Could you, and would you, help this young man named Christian become fit and turn his life around...

I refuse to believe that

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Being in serious debt and going to court for it, and that's about it. No serious trolling sagas have happened since the idea guys got punted out, and for good reason. Niggas were crazy.

>man

Nowadays? Not gonna happen. Chris isn't going to listen to fucking anyone about anything anymore. Not that he listened in the past, but at least there was a chance. That said, if we're talking about Chris as of when this picture was taken? It'd be a huge challenge, but it could be done. It would require a live-in coach situation, though. And not in his house, either. That place is a fucking pit and it's the ultimate gains goblin. I also doubt any real cardio would work. Not because it wouldn't be effective, but because he'd bitch and moan about it the whole time. Start simple, simple, simple, simple. Straight SS to begin with. He seemed like he was open to the idea of being physically strong, so that'd be a good place to start. Obviously, you have to watch his diet like a fucking hawk. Eventually start introducing some cardio once he's used to the idea of the physical exertion. After a few months, move to something like a PHUL or PHAT split, so that you still have him increasing strength while introducing hypertrophy. Then keep going from there. All of this would have to be home gymed to start, though. I wouldn't dare bring him into a public gym at first. Maybe after 6 months or so, in order to help him work on his social skills.

Yeah some of Chris' trolls have been WAY worse than Chris himself. Those guys were especially bad. Literal scam artists. It was gross.

Who's going to end up on the streets first, christine or janoy? I've always had my money on chrischan but the monkeyprick is less sane by the day

Who’s janoy

He went Tumblr autism rather than Jow Forums autism
If he got into it earlier he'd probably be one of us

At what point could he have been recruited to b

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>imagine not knowing what the cure for such disorders is

it's beatings, newfag
and i have no doubt you'd need to torture someone like this to ever do anything challenging in their life

>not locking him up in a basement and using him as a guinea pig for every PED you can imagine

I still think the chances of him ever being anything but a degenerate parasitic slob are slim to none, but if there was an infinitesimally small chance to reach him some time while his father was still alive. He kept Chris under control somewhat and would have never stood for the tranny stuff. He was also somewhat mentally sharp (relatively of course) in his last years, where the snorlax Chris is stuck with now is probably suffering from dementia.

Eh, his dad was part of the reason he was so fucked up in the first place. He and Barb both agreed not to let Chris be in the special needs classes he would have benefitted from, and neither one seemed to have ever pushed particularly hard against Chris' bullshit. He even fed into Chris' delusions that the fucking Game Place owner was the major force behind the trolling for some reason. Plus by all reports of other people raised around him he just kind of a shitty dude in general, although granted we have limited info to go on. But his daughter hated him, his step-son REALLY hated him (and is the one we have the most info from), and his full son was seemingly estranged to some degree from the Chandlers we know, at least to the point where Chris didn't even know he had a niece for like a decade.

I know we all got a kick out of the Internet Lumberjack stuff, but otherwise it seems like he was just too old and ineffectual.

>tfw ywn get a personal sonichu pendant crafted by the man himself.

I would wear it to the gym desu

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Jason Genova

Was there any chris-chan reaction to the upcoming sanic movie?

Nah, he decided he was a tranny andngot his taint pierced to simulate a clit (chris-chan cannot into female anatomy, what a shocker). Being the retard that he is it got horrendously infected. That's the last i heard

We're deep in the schizophrenia arc
youtube.com/watch?v=pShpKZ9CXfU

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Back in the stone age....

So he did do that, but the part about that causing the infection was a lie.

It eventually came out that he'd actually slit his taint open with a knife to make a "vagina"

I'm sure you could if you offered to pay, we're still deep into the neverending financhu crisis

Chris was never salvageable. I used to think he could have been saved if someone tricked/manipulated him into lifting but after reading in depth on him there's no saving him because there's nothing to be saved. He refuses to work, hates the idea of work, shamelessly begs for money, rants when people don't donate enough to his begging, and has to be dragged kicking and screaming into fulfilling his patreon pledges. This is off the front of his wiki page:
- It has been 6 days since Chris begged for money.
- It has been 110 days since Chris uploaded pages to meet his paid obligations to the Sonichu comic.
- It has been 3523 days since Chris applied for a job.

If Chris won't work for money or china, what makes you think he'll work for self improvement?

He cut his taint open because he thought his new vagina was growing there.
sonichu.com/cwcki/Un-clit
sonichu.com/cwcki/Self-inflicted_taint_wound

Just recently had one where he got blocked by MLP fandom and had a small series of meltdown videos

sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter_blocks_from_TF2_Analysis_crew

Christine's idea of self improvement is listening to subliminal videos that will make him more woman like.

sonichu.com/cwcki/Subliminal_Frequency_Hypnosis

Although he DID join a gym at one point, he got kicked out shortly after due to his general smelliness and trolls trolling the gym irl.
sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_and_health#Anytime_Fitness

Chris's monthly 'tugboat' is Teflon for some reason, the state of Virginia simply doesn't care. The lawsuits and Barb eventually croaking will put a heavy strain on Chris (and probably be a new saga) but somehow Chris always manages to scrap through partly due to his trolls donating heavily to him in Chris's times of actual crisis.

