Feels Thread

Guys, remember that no matter what, it never stops...that feeling, you know, the loneliness, the despair, the apathy, the self-hatred.

I did what all the normies told me to do to be happy and enjoy life.
>Got a job
>Got friends, and a social circle
>Got hobbies and did sports
>Got a GF

even with all of that, i still feel so alone and empty, is like nothing changed. I can say i even hate myself even more now.

I go to therapy and take my meds, it's been 3 years now, but it has not work out, nothing does.

It's like if i was actually dead inside, i dont know what to do, the only logical solution i see is me killing myself if i can't enjoy anything, what else is there?

It never ends well.

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I don't really know who I am anymore.
Did I ever?

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My old phone broke. His number was saved onto the phone not on simcard. I walk along that long boulevard because he used to live near there. I feel like that dog that kept waiting for his dead owner.

>2 anxiety attacks in 1 night

How can Jow Forums even compete with my level of Schizoid rn

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I really don't know user. I'm similar but not as bad. Perhaps trying to talk to new people would help. Maybe start online.
Same here but I wanted to die when I was younger. Maybe you need to find more people to love/love you?

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>Maybe you need to find more people to love/love you?
Trust me I've been trying and the relationship I had with someone who I loved more than anyone is about at the end of it's crumbling phase, so that's the last thing I wanted to hear.

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Back to back or after a pause?
I've had that happen before, you desperately look for them for days hoping that you will run into each other. I'm truly sorry. I hope you guys can be together again.
Bojak horseman?

Sorry for replying/posting slow.

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A P A T H Y I S D E A T H W O R S E T H A N D E A T H A T L E A S T A R O T T I N G C O R P S E F E E D S T H E B E A S T S A N D I N S E C T S A R O U N D I T

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Oh.. I wish I could take that response back user. Sorry.

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I w-watched Maquia... it was r-really really.... heavy hard feel

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It's okay user, it wasn't bad advice and I still appreciate it.

I probably won't make it till 30
No job, no friends, no one, even online.
Drunk every night, sleep either 2-3 hours or 14-16 a day,
I am so anxious, i am in constant physical pain. Depressed to the point where i can't even wank off or play video games anymore
Its fucking over bros.

it's always me that gets ignored, fuck this

Are you me? This literally is what my winter break was like

>tfw you finish an anime and now have nothing to cope with anymore

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I wish I wasn't so fucking lazy, everyday I know I have shit to do but I waste time. I don't know if willpower is something that is set for your whole life or if you can improve it. I'm terrified of working in customer service and hate college, I just want to get a comfy software engineering job already, but I cant bring myself to learn coding BECAUSE IM FUCKING LAZY

i'm not ignoring you user, it's just that i don't know what to say to you or how to help you because i am broken too, i have no solution or answers.

But i read your post and i feel for you, i really do. I guess going for a medical treatment or therapy can help you, but be aware that it may not work because it did not for me. That's the best advice i can give you.

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There's more anime than you have time left to live. On to the next show friend

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>took classes last semester
>planned for it to be my last semester of classes
>in my monday/wednesday night class meet this girl
>end up talking with her a good bit, pen up about some shit I usually don't share
>feel comfortable talking to her which is huge for me given I've had severe trust issues for many years
>don't plan to take any more classes and with that the only positive human interaction I've had in so long is gone
if by some miracle you are on here Marlena thank you for providing me an environment where I could socialize and be confident it wouldn't come back to fuck me

I know that feel, when did it happen? Does it happen when winter starts? It's a known thing that winter triggers things like that in people due to less sunlight. Perhaps wait until summer hits to see how you feel before turning to drugs, or perhaps consider using drugs during the winter.

tfw even r9k gave up on me

i can be your friend online, any way to keep in contact with you?

Lately I haven't been feeling much of anything unless I drink. Usually it only makes me feel sad, but that's preferable to nothing, sometimes I just want to drink until I pass out, and hopefully I won't wake up again.

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Dog's super old, not in pain but blind, deaf etc. Recently got the hint that parents would want to put her down before she's in pain. I'll be leaving for about a year in 2 weeks, so I'm not going to see her go for sure.

