/fat/: big poppa edition

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>Who is /fat/ for?
For calorie junkies who want to better themselves through meaningful hardwork, strategy, and dedication.

>This is not QTDDTOT, ask questions about fat loss, but use that thread for general questions.

>Read the Jow Forums sticky (redundant in that you should have already but it covers all the basics of diet and exercise)
liamrosen.com/fitness.html

>Calculate your Body Fat Percentage
fitness.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Body-Fat-Navy (Gonna need waist/neck measurements)

>Calculate your BMI
nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

>Calculate your TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure)
sailrabbit.com/bmr/ (complex)
fitnessfrog.com/calculators/tdee-calculator.html (simple)

>Plan your weight loss week by week
losertown.org/eats/cal.php

>Track your calories and macros with MyFitnessPal or Cronometer. Works best on smartphones
myfitnesspal.com (better for packaged food)
cronometer.com (better for generic food/tracking micronutrients)

DO
>count calories, all of them.
>calculate your TDEE at sedentary. It will save you a whole meal's worth of calories.
>buy scales, be accurate in your measurements. autistically accurate.
>learn how to cook and start cooking your own healthy meals. lean protein and green vegetables.
>develop sustainable healthy lifestyle habits
>eat a lot of protein (1g per lb of goal body weight)
>cardio. learn to love walking.
>start lifting weights! fatties have the advantage that they can build muscle while cutting, especially as complete beginners!
>post your height/weight/screenshot of MFP/Cronometer food log when asking for advice

DON'T
>eat refined sugars, they're terrible for you regardless of calorie count
>eat processed foods, or at least try to avoid if possible
>drink your calories. alcohol, soda, hot chocolate, fancy starbucks shit. forget it.
>be a retard

Previous:

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get it off ya chest, praise the lord and confess

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user is gonna marry a mid 30's single mother, you heard it here first
I took my family out to lunch and ate some really fatty brisket, so I'll probably be close if not a little over on calorie goal today. It was good though.

Not a confession father, more asking for advice.

Have a beach BBQ on Sunday, a couple of ciders and a burger or two will easily put me at my 1500 limit for the whole day, and my friends want to go out drinking after.

How do I play this, father?

Made two apple pies instead of one because had extra apples and I reasoned I would give one away to family

Ended up eaten a whole one within 2 days and half of the other pie. Now having urge to just finish the 2nd pie so I am no longer tempted to go and binge on it and its out of the fridge. idk why the fuck I do this to myself.

fast today, eat half tdee tommorow.

Don't have ciders at the BBQ, get one or two drinks while out with friends and sip on them. Just have less of whatever you have to consume. Seriously, if this isn't a common occurrence, there's no need to feel bad about going over your deficit, if you stay under maintence. Losing weight shouldn't require you to give up on every social opportunity that involves calorie consumption. Just don't be a retard who drinks to much then stuffs his face and blows his TDEE the fuck out.

>tempted to eat the pie so that I'm no longer tempted to eat the pie
Get your shit together, holy shit. Throw the fucking pie away if you're not going to give away like you planned. You sound so mental, I wouldn't be surprised if you bullshitted yourself into making two pies just so you could "accidentally" eat both of them.

I honestly think borrowing calories is okay if done very seldom.

>eat only 1000-1200 calories previous day
>exercise or walk a few miles for extra cushion
>eat 2000 calories at beach bbq

You'll be good my dude

You shouldn't have made even the first pie for yourself if you have no self-control.

Getting under 180 has been the biggest struggle yet and I started at 225. Weight lost so far plus gains from cardio tricks me into thinking I can slack off a day or two and it's stalling further progress.

Haven't pooped in two days and I'm pissing out less water than I'm consuming and it's throwing off my weigh ins. How long is the average wait until water weight falls off and I have a big bowel movement?

Water weight is always fluctuating based on what you consume and other factors. Your own bowel movement schedule depends on your specific biology and diet. I seriously doubt that you're measuring all of your fluid intake and measuring your piss, so stop worrying about it. Go to the doctor if you think you're going to burst like a shit-filled water balloon, otherwise just be patient. Two days without shitting isn't a big deal, and having your weigh-ins for a couple days be affected by the contents of your gut means literally nothing in the fat loss long-run.

Actually I am measuring my water intake and my piss. Autism ftw

Post a photo of your measuring tools and data log.

>weigh self
>go pee
>weigh self again and subtract
Not that difficult user.

Not all of the water you consume comes out of you as piss, dumbass.

...Okay? Your point?

the number on the scale doesnt really matter user, you can always weigh in every morning after going to the bathroom and calculate an average, a weigh in a week/month could be an aberration

You should use an app for this. Extremely motivating.
Picture is in kilograms btw

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>already went over my sugar limit with protein bar and Halo Top

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>eating Halo Top
Just kill yourself now.

never

>tfw start shower with hot water thhen end with cold water
avoid the loose skin jew at all costs

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cut out all artificial sweeteners too. if you try to fill your addiction void by tricking your senses, you're never gonna make it.

app name?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

will do 3 day fast wish me luck

dont fall into this meme

What meme? Its the best way to lose weight.

based

Faggot

God damn my legs are weak. I've been back to walking the past 3 weeks and I'm still struggling to consistently go more than about 2 miles.

