and meat chunks.
>I close the door to the building.
>"The hell happened to you two?"
>OH GOD
>John and I both slowly look over to see our NCO.
>Senator Coffee.
>We call him Senator because he looks like Rand Paul
>We call him Coffee because he's always drinking coffee.
>Even during an attack on the firebase he had a tumbler with him
>"Why are you covered in so much blood John?"
>"Uhhh bloody nose?"
>"Then how is the blood outside your gas mask?"
>I step in
>"It was a really bloody nose sir."
>"Don't you two know what time it is? You were also supposed to be back from sentry duty half a fucking hour ago."
>John raises his hand.
>"I don't have my watch sir."
>"What happened to it?"
>"I… lost it…"
>"Lost it where?"
>"An elf hooker's ass."

>"HOW DID YOU LOSE IT UP AN ELF HOOKER'S ASS?"
>"It was a bet sir."
>"WHAT KIND OF BET INVOLVES SHOVING A WATCH UP A HOOKER'S ASS?"
>"The Fist of Time bet sir."
>Senator Coffee sighs and leans on the wall.
>"Is you two being half an hour late have anything to do with the sudden shower of dwarf chunks?"
>John and I make the 'oh shit' eye contact
>"I was looking outside from my office window. I saw two small idiots drag an even smaller idiot on top of a lump and then shoot the lump."
>we are in so much trouble
>"The lump then exploded and the smaller idiot began to rain from the sky, upon which a dwarf kidney hit my window before being carried off by a crow."
>John interrupts
>"How do you know what a dwarf kidney looks like sir?"
>Senator Coffee is caught off guard.
>"Shut up John."
>"Shutting up sir."
>He leads us to the armory, he hands us two shovels and a bucket.
>Then he sprays us down with a hose like we're two dogs
>"We're here to win the hearts and minds of the local populace. Seeing you two idiots blow up one of their cousins isn't going to do that. Especially when they trip over his spleen."
>"Not dwarves are related sir."
>"Yeah that's kinda racist."
>"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO CLEAN UP THE DWARF!"

>"So do we spoon the blood into the bucket as well?"
>"I don't know, because I think there's more mine waste than dwarf in the bucket right now."
>"I think we got most of it."
>"You sure?"
>"I didn't pay attention in biology class, but I'm going to say yes anyway."
>I shove my shovel into the sandy mine waste.
>I stretch back.
>Hear John whistling.
>"Don't whistle."
>"I'm not."
>We look at each other and both get what to do.
>We abandon the dwarf bucket and throw ourselves to the ground.
>A mortar round obliterates the bucket.
>It liquifies the already mulched dwarf remains.
>"Do we have to clean that up too?"
>"JOHN DID YOU SEE WHERE THE FUCK THAT CAME FROM?"
>"To the north I think?"
>I see three mortars set up with three dwarves manning each mortar.
>"ARE THEY IN RANGE OF THE FIREBASE?"
>"I think they'd rather blow us up first."
>control your breathing
>keep a good sight picture
>BANG BANG BANG
>"I got one."
>One pudgy figure drops to the ground.
>His other two buddies standing in shock.
>A couple more mortars go overhead and pulverize more mine waste.
>I shoot one in the back and watch as he falls on top of a mortar tube.
>Just as it's firing.
>Dwarves explode surprisingly well…
>The tube ruptures, the ammunition nearby cooks off, and there's now a giant red spot on a waste dune.

>We check the bucket and it's still together.
>The chad american plastic vs the virgin dwarf mortar
>I carry it with me as we check on the mortars.
>I might use it as a helmet desu
>One dwarf is still moving so John executes him with a head shot.
>"Doesn't that violate the ROEs?"
>"dOeSn'T tHaT vIolAtE tHe rOeS? What is the UN going to take a break from crying about individuals of great melanin wealth to come give a soldier out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere shit for killing a dwarf?"
>ok… touchy…

>idea
>Point to the various spiggles of dwarf in the mortar crater.
>"I don't think you can really tell it didn't all come from one dwarf."
>"Are you saying all dwarves look alike?"
>"I'm saying he won't know the difference."
>We scoop up dwarf parts and just throw them in the bucket
>"Should we demo the mortars?"
>"Naw I don't think they can shoot far enough into the firebase."

>"Ok, I'm impressed at how many parts you recovered from the dwarf."
>"Yes sir, we worked very hard."
>"There's only one issue."
>Senator Coffee plunges his hand into the bucket dwarf gilets like a Jew into a bucket of free candy on Halloween.
>"There are two kidneys in this bucket. Do I need to remind you of that one was carried off by a crow?"
>curb your enthusisasm ear rape.mp3
>"Either this dwarf had three kidneys, or you two bumbling donuts got an extra kidney."
>CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM INTENSIFIES
>Senator Coffee sips loudly from his mug and leans back in his chair.
>"So which is it?"
>John and I look at each other.
>Senator Coffee sighs and looks into the bucket.
>"I'm going to be honest I didn't actually expect you two to be so through with the dwarf cleaning. I was hoping to sneak it into the sausage meat."
>"What?"
>"You know? For the locals? But there's too much to sneak in, the mess hall is going to notice."
>He picks up the bucket and grins.
>His coffee stained teeth gleaming
>"Any of you fags ever feed a skinwalker before?"

