Anyone else getting clean during these holidays...

Anyone else getting clean during these holidays. I am 9 days clean from an IV heroin habit that's been raging for almost 7 years. I feel weird

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How the fuck do you get clean of Heroin for 7 years? How's that even fucking possible?

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Well fucking done. I cant even give up alcohol. DESU i dont really know I bother Im pretty sure ive already got liver disease.

I had to leave the country for holidays. Getting caught with dope here would mean life in jail. I was sick as a dog til a day ago or so. I wanted to die every second of it. The hard part will be not shooting up soon as I'm back home. I'm fighting for my literal life

Sorry man. Thanks btw. Obviously 1 week sober out of 7 years not is a joke but it's been a trip.... Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I love alcohol too

Bruh, tell me your whole story. Why did you start doing Heroin, when did it begin, what other drugs you took etc. I'd love to hear it all.
Best of luck.

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Yep, currently in uni, decided stop doing pills and drinking, been clean for 24 hours and already tried hanging myself, bailed out when was almost passed out. Fucked up something in my throat cause it hurts to breathe.

>30 years old white male
>grew up ok enough, basically failed normalfag
>both parents were addicts, miserable, divorced, all the good stuff
>start acting out and isolating myself around grade 5-6
>smoking, drinking, drugs, hanging out with much older kids
>get hospitalized, expelled from school in grade 8
>downward spiral continues through high school
>can't take home situation or life anymore, decide it's try university or kms
>go to university, suddenly i can function
>education and exercise are my new reasons for living
>become like a monk and perfect my lifestyle
>meet latina girl, we click, starting dating
>graduate with great grades
>move back in with parents in shitty hometown
>depression, anxiety, anger return
>for the first time in 4+ years use prescription drugs to self medicate and cuz am bored
>move back to school town with the latina but it's too late
>i am hopeless addicted and pills are expensive
>eventually discover heroin is stronger and a bit cheaper, at first
>since then have been in and out of work, and turning what i have left into ash

Same. I hate being sober. Its so boring and depressing. Even after you get through withdrawal. Hence why i kept drinking.

OP here. my best, only, friend hanged himself may 24th this year. He was married with a year old son. I failed him clearly cuz i was so preoccupied with my own deathwish and problems, pain that i didn't know he was miserable. Pls get some help

One more thing i don't know what pills you take or your habit, including booze...but I've been shooting up to a gram of east coast powder (non fentanyl) each day. Have you considered suboxone or methadone

Hey OP good for you. That is extremely important, heroin will take your life away. If you feel the need for something, buy Kratom and try that

I tried talking to my friends but they just laughed and it ended there. And I can't afford professional help.

Anything I can get my hands on, isually do shitloads of xanax, valium, sometimes mdma if I want to feel happy for some time. Also snort copious amounts of speed from time to time

Professional help hasn't helped me. Been through psych meds, counseling, psychiatry, all of it. I think some of us are broken. Fuck your loser friends. Unless you have been through it (mental illness, addiction, suicide, homicide etc.) you would never understand. If you want to just chat and talk via email let me know.

OP what kind of person would you like to be? How would your life look if you could choose?

I see. Benzos and MDMA are stuff I did as a kid but the last 6-8 years it's been mostly dope and some cocaine. But what I've said still applies.

kicked the meth and coke this holidays too user, keep it up

>I feel weird
No shit. You can't fully recover from heroin addiction. Ever.

I think if I could be staying somewhere far away from my biological family, maybe even go no contact. My childhood wasn't very great. I was terrified of my mom growing up, my Dad had virtually zero relationship with me, and my 2 sisters have their own issues. I am not blaming anyone, nor am I a victim, but I absolutely am who I am largely due to my early life. Plus addiction and mental problems run for generations along both my family trees. So if I could have been less involved in the family problems, knock down drag out fighting, etc. I'd likely be better off. I also always knew I was prone to addiction, and made a point to avoid using drugs or drinking as a crutch - til I stopped caring about my life post university. There are regrets I have, I wish I could start over. I've been molested, have friends kill and die, wish I never tried drugs. But you can't start over. But maybe if I could get away from the negativity somewhere far, and focus my time on some job and activity I somewhat like, maybe I could build a life. Kind of like how I managed to be successful while in university.

That's encouraging, originally

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That's not really what I asked, that's just a list of things that went wrong. Maybe I worded it badly. I'm just wondering who you'd like to be. What kind of day would that person have?

That's the truth unfortunately.

Sorry I should mention that my brain feels majorly scrambled cuz I am not numbed out, and I'm not really good at these type of exercises. But I am happy when I am forced to be around people. I love music, I love driving, I want to provide instead of take everyone in my life down. My last job was with a law firm. I often drove long hours every day to meet prospective or current clients, and I always loved it. Both the forced social aspect, for my ((((mental health))), and then the long car ride where I could just zone out alone. So...that's it. If I could support myself doing that full-time again, maybe even working up in the firm. If I could do that and have a base to build from. Does that make any sense?

So, should I just resign and keep using? Is it my brain that is now fucked? Or should I end it all? Take others with me? What would you do?

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That sounds pretty nice. What would it take to get another job like that?

Nah, it's better to stay off this shit but don't expect to live a normal life either.

There are plenty of ex-addicts living normal lives

I was doing that about 9 months ago. I managed to stick it out for a year, my boss said I was the best new hire the firm had ever seen. Then my mom had a stroke, and I went to see her. I was told take all the time you need. I came back 10 days later and the firm just stopped taking my calls. It was bizarre but I guess not completely unexpected. The nature of that type of personal injury law means there are lots of scummy and greedy people. I wouldn't wipe my ass with one of those lawyers desu. But I did love that job...

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I wasn't normal before I started. The dope just helped numb everything and became my medicine.