yo i got a shitty story >be me >retarded 19 y/o >have intestine issues and chronical pain >go to the doctor get your ass checked out and shit >doctor wanted me to get a stool sample >me being uninformed asks how i will go about doing this >doctor jokingly replies "idk poop on a plastic plate >takes it seriously
>get home >really needed to shit >realises i have to take the stool sample >wondering how i will get this shit in this test tube >do what the doctor told me >go to the bathroom with a plastic plate >put plastic plate on closed toilet lid >hunker over it like a dog >take massive fiber shit >holy shit >shit overflows onto the toilet seat >omfg >stop shitting and put the plate on the edge of the sink >gagging because of the stench >i never knew how much the water restricted the scent >trying to clean it up >accidently bump into plate of shit >it falls face down onto the floor >i want to fucking die >realises i did all this for a reason >dunno how to get this shit into the test tube >grab pinches of shit and shove into test tube >fill the fucker to the brim >realises the lid of the test tube has an attached spoon >want to die >cleaning up takes an hour, the stench filled the house and my family is looking at me in disgust
>later at the doctors >turning in test tube >doctor stares at it and then at me etc etc >look of disgust >what did i do >realises there's a line on the test tube >aaaaa >was only supposed to fill 1/5 of the test tube >mfw
This is the story of how I got tricked by this girl: pic related >Be me >Come home frome school at around 1 PM >Really exhausted and browsing /soc/ in bed >See thread of cute girls looking for an "ebf" to play games with >Being a genius think that ebf means for "internet best friend" >Start having a conversation with >H-hey it's actually going pretty good >Send a pic of myself >"Hey you're pretty cute" >I suddenly realize "ebf" means internet boyfriend >Oh m-my this is serious >We've been talking for maybe an hour or less and I decide to take a nap Cont.?
>be Swedish >Fill poop sample above poop line >Thrown out of doctor office >On way home >Get blown up by grenade of peace
Brody Nguyen
prince philip idk, this is a stories thread, aren't all things qoutes in the end?
David Ortiz
Yes, im interested in what /soc/fags are like
Joshua Garcia
>want to go see Wonder Woman >can't find a decent camrip online >decide to bite the bullet and go to the cinema >purchase my ticket online so as to minimize human interaction >I have a touch of the 'tism so conversations are difficult for me >catch the bus, sit by myself on a 2-seater in front of two 15 year old girls >they see me, one of them taps me on the shoulder and looks away giggling when I turn around >I get red-faced and tears start welling >one of the girls says "hey what's your name cutie?" >I turn around and yell "I AM JUST TRYING TO RIDE THE BUS PLEASE STOP INTIMIDATING ME" >tears are flowing by this point >everyone on the bus is looking at me >I turn back around and I can hear someone at the back of the bus say "oh my god what a psycho" >pull my hood over my head to avoid making eye contact with anyone when I exit the bus. >I arrive at the cinema >get in line behind two nigras, accidentally scuff the back of one's shoe >he turns around >"DA FUCK YOU TOUCHIN' ME FO WHITE BOI YOU BEST BE SUCKING MY DICK NOW NIGGA" >blubber "o-ok" >get down on my knees >he takes out his cock, it's 16 inches >start sucking the tip >"OH YEEEEEAH, YO GET A LOAD OF DIS WHYTE BOI YEAH SUCK DAT DICK" >he nuts in over my face >some it gets in my eyes >teenagers are laughing at me >manager comes over and tells everyone to hurry up and get inside >doesn't let me wipe the cum from my face >I go into the theater >eventually realize I'm in the wrong theater >It's the Boss Baby >try to leave, security shakes their head at me and gestures for me to sit back down >might as well enjoy the movie >I take out my bread and butter from my coin purse and offer some to the family sitting next to me >little girl punches me in the balls >I can't breath >mother screams at me and calls me a monster >can't see anything but red flashing, I can feel myself being dragged out by a cheering crowd >put in a police car and taken to the station >put in holding cell >spaghetti falls out of my asshole
>Wake up from nap around 8pm now >I'm in VC with two old friends frim Discord >Having a nice old chat >Girls messages me, she wants to play tf2 >"Sure of course" >Right before pressing the play button for tf2 I start bragging how I have qt assie egf >"She's basically my girlfriend" >Send picture to old friend >"YOOOOO THAT'S A DUDE" >Think he's messing with me because of the teap meme >"No it's not stfu!!!" >He says it's a trap from an old Jow Forums server he used to browse and asks me what her username is >He thinks she made a new account since that username doesn't correlate to what he remembers >Ask her the supposed username >She's confused >I start getting angry at friend in vc >Know he has a large pic collection of everyone he meets on discord >Tell him to send a pic of her >He sends it and I send it to the "girl" >"Is this you" I ask her >"Mhm" >"FUCK YOU" >I'm simultaneously both laughing at my own stupidity and crying at it >I'm so heartbroken amidst the laughter of my friends in VC dying from what just happened >I feel like George Costanza in a Seinfeld episode trying to justify it's not gay to fuck a trap
I know it's over and it never really began But in my heart it was so real
>Be me >15 years old and smokin big doinks kid >its summer >friend in the neighborhood says he has college friends throwing a party and invites me >when the college kids arrived the car was packed so they had two people sit on each other and I sat next to them and my friend just went in the trunk >get to the party and it's all older people, like in their 30's older >get the nickname "sweet legs" by a fellow drunk party mate >girl that drove us asks guy who owns the house if we can smoke outside bc it was windy >we roll up a handful of blunts and got it going around the circle >drunk guys getting jealous that all the girls are inside smoking weed >they tell us they want us to come outside >that's cool just let us finish first >military Chad type KICKS THE FUCKING DOOR OPEN (the wife of the guy who owns the house was actually leaning against the door) and pulls a fucking gun on us >mfw I thought it was a fake gun so I started laughing while everyone else is dead ass silent >we all go outside and I was so baked I didn't get why at the time "I can't believe they pulled a fucking gun on us" "Wait that was a real gun?" *Seinfeld theme plays*
This one time I was at my friends house and it was midnight and we were playing truth or dare it was me, and 3 other people. I was dared to go outside and start screaming and we thought that no one was outside but when I ran outside to scream I saw 2 girls unloading their car in the road down the street a bit in the dark. Anyway I start screaming about vegans and go back inside a week later my friend tells me that his house got a noise complaint from that but his family just laughed it off. I then did this same thing again and got another noise complaint filed against them.
Julian Campbell
>be me >be on internet browser >cant be brothered to set up a blog >get idea.tasproj >be posting on >random >board >think its funny to make everyone read my >posts in >green >type up story.tar.bz2 >misuse >quote >function >ld.so >my >m>f>w >when