22 years old

I was in your shoes user. Im going to give you the cliche, it gets better. It honestly does. But you have to try. Its going to suck. A lot. You're going to want to give up but try and push through. And if you do give up, that's okay but you need to get up and try again. And again. Eventually its going to suck a little bit less. Given you want to do it in 3 years, you either have a goal you want to try or you gave yourself a timeframe because you think just maybe it gets better. And it does but you have to try. Stop placing so much worth on sexual achievements. Dont base your self worth on your perceived sexual value. Its a bad road to go down and its a hard road to make a u turn on.

It gets better user. But you have to try. There are no misakis or kaminas in this world. But maybe you can be your own. But you gotta try first.

Listen buddy; the only advice I can give you is to get on autismbux. The way your situation sounds it would be easy. Join and try out the NEET life for a few years and if you don't enjoy then you can die.

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Sometimes I wonder why I bother to keep on living as well, then I watch anime or read a manga/book and then realise I'd be missing out on all of these cool stories which are literally my reason for living this long.

Why not try your hand at making your own user?

live the rest of ur years as explosive as ever user. Aqua-sama speed

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fuck man I'm gonna do it. not OP but had a mental breakdown, quit my job on the spot, about to break my apartment lease because I can't fucking pay it and going to get and abuse neetbux until I can get the actual balls to kms. can't take this shit anymore.

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Boo fucking hoo youre a kissless, hugless virgin. Who the fuck cares. Thats such a stupid and pathetic reason to want to kill yourself

Dont do it, user. Ive been in really shitty financial situations too. It happens to the best of us. You'll get through it eventually. Life is a bitch. But you still gotta fight. There's always a way.

Its kinda weird the only reason I dont an hero is because I like drinking and crossdressing. Very weird but they are like the only things I live for.

unfornuately the deed has already been done, just going to abuse autism money for a good long while until I get sick of it.

I've thought about making my own comic because I have a lot of stories in my head being a huge daydreamer, it's either that or writing a book.

Yeah dude go for it. Itll give you a purpose and something to look forward to it besides new releases.

I am in the same boat. I just can't stop thinking about dying and being depressed. Waking up is the worst thing in the world and I absolutely hate my life. So ive decided to save up money for a big trip to solo see a beautiful destination of my choice. Then im going to probably kill myself by overdose in my sleep and put a bunch of flowers around me with a suicide note. It is probably the best way out. Seeing the stars as you drift into forever sleep.

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>im X years old and killing myself before im Y years old unless Z

how many people say shit like this
how many people actually go through with it

And I live totally alone.
I have no one I care about in my life.

Will you create OC one last time?

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No.
I'm not evolved enough to do IRL OC before I die.

The man that stole a plane and crashed it was an incredible human being, and if I were incredible, I wouldn't be where I'm at.

So then you have nothing to lose. Live your life to the fullest for the next three years. Do everything you've wanted to do until you end up absolutely broke or in prison

I feel ya OP. I'm 23 and I have to die before I'm 25. I have a little over one year left. That's a lot of depressing shit though

My biggest issue is that I have nothing I want to do.

I am not at all interested in the world.
I was not born that way. I was not born to care about material objects, and I do not want to hurt people before I go. I have not lead my life that way. I have 15 thousand dollars in my bank account because of my disinterest in material objects, social status, and other people.

I'm not white, so there's a major deficit in my willpower. The only place I really belong is Puerto Rico with my race, but it's absolute hell for me to get there. I can't ride a bicycle without suffering. I'm not strong enough to live a better life, so I am just going to kill myself.

Im a fembot. Why dont you slide me that 15k before you do it babyyyy

Story of my life. I used to say the same 3 years ago. I'm now 25 and things are just as bad and I don't know why I'm still here. Godspeed.

So then go to Puerto Rico. Force yourself to get stronger. As you are right now, you probably wouldn't even have the willpower to kill yourself. If you aren't happy with something, change it.

