Mental health thread

Is anger what you really feel? What's it directed at?

there's no reason for me to live. it's as if im in hell because of my devices and culture, and its because of this that i want to destroy myself and everything around me.

doc, I want to be better, but I can't put in the effort. I always fall back into the same old habits. What do I do?

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I may have bitten off more than I could chew by starting this thread, I'm a thinker and we need some feelers in this bitch.

Which devices do you refer to?

Life is cyclical and nothing will change until you change things

>I may have bitten off more than I could chew by starting this thread
That's what they always say.

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why did you start this thread? does it give you satisfaction to vainly tell people advice?

I'm feel anger towards my situation, neet hs dropout, and towards those who have put me in this situation, my parents and myself.
Motherfucking retards act like I don't exist most of the time, but when they get mad they yell at me. Like jesus I know I'm a failure, we've been through this, this is the man you made me into.
And I'm not the only one. It's a big family of failures, one after the other. And these broke ass retards thought they could keep fucking and pump out half a dozen troglodytes, like maybe one of them will stick. Well yea, they all stuck around. And here I am rotting in a literal fucking closet, because you can only fit so many people in a tiny house, wasting my days away until it gets bad enough to rope.
Anyway, it is anger I feel. Blog/rantpost over.

I just felt like shit and wanted to try and help people by having them talk about their issues. I'm just some guy, I don't have all the answers, but I know talking about shit helps

doc, I don't know what to tell you. It's practical advice, but it doesn't mean much to me. I do try to change. I will continue my attempts at change. I always fall back to my old ways.

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people ought to feel like shit. theyre mindless and enslaved animals, not caring for truths. death is the only answer especially for the god complexed.

Do you see any way out? Would things be better if you managed to get a job and your own place away from them?

cringe yet tentatively purplepilled

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I'm living in semi-isolation. I finally got honest about my internet addiction and I have been working on it, I am cutting it down and using my time to develop a real hobby. Sometimes I want to do more, like getting a job. But I can't.
I am in a state where I can only be in front of my computer. I'm either reading books or browsing the internet, like Jow Forums or binge watching youtube.

If I try to do anything that isn't the above I feel a very uncomfortable feeling, like something is pressing against my heart, a general discomfort. I don't know how to describe it. Its very unpleasant.

This morning I was going to a nearby bakery to buy something to eat, (I rarely leave my house) and my neighbor greeted me good morning.
This got me so disturbed it took me up until 10pm to calm down. And I am still bothered a little bit by the situation, several hours later.

Any comments OP?
I want to get better but I dont know how.
By the way, there is this book on people management I am reading.
I am basically reading it just for the hell of it since I am a NEET.
I decided not to continue reading after this morning session, because the descriptions of social situations make me uncomfortable. I am the worst I have ever been and I don't know what to do

Fuck. I have so much stuff I'm supposed to do, but I can barely stay awake. I think I'll just off myself I don't get into the military, I don't want 5-7 more years of studying.

Are you saying I have a god complex?

youer gayretardpilled

No money, car, or even license. I'd say it's over, but it never really began.

no, myself but i can ignorantly surmise that everyone has an unconscious god complex so sure

I'm in a bad place in my life. I can't get the motivation to do anything. It's evident how my life is going to get to the gutter if I keep on this track.
Sometimes I think about suddenly start putting in the effort and slowly turn my life around. But the thought of being happy is kind of... gross. I guess one could say I am scared of being happy.

I have been studying for some time and I just cant keep it up.I dont like the idea of working in a box for the rest of my life to pay for my student loans.I guess Im just to scared for the future.I also want a GF as I feel lonely even though I have a lot of friends.I guess it doesn't help that I play dota 2 for 40 to 50 hours each week.! on vacations I didnt even get out of my house.I played dota 2 all day.I dont t even know how Im not even fat from all of this lack of exercise.Ive been trying to get out of playing dota but I cant.Its my only source of happiness other than my friends.

i ain't OP nigga but that sounds like some ANXIETY SHIT.

