You die and go to heaven, what is the first thing that god says to you?

he would summon up all my Jow Forums posts and we'd go through them in order and then he'd ask me if i deserved to be there

>oh my self, there are still humans down there? Nobody's come to heaven in ages, I thought you guys all died or something.
>wait, are they all going to hell? What the fuck happened down there? I only stepped away for 2 minutes, how did you guys fuck everything up?

>then he'd ask me if i deserved to be there
>mfw

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Welcome son...
Jk your going to hell nigga

>well user do you remember that one post you made? "gas every last nigger, spic, and kike" was it?

I'd feel so cheated by that statement alone that I would assume that I were speaking with the Devil.

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>We have some really cute anime girls though
It's all I want for a heaven.

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HAVE U BEEN BEATIN' YO DICK SON!?

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Why ask a rhetorical question God?

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>remember Lot's wife?

You jerked off to some freaky shit, my child.

>Your waifu isn't real here either, faggot.

ayyy lmao
but in a godly original way

Probably niggers tongue my anus

He will sigh wearily and ask "Was it worth it?"

Checked

Cecery eidjdwkm

you don't belong here. 124124 fuck you too

>Yup, I don't regret a thing. Now, where's my big titty goth gf?

Checked btw.

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Who the fuck let this fucking faggot nigger up here?

can't ignore these repeating digits
confirmed for truth

I bet you're confused and worried. Don't worry, as long as you did what it says in the quran you'll be fine.

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you finally pulled the trigger, you fucking faggot

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Barely made it, dipshit

Your purgatory is finally over huh? You went through faster than most do. Enjoy.

"How did you fuck up that badly my child?"

>Ah sorry, you're supposed to go to hell, actually.
>Just a misunderstanding, I'll send you right over there soon.

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>implying a perfect and almighty God would make such a mistake
>implying it wouldn't be on purpose

"wow you probably feel really stupid for not believing in me."
and i would.

>I'm sorry, user! I didn't mean for you to live that life!

"Wtf are you doing here so early?!"

>"If you had read the Bible more closely you would have know what all gf purposed only for Chads"

"oops you weren't supposed to end up here off to hell you go"

"Now that your sentence in hell has been carried out, it's time for heaven. Enjoy yourself now, boy"

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Wow, how the fuck did you get up here? That shouldn't be possible.

Delet this hnghghgh

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Checked. This is too real

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>oh wait, how'd you get here?
>mfw

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i don't get it someone help my brainlet.. uh... brain.

see Ever watch The Matrix? If Heaven was truly perfect its denizens would go insane.

He would just stare into my eyes and I would break down crying, knowing I wasted away His precious gift that is life by being bitter and incapable of feeling happiness.

"sorry wrong gate"

YOU ATE ALL MY BEANS NIGGA!!!

"I told you not to fucking masturbate you brainlet."