>We're lead out to the skinwalker pit.
>Yes a skinwalker pit.
>It's a hole in the ground that we put the skinwalker in.
>The only reason it stays in is because there's a guard watching it with a .50
>where tf is he
>The skinwalker has that weird cow skull with beady blue dots for eyes.
>They hang in the void of the eye sockets.
>Senator Coffee throws a dwarf kidney into the pit.
>The thing devours it in one bite.
>"See now the dwarf had the APPROPRIATE amount of kidneys and no one is any the wiser."
>ALARM.EXE

>"Alright, no time."
>He dumps the entire bucket in and looks around
>Mortars begin to drop on the base.
>oh… we probably should have demoed them… when we had the chance.
>"Hey, so Rameriz and Douglas are probably in the shitter right now buttfucking so you should get on the .50."
>He points to the .50 on the corner of the base in a watch tower.
>"DIBS!"
>"user I WANT TO SHOOT THE .50!"
>I get to it first and check the feed tray.
>oh yeah it's all coming together.kronk
>Realize the watchtower is just an elevated .50 on a tripod
>Meaning I am more exposed than a gay man's sex life.
>A shot whizes over my head
>Fire off a burst from the .50
>It's orgasmic
>I watch as a dwarf catches an entire burst with his chest.
>The tracer goes through him and off into the distance
>"user!"
>"WHAT?"
>"The attacks been over for 5 minutes now."
>Look back to see John sitting with his rifle and Rameriz giving me the stink eye.
>"Get the fuck off my .50 user."
>"Sorry…"

>"Hey John? Where's the skinwalker?"
>The skinwalker pit is torn open.
>Douglas runs out from the portapotty
>"I'M BACK WHAT DID I MIS--- SHIT!"
>He looks over at us in pure terror.
>"Did it get out while w--- I was in the bathroom?"
>"Were you supposed to be on the .50?"
>"Yes…"
>John whispers to me
>"there's only one porta potty, how did both Rameriz and Douglas use it at the same time."
>"They were playing hide the .50 casing."
>"I can hear you guys."
>"And I can see the distinct lack of a skinwalker."
>"SWEET MOTHER MARY, JESUS, AND JOSEPH!"
>that would be Senator Coffee.
>"THE SKINWALKER IS GONE?"
>His mug is shaking as he takes a sip
>My eyes follow the trail of blood to see the skinwalker tore a hole in the wall.
>"user? John?"
>"Yes sir?"
>"Find the skinwalker and bring it back."
>"WHAT?"
>He hands us two NVGs
>"Good luck."
>"WHY US?"
>He grabs us both by the neck.
>"We have an elf diplomat from the alliance coming to visit, I don't want the skinwalker fucking about in the woods."

So instead of dakka it was... crakka

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Me likey

I usually ignore these threads because this isn't my thing. But God damn user, I wish I could write like you. Please keep going, you're a talented little fucker.

AK FUCK HEAD

Since it's been a while, here's the link to the discord. discord.gg/FeKhu5

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Obligatory big thank

>"user do you like the colour green?"
>"Not enough to make it the only fucking colour I see"
>"Do we just follow the blood trail?"
>"I guess."
>"Do you think the other half of that guy's body will be with it?"
>"Not in the mood to answer questions John."
>The blood trail stops in front of a bush
>"Well shi--- shusshhhh!"
>"Wha--?"
>I suddenly feel nothing but despair.
>It's radiating from the bush
>John noticed it first.
>We both look at each other in pant shitting terror.
>John points and then walks into the bush.
>I try to protest but my throat is closed from fear.
>He nods as he disappears
>"AGGGHHHH!"
>There's sounds of violence on the other side.
>I'm too petrified to go check.
>"AGGGH GOD I'M STILL OK BU--"
>violence.noises
>John comes out of the bush putting his belt back on.
>"Wew lad. I'm back."
>"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?"
>"Found the skinwalker."
>"That doesn't expla---"
>The skinwalker rises out of the bush
>It sheepishly follows John and clings to him.
>It's not even in it's animal form.
>It's just a black haired girl with antlers.
>Very pale too.
>is this a trap? Do skinwalkers have genders?