I've been sobbing daily since, I've had her 16 years, from a kid to a full adult. Only friend sometimes, always my closest.

sure. you have discord?
original

yeah, add me
The Light Has Gone Out#3330

I'll fail my freshman exams horribly, and I'm too retarded to do anything about it. Even if I get set only a year behind, I'll be too distanced from my peers, and I'll have to sink down to the annoying vape/hype beast kids of the current eight grade. I'm fucked and it's set in stone

I keep dodging responsibilities, commitments.
I am constantly distracting myself. I was very lucky to be accepted into this school program, and now im wasting it away. I am going to fail.

didn't work :/
add me instead
sostoyanieptic#0868

I wish that suicide wasn't such a taboo. The only thing that prevents me from going through with it is my mother, but rationally speaking, me being alive doesn't really do anything for her. I wish she could see and accept that. I wish I could just talk to her about it, explain my reasoning, be understood, and help her out with what comes after. The expenses, the funeral, shit like that. But no, I have to grit my teeth a bear it. Doesn't matter how miserable I am. Doesn't matter how miserable she is. Because she and the rest of society thinks that death is somehow worse than a long, empty, unfulfilling life full of fear and sadness, where tomorrow is completely indistinguishable from yesterday for years and years. I don't understand normies. I wish I could be more selfish than I already am and leave her to her shortsighted hysterics.

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I do fuckall with my life except smoke and watch my health decline. Thinking of getting a little drunk soon so I can forget for a moment about how miserable, pathetic, and aimless my life is.
All I really think about is all of the fucked up things people have done to me and said to me.
I'm all alone in life, but too jaded to care anymore. Time is running out and my life is almost over.
I escape my obligations but they keep catching up to me. I'm done for.

let go.. just let go and just be done. Once you truly done that you can do what you want.

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This is a story that has been told a thousand times already, but it still hurts.

A girl came into my life about a year ago, and at first we were just casual acquaintances. I've been down this road so many times, so I deliberately resisted getting too close. Then, starting a few months ago, it was as if fate itself intervened and started pushing us together. We'd end up at the same functions, randomly sit next to each other; I'd be hiking by the wilderness near my house and just happen to run in to her along the trail. This strange plot mechanic allowed us to start talking, and we quickly became friends. Now I was beginning to grow even more suspicious, because I've learned never to trust life when it just gives you something out of the blue. So I was cautious, and didn't overplay my cards. But I still knew not to let this opportunity slip by.

And then, against all odds, it seemed we were actually getting closer. She was heavily introverted, so for her to snuggle up to me - or for me to catch her staring at me and not look away in shame - was a huge deal.

I started accepting this. I warned up to the idea that maybe good things can happen after all. My ship, it seemed, had finally come in. I started working out in earnest, started pursuing my dreams and hobbies again, and even looked for work (khv NEET without a driver's license). I was turning my entire life around, for her. And I was happy.

But it seems life's sick sense of humour is patient, because I had just committed everything - an impossibility just a year ago - when a fucking random guy just came out of the blue and stole her in the space of one evening. And no, he wasn't chad, he was your run of the mill troglodyte normie.

I don't need to explain at length what happened next, because we've all been there. Hell, I've been there myself more times than I can count. What pisses me off more than anything - even losing this girl - is this infuriating synchronicity that dominates my life

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i don't know what's happened to me. I just feel broken and my brain feels empty and numb. I have a really hard time thinking about anything or remembering things. I don't feel passion for anything. I don't want to do anything. I have no friends, I barely speak to my family, I never had a father. I've been overweight my entire life and was taught bad habits from an early age and now i'm at a point where i can't shake them with what little willpower i have and i don't even care enough to try. I've never had a job for more than 2 months and i've basically been living off welfare since i was 17. I tried drinking and i tried drugs but they only work for so long. I only ever had one real friend but he was just as mentally ill as me and we pushed eachother away. I just feel like i have some kind of design flaw and i never should have been born to begin with. Being alive every day just feels weird and unnatural. There's no future in any of this and i just feel like i'm killing time until i'm dead.

This was me two years ago. Quit while you're ahead. Alcohol just makes it worse.

