Mental illness thread #5

30 days is long enough that you should definitely call your doc back, they'll probably want to try something else to figure out what'll help you. You've been more patient about it than a lot of people would've

I'm not gonna say I do have BPD, because I haven't been diagnosed, but I fit damn near all of the symptoms. I used to go to a psychiatrist, and he diagnosed me with bipolar, but I believe he was incorrect. He was moron anyway, just wanted me to take prozac and didn't lead me in any productive way toward therapy. But that was years ago. I'm going to another psychiatrist soon and if all goes well they'll figure out what my real problem is. I'm gonna try to get NEETbux because I can't hold down a job and I couldn't even finish high school. Anyway, enough blogposting. Anybody else have Bipolar/BPD? When was the last time you had suicidal ideas?

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anyone here "high functioning "austist here?
what problems do you encounter when socializing?

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schizo since birth, prolly bipolar too

I am an autist (Asperger's). It's hard to say since I barely talk to people and thus don't have much sample size, but I think I tend to miss implications. Also I tend to get extremely attached and sometimes get stressed out wondering if they don't really care about me and they're just using me, but that's not autism.

fear of abandonment and paranoia are symptoms of BPD. Ever read up on it?

Whenever I try to socialize with anyone, it almost feels like some kind of force is preventing me from saying what I plan to say.

Yeah, I read "I hate you, don't leave me" and I'm gradually progressing through Personality Disorders in Modern Life by Theodore Millon. I highly doubt I'm borderline.

Severely depressed I think is my problem. Not manic frequently enough to be bi-polar, and I'm not delusional. But I cannot function, I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in weeks. I don't leave my room and I don't have any interests. I've had plenty of opportunities for friendship (I'm not an autist), but I feel like I hate being around people so much I've let them all die on the vine.

This lifestyle is boring, unfulfilling and despite having no desire to be around others, lonely. I've damaged myself further through isolation and drug use. Anyone relate?

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yeah I've heard missing implications, sarcasm and that kind of stuff is pretty common with fellow autists also the other issues where probably caused by the tism

Personally I feel like I can't connect with anyone
I get really tired and feeling bad after talking and making eye contact
I feel ankwardat all times it sucks a lot

Oh okay. Just trying to make sure. I hope your 'tism becomes more manageable.

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>I've damaged myself further through isolation and drug use. Anyone relate?
I can definitely relate to that. I used to smoke crazy amounts of weed and drink and smoke cigarettes. I know those aren't considered "hard" drugs but I definitely feel like a dumber, slower person now compared to before I was into that. Self-medication doesn't work they way you hope.

my biggest fear of the mental health system is they lock me up in a looney bin, so theres no way i could ever be honest with these people in fear of being treated against my will.
anyone else like that too?

I feel you user
and everyone else seems to go so naturally about it without even thinking

I think I can only get attached to people over the internet, I feel too inhibited when talking in real life. Talking is very tiring, especially when people don't understand my autistic mumbling. Typing is easy on the other hand.
I'm still well below a neurotypical, but I've been gradually getting more self-aware and less weird throughout my life. I still tend to talk strangely without realizing, when my psychologist introduced herself by telling me her name I just said "Alright" and asked where the session would be.

I'm still a schizobot, and I'm still listening to ASMRfus.

youtube.com/watch?v=t4I1PErCgf8

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I likr asmr but that shit makes me intensely uncomfortable

yeah, same, hence the picture
i only started being able to listen to English ASMRtists recently
i sometimes have to stop listening
i'm not really lonely, but i couldn't tell you why i continue to listen to it

you guys listen to death grips?

I use a death grip when whacking my dick, does that count?

i can fully relate. ive isolated myself for about 3 years now, smoke and drink too much.
i cant escape my bubble! as much as i try

I too fear this very much. Just don't start harping about suicide. They'll get really scared and commit you. So long as you don't seem to be an immediate danger to yourself others you should be fine. Don't talk about violence at all.

What does being hugged feel like?

I'm going to be turning 24 soon and I've never been hugged by anyone before. I think the loneliness is starting to get to me.

are you a manlet by chance? no memes. you can actually stop growing without enough physical contact.

