Tell us your story user, that one moment in your life that changed everything, your doomsday

my life has no "story" if i had any hardship in my life there would be at least something that i can try to overcome, to test me and in the process push me to new heights. my life is the story of a guy who never left comfort and became unable to ever leave due to anxiety of anything that wasn't comfort.

it's okay Jerome you're with friends now

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cont
>ask if she's okay etc
"They know she won't be a quadriplegic."
>I didn't know why my sister would become a dinosaur
>desu it would be awesome if my sister was a dinosaur
>but I didn't want to ask anymore because he seemed really flustered
>get home, '95 sister jumps on me
"WHAT'S HAPPENING TELL ME NOW"
>jesus I don't know anything, only tell her about the letter I heard about
>she's completely frantic
>nobody tells us dick for several hours, no calls no nothing
>don't remember exactly how but we ended up in the critical status sector of the hospital
>there's my parents and '81 sister around a bed, and in the bed, a bloody wreck
>my '87 sister laying there, all I can remember is her disinfected orange hand squeezing mine and I don't even know whose words that floated in the air like a sentence in court
"It's gonna be alright."

I forgot to write earlier this sister really has a soft spot for me, has done ever since I was a baby. No matter how much we've fought we always come back together somehow.

>as days, weeks, and months pass, I begin learning and piecing together the truth (still don't know the exact story to this day)
>sister basically got a sugar daddy in the form of a local gang leader
>dude got capped and my sister actually believed a 40 year old man and a 22 year old girl could have something between them
>genuinely upset she goes to a highway overpass with her car, stops, gets out, then jumps off
>to this day no clue how she survived

This in itself of course didn't phase young me. Despite being the smartest kid in school in generations, I was emotionally underdeveloped. That said though, I was beginning to come out of my shell just then and I was really starting to get along with everyone in school, even the kids who once bullied me were beginning to like me a lot.

probably the day my parents met and my genetic makeup became possible

who is Jerome

sorry Tyrone all your people look the same to me

>they didnt laugh at me. no, one of them loudly went awwwww an expression of pity
>they felt bad for me
>for the first time i become truly self conscious and begin questioning my position with regards to the rest of humanity
>my trip goes in a different direction, no longer am i absorbed with the external. my minds eye turns inward and i begin examining myself
>continue wandering in introspection, i decide that if i keep walking around alone i will draw too much attention
>i go into line to ride a roller coaster and blend in
>people still notice that i am alone, but the rollercoasters were fun
>this goes on for a while, riding roller coasters alone and listening to music the entire time
>i get to one of the biggest lines
>its really crowded
>some time passes in line. suddenly one of the staff shouts out saying there is one seat available and asks if there are any solo riders
>i shrink down and try to make myself invisible
>a girl nearby grabs my arm and screams loudly that i am alone
>the entire crowd, all these groups that were laughing and joking and talking loudly a moment ago gets dead silent
>no one says a word
>i was pretty far back from the front
>i am ushered around all the poles and turns through the crowd and through the line and placed into a seat on the roller coaster, alone
>the silence sort of turns to murmurs
>everyone is just staring at me
>yet again, i hear a girl vocalize that same expression of pity. awwwww
>try hard as fuck not to cry, my eyes probably watered up
>after i get off the ride i spent the rest of the day just wandering the park, my trip went south from there and i gradually realized i have no friends and realized how that is not normal
>finally they take us on bus back to the school, everyone laughing and having a good time
>i walk the 7 miles from the school to my house and like always no one else is there
>im alone