>We go to sleep and wake up to find the thing is gone
>John persuaded me that it was fine to let the skinwalker hug him as he slept.
>"If I don't tell her I like her, she'll eat me."
>"SHE?"
>"I think it's a she? Maybe it's a he? It looks like a girl."
>"That's called a trap John."
>"you're called a little bitch so fuck off."
>we have to find it again.
>we hear the screams of people being eaten.
>We ran over to see a Humvee torn open
>skinwalker is eating an elf.
>"Shubby! Put him down!"
>"SHUBBY?"
>"Yeah, Shubby."
>"IT'S NOT A PET DON'T NAME IT!"
>"Shubby" obeys John and drops the elf.
>He's still alive and convulsing.
>John pats "Shubby" on the head
>I carry the elf on my back
>He dies before we get home
>Senator Coffee is not going to be very happy.
>I think this was the elf diplomat.

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>Senator Coffee was happy to see us.
>Even happier to see Shubby the Skinwalker
>He was not happy to see the dead elf
>Even less happy to see the dead elf's face
>"WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAVE HIM OUT THERE!"
>He instructs us to dump the elf in the dwarf bucket.
>We get lead into his office.
>He pours us both some coffee.

>"God damn sir, this is some serious gourmet shit. John and I would have been satisfied with some instant stuff."
>"Knock it off user. I don't need you to tell me how good my coffee is. I'm the one who buys it, I know how good it is. The coffee is the MREs is shit. When I drink it. I want to taste it."
>He slams the mug on the desk.
>"But you know what isn't on my mind right now? It ain't the coffee in my mug. It's the dead knife ear, in my office."
>"Oh sir… don't even worry about i--"
>"No, I don't think about anything, I wanna ask you a question when you came pulling in here did you notice the sign on the front of the firebase that said dead knife ear storage?"
>"You know I didn't see no si--"
>"DID YOU NOTICE A SIGN IN THE FRONT OF THE FIREBASE THAT SAID DEAD KNIFE EAR STORAGE?"
>"No… I didn't."
>"You know why you didn't see that sign? CUZ IT AIN'T THERE BECAUSE STORING DEAD KNIFE EARS AIN'T MY FUCKIN BUSINESS THAT'S WHY!"
>"Sir we're not gonna stor---"
>"NO NO NO NO NO! Don't you fucking realize man that when the Commander comes back and finds a dead knife ear in my office I'm gonna get court martialed. Alright no honourable discharge no demotion. I'm gonna get fuckin court martialed. I DON'T WANT TO GET FUCKING COURT MARTIALED."
>"Si--"
>"DON'T FUCKING SIR ME user! OKAY? THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY THAT'LL MAKE ME FORGET THE DEAD KNIFE EAR!"
>Senator Coffee kicks over the bucket.
>The elf's ass is stuck in there so it just tips over.
>"The Commander is expecting the diplomat in about an hour and a half. You gotta make some phone calls? You gotta call some people? Then get the knife ear out of my fucking office before he gets here."

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>We drag the dead elf bucket out of his office.
>"What the fuck do we do with this?"
>"John, I have a solution."
>"What?"
>"We feed it to Shubby."
>"Holy shit that's perfect."
>"It's the perfect solution, the best solution, the only solution, and dare I say it?"
>Stand triumphantly
>"THE FINAL SOLUTION"

>We drag the elf bucket to the side of Shubby's pit.
>We casually chop up the elf with a bayonet knife.
>It is much harder than you think
>We get covered in blood that mixes with the sandy orange mine waste.
>more of a shitty paste really
>The sounds of bone cracking and slicing gets the attention of the sentries and passerbys.
>One very tall one looks for a tiny bit too long.
>I flip him the bird and go back to work.
>"How about some music user?"
>Sure.
>John gets out his phone and plays Country Roads.
>country roads CRACK take me SNAP home!
>to the CRUNCH place I beeelonng! West SCRUNCH Virginia!
>this is oddly therapeutic…
>John and I get the rib cage to detach from the skeleton by smashing it against the ground.
>We take turns and hold it by the spine.
>radio reminds me BAM of my BOOM home far away THWACK
>Dump the elf into Shubby's pit.
>She smiles and devours him.
>I get splattered with blood.
>nice
>"You know user, she's kinda cute."
>Shubby is back to """her""" regular form of eldritch horror.
>I don't get the cute part

>The next evening is peaceful.
>John feeds a bit of his MRE to Shubby.
>why tho
>It likes anything sweet and anything with meat.
>He's feeding it like it's a pet.
>There's some noise at the front gate.
>ANGRY DWARF SOUNDS
>oh christ what now?
>The wind has picked up so today is extra orange and shitty.
>The dwarves are in a crowd and angrily yelling at the guards.
>Senator Coffee gets a megaphone out and sets his coffee on the ground
>"Please disperse, or there will be consequences."
>Someone throws a rock and it knocks his coffee over.
>I can see the rage through his gas mask filters.
>"CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME"

