I feel so disgusting and empty and lonely even when other people are around

i feel exactly the same way

the more alone i feel the more isolate from the world

sometimes i just want to disappear completely

had a little cry over it an hour ago like a true loser

what'd you wanna talk about haha

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Please come back, I'm drinking now, OP, I almost feel okay.

i posted in that discord server! sorry my phone died and i was taking a really long bath rip
what are you drinking? I'm glad you're feeling a bit better! i feel more relaxed but still emotionally numb rn

that doesnt make you a loser : ( i mean i dont have any answers or have any idea how to fix it obvs but there are a lot of people who feel the same way, anyways I'm here for you dude idk!

Tito's vodka, took a sip straight from the bottle like a man, now I'm mixing it with some V8 I found in the fridge cause I'm actually a pussy who can only stomach the taste of alcohol when he's around other people like a good little sheep.

The emotional numbness is such a pain, do you find yourself not being able to connect to people?
Does it ever feel like you're just going through the motions of socialization for the sake of it?

haha hahahahah hahahahah same OP. lol. cute picture btw.. dogs are cute.

youtu.be/_qSGvyWGa_k

Hey, OP, do you think there's a special place in hell for us?
I do T B H

sure ill talk. i guess im just feelin kind of lonely. things seem to be getting better for me, but i cant fight off that eternal feeling of loneliness. everything else seems to be getting better, but im just as friendless and alone as i always have been. even with that being said though, i cant bring myself to actually go out of my way to look for friendship, even online. i convince myself that i dont need it and it would just be a waste of time compared to developing other skills and doing things i need to do, but yet i still find myself making posts like this and fantasisizng about talking to an actual person instead of the creepy weirdo i have to spend all of my time with, aka myself.
i dont know, its a weird situation. i relate with some of the stuff you posted too op, especially feeling really strange and separate from other people even though i know im probably not that unique or special overall in reality. maybe i am though, im not sure. its probably not good to worry about it too much though. thanks for making this thread op, i appreciate it.

god now I'm craving vodka im jealous, my alchoholism started when i was ~16 so like rip lol.
i 100% feel like i cant connect to anyone, i feel like just......a movie camera? recording everything i see and just observing? like im just an audience member to life and even my own actions. and god yeah, i have to just put on this fake persona to be able to talk to anyone or socialize. everything i do and see and feel is just. fake. i want to die lol

is this relatable? especially the acting thing

: ( im sorry user
thats one of my favorite pictures ever, he looks so happy and soft! i wish i could be reincarnated into something as happy and carefree like that. i think that human intelligence and self awareness was an evolutionary mistake desu

i like this

i dont really beleive in hell, i just think theres darkness. which i guess is why im afraid to off myself just yet, i wanna get better so i can kms when im happy, so its the last thing i experience. i actually have some existensial thoughts a lot about this that are too stupid and would take too long to explain lol

im sure youre a good person though user, there are few bad people. im just one of them

im glad you like it : )

i mean, the thing that really sucks is that i Have people. i have a friend and a boyfriend and siblings im around a lot, but nothing helps this feeling of lonliness. theres still a lot of hope for you though user, and its so good that things are getting better for you! maybe its a self destructive thing, not looking for friendship when you really want it? idk

It's extremely relatable.
>everything i do and see and feel is just. fake. i want to die lol
This hits so close to home, try my best to be real with the people I manage to get somewhat close to, even if that's just me rarely saying anything.
Everything I observe seems fake, well, most of it at least, from relationships to small talk, like a game I don't feel like playing right now.

This thread proves to me that there's still hope for you, this thread makes me think you're not as bad as you think if you're willing to talk to all the other Anons who feel like you do.

My friends and family don't make me feel any less alone either, I hope things work out for you like you want them to work out for that other user.

I'm gonna go drink some more and dance in the dark and then look at cute doggos, goodbye, OP, I can leave this board again.

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this made me feel kinda choked up thank you so much gjskvkkdvkkdv

i hope you have fun!!!!! and have a good life!!!!!!

thats good that you have people. but yeah, it most likely is some kind of self destructive masochism that prevents me from putting myself out there. a lot of the time i even refrain from posting here because it feels unnecessary, or like im drawing attention to myself that i dont need. i feel guilty for talking to people, as strange as that sounds when i actually articulate it like that. but its true. ive been working hard to eliminate all of my disgustingly self destructive habits lately, but this self isolation might be one of the hardest to get rid of completely. i suppose i have just convinced myself throughly that the only person that i or anything i make or say should matter to is myself. its actually quite selfish, even though i perceive these motivations to be as selfless as possible, in the way that i am not burdening others with any of the garbage that may come out of my mouth if i make myself visible.