something died in me that day and never came back

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even more cont

What broke the camel's back, however, was the metric ton of straws that came later that literally squashed the fuck out of said proverbial camel.
>everyone in family are emotionally functioning
>because of the sudden shock of a sister/daughter/step-daughter trying to commit suicide, everyone sort of broke
>from that day onward, nobody was ever like they were before
The story of my sister's suicide attempt, of course, has remained a secret to everyone outside of the family. I was never allowed to talk about it, ask questions, debate it. Every thought I had about it I had to bottle up; And because my sister's recovery was the family's main focus for several years, I had to bottle up several years worth of thoughts, because for several years that's basically all that happened to the family.
>my emotional development be damned, I was isolated by my family, but it's not like I can blame them for prioritizing; of course you'll give priority to a suicide victim recovering from a billion broken bones and three artificial joints
>I only blame them for withdrawing any sort of emotion from me for several years
>by the time I realize what had been done, I also realize I'm less emotionally developed than I was when I was 12 -- I regressed to a point where conversation was meaningless, there was only schoolwork, and emotions are silly and hold us back
>I currently know of 6 distinct states of mind that I only assume are emotions
>I currently fake an attitude for everyone and everything
>I have no idea who I am, or who I'm supposed to be
>by definition I am a robot; my outer appearance is artificial, my mind is completely technical, so far as my IQlet brain permits

You are such a pussy, dome yourself retard, shit story.

>mfw people actually buy my attitude
>mfw people actually think that the slightly weird kid grew up into a surprisingly normal person and share this amazing story of my normalness to others
>mfw I know it's all a lie
>mfw have no place in society unless I keep up the act
>mfw the cuts actually help a little because for the first time in years at least I've been able to feel SOMETHING (but make me question myself even further)

I don't know what to do anons, but my sister's failed attempt at taking her life indirectly cost me years of my life I'll never be able to get back.
I could've at least been a normie. I would've had a chance, maybe, to kill myself, not knowing what terrors that would mean for those I leave behind, even if they've all but forgotten about me.

Thanks user at least I know somebody read it.
I know I suck at greentexts, I lurk or shitpost mostly. I just felt like maybe writing it out would help me get things off my chest. Sadly I feel even worse now.

i'm white you fucking faggot

not the guy you were replying to but
how do you keep falling for this lmao, pic related

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be my robot gf now i wont take no for a answer

>be neet for several months
>eventually get an apprenticeship at a small startup
>people are normies but nice, slowly getting used to it
>think despite everything maybe it's going to be alright
>apprenticeship agency calls me in
>they think I am "too quiet" and basically threaten my job and therefore my mother, whom is the only reason why I even bothered getting a job
>employer said I was completely fine, it was just the agency targeting me for not being a normalfag
>realise I got lucky with my employers and no matter what I will most likely never fit in anywhere

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I gladly would if I was a female.
I sometimes imagine what I'd be like if my body was different. Same everything, just in female form.
At least I'd be able to get some compassion SOMEWHERE (pic related)

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>that one moment
There was no one moment. The whole thing has just been a downward spiral. It started out as a whirlpool from which there was no escape.

social skills matter more than anything else in this world
>three girls (two of them, born in '81 and '87 born to a different father), and me ('97)

this makes it seem like you are the 3rd girl, although i guess you did mention the 95 one later in. well good luck with life user, i was also born in 97 and we both ended up posting here so i guess in some ways we are brothers in dysfunction. did you finish college/uni

I know exactly what you mean fren, even most of my earliest memories are of loneliness, rejection and disappointment. I don't remember a time where I wasn't depressed. Sometimes I get angry at my parents for even having me.

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Yeah sorry, the whole thing is a bit of a mess. I'm really horrible at telling stories or writing them without going through them 10 times.

I'm in my third year, I get my BSc this summer. I was chosen as one of the nine of over 40 applicants for a pretty prestigious scholarship this year, I have a job lined up at the company, and I start my internship this summer. I'm horrified because I know there is no way in hell I am even close to being one of the 'best 9' out of all the people who applied. I have no practical knowledge of my field and my theoretical knowledge is nearly useless.
I'm also afraid, since my internship is in summer, that these people will notice and suspect something about the scars on my wrist.

I'm so afraid of everything and the most I have are to get me through this are random (You)s on Jow Forums. I just want to curl up and die, because I'll never reach my dreams anyway, and I'll always be alone.

Probably when my parents got divorced.