I'm happy to hear you're making an effort to improve your life, even if they're not the biggest steps. Your anxiety sounds far more advanced than mine but I can still empathize with that physical discomfort that comes from it. I've experienced that, it limits me daily, and I really understand how that feeling can compel someone to avoid and fear interacting with people. You seem to me like a wholesome person from what you've written here, but you're afraid. I think if you tried, and I know this isn't an easy thing to consider, you could find individuals out there who would accept you for who you are.

I'm sorry man. I know it seems hopeless, but you have a lot of life ahead of you, and it's always possible for things to get better. If you have anything more to say I'm happy to listen.

If you really see suicide as your most viable way out, you should try dropping out and having some enjoyable life experiences in the world if it gets to that point. It's hard to look outside of your own perspective, but there's a lot of beauty out there to experience. Go visit some national parks and try touring a foreign country. Just a suggestion.

Could someone help me by giving me some insight? Personal experiences with this feeling, anyone?

You need to clearly define what you want.

I need you to listen to what I'm about to say. You're a human being and you deserve to be happy. You deserve love and affection, you deserve to be needed and appreciated, and you deserve to feel better than this. You need to give yourself that. There is no virtue in feeling dejected and disliking yourself.

If your friends bring you happiness then you need to start focusing on them harder than you focus on dota. Your human connections will bring you more rewards in the long run because they're real and dota isn't. And if you've already got those loans out, I wouldn't recommend ditching class. All I can say to that is do your best. Count your blessings. You have friends, you made it to college, you've managed to not get fat. You need to start viewing your excessive gaming as a problem, though. Limit your use of it. Don't do it, do anything else. Read a book, go outside, do ANYTHING else, and you'll feel it fade slowly.

I think I might have bipolar disorder, since it runs in my family through multiple generations and I'm apparently showing signs. However,m I hate talking to shrinks, and a diagnoses can ruin your life even if you don't take meds.

What are the signs? Do you think you need the meds?

I swear I was bipolar for a period of a few months when I was 16. There were crushing lows, but dizzying highs that would later only be rivaled by hard drugs. Not worth the lows though.

To become better disciplined, doc. I want to be able to work towards a goal without procrastination. I want to be able to push when I don't want to. I want to use this time I have to its fullest because we only got one life. For years I've consumed material on this stuff. Nothing I've tried has ever stuck, y'know? God damn, all the wasted years. You know even things like your level of competitiveness has a genetic backing? Well I'm thinking maybe I got some unfortunate luck because this shit has plagued me my entire existence.

People with mental illnesses shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, it's not fair I inherited my father's psychosis.

That's not clear, man. Right now what you're saying amounts to "I'm depressed and I want to be better". You need to select a concrete, real world goal, and you need to strive for it. Also, I think I may be projecting right now, because I'm still trying to piece together a goal like that, so feel free to think I'm full of shit.

Dont have anything to talk about but you're so sweet for doing this OP. Hang in there.

Thanks I really needed this man =]=)

>concrete
I might have a few of those in music. I have a number of different areas I'm working towards there: the piano, developing my ear, learning how to use a DAW to compose music in, etc. But I'm not disciplined so I don't give it the love it deserves, you dig? Sure, I can define these long term goals and break them into smaller short term and daily goals, but will I follow through? I don't think so. I'll keep trying, but it's just a cycle of working towards something and having it fail.

GO DFUCKING DAMNIT im so broken. i have no job, no education, no license. i have a maddening lust for a girl ive never even met who lives 4000 miles across the world, havent contacted in nearly 2 years and has probably forgotten i even exist. i dont know what i want in life, i dont know how to leave the house anymore or do basic things. i probably have so many health issues that im too afraid to check because i despise doctors and going outside. i subconsciouslly torture myself every day looking at chads and stacey reaping the pleasures of life whether it be porn or whatever else form of media. my head hurts literally every day so hard, it's a never ending migraine. the only reason i havent killed myself is because i dont want to leave the house, which i have to do to buy a gun off someone. nothing fucking works. no matter how much self-help/motivation/discipline shit i read or listen to about confronting problems i just avoid it because my anxiety is years and possibly a decade levels of deepness. dont even know why im posting this, probably just another way i can cope and feel sorry for myself by dumping my problems to someone else via the internet. everyday IT FUCKING HURTS so much. i want to vomit so bad but im just paralyzed here with throbbing anxiety about the state of my life. i hate my appearance, my voice. FUCK. i hate my fucking mother and all of my family. i dont know how or when to end this post because i havent even scratched the surface so fuck it

