Why don't I get what I need from this place? After all these years, I just want to feel satisfied...

I'm not into Apps and smart phones. Data brokers and stuff. But thanks for the tip, their website looks ok.

-----------------------
This changed how I looked at math and makes me feel angry about my primary and secondary education years.

maa.org/external_archive/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf

>"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Imagination is the language of the soul. Pay attention to your imagination and you will discover all you need to be fulfilled."

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>>I wanted to post this and I forgot.
>-- my worm --
>
>it hurts good and deep.
>
>i take the worm from deep within me, stare at it.
>
>i shove it back up my ass,
>deep.
>
>it may nibble on my liver,
>it eventually will go to sleep.
>
>it's so deep,
>so deep.
>
>when it sleeps,
>my whole butt goes to sleep.
>
>- nah_bud

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As I said, it's not a passion of mine. It's just something that makes me feel calm and focuses my attention. Maybe that's what a passion actually is. But I was under the impression the definition is something that drives you. Your desideratum. The 3rd row isn't derived mathematically. It's just a compromise, really. I would prefer the 4th row. However, someone of similar mind to myself might settle with the 3rd row, instead of suffering with the 5th. Thereby, ruining my unobstructed view. Anger? Imo, it's frustration. I think it is the purest emotion. The body's response to uncomfortable stimuli. That and fear. Two sides of the same coin, really. Things that scare most people don't scare me. My biggest fear is homelessness. To me, it is a clear and present danger. I don't think destitution is something most westerners think about. That and being infirmed. But I have had to struggle so much. And when I think I'm out of one pit, I find that I've dug myself into a new one.

If it doesn't excite you, don't do it. Even if you have talent. I was decent at drawing, but the process was an absolute chore. No pleasure whatsoever. Except for admiring the finished product. But that's just stupid. I get paranoid, too. I don't trust anyone. I've found relying on others always leads to disappointment, because you can't expect other people to take your problems as their own.

Do you mean English as a second language, or just the actual study of it? I don't think it's anything special, personally. Sure, it's the lingua franca, but w/e. I wish my father had taught me his french. I wish my mother had taught me hebrew. But it doesn't matter. You can't expect other people to improve yourself. Even if that was their responsibility. We are responsible for ourselves. And saying that doesn't absolve others for the shit they put us through. It just means we can only rely on ourselves.

Sorry for late reply. Battery ran out and I was on the train.

Did you know that pearl fish seek refuge inside the asshole of sea cucumbers?

Look!

youtube.com/watch?v=o6NIG3KkwLE

I'm doing okay. Life has its rough patches, but things are generally looking up. It'd be nice if I could find a decent, faithful man, though. I think I come here, because it's like a zoo for really detached, hateful people. If it were just a bunch of desperate, horny nerds who just needed someone to share their love with, I wouldn't have such a negative view.

>As I said, it's not a passion of mine. It's just something that makes me feel calm and focuses my attention.
I think it goes well with some programming. Its very fun to solve problems and express stuff to the computer. Last night I dreamt about the solution(not really lol) of a minor problem I was working the other day. Very fun.
Programming might complement some of your likening of problem solving. Its worth a try and its very accessible.

>If it doesn't excite you, don't do it. Even if you have talent. I was decent at drawing, but the process was an absolute chore.
I am experimenting seeing things under the perspective of doing them for the sake of doing them. Its something new I am experimenting, its working okay. Sometimes I feel excited with what I am trying to do. Exercising my imagination for its own sake.

> I've found relying on others always leads to disappointment, because you can't expect other people to take your problems as their own.
>But it doesn't matter. You can't expect other people to improve yourself. Even if that was their responsibility. We are responsible for ourselves. And saying that doesn't absolve others for the shit they put us through. It just means we can only rely on ourselves.
Absolutely. Its something else I am experimenting and its new for me. Its one of the reasons I like that poem, which has a special meaning for me, especially the ending.

English is my second language. I never really studied the grammar, I just had contact with the language since I was a child. I am aware I make some mistakes and I have a lot to improve and its something I want to work on eventually. I just like the language in general, and appreciating it.

I found this here and I love it:
youtube.com/watch?v=pdxIDrs2Uc4

>I don't think destitution is something most westerners think about.
There are some people going through a tough time in big cities, people in the west value work and material possessions a lot.