>parents divorced when I was 13
>dad moved to a different country because he had too much debt
>bullied at school every day
>don't know how to cope
>stop going to school for days at a time
>got so bad that they were going to call the police on my mum because I just didn't want to go
>dropped out of school at 15
>develop terrible anxiety & depression issues
>develop avoidance behaviours to cope
>if I don't go outside, then it can't affect me
>become hikki for years, only ever going outside a handful of times a year
>don't trust anyone in a position of help & authority because of my time in school where teachers couldn't do anything to help me
>don't know how to handle responsibility, work, relationships
>literally scared of life itself
>everyone I grew up with has moved on in life
>gf's, fiances, careers, houses, kids
>im still waking up past midday every day and not showering for over a week at a time
>no ambition, no hope for the future
>no savings
>no pension
>can't drive
>just going through the motions every day, distracting myself with games, music, tv & music from the hopelessness of life
>dont remember what happy is any more
>too scared live
>too scared to die

I'm 31 years old and I have nothing to show for it. I'd have to go back 15 years working twice as hard to even get where I'm "supposed" to be in life. Because I have no qualifications and barely any work experience I am almost unemployable.

Even if I did get a job, what would be the point? I'd be working just so I could be poor for the benefit of someone else then have to thank them for the opportunity. I wouldn't be able to afford to be independent and it would just make me so much more depressed.

There's no benefit for me to contribute to society any more. Women don't even consider me human because I'm a low status male with nothing to offer, thus I have no worth as a man.

I just had bad luck. Born to a depressive, abusive mother and a schizophrenic paedophile

user, i hate to say it but you are probably fucked. your best bet at this point is to just find some alternative reason to live for, since traditional paths are all probably not option anymore. Maybe learn to play music or make art or something, idk

I think I got pretty lucky that I didn't turn out an autistic mong. I'm pretty well socialised and I have groups of online friends that I hang out with. I didn't turn to drugs & crime like most of the guys who grew up where I live. We have a pretty huge spice problem in my town right now.

There's just nothing out there desu. I'm never gonna find a partner who loves me, never going to be able to afford a home or move out. Even if I wanted to my mum couldn't afford me moving out. Brexit is on the horizon and that looks like an absolute disaster.

I'm looking into joining a martial arts gym though and learning Brazilian Jujitsu to build confidence and lose some weight.

stfu bitch asdfasdfasdd

All my life has been a constant doomsday.

>Women don't even consider me human because I'm a low status male with nothing to offer

Mate, I'd be hard pressed to find a MAN who'd consider you human. 31 years is an insane age to be without having done ANYTHING.

>parents divorced when I was 3
>got kicked out of country because of dad's alcoholism and crime
>bullied at school and home everyday
>don't know how to cope
>stop going to school for days at a time
>school called mom
>stick to it anyway, just make it thru with enough attendance
>develop terrible anxiety and depression
>avoidance to cope
>don't go outside
>become neet, going out once a week for an entire year just for dentist appointments.
>don't trust anyone
>literally scared of life
>everyone I grew up with is two years ahead of me
>gfs, finances, degrees etc
>i still wake up past midday when no uni class
>no ambition
>etc etc etc

Fix yourself dude. I had a fucking shit life like you, but I just made excuses for 2 years, instead of 20+.

You will not be able to go a standard/traditional route, however, you can live SOME form of alternative lifestyle.

Do you like nature? Coding? Cycling? Reading? What's ONE thing you enjoy? Do something with that and move step by step from there. Maybe drawing, improve daily to the point where you can start a furry porn patreon to support your lifestyle.

At this point it's about finding a hobby that makes the days easier/happier.

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Friends chooses a chad ( that bullied / ostracized me ) rather than choosing me a kind and normal / avg dude as a friend

Oh I do enjoy video games. Pretty much all my friends are always shocked how good I am at them despite being a 31 y/o boomer. I do enjoy reading, old tech, building scale models/warhams. I'm generally not depressed or anxious at all when I'm at home which as you know isn't a very good long term coping strategy.

I'm not making excuses for myself though I know I fucked up my whole life. When you're hiki you just stop noticing/caring about anything else. The days/weeks/years just blend together and all of a sudden you're 30 years old and no better off than when you were 18.

Do you live in a big city? Maybe there's a games store or second hand electronics type store you can do retail work at.

I used to live in Chicago which had a bunch of these old tech/video games/random junk second hand stores. The people working there were always the geeky sort, doing war hammer/video games etc.