>He shatters the megaphone on the ground.
>"So do we shoot them now sir?"
>"NO PRIVATE! The Commander said we can't use lethal force."
>idea
>"If we can't use lethal force, what if something else can?"
>Lead Shubby out of the pit with a pack of twinkies
>John entertains Shubby with a bunch of jalapeno cheese spread from his MRE.
>I load my M16 with a blank.
>On top of the flash hider goes a funnel and some duct tape.
>Shubby has just finished licking the jalapeno cheese off its face.
>John leaves back down to the firebase.
>I don't like how long and green its tongue is.
>I get its attention with the twinkies.
>The blue packaging contrasts great with the orange mine waste clouds.
>It goes into the funnel and is launched over the walls
>YOU WANT IT GO GET IT.johnmulaney
>One fat dwarf (they're all fat) with a neckbeard (they all have them) catches it.
>Shubby clambers over the wall
>Like an angry, eldritch locomotive.
>The crowd disperses
>MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
>Senator Coffee is so pleased with our work he's talking with the Commander
>Who is very tall.
>Who looks a lot like the guy I flipped the bird while cutting elf steaks.
>huh
>curb your enthusasium.mp3
>Senator Coffee motions for us to come closer.
>I stand behind John.
>"These two are responsible for dispersing that crowd."
>"They both seem like good soldiers."
>"They are, Commander."
>"Good, with that taken care of I'm off to find that little shit bag that flipped me off."
>Breath a sigh of relief
>John turns to me
>"user?"
>"What?"
>"Where's Shubby?"
>"Shubby is out there, I lured it with a pack of twinkies."
>"You were supposed to bring her back."
>"Dude I'm gonna."
>"Oh really?"
>"Yes!"
>"So go get Shubby."
>"Ok, I will."
>Walk out and realize Shubby isn't at the gate anymore.
>"I see the problem."
>"OH DO YA?"

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thirded

This is some grade A gourmet shit user. How is shubby doing now? New caretaker?

Not necessarily. You'll see.

>Senator Coffee pipes up
>"Who's Shubby?"
>"Uh… our dog?"
>Senator Coffee grabs us both by the collars again
>"I have a hard time believing that."
>He looks us both in the eyes
>"Did you name that disgusting monstrosity?"
>"Don't mean to Shubby."
>"JESUS CHRIST PRIVATE DID YOU NAME IT?"
>He shoves us both to the ground.
>"Night fall is coming. I expect… Shubby… back here by sunrise."
>He throws the tumbler at John's head before leaving
>"We need to get a collar with a bell on it."
>Where the fuck do we even start?
>Before we leave we convince the armorer to fashion us a collar with a bell on it.
>We also have to convince him, "no we are not butt buddies like Douglas and Ramirez".
>how does he know how to make one already?
>I carry the thing in my pack.
>John carries a bunch of MREs, skittles, meats, and twinkies in his pack.
>We leave just as the sun goes down.
>"Where do you think she could be?"
>"I don't know."
>See a surprisingly large patch of blood near the gate.
>"I think it may have a taste for dwarf blood."
>We sprint off in the direction of the village.
>I can see the mines burning in the distance.
>Jesus all those fumes and waste.
>The town is empty
>what
>"hello?"
>"YOU! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
>A gross NEET dwarf pokes his head out his window.
>"IT'LL FUCKING HEAR YOU!"
>"Then why are you yelling?"
>He frowns and shuts the window.
>I think they met Shubby.
>"Shubby?"
>"HEY BITCH SHUT UP!"
>Fire a shot at the voice.
>I hear a window shut and small yell.
>"user?"
>"Let's find the fucking skinwalker I want to go home."
>"I want to go home and see my girlfriend"
>"I do too."
>John frowns
>"T-T-The home p-part… n-not the seeing your girlfriend part."
>tooo the plaaace I beeelong
>what the fuck?
>Is that Country Roads?

Attached: countryroadsbitch.png (640x775, 211K)

>"HOME!"
>"user what th---"
>TOOOOOO THE PLAAAACEEEE I BEEEELOOOONNNGGGG
>I run towards the music.
>"HOME!"
>country roads.wav
>It's coming from a butcher's shop
>The place is trashed
>I hear angry banging inside.
>"ALMOST HEAVEN!"
>Weeest Viirgginnaaaaaaaa
>"SHUBBY!"
>A small pale head pokes out of the ruined shop
>Shubby is back to its "trap" form
>I climb over the rubble to find it trying to break open the display case.
>It points at the meat inside.
>Gypsy Salami.
>what?
>"Do you want that?"
>Shubby nods
>I notice it still has those same hovering blue pupils over the abyss of its eyes.
>not gonna be sleeping tonight
>Take the butt of my rifle and break the glass
>Shubby fucking devours the salami.
>It sits back disappointed.
>"What? Did you think it would actually be made of Gyspy?"
>It blushes.
>sigh
>Put the collar with the bell on Shubby
>Shubby does not like this
>It starts to claw at it
>John bribes it with some skittles.
>we are never using the fucking skinwalker again for anything ever
>We lead it out to come face to face with a dwarf mob
>"I knew them humans were beeehiend theese!
>"Oiii! that there thing trashed my store!"
>"it called me gay!"
>"IT POISONED OUR WATER SUPPLY, BURNED OUR CROPS, AND DELIVERED A PLAGUE UNTO OUR HOUSES!"
>"IT DID?"
>"Noooo! But are we just gonna wait around until it do---"
>Fire my rifle into the air.
>"Shubby, play Country Roads."
>"user what do you mean play Country Roads?"
>COUNTRY ROADS.MP3
>Shubby opens its mouth and out comes John Denver
>The crowd parts in shock.
>We fucking hightail it back to base.