Chris hates males so in every multiverse Chris would gravitate towards tumblr and its more female user base.

he hates it

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Chris never had a chance. The poor fucker.

It actually hurts me to see how badly he's degenerated in the last 10 years. He was almost normal back then in comparison to now.

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RIP sweet prince.

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Sup fellow Christorian. I've been slightly out of the loop since the MLP fandom meltdown. Nothing big since then?

Also I haven't had a chance to get updated on all the "Beneath the Bridge" episodes, or rewatch the "Chris-chan: A comprehensive History" reuploads. Better believe I'm tuning in for Season 2, kicking off with the Liquid Chris Saga next month

Any rants or sonichu works in relation to the movie?

>used a knife
I don't want to believe this is true, but its very much in the realm of possibilities. What in the fuck dude

He's autistic and retarded. Never had a chance. A 5 yo kid is more human than him.

Oh really?

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I liken Chris to being a metaphorical inoperable tumor to Bob. Now some of it is Bob's fault for not taking care of the tumor and ignoring it, but the main thing is even if Bob did his utmost effort to take care of it, its an inoperable tumor and nothing can be done about it. Chris is that tumor.

Unfortunately I see a lot of parallels between Bob and Chris and my friend and his son. My friend S has a son that exhibits early autism signs and S and his wife have decided to home school their son and all outside opinions be damned.

anyways here's a video of Chris doing a 100 'bicep curls'

sonichu.com/cwcki/One-Hundred

It's also Bob's fault that he made a child with his decrepit 60-year-old sperm

nothing yet. Chris has learned to actually stay lowkey or at least not post anything too stupid online. Fan sightings are minimal. Chris just recently begged for money because his car was low on gas. However Chris is in the middle of a psit of lawsuits so expect some frantic begging videos soon.

No rants, very lowkey about the movie, disappointingly.

That too.

That's too bad. Considering his last Sonic-related shenanigans were him macing that gamestop employee right? I was expecting something at that level. Well, maybe when it comes out.

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Unironically he honestly thought he was good looking or at least not ugly and obese when he was still a 'man'.

If it's a tumor, it's as if he liked to microwave with the door open and standing in front of it. Yeah, Chris is autistic, but he's not so severely autistic that decent parents and surroundings couldn't have made him come out more well-adjusted. Plus he had a kid really old, and there is some correlation with old dudes having kids and autism, although obviously no cause is set in stone.

Uhh who the fuck is this and why do you people apparently care?

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Hello newfriend! You may want to consult our FAQ on the official Jow Forums subreddit! Happy browsing, and be excellent to each other!

Hey go fuckyourself buddej

I'll be nicer than the other guy.

You can start here, have fun.

sonichu.com/cwcki/4-cent_garbage.com

He also can't remember people's faces, so I wouldn't fault him too much for his incorrect judgement.

lmao, dude, it's been this whole.. "thing"..

for a WHILE. if you've got a couple hours to kill you should take a peek down the chris-chan rabbit hole.

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Where does the time go, lads?

;_;

Forward.

looking back now if he had gotten Jow Forums and a good wardrobe he wouldnt have been bad looking.

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If you don't know who chris chan is you shouldn't be on this site

Bros, I'm absolutely obsessed with this man. I spend hours a week on CWCki and the Farms just watching every single one of his steps. This can't be healthy, right?

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>outing yourself as a newfag

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>user, you say you.. uhh.. obsessively "document" WHOSE life, again?

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Hey does anyone know where to find the video where the user bought one and face fucked it with a pickle, pissed on it and burned it?

Chris-chan is unironically the only eceleb worth paying attention to. Not only did he not want to be an eceleb but his life is basically a constant and hilarious train wreck. He is a cautionary tale at the results of not only too much /v/, but also too much Jow Forums and sjw degeneracy. There but for the grace of God go we.

At least now that he’s a woman he can justify having tits

I didn't say Bob was great or even adequate. Bob was fucked up too by any objective measure, but unlike the Snorlax or anyone else in Chris's life, he had one or two moments when he seemed to provide some positive guidance in his life. The Cwcki mentions him trying to get Chris interested in other things and occasionally take responsibility for himself. I was aware of all the other stuff, which is why I say he was relatively good given all the other people in Chris's life, much in the same way syphilis is good compared to AIDS.

What do you mean by tugboat

It's true.

The ultimate sega is coming up when Barb dies

money he receives from the government.
the analogy he uses is "tugboat"

It’s fucking weird to think about, Chris may possibly be the most well-documented person in the history of the internet

>mfw 100 years from now chris-chan's life is the subject of internet history theses

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>Thank you Reimu for the presentation on Nyan Cat and the Japanese influence on the early mainstream meme culture
>Next up is... Jeffery! With a presentation on Chris-chan and the advent of internet lolcows!
Can't wait for some poor student to sort through my shitposts at 2:00 AM trying to figure out how they reflected environment in the declining wild west of internet.