There's fake resume services online that cost around the 100 dollar mark, just ask them to tailor it to retail jobs.

user. You did this same exact thread yesterday, trying to farm "le epic greentexts XD" for plebbit and your stupid youtube channel. Fuck off. We don't want your kind here.

The day I lost my heterosexuality as a child was the beginning of the end

Now I'm a psychotic adult from years of degeneracy

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Not massive but decently populated. In the UK though so not everything is going to be comparable. It's a post industrial town that's been ruined by 30 years of economic and social decline pretty much like the rust belt in the US.

What he die of?

Who is he? Expose him

I'm in the UK too now bruv, I'm in the north but medium size places like portsmouth, guildford, etc, usually got those kinds of places too. sometimes I'll walk past a boardgame store and see a bunch of guys playing dnd/magic in there, pretty sure it's like an open-to-all type deal where u just go on a certain day and can join them.

I know of one game store I went to the pokemon sun & moon prerelease tournament they had there and it was good fun. It was still almost overwhelming though with the stress of being outside my comfort zone combined with the environment and the heat. I started to get dizzy towards the end but I contribute that to the coffee I decided to have when I don't even drink coffee.

Shit gets expensive though magic is not a hobby for NEETs getting bennies.

I am going to get hate for this but fuck it, and fuck you all.
>Be me last year
>Have GF and house
>Not actively viewing Jow Forums or anything online
>Good student with 3.8 GPA going for my CS degree
>Start questioning my gender
>Come out to my gf as non binary
>I never felt masculine or feminine so descide not to subscribe to either
>I got random bursts of gender dysphoria but I just suppress them
>feel more fem when high/drunk
>Use drugs to play with gender roles with gf
>She pegs me a few times
>July 4th
>She wants to go to the beach with friends
>Crushing dysphoria
>Can not leave room
>Feel greatly uncomfortable showing chest and legs and arms
>She tries to help but is displeased with me
>Tell her I can't go
>She leaves without me
>Nap until 7pm
>Wake up to text
>"Start packing. I am taking you to your parents in the morning"
>Not on lease so can not argue
>Take doggo on a walk
>Doggo does not care who I am
>Doggo is excited to be with me no matter what
>Doggo does not like the loud booms like me
>Doggo does not understand the situation but is happy
>Walk to the dock out looking the harbor
>Couples watching fireworks
>BLack girls smoking weed
>Lay down on dock and think
>Everyone around me is happy
>My life is about to change radically, yet to everyone else I am another person enjoying the fireworks
>Go home and want it to be home again
>Wait for the shit storm that is about to happen
>Call my friend and pack my shit
>Never see her again
>repess all feelings of dysphoria
Pic related mind the mess

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lol faggot
originaldsf

Last year some faggots at my former workplace reported me to the feds. I still don't have any answers for what actually happened (don't even know if the feds are real) and my FOIA is on hold because the government is shut down.

hey buddy. im sorry. i hope you find some solace and peace in life

>Shit gets expensive though magic is not a hobby for NEETs
never played it, wouldn't know lol. Do you think you'd be willing to work at a place like that? Or just a retail position in general. I remember hearing another user pay like 150 for a fake resume and landing a decent IT job

When she told me "if you ever try to contact me again I'll fucking kill you" through a message back in HS. My relationship with women was strained after that in ways that are still healing.

Pretty sure the sissy bait got to you. I don't think I had many lesbian thoughts growing up but once exposed to the internet and the whole gay community shit the gay thoughts grew tenfold.

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Thanks m8. I took a year off uni to get my mental shit back in order and plan to go back in the fall. Now this event seems like a bad dream.

I agree, but the strange thing was that I was never exposed to that shit until after the event. When I was with her I was just exposed to textbooks and drug dealers. I came up with all those thoughts myself. So is my brin producing sissy bait all on its own?

I'll be your robot gf user please validate me

>be 24
>everyone has abandoned me
>unstable home life has made it impossible to hold down an education or job
>love of my life left
>try to be nice, but people say I look "weird"
Getting ready to neck myself m80s

I'm pretty sure it's not that out of the ordinary to have those dysphoric feeling. My parent's definitely must've thought I was a lesbo or tranny when I was little given my behavior. Every now and then I'll still get feelings of wanting to be a boy (especially during periods), but nothing worth ruining my life over. I really don't think it's anything more than feeding too much into innate curiosity about being the opposite sex. Going off on fantasies about how much better it'd be if you were the opposite gender, or seeing life somehow be drastically different, some kind of escapism daydream.

