I'm bored. You guys want to start a cult?

I'm bored. You guys want to start a cult?

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What would our tenets be? What psychological motivator would we use to get people to join us?

depression cult

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sure. what will the main tenants of the cult be?

i already did
you can't join

Meaning, hahas if we got along the joke route
Alright. Despair is our core doctrine.
Whatever sounds cool. I think the chicken should be a holy animal that we're allowed to eat.

We could put something in about how the chicken and the egg problem is some universal principle that needs to be worshiped and ritualized
Something like
>which came first? did [insert deity or whatever] create the universe, or did the universe create [that deity or whatever]? we can never really say, all is a cycle of the chicken and the egg

That allows a degree of vagueness when our beliefs are challenged. I like it.

I think there should also be something stupid like, 'the world was only hatched 500 years ago, all prior history is heathen conspiracy.'

We also want people to know we are serious; like making real sacrifices, or any other ritual and before we know it people will believe in whatever bullshit we say.

We can just combine sacrificial rituals with barbecues. 'Thank you great Cosmic Cock for the meal we are about to have.'

As with most religions it should be open to everyone.

Other questions to answer.

Do we promise superpowers to those who remain a virgin by age 30?
Do we promise reincarnation into the next stage of reality? (Perhaps this world is the despair-world followed by something more adventurous)
What holy sites or symbols ought to be adopted?

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I'm so down, what would our cult be about, or would it just be a cult where we don't practice anything we're just in a cult

Wizardhood at 30 and grand wizard at 70?

We must say that this is what comes after actual life, which was pure peace and happines

This world is the Egg, when we exit we become the glorious Cock and lay an Egg of our own.

But of course, only people who join your cult will ever pierce the world's Shell and reach Cockdom. Otherwise they will suffocate within its confines.

We praise the Cosmic Cock, eat blessed tendies, mediate and chill with fellow cultists, make absurd claims about pop-culture secretly being in sync with us, value monogamous relationships yet venerate wizards as saints, and other culty-fun things you can come up with.
Amen. The world is the egg.
Non-believers just get reincarnated here again. Over and over until they figure out the Cosmic Cock loves them.

I've started a nice online cult.
it did some good, helped people get to know each other.

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only if i lose my virginity with it

What else can you tell from the experience? Anything novel about the cult itself?
Virgin powers at 30, Superpowers by 70. Or you might meet a qt while spreading the good word.

I remember when me and my best friend attempted to make a religion in middle school.

>be me
>be in 7th grade
>be in English class
>some dot-indian wearing a trench coat is subbing
>started shitting around with my friend
>get the idea to make a religion
>he starts writing the preamble or intro or what the fuck ever
>I start writing the commandments
>okay, fuck what first
>got it
>Thou shalt circumcise whales
>Substitute teacher comes over
>sees me try to hide paper
>'well what do we have here'
>grabs paper
>A look of absolute confusion over takes his face
>He smiles
>'studying biology are we?'

This was funnier in my head.

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it was mostly to rival a friend and a cult they had.
during the time it was silly and I somewhat regret not planning it out since it had potential.

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If I'm not the leader then I'm not interested. I'll throw some ideas out there though if I think of any.

And thus you filled the power vacuum. I grant you the tittle of High Rooster.

I want to be an archivist or a scribe pls

well you see i would but i'm not 16, edgy, and ironically autistic

can we summon the great demon lord of autism Splergaroth, next thursday?

A sense a great loneliness in you. When was the last time you had chicken fingers for lunch?
I'll give him the heads up.

Well I'm glad you recognize that I am the consultant between man and cock.

I will now research biblical quotes that allow me to fuck all of the women in the cult.

Choose four semi-obscure unrelated dead celebrities/historical figures. These are revered as the prophets/emissaries. Three of them represent a perfectly balanced trinity - the fourth represents chaos and disorder. However, it is not known which is the prophet of chaos. As a member, it is up to you to put forward your theories as to who represents the trinity, and who is the saboteur - if you are right, you earn passage into the true afterlife.
Any suggestions for who the prophets are?

Ok
Can I get a cig?

I still like the idea of the world being under 500 years of age. If that's something worth keeping the figures should fit that time frame. At the moment I can only suggest Oscar Wilde. I leave the other prophets to you dear anons.

Most people don't even know the most basic thing about cults. Not to mention that a cult is never started off as
>We're gonna have a cult and people are gonna join it!

Just look at Jonestown and the gracious Manson Family

It's usually declared a cult from outsiders. Only edgy people trying to be cool try to start a cult as a cult

Pick random people and then make them fit. I want Ambrose Burnside

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How about Rosa Parks? Is she too notorious?

accompanying image beepboop

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Yeah well, what came first? The cult stigma or the cult?
She fits the bill nicely I say.