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Well I took the shortcut boyo, I didn't have to take the normie detour to end up a soulless, unfeeling husk. Nothing provokes an emotional response anymore. I only feel the monochrome duality of despondence and rage these days. I just want to be able to cry again, just so I can remember what it's like to feel human

sorry, wasn't directed at anyone, i'm just tired desperate angry and vulnerable, and have neglect issues
honestly, the fact that people can relate kinda just makes me feel worse, because I would not wish this torture on anyone. hopefully your case doesn't last forever and gets better
Curiously it did start around heavy snow falls, around here that was early November. But this has never happened to me before, so I have my doubts it's a seasonal thing.

Last week overall was decent/goodish. I was wary it wouldn't last, casting a dark cloud over otherwise enjoyable moments. Guess I was right because emotional instability returned with a fury and sucked punched me right in the feels. It's not just excessively feeling bad or not being able to feel good, my motivations, my wants, lusts, desires all disappear. Last year I was incredibly driven, aggressive, motivated, horny, and proactive. Now something beyond my control has cut me off from all my wants and goals. No self-esteem, no confidence, no strong wants. Just pain.

Such a pity this game ended like an aborted fap session

I used to be like this, but now no drugs can make me feel anymore. Drinking used to open the floodgates and I would vent like crazy, but now I just sit in front of my computer and wait for the wheels to start spinning so I know when to stop

were you a couple? did you make a move? or were you trying to self improve before you did anything? keep improving so that not only will you be ready next time, you can deliberately pursue potential friends/partners instead of hoping some misguided belief in cyclical nature will hopefully allow you to get close again, make the fucking opportunity, sometimes it's as simple as your story, being close, doing stuff, connection is just a seating arrangement away

tfw no access to real traps

i only watch anal porn now help

original anal comment certified

what anime is that gif from oreganically?

Probably should slow down, been drinking heavily for like 2 years now.

I suppose I'm passed the point where I vent all the time, I mostly just sit alone and soak in whatever it is I'm feeling.

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Funny thing, I was on track to making my move. Had everything planned out. The guy who stole her wasn't beta, but he was shorter and less built than me. His angle?
"God showed me a vision of you so that means we must be together"
I didn't even know she was the kind of person to fall for that shit, but she did. Bit it hook line and sinker. Now when I see them together, she's got this smug "I'm with the Chosen One" look on her face. And when I talked to the guy - because I really wanted a reason to beat his face in - he went on about his "vision" like he really believed it. I ended up walking away because fighting God's Chosen One would've made me look like the antichrist or whatever to her.
So it seems fate isn't above playing dirty tricks that you have no possible way of anticipating in order to fuck you over. I'm honestly done, if another girl comes into my life again, it's going to be years from now and I doubt I'll be as enthusiastic then

I've been attempting for probably almost a year now to make friends online and offline and I have failed at both. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if maybe isolation is my natural state, but I really don't want to accept that. I remember back when I was "home schooled" as a kid (really I just dropped out basically) I was perfectly happy being alone but when I went back to school and had to be around other people I started having these feels. I'm wondering if it's possible to revert back to my old state

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you should be easier on yourself, sounds like she was a needy vulnerable nutcase, maybe not a bad person, making the move needs to be less of a plan and more of an endearing show of confidence and actionability to really get a girls juices flowing, taking the lead is a panty wetter
there's no fate my dude, just shit happening and short windows of time to make a move, sounds like you did a good bit of work on yourself, I like that, you sound like you have the makings of someone who could be a winner, but bitterness won't serve that. opportunity is around every corner, in every class, at every job, in group and volunteer centres, at parties, gatherings, cons. don't wait. you already have some natural attractiveness evidenced already. improve yourself for yourself, not anyone else. this life is too short to wait, lest you end up like the bitter incels on this board.

i will be your friend man, do you have any form of contact? like an email or discord?

Talking to girls (even online) makes me happy.

Even though I know it probably won't end up going anywhere. I crave their attention and affection.

I try not to be an orbiter so I haven't had one to talk to for some time.

KernelCornstalk#4312
That be me

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orbit as much as you want, as long as you're not giving them money
I love you, user
t. girl

Thanks friend, I don't give out money so no problem there.

I don't tend to like the girls that look for orbiters, and they don't give me that attention. (probably because I won't pay them)

I guess my only alternative is GF but that's not any easier.

IKTF user. I just want a girl I can pamper and emotionally support most days on discord but they can get tired of that princess stuff quickly.