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>still can't lift more than 70 pounds above my head

>tfw fat all my life
>build god tier legs because of this
>can nearly max out hip abductor
>make all women in gym jealous with my power thighs

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Lost 3 stone between May and September last year, was living the NEET life, had a home gym, exercised every day. Got a full time job in September and slowly putting the weight back on, feels really bad. Just too tired after work and on my days off I just want to chill. Eating unhealthy shit as well because I can't be bothered to cook

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I promise you, no woman in the gym is jealous of some fat fuck guy.

>had a home gym
where'd it go?

>I can't be bothered to cook
most people have jobs, no excuses fatty

t. stacy who has to peg the wait down 100 pounds after im done with the machine

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fuck weight

>Lost 3 stone
When will you canadians learn no one except your own kind knows what the fuck that stupid weight system means.

I'm british

Any way to induce the woods effect or should I let it happen on its own?

Does salt effect FAT loss? I’ve been heavily salting my food. I eat under 1000 calories though, massive deficit.

WHOOSH** not woods fuck

Yes sodium is anti-osmotic with triglycerides so the more salt you consume, the less your body is able to free lipids from your adipose tissue. You can take EC stack + Yohimbine to counter that.

As a fit guy who scrolled past your post on the front page, I was in your shoes about one year ago. Now l run a 5k in 30 minutes every morning and I'm not even short of breath at the end. Hang in there. If your knees ever hurt, switch to a rowing machine, stair master, or an elliptical for a while if you can. The key for me was doing cardio every single day with zero exceptions. Any time I took a day off it killed my motivation the next day so I just decided "fuck rest days" and never looked back. Good rowing machines are also a lot smaller, lighter, and less expensive than good ellipticals and treadmills and can burn upwards of 1000/calories an hour at an intense pace, or 500/hr at a leisurely pace you can maintain for hours while watching TV or something.

whooshes are mostly just losing a bunch of retained water quickly. i guess you might be able to induce it by eating a bunch of fast food but why would you want to?

Do this I got about 5,000 calories worth of candy for Easter, so I'm increasing my deficit for several days to compensate. Yesterday I had a 1300+ deficit instead of the usual 500. Today won't be that crazy, but still aiming for more than usual.

These threads teach me so much about fancy words and biology that I think I may just change careers. I know so much about the human body now and about weight loss.

Don't drink user. My weight loss stalled and I was ready to give up until I just flat out stopped drinking, now the pounds are coming off ahead of schedule. Hopefully your friends will understand.

Wait what wouldn’t rating a bunch of fast food be counter productive? I was thinking running keto for a couple weeks, mostly for the benefit that seeing how low I get without water would be encouraging to keep it up
Hm interesting, gonna have to find a way around salting while keepinh shit tasting good and able to stay fresh then

>reduce weight from 250lbs to 205lbs
>achieve builtfat mode, still shooting to lose another 25lbs
>sending flirty texts to a qt at my college
>she calls me "big guy"
>not sure if it's meant to be endearing
>not sure if she's noticing my gainz or if she thinks I'm fat
Help me bros

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big guy is only for tall or fat people
if you are under 6'2 she's calling you fat

She’s flirting just run with it you autist. Why is it that when I look at someone else going through this shit it’s so clear to me yet when it’s me I go full autismatic and think too much. Shut maybe I just care too much when it’s me

sorry that was unclear. i meant to whoosh you need to be retaining water. best way to do that is eat fast food.
i guess if it really concerns you then keto would be the best option as it does cause you to lose a bunch of water weight.
personally i'd just relax and not worry about it.

I'm 5'11"
I know that feel bro

If you don't reply 'For you' to her you are a fucking faggot who wasted the best setup

1 stone = 14 pounds

Not fucking difficult is it? Either learn it or quit bitching

>wants me to learn an archaic canadian measurement

Yeah, I'm def the one in the wrong here...

I think it's amazing how britcucks makes fun of americans for not using the metric system then turn around and measure their bodyweight in stones, twigs, and pebbles.

No joint pain, but my muscles are severely atrophied from doing no exercise at all for like 2 years - especially the tibialis anterior, which just loses all strength after the first mile. It'll take a while.

>Now l run a 5k in 30 minutes

There is no way you run a 5k(11miles) in 30 mins, dude.

5 km is 3 miles mate

I injected some weeds and I binged so hard even though it felt like my stomach was gonna explode, but I kept eating. I can go into detail for anyone who wants.

