>be student at large university >get hemorrhoids because shitty college diet >mayoclinic says to eat fiber, take warm baths >every day for a month i sit in scalding hot water while shoveling fistfuls of prunes into my mouth >still shitting blood, asshole turning inside out >no health insurance, decide to set up an appointment at the free university clinic >head in around 3pm today, talk to cute front desk girl >curly hair, busy-body type that wears always wears flannel, a lanyard, and carries a clipboard everywhere >"oh i'm a nursing student i just love taking care of people :) ok here's the room let me take your blood pressure :))) alright looks great doctor ci will be right with you :))))))))))" >wait for approximately 2 seconds >fucking pic related scuttles in >"so, your buthol issa bro-ken. Drop pant, let me peek." >as I'm taking off my pants I get a good look at this ancient medicine woman >80 years old, wearing a surgical mask, about 5 feet / 150cm tall >Her shoulder was just about level with my crotch. >chinese must have bred her specifically to plumb the depths of human bowels >pants are off, assume the position >she parts my ass cheeks and inspects me for contraband >"hmm... ok relax" >jams her unlubed latex finger inside of me >I feel the bulge of her arthritis swollen joints >moan in pain while she scrapes the side of my rectum >"al dun" >she wipes a blood shit smear on what looks like a match book >holds her artwork an inch away from her face and squints >"ahh... u habay hemroyd. Take wom bat. Wait hea." >wombat?
>feel liquid leaking out of butthole >waddle over to paper towels, bend over and start wiping furiously >want to leave before doctor ci comes back and shoves a wombat up my ass >door opens, i'm rect >"ohsorrybackwhenyouredecent :X" >fuck, curly just got a full view of my twitching, wounded anus >finish wiping, pull up my pants, call curly in >"really sorry, doctor ci says you have a hemorrhoid and should take a warm bath :'| " >not a wombat. A warm bath. >thanks doc
Chase Hall
Oh, I forgot to ask, how the FUCK do I get rid of this hemorrhoid?
Aaron Flores
put a wahm wombat in you're buhole
Caleb Morales
So with the prunes are your shits soft yet?
Liam Flores
yeah but they make me really gassy and that irritates my asshole almost as much as rock hard shits
Michael King
You can try taking Miralax once or twice a day
Landon Ward
alright, will do. you should be a doctor
Ayden Martin
Scalding hot water is bad, key word is warm. Make sure to spread your ass cheeks wide as fuck underwater. It'll sting like shit but it will help. After you clean your disgusting no wiping ass in the bath, rub coconut oil on that shit. Don't be afraid to literally finger your ass with the coconut oil, also stop taking it up the arse ya poofta.
Ayden Peterson
Maybe. Tomorrow is my last day
Xavier Flores
oh, ok. you should also be a doctor.
Thomas Williams
Eat plenty of citrus fruits
Nolan Stewart
I found your posts pretty funny OP. Thanks.
Jason James
Imagine being so retarded and having such an incredibly bad diet for such a long period of time that you end up with a fucking asshole disease. How are people this stupid? How hard is it to eat a couple cups of fruits and vegetables a day? Even something sad a pitiful like 15g of fiber a day would probably be more than enough to prevent this kind of thing but no, you can't eat anything but deep fried cheese for 3 meals a day.
Angel Harris
So, did you tell her you'd already been doing that and it wasn't helping?
Jaxson Perez
Of course not, he's a little bitch who can't stand up for himself even if his health is at stake and his opponent is some chinese grandmother
Zachary Price
have hemorrhoids since age 16 (20 now) dont really do anything about them, havent even seen a doc even though sometimes they (literally) were a pain in the ass.
Pro Tip: >The best thing you can do about hemorrhoids is reduce stress! When I'm stressed the symptoms/pains are much more severe while chilling seems to almost cure them (while they're still there at least I can't feel them)
Jose King
What if it actually was a wombat, and the student just misheard? I suggest you get some one-on-one time with the doctor to discuss the matter further