That or we're both in denial, but I really don't think that's the case, at least for me.

no, you are probably a trap. thats gay

probably when i met my first girlfriend on omegle with the tag 'Jow Forums'

>Every now and then I'll still get feelings
I do too and even now after therapy I feel dysphoric, but not enough to warrant me coming out as trans. I agree with it being an escapism dream too. Back then I was just living what felt right. Then felt uncomfortable because of gender norms. It is hard to think about exactly what I was feeling back then, but now I am fine with being a man. I am also glad I did not take the pink pill.

i read the first few posts before getting bored. give me a tl;dr

God damn user. OP said moment not your fucking life story

okay sorry I will delete it

oh user. It is fine to get things off your chest. Just do not expect people to read your book.

they read it in the last thread, which is why I just copy pasted it over, but whatev

I don't know. For some reason nothing comes out of my mind but stupid mumbling. My GPA is utter shit. I feel as if I'm completely invisible. I feel worse with every month.

My friend died of a heart condition, my gf became a huge cunt and our relationship ended, my brother moved out, and I moved across the country to live with my father where I have no friends, tons of stress with new school, and an existential lonliness which leaves me in a dissociative, melancholic trance.

my first major existential crisis last year, ive become obsessed with the fact im going to die and nothing in my life truly feels like it matters

> It is hard to think about exactly what I was feeling back then, but now I am fine
Feeling pretty much the exact same here, man. Glad you didn't take the pink pill. I imagine a lot of kids these days going through the same emotions have already been pressured to transition.

>be me, awkward fat 14 yo
>taking the highway to r/incel, terrible mentality
>girl says she loves me
>retro-actively convinces myself I had a crush on her
>crush says she loves me
>mental breakdown for 2 days, realize I'd make a terrible bf
>preparing myself to turn her down
>turns out she was just joking and had a bf

I'm still alone but I blame myself instead of women

>crushing dysphoria
I... don't get what that means. So what if you don't feel like any of the genders. What's crushing about that?

I did not feel masculine at all, but I was being forced to act like I was. I did not want to act masculine but felt like I would be ridiculed if I acted anything else, given the situation.

>parents broke up 1 month before I was born
>Probably have mental issues that are undiagnosed(as far as I know) but mother seems to know
>Was a fairly normal kid in kindergarten
>Got sexually abused when I was 5 by an older kid but i was too young to understand it
>mother met step-father which to this day I still hate
>move from my quiet village to the city
>Bullied at new school and that led me to become an introvert and develop a stuttering
>Locked in my room all day playing video games and steadily gaining weight
>Moved to a new house and a new school again
>Bullied once again but also made a new friend who was as autistic as me
>Around the same time lost contact with my biological father
>Sexually abused by classmates
>This time I was old enough to understand what was going on and also understood what happened when I was younger and to this day it left me with mental scars that can't be healed
>Friend stops being autistic,starts working out
>Move on to high school
>Still bullied but my(by know ripped)friend starts to act somewhat like my personal bodyguard and keeps bullies away and helps me when I'm in trouble
>Continue being the weird quiet kid but I made some "friends" and that boosted my morale a bit
>Fell in love with a girl but got rejected which broke me even more and led to me becoming a stalker and gaining the status of a creep
>Finish high school with good grades and I ended up passing at the uni I wanted
>My one true friend left me because of some bullshit
>Military service here is mandatory for all men who reach adulthood
>My military service broke me physically and mentally but during my guard duties I was able to rethink my life and one night it finally dawned on me that I was an autistic sperg and I should do something to fix my life
>Finish my military service and left my country to study abroad
Cont.

How did you get your hands on LSD if you hung out alone all the time?

