I obsessively think about a girl who was in my class last semester. We barely made small talk, and she occasionally texted me questions about assignments. Nothing more.
I literally think about her all day every day. I have long conversations with her in my head and have fantasies about her falling in love with me.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? It's beyond an infatuation. It's an irrational obsession, and I think it has to do with me having very few interactions with girls in general.
>We barely made small talk, and she occasionally texted me questions about assignments. Nothing more.
How did she get your contact info? Why would she have texted YOU to ask questions?
Did you try to talk to her about other things and she didn't respond favorably, or did you never try to guage her interest?
Wanna solve that? try to contact with her... talk to her.. bum there you go.
That's the beginning of the ruin, interrupt, cut, stop.
You're not alone, but it's a good sign that you identify it as intrusive. My entire life is based around keeping these feelings under control.
Neither is a bad choice if you don't take it too far.
My choice is the good one, she has already her own social circle, and if you just introduced yourself out of nowhere due to frustration that will end in you getting humiliated.
OP, just cut it out, stop now before it's too late, if you have to approach girls do so in your own social circles if you do have them.
yep, experience the same thing with this girl i used to know. constant intrusive thoughts about her. it's extremely annoying and i have not found a way to make it stop.
I suggested we should exchange numbers near the beginning of the semester in case either of us had questions (pretty normal thing). Turned out she struggled with some stuff and I knew everything pretty well. She was always very thankful for my help when I answered her questions and said on a couple occasions that I'm really smart, which felt nice.
And no, I know myself and feared she'd be able to smell my desperation/flirting. So all our conversations were just about the class and school in general. I never pushed it. Plus she's out of my league and I saw from her Facebook that she has a boyfriend.
I will say though she was exceptionally nice in text and in-person. Just very bubbly and responsive.
>cut it out before it's too late
This was last semester, we haven't talked since. Ironically, I'm more obsessed with her now then I was last semester. I think I miss the "attention," as pathetic as that is. I'm self-aware enough to not pursue her, regardless. At this point I'm just trying to get the thoughts out of my head. There's no rational reason to still be thinking about her.
>complimented you multiple times
You probably could have got with her, you're an idiot.
Good, just whenever the thought of her comes up in your mind, do not feed it, just let it go by.
If you somehow feel like a "draining pleasure" comes from thinking about her, interrupt it immediatly, come to your senses, observe the thought and let it end by itself with no further interaction.
there is a rational reason. when you're starving, you think about food. when you're dehydrated, you think about water. when you're lonely, you obsess over girls that gave you a little bit of attention.
she complimented him about how smart he was because he was helping her with homework. there's a difference between saying "you're so smart" and "you're so handsome". sounds like she was thankful for OP's help but doesn't care about him outside of that class.
>"You're so handsome"
Women will literally never say something that forward. They aren't men.
thisAlso it's been a couple months now and I deleted all our texts. Honestly, it's hard to remember what she really said to me and what I fantasized in my head. She may have never called me smart, just something similar. I'm probably exaggerating unintentionally.
Yes they absolutely do women can be so upfront
Appreciate the advice, I really do need to let the thoughts pass and/or interrupt them. Honestly I do find myself engaging with the thoughts now and again. Maybe it's a guilty pleasure, or maybe I just have nothing else going on in my life to occupy my idle thoughts with.
it's not that obsessive you're simply imagining that girl as the one you wished she was, an imaginary being which you know much better than her actual self
Alright guys I haven't been completely truthful. I'm a few vodka shots in rn so here we go.
She's in another class of mine this semester and occasionally aske me questions. I'm thinking my only option is to text her how I truly feel. I realize there's like a less than 5 percent chance it ever goes anywhere, but hey, I got nothing else going on in my life. If she says no so what. Should I text her? I know deep down I prob shouldn't but hey
For reference tho we don't 5alk much in person anymore. Fuck me I should have deleted her number
There is nothing you can do to stop this unless talk to another girl.
All of this zen stuff, like
>If you somehow feel like a "draining pleasure" comes from thinking about her, interrupt it immediatly, come to your senses, observe the thought and let it end by itself with no further interaction.
...there's no way that will work. If you had that kind of comprehensive control over your own thinking, you wouldn't be here now.
Talk to some other girl. That will make this one fade to a low buzz of a memory. And do it soon.
you've got oneitis my dude
You said that you saw she has a boyfriend on facebook. So in that case no you really shouldn't bother talking to her and you definitely shouldn't tell her that you're in love with her or some desperate needy shit like that ever. You can make small talk with her and make a move if she breaks up with her boyfriend.
>Alright guys I haven't been completely truthful. I'm a few vodka shots in rn so here we go.
>She's in another class of mine this semester and occasionally aske me questions. I'm thinking my only option is to text her how I truly feel. I realize there's like a less than 5 percent chance it ever goes anywhere, but hey, I got nothing else going on in my life. If she says no so what. Should I text her? I know deep down I prob shouldn't but hey
DO NOT text her "how you really feel". That will make you look like a simp.