>It plays on loop for the entire walk…
>I can close Shubby's mouth by force but that just muffles it.
>I asked Shubby to stop but it won't.
>When we get back Senator Coffee is waiting for us.
>"What the fuck is that?"
>"It's Shubby."
>"No, I mean the music."
>"I asked it to play Country Roads and now it won't stop."
>"WE HAVE THE MOST ADVANCED AND HIGHLY EVOLVED SUPERNATURAL KILLING MACHINE EVER, AND YOU ARE USING IT TO PLAY MUSIC?"
>"... yes?"
>"How have you two not been a problem up until now?"
>Shubby continues to play Country Roads for the entire night.
>I can hear it in the barracks…
>I wake up the next morning and it's quiet.
>oh thank christ.
>John probably went to take a piss
>Today there's no mine waste storm
>It isn't orange for once.
>Look out
>OH FOR FUCKS SAKE SHUBBY IS GONE!
>sprint out of bed
>ignore the gas mask
>Run out and look at the pit
>yep empty
>Run back to the barracks for my gun.
>Bump into Rameriz, he has his gas mask on.
>He's wearing a collar with a bell for some reason.
>"SHUBBY?"
>It looks side to side worried.
>"Oh christ did you eat Rameriz?"
>Its eyes widen
>"Ok, no problem. We can just say he got killed by some dwarves. But you, have to go BACK IN THE PIT!"
>Push Shubby back in the skinwalker pit.
>Douglas comes out and leans on the .50 before looking down at Shubby
>"Why is Rameriz in the pit?"
>"That's the skinwalker."
>"No… it's actually me. Rameriz."
>"Then what's with the collar?"
>"I… uhhh… was going back to change…"
>John comes out with Shubby, leading it by a piece of meat.
>It's fucking purring.
>"Hey… uhhh… you guys turning the skinwalker pit into a sex pit?"
>"No user just shoved me in here."
>"Are you coming out?"
>Rameriz looks at John for a little too long.
>"What happens if I say yes?"
>"Then you are no longer in the pit?"
>Rameriz sighs in relief.
>He climbs out, punches me in the jaw, and walks off.
>"user what the fuck was that about?"

damn man, you're really cranking em out.

play strong all you want but i'll find it funny when you get a 45-70 size hole in your forehead green nigger

Sounds /tg/ to me, don't know why this is on Jow Forums

sorry for missing the last thread, i had to a lot of work and also i'm lazy and used my free time to do nothing
pastebin.com/8uhe78JC
>“so chief what are your plans for today?, you landing or just passing by?”
>“I’m landing, over”
>“yeah imma need you to hold back for a few, we kinda busy right now so circle around, also, we don’t got regulations yet so you don’t need to worry about pilot lingo or whatever, ok?”
>…ok
>what a weird place this is
>and I’ve only flown over it
>but from here it seems like this city is in quite a good shape
>lots of buildings that seem advanced compared to the rest of the cities I’ve been
>can’t be completely sure though
>looking back down to the airport I can see a small plane at the end of a runway
>it’s about to take off
>THAT’S why I’m still circling up here?
>dude there are another two runways I can land
>come the fuck on
>it takes off and by its silhouette I can see it’s an a-4 Skyhawk
>“SierraDelta, this is tower, you are free to land as you please”
>man, if this ATC is giving me a bad first impression
>decide to take the diagonal runway because the end of it is closer to the terminals
>after getting in position I lower the flaps to full and deploy my landing gear
>as I descend for touchdown I hear a faint “oh shit” coming from tower
>ok?
>land decently, not to hard not too smooth
>I give it 7/10
>after braking to a stop I contact tower again
>“tower, can I get taxi directions?”
>“uh, yeah, kinda busy right now, just take the last exit of the runway and park on the left side of a gray baron 58, you can’t miss it”
>oh my fucking god
>“also, my boss wants to talk to you so stay there when you park”
>I would bang my head against the instrument panels but that would probably be a bad idea

Yay! You’re back!

