You are under arrest for suspicion of steroid possession

>You are under arrest for suspicion of steroid possession
wwyd?

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I suppose you'll want to do a rectal examination, yes? Haha

If they think im juicing; theyre fucking retarded

>Pull out my fat musty cock n balls
>deez big black nuts look like one of dem roid balls?
>then I get shot

What if its medical?

Try again

Чe бля? Кaкиe нaхyй cтepoиды? Mycopa coвceм пoпyтaли.

im guilty, pls touch me

god i wish that were me

you can't arrest me, you are russians. You have no jurisdiction here

Tell them they dont need to tell me my charges but they have to eat all the eggs

Rape them

Possession is legal

show them my natural balls

cyka blyat babusha pidor

I want to hold hands.

i want to do something even more degenerate than holding hands

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Why do you do this to me user.

That’s a huge compliment. They can check all my blood for drugs. When it flows to muh dong.

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Baceд и яeдpиллeд

because i want others to hurt like i feel hurt

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good thread

Flex a 'cep

You deserve the coldest circle of hell.

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No thanks, I already jacked off

What if I have a friend who loves to cuddle when she gets drunk but seemingly has no interest in going further?
At first I went along with it, but now I realize I should've asked her to stop with that teasing shit from the start.
And now that I pushed her away, there are others that are willing to take my place and I'm unreasonably jealous.
I wish I was dead.

OH YEAH?
*PICKS UP THE ONE WITH THE HAT AND BODYSLAM HER SO HARD HER HEAD BURSTS LIKE A MELON*
*GRABS HER CORPSE BY HER LEGS AND SWING HER AT THE OTHER BITCH*
HOMERUUUN!!
*Gets shot to death by a whole squad of police officers*
*Blood tests revealed nothing but creatine*

lewd

Unless they have a search warrant they arent getting shit

Demand to be strip searched and tell them I'm hiding them up my anal cavity

I don't think you understand how Russian cops work. You'll be lucky not to get a champagne bottle up your ass.

And that is somehow a bad thing?

Omfg... I just sounded that out.
Based and roidpilled?

It's a 50/50 chance between a bottle and a hot soldering iron.

Tell them I hid them all in my groin area and then I let them search me.
>Is that a ... huge... stash of roids in your pocket or are you just happy to see us? *smirk smirk*
>It's roids. I told you I hid them there.

>Steroid possession
>Russian
Sounds about right

>run around them quickly to confuse them

Vasyed ee yayedrilled.

>tfw have a female friend with whom i cuddle sometimes
>neither of us are sexually attracted to eachother
>even slept in the same bed and hugged the entire night once
this is peak comfy

Stop being a faggot and stop destroying my body to impress morons.

>>neither of us are sexually attracted to eachother
unless she's hideous you're gay. If you cuddle with a woman in bed and you don't AT LEAST get a huge boner something's wrong.

Nah, there are chicks like that. Total bros that you just don't feel anything physical for.
But for me that's girls that I've done a lot of MDMA with. We can cuddle, hug, give each other massages but there's nothing beyond that.

oh i get a massive fucking boner. she doesnt mind tho. i phrased it wrong tho, you're right. id totally bang her if i got the chance but im not interested in a relationship with her.

i do this with a male friend.
no homo though

Ask her why she hasn't gotten those moles removed or keep letting my eyes drift towards them every so often to make her feel self-conscious.

Please handcuff me officer

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I mean considering that we're in Russia I'll just hop on my dirt bike and speed away down a sidewalk or something

I have a prescription. Now I'll give you 30 seconds to get the fuck off my property. The 'trespassers will be shot' sign isn't decoration.

Officer i need milkies

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*бaceд
Пидop

And a cheeki breeki to you stalker

hory shiet

feels
dead before being a beta cuck

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*stands on tippy toes*

but haha i dont even lift??

*flexes as hard as possible*

surely there must be some kind of mistake? I'm just a 6'0 normal guy who happens to be genetically blessed

*pulls cap down harder on head to hide balding*

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Based Joseph poster

oh no officer please don't take out your baton and beat the shit out of me whilst I cry

>girl on the right
how do i get a gf like that?

Cut all contact. She will catch feelings then you fuck her. Source, I went through that when I was 17.

Do a 360 and walk away, police cadets can't arrest anyone

I just have too much test, please don't drain my balls.

I would like to know as well. I would make her wear a latex suite and let her call me the chosen one.

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MOMMYYYYYY

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I unironically hate how hot our women are. The summer is always driving me mad. All I can think about is rape

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that's correct, sir. Ivan, get in here.

i wish i looked like that
id suck so much cock

Why wait? I have a rock hard peepee right here. Please be a girl(female).

im a girl(male) sorry user
i still rock at sucking cock though

Post sharpie in pooper.

> wait till they do the thing "anything you say might be use used against you"
> this is my chance
> "titties! ass! titties! ass!"
> they're powerless

>big black nuts
if you're black they'd shoot you the second you reached to your pants

this

Kek

Pretend I don't speak any Gopnik until they decide "fuck this foreign shithead, we don't want any international shit to happen" or "let's bang this foreigner, he might marry one of us and take us away from this shithole"

be 6'3" and very good looking, like male model tier

Ask them to do an illegal search and seizure on my tumescent shaft.

>nothing but creatine
Creatine is the real killer

what???
noo

>I would make her wear a latex suite and let her call me the chosen one.
If she made you pay for the suit and called you a pathetic.waste of skin, would you still be into it?

>not playing with your ass
Lol, I'm not even homo but I still massage my prostate with dildo regularly. It's good for your health

Two kinds of Jow Forumsizens out there.

wtf bro thats sounds gay

Oops, meant to quote and

чepтoв кapacь

Try it. You get better hardons and last longer in bed from this shit.

idk sticking a phalic object up my butt seems gay

Phalic objects are fine, if they aren't attached to a man.

alright i guess your right
ill try it out

Do we all agree that the brunette in OP pic is pretty much perfect? How much do I have to squat to get a girl like her? I'm at 102.5 kg for 5 reps.

Agree. You don't have to squat, you just need to take a flight to Russia and pay 100$ tops for a whore.

just be urself

>such is the life of the black male

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