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Thanks user, this legit improved my mood. All the best for you friend

Arrows can't pierce through plate armor like that.

you should pretend to be a girl, imagine how long you could orbit a girl if she didn't know you're a dude

My life is only terrible because I'm ugly, if I were good looking everything I've ever done wrong would be excused. All life is about is having the right genes if youre genetic garbage people will pile up and exaggerate your miniscule nonsense mistakes. Don't know how to feel other than defeated, everything is so heavy, every little thing is overwhelming to me, because I'm ugly and have a low IQ.

D-do any of you want to talk to me on Discord? I'm a grill, but I don't really get any attention/compliments at all, so it'd genuinely make my day if someone treated me like that. I do not ask for (or want) money.

I mean if you wouldn't mind that would be really nice!
Trail#3686

I'll be your friend if you don't mind starting with email, I'm have to go to bed though. sorry.

bananabandana@
protonmail

I added you, but you didn't accept.

I'm torn between wanting to let go but there's nothing I despise more than mediocrity in the one life we're given. I'm a walking paradox

Society works in a Brownian motion, if you don't allow yourself to be a part of that motion you grow to be a stagnant lonely island.

>imagine how long you could orbit a girl if she didn't know you're a dude
As a lonely, shameless dyke you'd be suprised. Girls want to talk to men 9/10 of the time. You might think otherwise due to how unresponsive they can be but that's just to cull the men.

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Do you want to talk on Discord? I don't currently have that many friends, and I'd be willing to talk.

Plz add me
Floof#1429

I'm not a very intersting person, thank you for the offer however.

Stop drinking and taking drugs then

ah, so if shameless dyke happens to snag a pretend girl it'd work better
so otherwise catfishing as a chad would work better

I feel like I'm in the same case as you. There is nothing I like doing. I tried some normie advice, I started running, tried yoga and a lot of other gay shit like that but nothing stuck with me.

Last time I cried was January 2017 when my cat died. I was raised to believe that men are only allowed to cry when a loved one dies or if you are under extreme, EXTREME pain.
I feel a lot of emotional pressure and just want to cry sometimes. God knows I have more than a few valid reasons to cry.

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I think if you're in the privacy of your own home you're free to cry to your heart's content.
Rules on crying only apply to public affairs.

I'm so fucking alone. I do not want to exist anymore but I don't have the fucking balls to kill myself. I'm tired of existing. There's no winning to life, and I'm sick of constantly playing this sick game. I've tried everything. I've tried to fit in, I've tried to be a normalfag just to make friends. Nothing works. I've sacrificed everything, even my own fucking self-respect, and I still get nothing out of life. I am constantly used and then discarded. People only want me because I'm helpful. Not because they actually like or care about me. I'm tired of constantly being rejected by everybody. I'm tired of being paranoid. I'm so, so terrified and I want it all to end. I don't have a fucking future. I don't have jack shit. I'm a pathetic, unloved failure. I want it all to end but I don't have the fucking balls.

>tfw when you dont know why your sad anymore

its pretty common but it doesnt mean i know how to deal with it

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Mums probably going to die of brain cancer soon

I'm so far gone that I don't even want to be happy anymore.
However, I wish you--OP--and everyone else in this thread finds some semblance of joy or peace in life.
From the way I've conducted things during my time here, happiness just isn't something for the likes of me.

I'm real sorry you have to go through this user. Stay strong.

Can understand this feel greatly. There's a slight romanticism in that whole men not crying thing, but it'll probably gimp us in the long run.

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I actually enjoy sadness, there's some strange comfiness to posting about how sad you are on a Friday night as opposed to going out with a friend
There's something wrong with me

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>tfw bf called me dumb
>tfw

My best friend was telling me the other day how she's too affectionate with her friends (both genders), and often treats them as their partners (even though she has a long term relationship). She started telling me about her closest friends throughout her life and how they said cute things to each other, hugged, cuddled, and even kissed. I follow the conversation but being a bit skeptical since I, being her best friend of 4 years, didn't really notice this with me (even though it was obvious 'normal' friends dont hug each other so much). Eventually she says
>and we ARE like that user hahaha, you just don't realize
>we do treat each other as bf and gf sometimes
>and, being honest, I've never tried to kiss you because I don't want to be your first kiss, I deeply regret being the first kiss of [some friend she had years ago] because they will always remember their first kiss as this awkward shit with someone they no longer talk to