Find an excuse to talk to her at your next class. Keep it light. Then text her to GO DO SOMETHING that isn't a class and isn't homework. It doesn't matter what it is. Get coffee. Get a drink, if you're old enough. If you go to a decent-sized college, this time of year the music department will have free concerts. Something like that.
AFTER socializing with her, consider trying to advance your relationship. DO NOT "confess your feelings" or anything ridiculous before you have actively socialized with this girl.
>Honestly, it's hard to remember what she really said to me and what I fantasized in my head
haha, too fucking real
why would you do this? maybe ask her to hang out if you can sense any chemistry but you dont just confess to a girl who barely knows you.at least try and have some social awareness. i honestly think it would be better for you if you dropped contact with her after you're done with this semester. you're getting overly attached to a relationship that doesn't exist and you'll need to learn how to control you're desperation if you want to pursue a relationship with a girl in the future.
Yes I won't her. Your suggestions are good and I'll try something similar with a different girl in the future, if I ever manage to talk to other girls. This particular girl has a boyfriend and trust me anyway it's not healthy for me to entertain any possibility with her. I'm too obsessed.
That's another thing, I can only imagine the pain of a breakup with an actual gf. Like, I'm so obsessed with this girl and we have NO relationship. I'm hesitant to subject myself to legitimate attachment, pain, and heartbreak.
A lot of us get the way that you feel now. When an attractive girl shows you some affection (even if its not romantic) its normal to crave more affection from her, but from her perspective she is just being a decent human being. You know as well as I do that there is no relationship there so now lets think of where we can go from here. You have to decide whether or not you want to pursue this girl. If you do then you have to do it in a reasonable way like slowly branching into topics not relating to school and then asking her to do some activity like getting food after class or meeting up to study in person. If you want to end your fantasizing of her then you need to come to terms with the idea that she is not special and there are tens of thousands of girls like her. Good luck man, make rational decisions and don't be scared to take the leap if you decide you do want to go after this girl.
can you imagine that, you will become nothing but a memory (if event that) to them, somewhere out there they will be making new memories with new people, living their life, struggling to reach their goals, getting in relationships, getting married, having kids....
and yet there you will still be... thinking of the one that "got" away.
Yep, some people are literally just side characters in the simulation.
>I suggested we should exchange numbers near the beginning of the semester in case either of us had questions (pretty normal thing).
Yeah... no.
If y'all were on the same team for a group project and everyone passed contact ibfo around that could be dismissed, but you basically just flat out asked a girl for her number. AND SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
>I never pushed it.Plus she's out of my league and I saw from her Facebook that she has a boyfriend.
And yet here she is being exceptionally nice, bubbly and responsive, to you. And apparently never mentioning to you she has a BF.
Text her again and say that you were going through your phone cleaning up your contacts, and ask if you should keep her number.
>can you imagine that, you will become nothing but a memory (if event that) to them, somewhere out there they will be making new memories with new people, living their life, struggling to reach their goals, getting in relationships, getting married, having kids....
>and yet there you will still be... thinking of the one that "got" away.
That must be such an incredibly odd thing - to be the person who someone else thinks about like that.
Do you think they're ever aware of it? Not necessarily in OP's specific situation, I mean in situations like that. Or are they always completely unaware?
Because I try to think of every last person I've ever known, to try to imagine if ANY of them could possibly think of me as someone who "got away", or if anyone could have had some kind of minor interactions with me and then obsessed about it for months afterwards - and it's literally inconceivable. I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to be such a person.
I like to call them place holders instead.
Eh, it's probably more common than you think, at least for attractive/flirty women. On here, Jow Forums, and other websites I read about guys who are still obsessed with their high school crush, or a girl who they hooked up with once.All it takes is a lonely guy. But the girls are likely unaware of it, unless a guy spills his guts to her. Even then, the girl will try and forget about it right away.
>o try to imagine if ANY of them could possibly think of me as someone who "got away"
you usually only think like that if the person that got away has some worth to them, well do you?
have you got anything of value? worth?
I really don't think so. But my friends have told me I self-sabotage myself with girls all the time. Like I'm oblivious to flirting and have ghosted girls who were legit interested. I'm just scared of intimacy.
Fuck idk. I'm positive she has a boyfriend at the very least
DO NOT TEXT HER "HOW YOU FEEL".
Just try talking to her about things that are outside the scope of your current classmate/acquaintance relationship and see if she is open to increasing the breadth and depth of your interactions beyond discussing schoolwork.
Pay attention to what directions she tries to move the conversation when you give her these new options.
>I'm positive she has a boyfriend at the very least
But not because she told you.
In all of her bubbly and responsive, exceptionally nice, interactions with you she's never once been concerned that she might be giving you the wrong impression and felt the need to inform you she has a BF.
Don't sperg out and tell her you love her, but, my god man, at least try to find a good opening to ask her if she'd like to meet up outside of school to "study together" or something.