That's how I feel, word by word. Except for the fact my bank account is empty kek. I'm from South America, so I can relate to most of what you've said. You might want to change your mindset while you still have time even though it could possibly make you a worse person for your current pov. It might save you. I've tried, but failed.

almost none of them do, its a cry for attention

Killing yourself is hard because there are lots of things involved. As much as one wants to die, you need to evaluate the circumstances:

>They fear failing the attempt and becoming potatos
>During an attempt your body may go into survival move and you will try to escape even though you genuinely want to die
>You worry about how your family will feel even though you're done with life, so you try to hold on.

Some people are chronically suicidal. I envy the ones who can set themselves on fire or live in America where they can just get a gun. My attempts failed and landed me in a psych ward. I wouldn't try that shit again unless I am sure I'd die.

What type of mixed race are you, OP?

I already have a firearm in my house. I have already held it against my brainstem. It wouldn't take too much effort to get out now.

I think about moving to where I really belong, and I feel like it's already too late.

People in that country make friends when they're 8, and they stay solid friends until they die. I look at people, and I feel like I'm staring at a rock.

I can't shake the feeling it's already too late for me to make real friends in life. If I go up to randoms in Puerto Rico, they will stay away from me, it will be a repeat of public school as an adult man. I won't have the social skills I need to get accepted either. There's a 15% DNA gap at perfect because of my Anglo DNA. I feel like this means even if I go there I will have problems.

You aren't supposed to start living at 23.
You're supposed to be situated with people by that age. You're supposed to have things of value in life. You're not supposed to just randomly get those things and then say they matter. You can't do that. It would be a lie. The bonding is non-existent. My testosterone levels are at adult levels, so it's even harder now.

I'm a victim of the industrial machine.
I'm better off free of life itself.

Not as hard as living. With living, you have to work to actively stay alive. Even if you slack off for a couple days, you can die from dehydration.

Being attractive doesn't make someone entitled u rotten vagina. Stop being a whiney lil sonuvabitch and actually work on not being a lazy maggot, and then maybe you'll land yourself some puss. Women are turned off by incel losers like you, so instead of blaming the world for your misfortunes look in the fucking mirror for a change.

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How much willpower to you think one has to have to die of dehydration? People want to die without pain if possible. Nature wants to perpetuate life, whether for the better or worse.

just jump off a high building you nerd

I'm not black enough to be happy just alive. Even mulattoes kill themselves over having empty lives.

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I guess african children have incredible willpower then

if you've got the cash then buy a gun and do yourself in. you can literally end your existence within 2 weeks.

Or jump in front of a train like they do in Africa

I don't have the keys for getting to any roof.

Stop broadcasting your race like it makes you special. Literally no one gives a shit, and you're just seeking attention and pity.

You don't need to keys to get outside if you were never inside

>Special

It's nothing to do with "special"
It's everything to do with "racism" "biological incongruity" "rejection"

People don't like what is different from themselves. My race is the root cause of my troubles in life. I would be happy and blind to the world if I were a Mestizo, a White, or a Black.

My own parents can't love me because I don't look at all like them. Blood is everything.

71.3% means you're white btw. I'm not white black or whatever the fuck, and yet I've still gotten my fair share of attention from girls. Stop blaming your problems on your race. It's pathetic and stupid.

I wish I could stop, but it's the truth

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3491494/

washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/08/25/three-quarters-of-whites-dont-have-any-non-white-friends/

reuters.com/article/us-usa-poll-race/many-americans-have-no-friends-of-another-race-poll-idUSBRE97704320130808

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3659010/

journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0048546

perception.org/research/racial-anxiety/

What are you?

(Typing this cuz my comment wasn't original) puerto Rican

Hey user, this is just me rambling but hopefully something comes out of it. I'd say at least use those 15k to find yourself. Not on material things, but experiences. Like you, I no longer get excited about owning a new tech device or having a car or new shoes. I find that I get the most out of things when doing something that gives me an experience to remember, especially if it gives me an adrenaline rush. If you don't care about your life, then go do something a little risky and fun. Like skydiving or rock climbing. You might hate it, you might love it, but better than just offing yourself without ever trying. For me, I ended up really liking doing some risky things since it helps with dpdr stuff. Can't always say I feel like doing it, but in the moment, it definitely takes you out.