I have a bad paranoia problem and i hate myself

it scares the shit out of me!
and i am violent and suicidal.
but part of me wants help and another part says fuck no.
i feel like im walking on the razors edge man.

I'm 5'11. I had plenty of physical contact, it just came in the form of beatings.

Mostly suffering from anxiety delusions. Easily treatable. Looking into meds.

Well, I don't know user. Just don't tell them about those parts too much. Or downplay them greatly. or maybe staying in a hospital for awhile would do you some good. Idk, i'm not in your head bro.

I started talking about suicide in therapy the last few months, they won't commit you unless you say you're going to do it that night or something. I'm still too scared to talk about the violent urges.

Weed might just trigger that more. But you might not have paid attention to your own thoughts before if ever.

Severe "high functioning" anxiety.
Can't make routine phone calls (bills, appointments, etc.)
I actually lost my car because I was too scared to call to pay the bill, even though I had the money.
Little to no social life.
Silent during face-to-face interactions.

However, I do have a steady job and have learned to fake my way around most of these scenarios whilst in job scenarios.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years, but this last week has been especially bad. The last year or so I built up a small support group and things felt like they were going up, but it all crumbled down a few days ago.
I just came home after staying with my family, and felt genuine terror at how alone I am. I've never felt this before, I'm actually fucking scared.

I can rread peoples emotion fine but dont display them correctly except for severe ones.

I have to manually twitch my face when in conversations, also I get physically sick near people.

>TFW my autisim makes me love patterns in language and I am really good poet

>TFW normies are too fucking stupid to understand the complexity of your art

Yeah I only dabbled in hard drugs, compared to some addicts I know. My problem is mostly smoking stupid amounts of weed all day and drinking too much.
Yeah man, it's hard to explain to others ey. I SHOULD be able to just jump in the shower or eat something, but I don't. I dunno.

I get that, realizing complete loneliness - it is terrifying. But people survive and adapt, which is weird. Some people fall so hard they become homeless drug addicted mentally ill wrecks, and then they adapt to that. But then some people kind of make it work, like that dude who lived by himself in the woods for 30 or so years, surviving by robbing holiday houses. He said he was happy.

Hello, frens. I am bipolar, how are you all?

>forgot to take medication this morning
>been hypomanic all day

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Veeery high. Hows you?

ccontemplating suicide

I'm doing alright, pal. I have been wanting to do drugs recently, I'm not sure why though. I have no friends, so it's very hard to get drugs. what are you high on?
How come, friend? What is up and why are you feeling this way?

actually caring about other people as i just cant truly connect with them on any meaningful level

>tfw terrified of letting anyone know anything about my life

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tfw GAD, Depersonalization disorder and schizo typal
need to see doctor again bc anxiety is getting worse but i dont have insurance until the end of this month, havent been outside in weeks and the meds dont work

what do bots

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Just weed, best to stick to weed. Psychedelics can be fun too

Talking to new people really
When I try to make an attempt at talking to students or coworkers and they either ignore me or look at me like I said the wrong thing, I get really petty about it and assume that they think I really must be stupid. I have a hard time making friends irl because of it. And when I do feel like I screwed up I don't make an attempt to talk again

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Can't socialize with people without sperging out or totaling zoning out and not remembering what they just said. This really sucks when I'm in a job interview when they are asking me questions when I have to ask the interviewer to repeat what they just said hence why I'm on unemployment benefits right now. I just stick to not opening up conversations with people unless its in a vidya game then I have no fucking problems socializing.

dude weed is nice, I wish I had some. It always makes me feel really nice. You having a good time, friend?

yeah, not bad considering. I've had a rough time recently but today has been okay. What about u user? how life treating u?

I get that, though i figure it's only me trying to rationalise that if i've found myself adding and taking to new people with no context, im probably in a manic mood and give of an irritating feel.

i'm so unbelievably frustrated and angry most of the time, it makes me really tired all the time. talking to people is irritating and i just give people one word answers then leave like a ghost. i fantasize about killing my dad every day and i have tantrums in my head all the time. i want to die

this. normalfags take connections for granted

im going to assume you quoted me on accident because your insane if you interpreted that post as me being a fucking normalfag.