>I continued being autistic but I tried to socialize with others and even though it led to some akward moments it felt like I became accepted
>Decided to live a healthy lifestyle so I started working out,eat healthy,read books and I stopped playing video games
>Lost weight and gained muscle which heavily boosted my confidence
>As I talked more and more the stuttering and the akward silences started to go away
>Got my first gf and finally lost my virginity at the age of 21
>Joined a political party and now I have a new purpose in life
>Now I'm 22 and life goes on...
There's always hope anons but remember that change won't come by itself

i was sitting in my room at 5am the darkness was surrounding me and i had a cup of tea in my hand i was thinking deeply about who i was and i eventually decided that the person i was was not the person i wanted to be and then i decided to change into a person who fit the real me ever since then i've been changing into a better person

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Same, mine was suicide, yours?

acting neutrally wasn't an option? What does masculine behavior even mean?

For me? It either started when my (single) Mom started neglecting and abusing me, or when I was molested at school and too scared to tell her in 2nd grade.

My life has been nothing but downhill from there. If I had the chance to start again, I probably wouldn't. Much like in 2nd grade, I'd still rather be dead than here.

there's been a few. Dad become a vegetable when I was 7. The worst is the day i walked out of school in 9th grade. Cause I never went back and turned into a complete neet. It's crazy if I could have just roughed it out through the rest of that day instead of leaving my life would be dramatically different. I would have had so much more then I do now

Yeah you have such a shitty life...... Get the fuck out zoomer and all the faggots who replied to you

I seriously wished i was shitposting or something but when i left school i saw the movie Drive, and decided to become a mysterious loner like him. Deleted all my social media and cut off all contact from my friends. Now five years later i'm still a lonely piece of shit. Fuck that movie.

When I refused to continue my education in HS. I just chose the worst timeline.

when i realized not meeting people outside of school wasnt normal

Bumping thread so I can post my story when I get home

Bumping thread so you can post your story when you get home

When I realized that "no, things wont eventually get better/ work out." But that my behaviour is the reason my life remains stagnant and im unable to reach my "goals" (whatever these may be i have pretty much given up on most of them) I feel that now Iam to far gone to change anything. I can only try to live with myself.

in english class i sat next to these two rich super chads. they thought it was funny how timid and quiet i was so they started joking asking if i would do drugs. the joke was they thought i was this straight edge nerd so i would freak out or give them a funny reaction. i did anything they gave me though, first weed and then they gave me xanax,pain killers, mushrooms, and finally LSD. we were not friends at all, they did not ever talk with me or associate with me other than to give me or sell me drugs, because they found it amusing.

Thanks for telling us your story. Women are awful

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That after so many attempts psychotherapy and psychopharmacology are fields that don't actually work and only exist academically on the very fringes of statistical fraud. They are based entirely on selection bias, publication bias, confounding variables, extremely poor testing methodology, and even forging data. If you are truly fucked in the head, there is no fucking help, you are always going to suffer.

Attempted suicide. Realized nobody cared. Changed my philosophy a bit, forced me to review my plans for the future.

edgy lyrics for this feel:
"I remember the day, when I cried out for help
No one came a-runnin', and that's when I first knew
I am all I got"

After the 2nd or 3rd grade summerbreak, where I realized everyone had started growing alot and I was the shortest smallest guy in the whole school.

I never caught up ever again

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probably when my dad cheated on my mom and slowly ditched us financially.
either that, or when I was 8 and googled "boobs".
now I have a porn addiction

>excited to graduate HS, start fresh, change my life, finally enjoy studying and making friends
>start uni. still no friends. things the same.

I'm spiraling again, fellas, I'm going right back to the start. Waiting for the next excuse to start over fresh. I made so many changes for the better and things still turned out shit, so I'm going to make even more. I am going to be happy one way or the other.

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There wasn't really a moment, but rather a downhill spiral that I failed to notice over the course of 4 years.
>be me
>highschool freshman
>confess to girl I like her
>she's visibly uncomfortable
>says no
>cringe at myself
>decide to better myself
>do so
>ask girl out
>no
>haha wtf
>continue working to better myself
>social groups start forming
>not in the cool kids club so I get picked on
>friends stop talking to me
>keep trying with girls, doesn't work
>become a shut in
>will to improve fades
>spiral into depression
And it's been downhill ever since.

exactly what i did last year.
started uni relativly confident and communicative (in my eyes at least) slipped into old habbits of isolation and avoiding people outside of uni. despite anxieties an depression creeping back in pushed on.
Got ill and went on an 2 week excursion anyway (thinking this would force me to meet people and make friends) had to travel back after 2 days because of illness and spend the next week at home. After this i never went back to uni because of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. now i live at my moms again and do therapy. im not even at start again but worse.