Yes please

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greentext pls

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I keep doing really well all day then binging like a madman (albeit on decent foods) at dinner. My breakfast was a protein bar, lunch was some eggs, then my dinner was several pieces of tilapia, California medley veggies, 2 cups of corn, rotisserie chicken and gum.
What's wrong with me?

sounds like you're cutting too hard

It's not Canadian

We don't use the metric system either

>Be me
>Wednesday
>Everyone's out of the house and not coming back until midnight
>As soon as brother leaves i smile smugly as if i was the main lead in a movie
>run to my room and unzip the guitar case where I hide my cannabis
>really_exited.cocks
>about to make my special cocktail that tastes like skunk spray
>cook it up and decide to pour it on some porridge my dad made earlier
>2 hours passes and the effects start
>browse the web and laugh my as off around every corner
>-Munchies: yo its me buddy
>fuck, I'm trying to lose weight. One nut cream sandwich wont hurt.
>mm, shit that was good, i should make one more
At this point i just forgot i was trying to lose weight
>make 2 more but i'm still not satisfied
>Realize there's thawed shrimp in the fridge and decide to make 2 shrimp sandwiches. (pic related, same size)
>eat them and I'm full, but I need more even though my stomach is aching a bit
>I call my brother and tell him to buy 4 oranginas, 6 pirogues and one can of pea soup.
>anxiously wait for 30 minutes to 1 hour until i her the door bell
>run to the door, open it and take the bag and run to the kitchen to heat the pirogues one after one.
>run to my room and eat them all while downing a bunch of orangina.
At this point my stomach feels as if it's gonna explode. I'm not sugar coating it. It literally felt as if i was gonna have to visit the ER if i ate more.
>-Munchies: I'm not satisfied, faggot
>go to the kitchen and cook up the pea soup
I can't even walk at a normal pace
>eat it all within 5 minutes
>parents come home and as i'm walking to the door to lock it, I feel as if i got stabbed from the side with a sword
>I'm trying not to scream
>successfully lock the door and go to my bed to lie down to cope with the pain.
>fall asleep
>wake up gassy and shitty as fuck and have been like this since then

I will never do this again

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the pirogues

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the soup

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>shrimp sandwiches

What the fuck is a shrimp sandwich?

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>nut cream
hope that isn't what it sounds like user

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I should stop binge drink a few time a month someday, lifting the day after is just horrible.
Well, it was fun tho, and not that over TDEE.

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I posted a pic of it. Here's a way smaller version of what I had
I'll leave it to you imagination

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Thats a fucking platter not a sandwich. What the fuck is going on here.

Its an open face sandwich

>bread, shrimp, eggs

You have to tell me what fucked up backward country you live in. That is so fucking gross.

So it's just toast?

Also, it's purely because of deshydration, but breaking through my plateau each time I get drunk is really fun.

Anyone else /fast/ing for Good Friday? CatholicFag here

I try to get above 170g of protein per day usually as I am doing SL 5x5
Since I’m not even coming close to my protein target today I got curious:
I have no intention of going low again until next Ash Wednesday but how many days could I go under without it affecting my lifts in theory? Like 1 day a week!

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niggas wanna front who got the gat?

Like 1 day a week ? Not !

cant stop eating lol

mayo, egg, salad, shrimp, lemon. The Swedish variant could also have skagen instead of mayo and white fish roe on it.
Its very popular in Sweden, but its originally Danish. It's really good, trust me.
The bread is not toasted, though.

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Swede? if yes billys > gorbys

>switch to WFPB
>weight is magically melting off me now
see ya fatties

it sounds really good to me user, i have similar sandwiches but i add rocket leaf and don't use eggs.

So...you are a fat swede? I thought you people were hot.

Ate omad meat only. Feel satisfied, not craving sugar, and I still feel fat as shit. I must be at about -2000 tdee. Any other anons have gay fad diets that work for them?

Care to share how you prepped the bud? Sounds like you made an edible of sorts, what did you do exactly and how did it not stank the house up?

yeahI feel like my fad diet is actually healthier tho. I get tons of antioxidants and shit without any saturated fat and cholesterol.

So how does that affect CICO? Where does the weight go?

It'd be cool if people added me on mfp, it might help me keep on track if user's can see my progress/my day to day. I've stayed on track since the 3rd, I stayed at 205 for a few months and started taking it seriously again..

myfitnesspal.com/profile/daydreamanatomy2

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OMAD worked for me, although that was more a process of "why bother fucking eating these tiny meals if I'm going to be hungry immediately, may as well eat it all at once".

Disgusting. Billy's will molest you.
Try it with eggs, m8. You wont regret.
I'm still hot :(
I make a small ball of some of the hasch and out it in the cattle with butter. I let it melt until the hasch is gone and the butter is brown. I pour some milk into the kettle so that i don't leave anything in it. I usually pour it into a glass and drink it after that. Lasts 24h+

Keto + IF is working for me, down 15 lbs since April 1.

I want to try a vegan diet and see how I feel, but I don't have any more time to experiment