>What race would personally be your battle buddy?
Fairy obviously. Who doesn't want a little magic pocket pal to curse your enemies with?

Attached: __original_drawn_by_casino_casinoep__sample-67504cd1ce5ce1a5db3afcd1d45a1e40.jpg (850x1253, 273K)

>What race would personally be your battle buddy?
Oni

Attached: 1471514811054.jpg (810x1080, 667K)

Based choices anons.

Because on /tg/ the whole discussion would be based around how the magic worked, what the different races could do, and arguements therein. We don't really give a shit about the difference between Tolkein Elves and DnD Elves. We just want to explore a scenario where a world with a magical advantage meets a world with a technological advantage, as well as the tactical implications of races that have significantly different physiological characteristics like hearing, eyesight, strength, etc

Attached: elves_in_modern_world__army_by_callmevargo_d2yx2fa-pre.jpg (931x858, 72K)

>What race would personally be your battle buddy?
Only one choice

Attached: 1565690892285.jpg (728x958, 101K)

we like to have more detail on the guns than the girls

>Battle buddy race
Either demi wolf girl, or smoll oni girl.

Attached: 1563987617980.png (1080x1920, 1.93M)

Is battle buddy code for sex slave?

if you've given your sex slave a gun she isn't a sex slave anymore

I need more of this it's making my day.

*pssshhh*
*Sssiiiiiiiiiiiippppp*
Yep, Elves are nice but have you ever met wolf girls?

Attached: IMG_20190827_075557890_HDR.jpg (4000x3000, 2.82M)

Thank
>be me
>be sitting next to John and Douglas in the mess hall
>Douglas has also taken a shining to Shubby
>Senator Coffee comes out.
>"user, I need to talk to you about the skinwalkers. The we have is a problem."
>"But our skinwalker is named Shubby."
>"Yeah. I mean other skinwalkers aren't named Shubby."
>"Which makes them not Shubby at all really."
>"Evil Shubbys?"
>Senator Coffee gets mad
>"I swear to god I'll pistol whip the next guy that says Shubby."
>See Rameriz coming down with his tray.
>"Hey Rameriz! What's the name I called you when I pushed you into the skinwalker pit?"
>"You mean Shubby?"
>We all laugh and hand Senator Coffee our duty pistols.
>"PUT THOSE AWAY!"
>Senator Coffee takes a long sip of his mug
>"I want to see you and John in my office."
>In there is the Commander.
>We get left there alone with him
>I'm about to get torn a new asshole aren't I?
>"Gentlemen… as you know in this institution we have something called the chain of command."
>He stands up and paces around the room.
>"When that chain of command is disrupted by things such as respect, things break down."
>He sits on the desk
>"Being flipped the bird means this firebase is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions."
>hold up
>"Old Testament, real wrath of god type stuff, fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!"
>"Why would that be sir?"
>"Because someone flipped me the bird."
>what the fuck
>"I want you to use that skinwalker to track down whoever did it. Can it talk?"
>"Uhhh no."
>"Well then, we will use it on a search and destroy mission. Do not destroy the enemy, but bring him back here."
>We are shoved outside and to the skinwalker pit.
>"user weren't you the one tha--"
>"Yes I was now shut up."

Attached: pistolwhip.gif (498x296, 3.55M)

>We put Shubby on a leash
>Maybe if we pretend that we couldn't find "him" then the Commander will give up.
>We let Shubby sniff everything and everyone.
>It leads us towards the mess hall.
>dear god no
>Both John and I try to pull Shubby away
>It's too strong.
>Despite being in its human girl form.
>"SHUBBY STOP!"
>Shubby kicks in the doors and the entire mess hall devolves into mass hysteria
>maybe the Commander was right
>Shubby goes along the tables, scooping everything up into its mouth
>as it moves along anyone with a gun is pointing it and anyone without is keeping a huge distance
>It strolls into the kitchen.
>It points at the closet.
>"Shubby we're not letting you into the supply closet."
>Shubby opens its mouth
>ELDRITCH SCREAMS OF THE DAMNED.mp3
>"OH GOD FINE OK STOP!"
>Shubby closes its mouth and smiles.
>I open it.
>Inside is a dwarf
>as well as cosmoline
>the cosmoline is on the dwarf
>or… actually the dwarf might be in the cosmoline I can't tell.
>It's drinking the cosmoline and has a little backpack.
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU DWARVES AND BOMBS? YOU'RE JUST SHITTIER, FATTER AL QAEDA!"
>The dwarf turns around.
>"You both have trashy beards too! Why are you covered in cosmoline?"
>"I had to get through the vents somehow."
>The vent is fucking misshapen from his flab
>"There's an open window right there."
>"Uhhh… element of surprise?"
>"Why are you even here?"
>He stands up
>"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to d--"
>Shoot him in the head.
>Before his body hits the ground, Shubby just runs over and bites the entire upper half of his body off.
>There's just a bloody pair of legs now.
>It then begins to happily drink the cosmoline.
>"Don't you think we should stop it? Before it gets sick?"
>"Naw man, maybe… cosmoline will make her live longer."
>"That's not how cosmoline works."
>The silence is broken by the sound of furious cosmoline drinking
>"What about the bomb?"
>Shubby eats the bomb.