Pro tip dont think everything will work out eventually your behavioural problems wont go away. get help now.

Home now, oh boy here we go

>Was fucked from the start, bio dad and mom have a concoction of mental and pyshical illnesses, most of which showed up in them after I was born
>Biodad has schizoaffective, mom has chronic migraines, bpd, bipolar, sime stuff that is still undiagnosed, both sides of the family have other mental illnesses that my parents don't have
>At 2 years old my dad goes schizo, starts beating my mother, thinks she's CIA or mafia, he runs away and leaves until I turn 12
>Start kindergarten, at this point not diagnosed with anything
>Wander around class alot, get up while teacher is talking, kindergarten I'm at is really shitty so nobody cares
>Move to a new town at the end of kindergarten, this school is okay with me wandering around, get assigned a psychiatrist
>School tells my mother that I have ADHD, my first diagnosis, tells my mother that I have to take ADHD meds or they'll kick me out of school and call the police
>First day of taking the pills I became a zombie, grabbed a box cutter and cut open my brothers back with no expressions on my face
>Instead of taking me off the pills, they put me on a slow release version of it
>Shove a pencil up my brothers nose, he starts bleeding out
>Start hallucinating bugs and dead people
>Mother tells psych that my father has schizo, he says that I'm too young to be diagnosed that yet and end up labeled "emotionally disturbed" up until I turned 16, where I was diagnosed schizoaffective
>"Lol he needs to get used to the pills"
>Stuck in a near catatonic zombified hallucinatory state until I turn 10 and take matters into my own hands and stop taking the pills after moving to another town
>Around the same time I started regularly taking ADHD meds, school notices i have basically no emotions, because of emotional disturbances put in special ed classes, get diagnosed major depression, notes about this go all the way back to 4th grade
Cont.

The temptation to give up and move back to my mom's is really strong at this point. I feel you brother/sister. I thought I was relatively confident, too. I mean, looking back to the first few days I was WEIRDLY confident, I never felt so at ease when talking to people. I guess because we were all new, we were all on the same level. Now that the social hierarchy is cemented again I'm way less confident.

But I'm gonna keep at it for now, I dropped a lot of money for the first year. I'm planning on transferring though, to somewhere with free tuition.

Good luck with the therapy, I'm guessing you must be around 20? There's still A LOT of time for improvement.

It was probably when I adopted the idea of me thinking other people were wrong, and I was right. It really created a"me vs them" mentality. My parents thought me manners unlike the rest of the children. Never did I ever partake in the small tribulations that one must put themselves threw to become strong and wise. In my leisure time I din't take the time to learn and I let the time slip by. If I were to have taken action to learn through experience I would have been considerably better off than I am now. I've grown spiteful and ignorant like a mad dog with little to no sense in it. I lack the courage to do anything so that rage is merely an illusion for my fears. I was always afraid, so I demonized everyone. I don't know what let me to project my insecurities to others. Nobody cared about me, I was a normal kid. Its almost like a self fulfilling prophecy. Now I truly am lost.

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It all started when a girl I really loved ghosted me. We became friends, but I guess I'm not that really especial for her. I knew she never like me back and never will, but I never see that coming. A person that I really loved just ghosted me. Left me without a clue. There's a lot of reasons that my head makes to just fill in the blank. I never felt the same way after what happened. Yes, there's a lot of good things that happened in my life because of that. But the mark she did won't fade away. Everything change. How I look to women, I always put myself down when I start to like a girl again, my trust, and how I see the world. It all happened because I gave my heart without thinking. I told to myself "I can handle the pain" but I was wrong. She never know what I'm going through because she never care and never will. She's somewhere thinking about her life while I'm thinking about hers.

That's why never even give your heart to someone that you are not sure of anons. Don't be like me. I't okay to have a relationship with someone, but never ever give your full trust and love to them, specially if you guys are nothing but friends.

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