>tfw i havent had my first kiss yet because i hadnt had my first kiss before

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I'm a wageslave working at international corporation #455696 making minimum nothings an hour. Since I started working a year ago all I want to do when i get home is drink in a circle and haven't done shit other than work since. It feels like i'm not getting paid most of my check instantly is gone barely providing for my shit life with gov't assistance. Everyone at work keeps saying that bullshit we all know too well
> "why don't you smile user"
Because I work at this shit job can't even schedule an interview at another because I have such random ass hours. Anything that requires being friendly I can't do I've tried time and again the last year to improve and it still terrifies me to interact with another person for some retarded reason.
Any other wage slaves that can relate here?

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I'm so sorry user, I know it's torturous losing an animal. Some people act like they aren't family that can mean as much to you as a human does to them. Just enjoy the time you have left with your pup and if there is an afterlife perhaps they'll be waiting for you in a world full of treats and scritches.

I dont have any motivation left in my body and its starting to seriously affect my life. I cant get up and study nor do shit so my grades have started dropping since I entered college but this year feels specially hard. Im fucked mates, cant even dump that shit couse dont want to drawn in loans.

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>live in absolute shithole area
>drug dealing, non stop joyriding, anti social behaviour
>constant anxiety that my parents or brother will be run over or mugged
>neighbours daughter + boyfriend + 2 kids moved in with them, must have been kicked out from where they were before
>kids are complete scumbags
>literally no peace
>brothers wedding is in 3 weeks
>I'm best man
>2nd year of accounting qualification
>absolutely no grasp on it
>zero chance of getting a job from it

I just wanna kill myself, just walk over to the canal, open my wrists and then just fall in when I've lost enough blood. Have to wait until the wedding is over and a bunch of birthdays so my anniversary doesn't ruin anything, also have to save up to try and cover my funeral costs, I think about walking out in front of a bus or truck too, to make it look like an accident, because the neighbours will snigger and taunt my parents over my death if it's a suicide. I wish I had end stage cancer, anything god dammit.

>actually for once really, but like really enjoy life for no real reason even if it's a bit more rough than normally
I actually like these threads but I have nothing to say now.

>Mom's birthday
>Tell her happy birthday
>She asks me where I put something
>I go find it
>Try to make a joke I was preparing about me not washing the dishes but being willing to start, starting today
>Grandma whispers to herself that I'm crazy

I just want to give up. It seems like I literally cannot socialize properly. I just want to move to the woods or something. Or at least end my life. You think you're making progress but people always show that there will always be something you're doing wrong. I don't know if it's because I said it after we talked about an entirely different topic BECAUSE ASKING PEOPLE WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WAS CRAZY IS CRAZY.

I'm just so fucking tired of it. I don't understand and I will never understand. It's so frustrating. It's never ending. I will always be the weird kid despite putting so much effort into improving my social skills. The fact that you don't know what you don't know makes me want to kill myself. That on top of not being able to ask so you can fix yourself and stop doing it is weird. I just want it all to end.

Overcomplicated bullshit.

Its all just meaningless and only gets worse

I hate normalfags SOOO much right now, its INSANE.
I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ANOTHER NORMALFAG EVER....

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>started dieting again today after taking a break over the holidays
i just want some sweets

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I've missed these threads, knowing I'm not alone helps a little. I feel trapped in this cycle of apathy and failure, I barely feel genuine emotions anymore except for anxiety which I feel intensely sometimes but that's pretty much it, I also randomly feel like crying but even if I try to I can't.
I can't remember the last time I had any dreams for the future, I'm not even old, just turned 22 a few weeks ago but I've been like this for at least 5 years now. I also can't just go ahead and off myself because I do care about my family, currently living with my very sick grandma and helping her with whatever she needs and I can't just leave her.

Only think that cheers me up is thinking about a magical, nonexistent place where I'm at peace and content, it's somewhat like a memory that I kept imagining when I was younger

This song is beautiful and fits with this thread by the way, it describes the vanity of existence so incisively
youtube.com/watch?v=yLKhArLDHrk

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>tfw you are not the hero in your own story
>tfw you try so hard to become a hero but become a villain instead

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yeah...
i enjoy it though, being rude and """evil""" is kinda fun

>tfw you start morphing into an asshole by doing devilish things and finding out it gives you a small rush