>What race would personally be your battle buddy?
Tactical wolf girl has too many benefits to pass up.

Attached: 1521559066485.png (2400x2811, 3.9M)

>We lead Shubby outside as it holds a can of cosmoline and drinks it.
>We sit outside near the pit
>"So what the fuck do we do now?"
>"Just pretend we didn't find me."
>"He's not gonna be happy with that."
>Watch as Shubby begins to eat the can as well
>Walk over and pat Shubby on the head.
>"Hey Shubby?"
>It stares into my soul
>all the air leaves my lungs
>"Can you help me out?"
>Explain the situation
>Shubby nods
>"Remember when we fed you that elf? Could you transform into me?"
>There's a terrifying sequence where it morphs and shifts
>holy shit it looks exactly like me
>It just has a bell collar on…
>I go to take it off
>Shubby slaps my hand
>i guess it's grown fond of it
>"Can you hide the bell collar?"
>It melts into its body.
>Tell Shubby to go into the Commander's office.
>Watch from the window
>"You… did user and John send you?"
>Shubby nods.
>"You understand the gravity of your actions?"
>Shubby nods.
>"You are willing to bear the consequences?"
>Shubby nods.
>The Commander walks up to Shubby
>Then suddenly gets down on all fours.
>"SMACK ME ON THE ASS DADDY! INJECTION MOLD MY ASSHOLE!"
>WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.JPEG
>The Commander grabs Shubby's neck and kisses the gas mask
>Shubby looks at the window and makes eye contact with us
>The Commander drops Shubby's pants and kneels.
>"Private? Why are your privates a bell?"
>I hear a little chime from the room… I don't wanna know
>ALRIGHT TIME TO STEP IN
>Throw my gas mask and shit on
>Kick in the door.
>"IT WAS ME COMMANDER! I WAS THE ONE WHO FLIPPED YOU THE BIRD!"
>"But you're supposed to be the one in the gas mask."
>"I am in the gas mask."
>"but if you're in the gas mask, then who's that?"
>Shubby morphs into its eldritch form
>"A REAL SKINWALKER!"
>FRIGHTENED SCREAMING.MP3

>I came prepared, throw a twinkie into the hall, Shubby barrels through the wall having missed the door.
>John is on the other side with snacks to lure Shubby back into the pit
>The Commander sits dumbfounded
>John comes in a little while later.
>"Gentlemen… I…"
>He stutters.
>"Gentlemen, I will give you anything you want as long as you keep quiet about everything that ha-"
>"Send me home early."
>"Me too."
>"Don't you want to think about it a litt-"
>"No."
>"No."
>"Are you sure about that?"
>I raise my hand.
>"I'd like to take home some guns though."
>"Put it on a list, and I'll talk to the quartermaster."
>Two weeks later
>I'm finally home.
>John isn't going to be back for another month.
>He wanted to use all his leave first.
>Probably shoving his fist up another elf hooker's ass.
>Drop my duffle bag on the table and sit on the couch.
>this is nice
>The zipper slowly undoes itself
>hold up
>A tiny mouse crawls out
>It looks at me
>I can see the tiny beady blue eyes on a black void.
>oh no
>Shubby followed me home
>mfw

the end

Attached: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.jpg (445x503, 31K)

>Shittier fatter Al Qaeda
>Why are your privates a bell
My sides, it was fatal, thank you for the good death.

KRUSIN FOR A KRUMPIN IZ YA LIL 'UMIE

Attached: Waaaghhammer+40k+memes+ya+git_f98268_6461661.jpg (1200x1339, 481K)

Continuing, sorry for being away, been playing with a 3D printer. All I need are .stl files of Neumagh characters and I’m golden.

>Reginald reaches up, plucking his monocle from his face
>he tosses it to me, and I fumble it
>”Aye old chap, fairies made that! Give it a wear!”
>there’s no nose clip or anything
>not even a chain
>just a ring that feels like it’s made up of a million little metal threads
>the glass lense seems to pulse and ripple
>hold it up to my eye and let go
>it stays floating in front of my face
>”What does this doohickey do?”
>”Look into my eyesssss…”
>okay
>kinda hypnotic
>Arusa begins to hiss in a strange language
>under her face, words seem to float in the air
>”Thissss isss the ancient language of dragonsss… only sspoken by sserpentsss... yet usssing this relic, you can understand me…”
>my god
>this is
>this is
>real life anime subtitles
>can’t let /a/ know about this
>I can’t deal with Naruto running assassins trying to rob me