Go volunteer or help out animals. That shit can actually help sometimes. I know you say you don't have the willpower and that may be true. But you gotta take baby steps into doing stuff. Could only get out of bed and brush your teeth? Hey user, that's better than nothing. Next day, wanted to go for a walk outside but didn't make it more than 10m? 10m is a lot more than 0m. Just make sure to avoid doing nothing. That will only make the hole deeper. Focus on the little things day by day and they'll build up to something worthwhile. What also helped me here is not eating so much sugar, especially in the mornings. It's hard to give it up at first, but it's worthwhile. Diet helps with mood more than you'd think.

Also, fuck all the people who put down others for not being their race or looking different. It's hard, but don't let that leave you paralyzed from going out and trying things. If your own parents feel that way, it might be best to take some time away from them.

You have 3 yrs to make it to Puerto Rico and you probably can. I only say that cause it honestly sounds like you're in a more desirable situation with having at least a little bit of cash to start. Good luck.

I also can't climb a tall building.

Yes you can. Use google maps to find your nearest multi-level parking deck.

Those are only excuses you use for attention

I get attention from girls too, but I don't care about the way they look. My brain is wired too tightly to go for anything that doesn't share in my genetics.

I'm 99.88th percentile for visuospatial intelligence. This is what I'm good at doing

youtube.com/watch?v=c_Y-Wse3HT4

My entire brain is geared toward visual differences. My Digit Ratio is .954 because I come from a Mulatto Womb. My penis is 7 inches long, but 4.5 inches in girth. These are both bio-markers for high prenatal testosterone.

They only pay attention to me because I look dangerous and strong. They do not see a human being in me, and I do not see a human being in them. This is the way my brain is. I can't care about races that are not my own.

If I tried to date a white girl or a mestizo girl, I would probably get angry with them and attack them. It's not worth my life or time. I can't even feel sexually attracted to them.

I think I should try and follow what you've told me.
I need to get out of where I'm at, or I'll die.

The other day I worked 13 days straight 10 hours a day, and I was ready to kill myself.
I had no tool to do it with though.

Thank you for taking the time to send me this message.

>brain wired to certain ethnic groups
>links to Shitty yt vids idc about
>would probably attack a certain group that u aren't attracted to
Look man. This isn't about your race. This is about you having mental issues. Please seek help.

Do you live in Puerto Rico?

No. I have no clue what it's like there, and if u live there and it IS different....I apologize. For all except you having mental issues. Again, try to get that attacking girls thing checked out.

Ariel Castro lived with a Mexican girl, and that's what he did to her.

>Ariel Castro was born on July 11, 1960, in Yauco, Puerto Rico, to Pedro Castro and Lillian Rodriguez. When he was a child, his parents divorced. Shortly after the divorce, Castro moved to the mainland with his mother and three siblings. The family first settled in Reading, Pennsylvania, and later moved to Cleveland, Ohio, where Castro's father and several other extended family members were living.[12][13][14][15] Castro had nine siblings.[16] According to Castro's uncle, his family knew the DeJesus family and had lived in the same West Cleveland neighborhood.[17] Castro was a 1979 graduate of Cleveland's Lincoln-West High School.[18][19]

>Castro met his future girlfriend, Grimilda Figueroa, when his family moved into a house across the street from hers in the 1980s. They lived with both sets of parents, but moved into their own home at 2207 Seymour Avenue in 1992.[20][21] Their home was a two-story, 1,400-square-foot (130 m2), four-bedroom, one-bathroom house with a 760-square-foot (71 m2) unfinished basement built in 1890 and remodeled in 1956.[22][23][24] According to Figueroa's sister, Elida Caraballo, when the couple moved into their new home, "all hell started breaking loose". Caraballo and her husband Frank claim Castro beat Figueroa, breaking her nose, ribs, and arms. He also threw her down a flight of stairs, cracking her skull.[21] In 1993, Castro was arrested for domestic violence but was not indicted by a grand jury.[25]

He was a Puerto Rican man that was forced to live his entire life in America. It's not good. Do you live around other Puerto Ricans, or do you live with races that are not?