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I'm tired of being told I can make friends like everyone else if I would just try. I have tried to meet hundreds of people and every one of them has eventually stopped talking to me because I'm a retarded freak who makes them uncomfortable. Why won't people just admit that no one wants to tolerate having a friend like that instead of being dishonest about it. I'm a defective human who has never had a long-term friend and probably never will.

I never thought of this board as a good place before but I was in this really wholesome thread the other day where everyone was drawing themselves in mspaint and I started to think that positive things can happen here, I want to bring that out.

I think I may underlyingly have bipolar and when I take uppers it comes out. On the uppers I was super up, maniac, down, sucidal, hilarious, and sexually preoccupied.

During the week I was taking the uppers I met up with this girl and we had a good time. But it was more of a one time thing type of thing. Now that I have come to my senses I want to break it off but I do not know how. I am okay with being friends. I will be coming over her house Thursday to cook dinner with her and stay over. I do not know what to do though. Should I go and just tell her how I feel?

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I get you now. I'm glad you have those things, I hope you're passionate about them. I know it's hard to hold on to those things long term and stay committed and consistent. I gave up on playing keyboard and guitar, I constructed a home gym and have no schedule for my use of it, and am generally flakey about shit like that. I can't even remember to take my vitamins every day. I think what you need to do is stop trying to reinvent the wheel, and start researching real strategies you can implement into your life to make yourself more disciplined. I think you're on the edge of glory.

>I hope you're passionate about them
Man I fucking hope so too.
>research strategies
I do. Hopefully you will as well.

Ok. The first thing I want you to do is relax. Relax right now and take a deep breath. Yeah, your problems are all real, they're all there, but right now it's just you and your screen, none of it can reach you, so relax. Ok? Now. The girl. I know how difficult girls are. But you need to learn how to detach from a situation like that. Keep the memory and keep everything you've learned from it, but accept that she's gone. You don't know what you want in life? I don't either. Still alive though, still living, still able to experience happiness. You don't need to have all the answers in life. Nobody knows everything. Chad and Stacy got you down? That's jealousy. It feels ugly when you call it what it is. Stop looking at other people and wishing you were them. You aren't and you never will be. You exist for a different purpose. You have strengths and weaknesses and so do they. Start wanting things for yourself other than death. You want a girlfriend? There's not a girl out there thinking to herself "Boy do I want to hang out with that suicidal guy I know". If your anxiety's a decade deep, you and I are similar people, assuming you're around 22, which I am. I really recognize the energy in your post because I've felt it many times and I've been trying really hard to escape from it. You're posting this because I fuckin told you to come in here and post it, don't get down on yourself for accepting an outstretched hand of assistance. Speaking of accepting, accept yourself, because there's no changing. I've hated my appearance in the past. Weird face, weird hair, moles and freckles and shit, bad teeth, you just need to move past it because there's nothing you can fucking do. Accept reality and accept yourself.

I know your state of mind very well. Feels kinda good to indulge those thoughts right? Maybe think about dying a bit? Yeah, that'd show them. It's very validating to think this way, because that's what you're doing, validating your own emotions with no outside help. It's masturbation. A band-aid. As long as you keep beating yourself up, you'll never surpass your issues in a meaningful way. I know it's not easy, it's very difficult to look at it this way, but you are human. A real person with thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and all else aside, that means there's a place in this world for you to be accepted. Shit, you're definitely relatable to me. I know there are good things about you as a person. Name something if you can. Tell me about something you like.