>having a manic episode laughing at early 2000s music videos
Feels like I'm on drugs. This is pretty fun. Thank god I'm tired too so I probably won't have to deal with the depressive episode immediately after

>Thank god I'm tired too so I probably won't have to deal with the depressive episode immediately after
because I'll probably be asleep. Forgot to mention that is why

Diagnosed Bi-polar
4 different meds
They seem to be working, ive had stable moods for awhile now that I think about it. Heres hoping its a fix.

Damn!

Kskdjkdjkks

...you mean those specific thoughts? It sounds like a low-key insult, the way you wrote it. Are there people that dont think about their thinking? I have so many questions.

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When I say something that I think is serious or meaningful but people laugh. Not in a "hahaha youre stupid" way but in a "hahaha youre so cute" way
It happens so much and its embarrassing

>early 2000s music videos
i find those more charming than laughable
am i the only one

and not even 15 minutes later I already have tears down my face. I think I might be subconsciously tricking myself into thinking I have a mental condition based off of examples I've read on the internet in the past. These threads are stupid and superficial.

Being aware of symptoms doesn't mean you dont have them user

I was enjoying them as both charming and laughable. It's not even really that awful of music either. There's so many elements to it that make it enjoyable in a cheap sort of way.
Don't even bother replying to those.

That seems pretty overt of a reaction, I'd look into it, the most I've lost it on cannabis was thinking my friend was poisoning me while I was at his house and that he had set me up to some kind of sting operation for no reason. I don't know which of ours is more crazy.

yes the lyrics are great

no he*k u
i think i got them ocd
i always had intrusive thoughts but they have exponentially gotten worse since this year

iktf, I have a false character and life that I have built and if anyone saw that it was a facade and got access to the things in me that are real I'd be vulnerable to be hurt, I will not allow that to happen

BFRD reporting in
>Be me
>Lurking
>Excruciatingly painful to type and scroll with mouse
>Because I chewed through the skin on my fingers
>Can't remember the last time my hands weren't bleeding

I use Hand sanitizer all the time because I'm also obsessive compulsive about infections. I've done this so long the pain of alcohol on freshly destroyed skin doesn't even bother me.

But at least I always have a snack... at hand....

Post pic of hand
origina

Now I know you said to refrain from self-diagnosis, OP, but I feel I have something to contribute that's a bit more obscure.

I'm a chronic limerent, and I've been struggling with it for years. I'm a KV, so I've got no experience with women. I don't remember how I found the word for limerence, but once I discovered it and read about it it was... Relieving? Depressing? Distressing? I don't know. It's hard to read a Wikipedia page about something unhealthy and have it feel like every single word is about you, the whole way through.

I've gotten better, though. After years and years of having the same limerent object (whom I wanted nothing more than to die for), and after switching limerent objects a couple of times, I'm currently free. I suspect it's not permanent though; I can feel deep affections for girls I don't know at all creep into me as I become quietly obsessed with them, just because they've acknowledged me and are gorgeous. Nothing has stuck so far, or at least hasn't been severe in comparison to these last several years, so that's good.

I guess my rant, or whatever, here has pretty much been targeted at whoever already knows what limerence is, or maybe I'm just trying to justify something to myself, I don't know. If anyone reads this and has problems becoming obsessive over a single girl, please look up limerence. It's so obscure and I feel a lot of the robots here suffer from it and don't know. It's good to at least be able to put a name to something that has plagued you for so long, you know?

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What do you guys think about well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/18/an-experimental-autism-treatment-cost-me-my-marriage/?

>Before the T.M.S., I had fantasized that the emotional cues I was missing in my autism would bring me closer to people. The reality was very different. The signals I now picked up about what my fellow humans were feeling overwhelmed me. They seemed scared, alarmed, worried and even greedy. The beauty I envisioned was nowhere to be found.

Feels Bad as fuk

I think TMS can be reversed by using the same electrode positions, but swapping the polarities. Definitely not anything I'd ever do, I'm afraid of changing myself and possibly being stuck in a "cured" state that I don't like.