To be clear, you're waiting to see if your sister gets divorced, so that you can breed her because she's the only person in the world that's close enough to you genetically to be attractive?
Am I getting it?

She's too close to me for me to feel truly sexually attracted to her, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to.

No problem man. There's a lot of good resources out there for the stuff I touched on. Jow Forums is fun but not always the best to get yourself going in a better mood. Sleep is also important. Meditation actually helps with "wrong" internal feelings about others and yourself. Super hard to sit down even for just 3 mins but it's peaceful and helpful. Interesting reads on that if you have time.

Working can definitely make us feel trapped, but there's a lot out there to experience. Again, don't always feel like it but hey at least it's something. Just want to point out also that I'm far from achieving all the stuff I pointed out. Still working on myself and still far from even getting close to getting a gf. Still, worth a try I guess.

I feel that the best advice comes from someone that understands where you are. Thank you once more.

Most of my friends are white. I have one Puerto Rican friend, and there is this one Puerto Rican guy I know who flirts with me sometimes, so fuck that. No other Puerto Ricans other than my family. Also Castro was a fucking monster so don't you dare compare him to me.

>Guy

Is he a homosexual? If I'm to be honest with you, I find Puerto Rican men more attractive than white women, so that's probably why he's harassing you.

I don't think Castro was a monster. He was just alone.

>Most of my friends are white

How old are you? Do you know what your digit ratio is? Even though we are genetically similar, the wombs we come from are not the same.

In my experience, my white "friends" always treated me poorly. They flung me against a wall and rejected me even though I never did anything to hurt them or upset them. It's not their fault though. We're just too genetically different for anything good to happen between us.

How much white ancestry do you have by the way?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digit_ratio

Of course, glad it reached someone. One last thing. Don't be overly critical for your faults and missteps. I've been there and part of me still is. But that shit doesn't help. Unproductive for yourself to linger on every failure. Stuff happens and it'll pass and we'll have to accept it. Easier said than done of course but it's true... But yeah, all the best man.

>yeah he's mega gay
>I'm not
>Castro was a monster, and you know it
>I'm not revealing my age online but I'm still in HS
>My friends are decent human beings who I grew up with and would never beat me up cuz of my race
>your friends are not friends
>You're somewhat right my father is 1/4 French (white)
>This has nothing to do with genetics or race, you're just surrounded by horrible people
>I'm starting to feel really bad for you
>Seriously get that attacking women thing checked out

He likes you because you're a young Puerto Rican lad.

He's a pederast, and that's heterosexual.

When you graduate, someday you'll have the time to really think about what you've just gone through. You'll realize it wasn't fair, and that I was right all along.

I'm 23, and you're a boy to me because of the life you've led. Life isn't fair, but we all get used to it.

>What I've gone through?
Eh??
Wym life's been pretty gud so far despite me posting on r9k.
>he's not a pederast
He just gey

Do it now, wish I had of killed myself at that age, it only gets worse

Death by poppa.
At least then you'll go to Valhalla

Something happens when you graduate, and start to realize who cared about you and why.

You're 18 or younger.
He likes your youth. You are a very young man whether you know it or not, and he's probably older than you.

He just wants to use your body, not love you. Stay away from him. If he cared about you, he wouldn't be flirting with you in the first place.

>good idea
> I think I'm starting to get what you're saying
I live pretty much right next to Canada, so I've been surrounded by progressive liberals who are too scared to even mention my race when I'm around. They always put me on this pedestal as this symbol of diversity n shit, which is annoying, but not traumatic. Please explain

White people care about everything. They are evolved to be feminine and be that way.