Anons, I'm in too deep at this point. I escaped my garbage country and shitty family to go study in the UK, but I am now failing my classes because I literally have no energy. I don't get out of bed anymore. I have no friends after having spent a year here, I'm not dating anyone, I have no interests. I don't even like anime anymore, I lose all interest 5 minutes into a series. I bought a lego set to remember the good times, but it's been sitting on the table half assembled for days now. I do not care. After I inevitably flunk out, I will have to return to Russia. I will have to live with my parrents again, having dropped out for the second time. They spent around 50,000 pounds on this. I have made plans for suicide and I am just idly waiting for the dreaded letter from the university to push me over the edge. I am talking to a therapist and samaritans as of recently, but it doesn't feel like it helps. I have no desire to live, no dreams. I don't want to do anything. I just want peace and quiet. Sorry if this is a bit too edgy, I don't post here often. Just wanted to vent a bit.

I think you should talk it out the same way you just did with us. People who find themselves in situations like these are usually mature enough to have these conversations. I think she'll understand.

Is it too late for you to salvage your education? My advice to you is entirely contingent on that.

I have never once thought about killing myself, I hate nothing about myself except how society has outcasted me and I don't belong anywhere or have any hope of connecting with any one. Whenever I use the internet or watch media I'm reminded of this. But when I isolate myself from those I forget about my place in the world but stay lonely. There is no solution.

Start studying and then you won't have to an hero

Not sure, to be honest. Probably not. It's only my second semester, but I had dogshit grades first semester and I'm actively failing my exams now. I have an exam tomorrow, but trying to study for it would just make me realize how far I am behind. I'm not even sure if I want help, though. I have wanted to die ever since mid high school and I'm 20 now. I finished high school in 2016.

>"stop being depressed"
the post

he knows what he should do.

>Ok. The first thing I want you to do is relax. Relax right now and take a deep breath
yeah that is actually the first thing i did after posting that but i know it will come back again, it always does.
>The girl. I know how difficult girls are. But you need to learn how to detach from a situation like that. Keep the memory and keep everything you've learned from it, but accept that she's gone
i cant. she's literally perfect. i would if i could because i DONT want to be tortured but i just cant move on. dont know why. if you can just move on like that with the snap of your fingers then i envy you so much you dont even know, i dont know how to do that and i dont even know if that's possible.
>You don't know what you want in life? I don't either. Still alive though, still living, still able to experience happiness. You don't need to have all the answers in life. Nobody knows everything.
i just want to be happy and fulfilled. small-time hobbies like drawing probably not gonna do it for me
>Chad and Stacy got you down? That's jealousy. It feels ugly when you call it what it is. Stop looking at other people and wishing you were them. You aren't and you never will be. You exist for a different purpose. You have strengths and weaknesses and so do they.
its not really chad and stacy. it's just that they're a reflection of myself. again if i could snap my fingers and stop dreaming about being someone else i could. i dont say that with snark, just describing my daily thought process. and my oneitis doesnt have any weaknesses
>You want a girlfriend? There's not a girl out there thinking to herself "Boy do I want to hang out with that suicidal guy I know".
i know ive never blamed anyone like stacey or chad for my problems. just me and my parents
>the rest
yes im 22. sounds to me like you might be the same as me. i know i have to accept myself, all the selfhelp things say that. i just never can

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It's literally the solution to his problem though. Either he studies or he dies

I mean, I wish I could. But it just doesn't happen. I found people to study with last semester, but we just ended up procrastinating together. At the end of the semester we bough homework for 200 usd. Even copying it took everything out of me. I got 22/100 for it. Can't even cheat right.

Nigger, I WANT to die. It's just that overcoming the bullshit self preservation instincts is a colossal effort. I wish I had the energy to do it, but I just don't.

You just told him to stop being depressed. Your advice is so obvious its insulting.

>I feel so out of energy my life is mess, I am not functioning
"have you tried not being depressed so you can have energy and shit"

thats how you sound

also thanks for the reply to my post and nice trips. even if it doesnt help i still love to get the occasional (You) to give me a small dopamine release to keep me alive

Alright, well it's a good thing I said "maybe". Anyway, have you considered that the way to escape loneliness has nothing to do with coming up with new strategies to isolate yourself? It sounds like you're out casting yourself. Do you put yourself in situations where you're around people your age in a public setting? Situations where you do something, anything, with any other people? Do you work? Do you play cooperative online video games? Tell me what you're doing to try and associate with people. Tell me the reasons you think people don't like you.