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Christ what a world we live in
Hopefully something really meme happens when the modern day Franz Ferdinand gets shot

when Barb eventually dies, what are the odds of Chris committing suicide?

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Circa 2005 alternative time line.rivers Cuomo sits in his bedroom and remembers that one day he thought he should start a band only to brush the thought off and go back to what ever the fuck he's doing in this pic

Pretty low. Chris thinks really highly of himself.

When Barb dies that's when all the debt that's been piling up will fall directly on Chris. It will be the most stressful time for Chris as he'll be making begging videos nonstop and selling his belongings at a 10000% inflated rate but his trolls will probably funnel just enough money to Chris to keep him afloat.

Chris is on social security disability insurance because he has autism. That money can't be touched/garnished
You can't inherit debt, an unscrupulous bill collector can try but all Chris has to do is ignore it (like he does with legitimate debts) and it will cease to be a problem (unlike with his legitimate debts)

I'm pretty sure Chris bought some bells lately but knowing how lazy he is he will never use them but promised to do 100 a day or something.

>anyways here's a video of Chris doing a 100 'bicep curls'

sonichu.com/cwcki/One-Hundred

Imagine Chris trying to pull a Weekend at Bernie's with Barb's corpse after she dies.

I honestly don't know how she's still alive, she's ate like shit her whole life, continues to eat like shit, is completely sedentary, and lives in an environment that qualifies as Dangerous Terrain

The neetbux are like a life force for her.

>most documented person in history
>recognized and beloved worldwide
>acknowledged by companies and celebrities

Did Chris actually make it? He could have been some slow in the mind literal who but instead he's one of the most important personalities of the internet age.

What class would Chris be summoned as in a Holy Grail War? I'm thinking Berserker.

Ok I understand. But the other user mentioned his tugboat is Teflon. What does he mean by Teflon? Sorry if that sounds kind of stupid maybe, are these American terms or something? I mean I’m in Canada our dialect is basically the same. Or is this just another Chris chan analogy

It’s just how it works. The cockroaches will outlast the rest of us

>beloved
I don't know about that one.

Absolutely not. All Chris has is autism rage, meaning he flips his shit out on camera but shrinks from actual confrontation. Chris has no physical stats to be proud of, he's obese, no muscle, and resents the idea of putting work or effort into obtaining anything. Chris is extremely egotistic and hedonistic, preferring to lavishly spend money on luxuries instead of necessities and believes the world should cater to him for a life of convenience. Chris would fight perfectly well with Slaanesh or Nurgle.

Teflon is a material that nothing 'sticks' to. If we were to do the same things Chris has done we'd get in trouble (macing a store employee with no provocation) but for Chris he got a slap on the wrist.

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>known for being the biggest human car crash in modern history that you just can't look away from
Is it worth it?

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He would also be an amazing Orange Lantern.

>Sonic Totem
I've always found the way Chris draws his eyes very creepy.

Not without medication and putting him in an institution.
People seem to believe he could just CHOOSE to be better, but he is legit insane. Now he belives he is a woman.
He needs compassion and humane treatment.

>chases hedonism constantly, and doesn’t give a single shit about the impact of doing so
>absolutely refuses to change his lifestyle as it decays and yet also refuses to feel any consequence
>flips his shit over minor trivialities
>his mere existence has made him the nexus of the most intrigue the internet has ever seen
He’s a Champion of Chaos undivided

Nah man, just dump him with a daytime autism program, that aims to help people with autism with work and education and call it a day.

Shouldn’t you be in class right now Billy?

Will Cole get Chris if Barb dies or is the relationship between them beyond repair at this point? This feels like the plot of an 80s sitcom

Unlikely. I'd wager he'll be taken by the state when he's shown to be incapable of taking care of himself. I'd be surprised if Cole is anywhere in the chain of custody, nor would he want to be. The bigger question is where will whatever Barb still has go?

When was the last time we saw Barb anyway?

Not too long ago. I know she was in a begging video within the last year or so. She's dropped a ton of weight, but now she looks like one of those crazy old ladies you see in horror movies.

She's in his YouTube begging videos youtube.com/watch?v=r959Lcm-Hqg

I haven't watched Chris-chan in nearly a year, but Jesus Christ, he's really gone off of the deep end. Even him becoming a tranny was more acceptable because he's always had a girlish voice and massive tits.

It's depressing watching his dive into insanity. He's been socially fucked since he was a kid, but at least what he said had some root in reality. Now it's completely incomprehensible. Has anyone tried to call Social Services or something? How long until he kills someone because his anime waifu, which he believes is 100% real, tells him to?

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I wish Chris would do more ghost hunting stuff. That was fun for a recent Chris video.