Have you ever seen a white person say something like "I love that" or "Someday this will all be mine"

That is what's going on. They are feminized by evolution. The black race is biologically different from the white race. These differences are bone deep

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1863580/

The average black digit ratio is .922
The average white digit ratio is .980

Women of all races score higher on this trait than men do to the tune of white women getting 1.00 over white men

The same way they care about a necklace, they care about you. It doesn't sound cruel, but it is. You are not a human being in their eyes. You are an object before you are a person.

This is why they say you're their diversity.
They are giving themselves something frivolous to have through you.

White women are more selfish than any other race of women as they are the most female.

You need to get away from your white "friends" that likely never invite you to anything. They probably don't truly see you as a human being, but they probably do care about you.

Also read this. The world you live in is all fucked-up, and this is why

editions-hache.com/essais/pdf/kaczynski2.pdf

A feminine brain is a spiritual brain.
The human race came from Africa, and it went through hell to get to Europe.

The only reason they kept going was because the men became more like women, and through that they became more perfect for this world.

They became more spiritual than any other race to keep going forward in the face of extreme adversity.

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There is also a right way to live. It's called Hunter-Gatherer lifestyle. This is what it looks like. Anything that goes against a hunter gatherer lifestyle is bad, and the entire world now flies against this way of life.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hunter-gatherer

People were born and automatically belonged to mono-racial bands of 150 people or more. They ate healthy, played for work, and they were happier to live that way than any other way.

We do not live this way anymore.
We live an existence out of balance with the way it should be.

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Time will serve to prove who was your friend and who was using you to gratify themselves.

I've still got 1 white friend I value even if he whips and winds down a painful road.

>My friends don't actually care about me
Look man, I know you've had some bad run ins, but...WHITE PEOPLE are NOT evil!! My friends don't give a damn about race. We grew up playing smash and pokemon together, we've gone to parties before..hell my best friend (white) hooked me up with my first gf. You believe white people are all plotting against every other race like "hmmmm how can we bully dem niggers today??" And you're WRONG. You're racist. And I completely understand why. Just because you had bad experiences with white people doesn't mean they're all evil. GET HELP

I agree with this honestly.
Farcry primal irl? Yes plz

You are their friend because you love more than I do. This all ties back to Digit Ratio.

You are not wrong.
I am the racist in the end.

But how white are you?
Do you know?

Are you going to marry your sister?

I wish I could.
All of the problems in my life would be solved.

Is you lusting for your sister a factor in you wanting to kill yourself?

I'd say so, yes.
I lust for my sister because there are no other women in my eyes.

So what's the closest you've ever gotten to seeing some titty from her?

I've got Scandinavian and French blood. Pretty sure there's some English and Irish too. I just know I'm very Puerto Rican

Spied on her undressing back when I was 9
Was bench pressing when I was 16, she stood over me, and I got an erection and she saw.

She explicitly told me incest is disgusting, so I never tried.

but Puerto Ricans can hit 80% white, and French isn't typical of the Puerto Rican genetic makeup.

You're probably very white and don't know it.

Because you got a boner from her spotting you? Jesus. She probably told all her friends.

You should try anyway.

It's French/African actually. Not sure if that matters. Also my appearance says otherwise

Can you tell us more about her husband? what's it like?

>My appearance says otherwise

I thought I was 50% white, 25% African, and 25% Amerindian until I took a genetic test and got 72.8% white. Someone in your family was 80% European. That likely didn't go away over time. You've probably just got black hair and brown eyes, and a bit of a wide nose.

I'm too scared you're someone who knows him, but he has about as much genetic difference from her as a white man.

I know he doesn't love her like I love her. He treats her so coldly when she enters the room, but my heart bursts with joy at having her near me. It's like watching a human being try and love a rock. I can't even see that he's human. She's too good for him, and she belongs to me more than anyone else.

I wish I could hold her in my arms and have sex with her and marry her and have children with her, but I can't.

It's forbidden.

Damn you nailed it. My hair is actually an extremely dark brown tho

This is why white people like you.
You're whiter than 71%