I'm somewhat late to the party so someone give me a quick rundown of what being part of this new cult entails.

What should be our holy city? We should arbitrarily decide a city to be our holy city.

just a bunch of children romanticizing depression and suicide because they like the aesthetic

Denver
let's make Denver our holy city

Should it have cock in its name or be somewhat related to fowls or is that too cheesy? Or a nondescript little town in the middle of nowhere?

What's the mythos surrounding it?

Heck, sounds just about good. I'm in.

dunno originally original originally

>Yeah well, what came first? The cult stigma or the cult?

I don't even know what your point is. All I'm saying is that nobody starts a cult with the idea of purposely making a cult. Stigma and cult status are declared from the outside, not the inside. When you're brainwashed and in the cult, there is no cult. Most people in a cult don't even know they're in one until it's too late.

Go ahead and start one, I don't care. All I'm saying is that it'll probably last a week or two before everyone abandons out of boredom or it becomes some circle of just people that are larping and chewing the fat like on here

Being part of the Cult of Cock means you get to feel good and spiritual about eating chicken. The Cosmic Cock hatched the universe 500 years ago and should you decipher the trinity you shall be rewarded access to the next life.
Denver is where the first humans were hatched.

FUCK YOU FRINGE

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Is KFC still considered as valid?

Ah yes, which came first indeed? The Cosmic Cock or the Ethereal Egg? Truly one of life's greater mysteries.

The cult may nest but it will again be hatched at another date. In the mean time might I recommend general Tso's chicken?

I'll take the role cult leader

All chicken is valid so long as we give thanks to the giant space rooster.

Can you join if you're vegetarian?

Let's have a club where we eventually end up in a mass suicide on some remote mountain/island after having gangraped some rich man's daughter/son

Yes, blessed is he who lives like the holy fowl.

No >:-/ chicken based diet only.

The schism begins

lore idea: what if humanity came from several egg-like meteorites that crashed in present day Denver, Colorado.

The system thinks my post is spam so I have to really try and figure the fuck out what the fuck is wrong with my - hello rato -post because m00t is an absolute nigger and so are his gay fucking mods fuck this fucking channel and this board

Moot doesn't own Jow Forums, not anymore.

Amen to that, my fellow cock.

Where did the fictional history of the universe being more than 500 years old come from? Is it the false word of the betrayer of the holy quaternity? (we need to come up with a name for him/her)

Oh I didn't know I was already in this cult

Rene Descartes for prophet (if possible)

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Okay I'm appointing myself as the Scrambled Scribe, because my intellectual and religious focus is more on the egg than the Cosmic Cock, though I still deeply revere and respect him and hope to join him in the great coop.

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who wants to take a trip to our holy city, Denver?

Our sworn enemy, the Ottoman Empire (Turkey)

Shall we don the sacred hats?

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What's the best group name?

Cult of the Cock?
Order of the Cock?
Followers of the Cock?

Looks like we have our four prophets.
Oscar Wilde (16 October 1854 - 30 November 1900)
Ambrose Burnside (May 23, 1824 - September 13, 1881)
Rosa Parks (February 4, 1913 - October 24, 2005)
Rene Descartes (31 March 1596 - 11 February 1650)

Oh come on, STFU.
You watch too much TV, you don't actually know how a Cult works or what a Cult is. All you do is post shit that you learn with crap like Investigation Discovery.
Also
>Just look at Jonestown and the gracious Manson Family
That's how i know you don't know shit and you watch too much TV bro, do something with your life because TV destroys your brain.

Gallinaceous is apparently a word that means of or relating to chickens and other poultry. Maybe there's a clever way to work that in?

which one is the embodiment of chaos?
Asking for a friend.

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*Knocks on door*
'Hello im here for the cult?'

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Followers of the Fowl?
or maybe the Gallinaceous Gatherers

How about 'Chanticleeromancy' - from 'Chanticleer' - the name of a rooster in an old story, and a breed of chicken. From chanter (to sing, to crow) + cler (clear, clearly).
+mancy - a suffix meaning 'Divination'
So members would be Chanticleeromancers.

I miss you, Morgan..

Sounds a little rough. But could work for a more reserved title, like for a chapter leader.

Chanticleers does sound cool though.

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We could go with an -ology like scientology

Or an -ism
nb

Cluckentology?

Or Maybe klu klucks klan?

Qt Klucks Chan is more like it

Jow Forums cults are terrible if systemspace is any indication

They just needed to eat more chicken.

Or eat more like a chicken

just don't include women in the cult because they are getting #metoo.

What's systemspace? I'm on the site but is just a meme or can I FINALLY get my life fucked?