>turn to my group
>”Loreli, do that thing where you say things in elvish because I can’t understand you.”
>”What?”
>”You know what I’m talking about.”
>she smiles, and begins talking a mile a minute in her discount Finnish
>”You need to hold my hand more you smelly perverted human!”
>Ellior giggles
>how lewd
>I’m not smelly am I
>wait I didn’t shower after my coma
>oh man I have coma stank
>”This is great!”
>I pause and look over at Ding
>I’ve never been able to understand her
>she looks at me, and smiles
>she chatters
>and all I see is “???”
>what the fuck
>take off the monocle
>Reginald sees my confused look
>”Ahhh… the fairies created 12 of those to facilitate communication and promote peace between early, hostile kingdoms. Though they cannot translate fairy speak…”
>he rubs his chin
>”They may find it humorous…”
>typical

>been playing with a 3D printer. All I need are .stl files of Neumagh characters and I’m golden.
how much do you want for a kalcium figure?

I didn't know that. Thanks user.

Now that was a damn good story from start to finish user. Loved every post of it. How is shubby adjusting to house life now? Must be different than living in a pit.

God damn fairies messing with shit. Probably did it as a joke.

We’ll see.

If I ever did do that, I’d have to use something like Etsy so my address and everything isn’t out there. Inb4 Etsy is for wine aunts and lesbians.

Also considering I’m using a file from HeroForge for Kalcium, I’d have to check the legality of selling copies, and even then I would need to try and make a more accurate model on my own.

Most fantasy magic systems don't have spells more powerful than modern weaponry. However, teleportation, shape shifting, etc. would totally change the espionage and special ops game.

Still sounds off topic to me. Of course, the faggot mods will allow you to stay while threads related to gun politics will be banished. The absolute state of this pathetic board.

>threads related to gun politics will be banished
because that's what Jow Forums is for, it says it there on the pinned threads

It almost seems like /tg/ or /qst/ is for playing pretend and talking about elves and shit too, don't it?

>/tg/
it's more modern than traditional so i find it hard
>/qst/
could work but they are not big on modern shit either and firearms seems out of their fields too
but regardless, what so bad about it being in Jow Forums? just ignore these threads, it's not like we take half the board with 1 thread up and its not like we somehow take people away from other threads either so what harm is being made?

Because the mods allow you to break the rules.

how is this breaking the rules? we are actually doing what our thread is descrived as, we write about characters involved in events with firearms or military subjects in a modern fantasy setting, if someone expresses their desire to fuck an elf, well that on them

>Neumagh merchandise
Making t-shirts or stickers might be easier in the meantime. I for one wouldn’t mind merch from all the writefags.
>Neumagh action figures
>Farm user hat
>Harp user jacket
>Dragon Jow Forumsing sunglasses
Or anything else they think of.

>reenacting scenes from stories with action figures
yes

>silver f/a-18 scale models
>a kalcium figure that says "WHAS GOOD NIGGER!" when you press a button
>elfette berret
>dako's black hoodie with cyrillic text so we can finally know what it says because wharehouse hasn't told us yet

>the faggot mods will allow you to stay while threads related to gun politics will be banished
Not them but the problem with gun politics threads is that it inevitably devolves into pure politics rather than the fucking guns, and that usually devolves into Jow Forumslack tier bullshit circlejerk (because I doubt anyone on this board would ever be openly in support of the left on any issue) which devolves further into current Jow Forums thread territory, where you have several faggots trying to out shitpost each other while some poor pathetic souls try to argue amidst the shitposting.

Political threads on here and most other boards always become the same shit that you'll find on Jow Forums. If we wanted that, we'd go to Jow Forums.

This thread may not solely be talking about guns either, but it's Jow Forums shit where people are basically agreeing with each other or arguing over moot points while some faggots trannypost to trigger Jow Forumslacks and retards give them the attention they seek.

though I will say
keep this spergery to your discord.

>but it's Jow Forums shit where people are basically agreeing with each other or arguing over moot points while some faggots trannypost to trigger Jow Forumslacks and retards give them the attention they seek.
not*

Yeah this is pretty fair. The standard I usually hold for stories on here is the gun/non gun content ratio. If it's full of Jow Forums material with a dash of waifus, great. If it's "here's my elf waifu fanfic and oh yeah here's a gun I guess" then that violates both the spirit of the thread and the board rules

>keep this spergery to your discord.
fair enough

Very nice, it’s got an interesting concept so far

Shit meant to say interesting sense of humor

waffengeists are to stories as cheese is to any type of food; stories are just better with them.
who doesnt want their gun to also be their girl

My slicer program forgot to add 2 .5mm thin support beams and fucked up a 7 hour print so nobody is getting a figurine. I’m gonna go buy vodka and clean my rifle.

>Merchandise
This is the opposite of a good idea.