What could be wrong with me if I act psychotic because I can't handle stress at all. I am talking about high voiced, making strange movements and looking generally.. well psychotic. Sometimes blunt forced self harm which leads to massive dissocation.

Don't take advice from internet strangers, go see a doctor.

OP here, this is not me.
You need to look really hard at what your future's going to be right now. The power is in your hands and nobody else's. There could be amazing things far ahead of you, or there could be a whole lot of regret. Save yourself man. You need to find people to associate with as well. It's massively important that you have real people to be social with. You're a Russian kid going to university in the UK, there have to be others like you around, cliques of them. I know I'm oversimplifying things, but you should be able to find people who accept you based simply on that association.

>remembered how extremely autistic I was in school AGAIN

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Yeah man I've just been pacing around my house all day doing my best to respond to everyone's posts

No, I have stopped going outside entirely. I'm a retard anyway who is an eyesore in public and didn't have real friends when I did so it doesn't really matter. I do play cooperate online video games, yes. The extent of me trying to associate with people is that over the past two years I've attempted for the first time to get to know people whenever the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes I add people over the internet. From here, video game forums, mental health forums etc. I must have talked to hundreds of people at this point. It doesn't result in anything.

>Tell me the reasons you think people don't like you.
I don't know how to talk to people or carry a conversation. If I try to force it I usually say something awkward which makes people uncomfortable and less likely to want to stay in contact in the future. I am also a retard with nothing interesting to say.

I genuinely tried to socialize. At least I feel like I gave it a good shot. An acquaintance casually mentioned to me some weeks ago that most people hated me in foundation (my first 8 months at uni), because of the way I spoke or something. I don't fucking know what I did wrong. I can no longer aproach people, I shower and go to the kitchen at night, because I can not face my flatmates. Even if I wanted to socialize, all I ever did with my friends in Russia was get drunk and stoned, and I don't feel like drinking or smoking anymore. I have no interests, hobbies, personality or looks for which people might want to hang out with me. And if there are people like me around, I imagine they are incredibly vapid and boring to hang out with. I'm sorry to dismiss your advice like that, but I don't know what kind of help I want/need, if any. I think I just wanted to talk to someone real for a change, not just therapists. Thanks.

>I don't know how to talk to people or carry a conversation. If I try to force it I usually say something awkward which makes people uncomfortable and less likely to want to stay in contact in the future. I am also a retard with nothing interesting to say.
same user. should we give it a try and text over discord or something. i tried it with another user for the first time a week ago but he never responded back after he said he would be back from running his brother to school. guess i was too boring. oh well

what do people normally do for fun?

I live where it's cold year-round and I quit video games since I thought they were unproductive but now that I just read books and learn different languages or other stuff that I deem to be a productive use of time, I don't do anything "fun"

I have no friends that I can spend extended amounts of time with or talk to that often. Most of my friends I met online playing video games and I'm really hesitant to go back to vidya because it used to make me feel like a shit human being but I realize that I pretty much eliminated 100% of fun / socializing in my life.

Should I just say fuck it and go back to vidya? I have nothing else to do, but I don't have anyone to play vidya with so I don't see a reason to.

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Well, glad I could help with that at the very least. I really hope you get your studies back on track, man.

>what do people normally do for fun?
outdoor shit. shit thats not in your home. have you ever tried surfing? is there an instrument or song you like the sound of that you'd like to imitate or build on?

happens to the best of us user

rignal

Sorry, I know I should but I've learned it's a terrible idea to add people from the same threads where you've made pathetic vent posts like the ones I have. I think maybe it's just best to use those threads where anons post their discords.

>but he never responded back after he said he would be back from running his brother to school. guess i was too boring. oh well
Iktf. It's the same kind of things I get told. I guess it just makes things less awkward to them.