>aspie
>social anxiety
>Major depressive disorder
>anorexia

What's the point anymore

Forget that part about electrode positions, I somehow got TMS confused with tDCS for a moment.

how do I get neetbux I'm done

I'm hopelessly depressed and anxious, and have a tendency to sabotage myself because I'm terrified of achieving my goals but still not being happy. I often fantasise about being murdered or run over by a car because I'm too scared that if I tried to kill myself I'd fail.

>no self diagnosis
Nice subtle psy-op OP. Yes raise the bar of "real insane people" to getting a paper from the fucking mongrels that want to see you sedated and away from any ounce of freedom if they knew your real problems
Very very subtle but not enough, you can't strip me of my rights so easily but you shouldn't try to force the young impressionable ones into "joining the club" then getting rounded up and chemically/spiritually killed
Syndromes exist to select from a list of shit wrong with you and categorize a physically causeless issue with behavior, the only issue is with self-aggrandizers who "claim" to have an illness but don't and those are usually limited to depression (just simply add time and it becomes real) and BPD (which requires the disease to claim you have it)

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may not be mental but i have tourettes because why not

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I, uh...
I was on anti-depressants for my, uh, depression and PTSD, I was sexually abused as a kid.
By my mother.

I found a girl and we were together for a bit, I'd known her for five years. Its a long and black fucking story.
The antidepressants, Sertraline, were making me impotent, its a side effect, so I found it difficult to please her in the bedroom, and nothing much was more important to me than pleasing her, so I stopped taking them.

And before we ever saw each other again, she started ghosting me, wouldn't respond to calls or messages. So I did it for nothing.
There's inevitably more to the story but I just wanted to get that out.

There's a big fucking scar on my wrist from a suicide attempt that happened years ago, it was when we broke up the first time and I thought she was going to get back together with her abusive ex who beat her. I know its stupid and childish, but I just can't believe she abandoned me in a time of vulnerablity when I was always there for her as much as I possibly could whenever she showed any weakness... like, the entire world will hate you for your vulnerablities, but when you love someone you allow them to accept those parts of them for loving even the worst parts of them.
And I did that for every part of her she'd show me. And it's just really painful when no one can do that for you.

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Why did you type that out like a faggot

i just want to cut down on people that are obvious normals. im probably a normal though. i dunno man. i only said refrain from it.

seems hard unless you're legit unable to function. ive been trying to get it but i guess im not retarded enough

yeah i did. phoneposting atm, sorry user

idk, what else is the point of this place?

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Schizoaffective and schizotypal bot back again. Yesterday's thread didn't have many replies. Nice to see this one is well.

I'm working on a comic about a schizophrenic person. Nothing exciting or anything. Just a slice of life thing.

Haven't drawn in years, it's hard getting back into it. Also trying to get neetbux at the moment, so I have some sort of income in the meantime

I'll get there

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MDD here. Pretty severe, haven't functioned for a year. Planning to leech off my parents until they kick me out. Once I'm estranged I plan to kill myself so they have no knowledge of it.

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im fine if i take my meds

Please describe what schizotypal is like as well as the oncome of schizoaffective symptoms I have some concerns about myself and I don't want to see anyone unless I'm sure.

Severely depressed with some anxiety sprinkled in there, aggressively borderline. Self harmed for almost 8 years (a little over one year clean but getting closer every day to a relapse). All I do is work and sleep. If Im not at work Im laying in bed scrolling on my phone. I dont hang out with people, I dont watch tv, Im not creative, I have no motivation to do anything. Kind of just waiting to get into a car accident and die because Im too much of a pussy to off myself. I should probably get therapy but Im too scared that they will tell me Im just over dramatic or something.

Schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia mixed with either depression or bipolar disorder. I have schizophrenia plus depression. I am paranoid. I don't leave the house. I make my own food because I'm convinced my family will poison me. The government puts chemicals in the water to control the masses.

Schizotypal personality disorder is hard to describe. I believe in strange things such as that I'm one of the only few humans on earth and that most people are androids or clones. I believe that everything happens because I will it to happen or God puts good fortune on me the most

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