Be me

>be me
>20 y/o wake up one day with my nuts hurting
>doesn't hurt that bad so i decide to just take a painkiller and ignore it
>don't really feel too bad most of the day until around 8PM
>nuts start hurting really bad, lower abdomen hurts even worse
>take more meds, mostly painkillers and anti-inflamatory meds
>pain starts to slowly subside, still not enough to soundlessly
>spend whole night reading golden kamuy until i eventually fall asleep
>wake up and the pain is much more maneagable
>meds seemed to be working so didn't go to a hospital
>spend the second day playing nier: automata and shitposting, putting an ice pack on my ballsack every once in a while
>wake up third day
>go to the bathroom
>i shit you not my dick is so swollen on the foreskin that it looks like a fucking lightbulb
>finally decide to go to the hospital

1/?

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thats cool but who are you quoting

>get in an examination room with a general practitioner
>he examines my ballsack, says it's pretty swollen and suspects that the swelling comes from the medicine i took
>forwards me to an urologist for further examination
>go into this guy's office
>"lock the door, i'm gonna abuse you a little"
>i think this is an attempt at lightening the mood so i chuckle a little and do that
>turn around and the doctor's face is completely blank and serious
>pic related is his face
>tells me to unzip my pants and lower my boxers to my knees
>starts digging his fingers deep into my scrotum
>not only does he dig into it he also starts twisting it and squeezing it
>it hurts
>tells me to pull my pants up
>tells me there are two possiblities
>A. i somehow managed to cause testicular torsion in my sleep, likely from rubbing my thighs against my ballsack
>B. it's just a simple inflamation
>tells me he's leaning towards the latter as he finds it hard to believe i'd be even moving if a torsion was the case
>books me to an ultrasound scan 1 hour later

2/?

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yeah but did you keep the nut

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>get on ultrasound scan, asked to hold my dick upward with some cloth they gave me
>affeminate looking male nurse keeps staring at my ballsack while the doctor performs the scan
>feel really uncomfortable
>finish the scan and i'm told to wait
>nurses come up to me and tell me i had to sign a form for a surgery
>it's actually a testicular torsion
>it's been 3 days since the pain started so i'm told i'm likely going to have to get my testicle removed due to it not having and blood flowing through it for a long time
>handed some shitty semi-dull razor and told to shave my pubes in the shower
>haven't shaved in months
>fucking forest down there
>have a genuine panic attack at the possibility of losing a testicle because i think my testosterone count would be way lower and i'd become a soyboy
>cut myself with the dull razor due to my hands shaking while trying to clear the pubes off it, not enough to bleed but still break the skin
>somehow manage to shave myself with a really unsteady hand
>get in hospital gown and am told to wait for my operation which would be held the same day
>get taken to the operation prep room within an hour
>meet surgeon in the elevator
>it was the same dickhead urologist that told me to lock the door and twisted my ballsack earlier
>ask him if the risk of having a testicle removed is great and if so how it would affect my testosterone levels
>the risks were very high due to how late i went to the hospital after feeling the initial pain
>apparently a single testicle can generate the same ammount of testosterone as two testicles in the absence of two, same with semen production
>feel relieved

3/4?

>arrive at operation room
>nurse asks me if i'm nervous and i say yes
>she injects me with some calmants
>tells me to sit upright so she can give me a partial anesthesia for my lower half
>pricks me 5 times with the needle and keeps telling me i need to relax
>finally manages to give me the injection
>whole lower back is paralyzed
>they make a screen with some cloth so i can't see what's going on on my lower half
>get strapped to the table
>glad they did because the room is literally freezing cold and i couldn't stop my arms from shaking
>doctor asks me if i feel anything
>tell him no
>"good, i already cut open your ballsack by the way"
>at this point i'm convinced the doctor just wants to fuck with me
>he tells me the testicle can no longer be saved and the fucker actually goes around the table and shows me what it looks like after he removed it
>imagine a chicken heart but pitch black and the size of a human palm
>get stiches and a bandage
>get taken to a recovery room until i can get discharged in the morning
>tell friends about it and shitpost a lot on my phone

4/4

so how was your week Jow Forums?

FUCK MOVE LOVE

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should have asked if u could keep the nut and preserved in a jar as a lil souvenir

Emperor Palpatine

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missed opportunity