That was your opportunity to make a long-term best friend and you rejected it

I like the cross dress to masturbate and imagine myself as the girl while watching porn. I don't shove dildos up my ass or anything but I tend to mimic the scene as much as I can.
I'm completely straight and don't let any of that affect my social life, I don't take picture or talk about it like it's something that makes me special. I just feel stupid when I'm done fapping,
What's wrong with me

And before you ask, I don't even look good in those clothes but I like how they feel, and how sexy they make me feel.

>usually take 300mg Quetiapine to control psychotic delusions and such
>also helps control my insomnia
Getting off of it after being on it for 7 months is a terrifying contrast. Makes me realize i can't live without pills. I can barely function normally with my pills, but without them, im totally useless. My brain is so rattled and hard to deal with 24/7. I have no attention span, my motor skills are very limited, my memory is shit. Not to mention ive been losing time and hallucinating much more than i did before. So that means my condition is getting worse even tho my life has gotten objectively better over this past yeah. I guess im just destined to be crazy

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I play squad games with randoms sometimes just to have some company. I don't think it's too hard to find a balance where you're playing an amount of video games that isn't too much. Sure, you can call it a waste of time, it's not the most productive thing you could be doing, but there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time. You're more disciplined than I am, you're lucky you have that drive to be productive. Learning languages? Shit, I can't even sit down and read a book consistently. Anyway if you're bored and feel like playing some games, just let yourself do it. Not all the time, but you know that. Like I said, you have discipline.

I don't want a potential friend adding me for the kinds of posts I made on here, it never ends well. There are too many people who add you only because of their fascination with oddities. They exaggerate their robotic tendencies to get you to open up. I got stalked the last time. Not saying this user is like that but I'm done trying.

But it's for the very reason you've disclosed something personal that the friendship has the potential to be more genuine and meaningful than one from a random user just randomly posting their discord in a random thread

If that random user is a robot I don't see why you can't have a just as meaningful and genuine friendship with them as anyone, once you get to know them. You will have the same kinds of discussions with them as you can have in threads like these with robots publicly. Personal information should be disclosed in its own time. Starting with that is just a bad idea. I don't know, maybe you are right.

Do you feel like you're repressing your sexuality? It's not my business who you want to be publicly and I certainly don't know how you really feel, but you know, you don't have to wear the label of straight inside your own head if you aren't. That said, a fetish is a fetish and maybe that's all it is to you. Regardless, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Well it was a fun ride while it lasted. Had a month of actually living with out my ocd but now instead of contamination it's using my paranoid thoughts. At least with the contamination I could avoid it I don't know how to avoid thoughts I was already thinking just constantly there. It sucks even more because it's about mistrusting people and last time I was a recluse for two years when that was what my ocd decided it wanted to feed on.

>Do you feel like you're repressing your sexuality?
My gender rather than my sexuality, but it only really last for as long as I am horny. There's no doubt that I'm straight, I don't despise the idea of homosexuality but it simply isn't me, not in this life.
I guess it's just as you said, a simple fetish. It just feels like such a waste of money and time once I'm done.

I'm sorry but I don't think I'm qualified to give that kind of advice, don't know anything about drugs or what you need to do with them.

It's ok to have fetishes, man. Though a fetish is itself an abnormality, it's perfectly normal. Weird, right? It seems like you're dealing with it in a good enough way. What's the issue you have? Just a sort of existential antipathy for the whole situation?

>what it does it mean if you have like 3 periods during the week
You are very very very not pregnant.

The last three days I've been feeling depressed. I've never been clinically diagnosed, but I'm feeling like what I imagine clinically depression would feel like. Basically I wake up feeling unmotivated and upset, I go through my day at work sad, and get home just to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. My extrovert roommate thinks I'm being a mopey loser and I sincerely want to bash his fucking skull in for not understanding I just want to be left alone. What's going on with me?

Are you physically healthy? Do you take vitamins and eat breakfast? There's a suggestion if you don't. Aside from that, sounds normal to me. That's what me and by friends refer to as getting into a "funk". Is there anything in particular that's troubling you that you can think of, or do you just feel sapped and shitty lately for no particular reason?

Fuck, I said particular twice in the same sentence.