Cheers.

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Personally I prefer to stay at the center of the theater.

Check this out

Are you the mythical fembot?
OwO

Finding a faithful person isn't the hard part. It's compatibility that is the true struggle, I think. Maybe it's different for women. Concerning this board, if people were hateful, that would be one thing. But most here are just vacuous. They don't know how to express themselves. It's like they try to speak, but only grunts come out.
I find it hard to remember things if I lack the interest. With programming, I just couldn't remember. I think most people have a set route in life that differs by culture and caste. This makes their life easy, even if it actually isn't easy. Like someone who has to get up early and work manual labour for 14 or 16 hours a day. They were raised in that working-class culture. They were bred to work and not think. They got jobs through their parents and their community's network. Etc. If you don't have that support. That network. If you don't have that baseline of health, life is just harder. People like to romanticise struggle. I think they're crazy.

It sounds like you do get some pleasure from your programming and your poems. As a way of self-actualising. That's good. I'd like to write a novel based on how I feel and some of my experiences. But I don't think I'm good enough at writing. But storyboarding it does make me feel self actualised.
I've only done that and enjoyed it once. When I saw Border. Made by the guy who did Let the Right one in. I didn't like it. But I was the only person in the theatre. That's why it was a good experience.

>I find it hard to remember things if I lack the interest. With programming, I just couldn't remember.
Since its true that you enjoy some math and problem solving, I would argue that you had bad luck in programming instruction. I mean, its worth trying again if you enjoy solving problems,. With the correct materials you might ignite that passion in you. There are plenty of instructors and authors that make it sound boring, difficult and uninteresting.

>Like someone who has to get up early and work manual labour for 14 or 16 hours a day. They were raised in that working-class culture. They were bred to work and not think. They got jobs through their parents and their community's network. Etc. If you don't have that support. That network. If you don't have that baseline of health, life is just harder. People like to romanticise struggle. I think they're crazy.

I agree. I do think there is space to work with the lemons life gave you with the right perspective and mindset. Buddhism literature is helping me a lot with this. Its where I got the 'doing stuff for their own sake' from.

Writing is a skill you can get good. Again, with the right materials and practice you can go far.
Now that I think about it, plenty of instructors and teachers make writing sound boring and bland. Same with programming and math.

Cheers.

From what continent you are from and what would you write about?

I used to frequent a web forum several years ago.
We had a user that immigrated to Australia and he had a 500 page long thread where he would write about his adventures.

You might enjoy doing something similar here on Jow Forums or somewhere else.
Its not a novel, but the experience of writing and sharing is equally enjoyable.

Not the forum I was talking about, but reminded me of this.

forumserver.twoplustwo.com/61/mtt-community/1k-post-im-chuck-bass-very-tl-dr-823661/

Very entertaining and fun.

I'm actually a gay guy, haha. But, sometimes I switch to women on Tinder out of curiosity and I feel kinda bad for straight guys.

Some are genuinely alone, vulnerable and innocent. Unfortunately, I've seen some real disdain and hate on this board. They don't realize a lot of people are like them. That's how it feels dating guys anyway. I've never really meshed well with women and I think I'd be miserable if I were straight. Most of them are kind of insufferable and boring.

>But, sometimes I switch to women on Tinder out of curiosity and I feel kinda bad for straight guys.
Why? Tinder girls are that bad?

It's been 1000 weeks of grinding my teeth,
The salt of the earth has started tasting bittersweet,
A silver spoon will only choke you in your sleep.
I earned my heart, I'm proud of every beat,
And if you hear through the grapevine,
That I fell from a great height.

Because this isnt /soc/ and we arent here to please you you stupid cunt.

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I just want to hug this qt nerd

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R9k doesn't make me depressed. It's all the other bullshit and lonilness in life that does.

It's not even a matter of whining about a gf, I can get those. It's just feeling like I don't have any friends or don't belong anywhere.

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I'm Australian. I would write about my trauma and anger and dissociation. I feel like people in this country are really bad at art. Especially novels. Everything expressed is just so mundane. You can walk down swan st or chapel st, which are two of the main cultural boulevards of my city, and you see so many homeless people, but you never see that mentioned in art or news. Everything is about da bush or surfing. It's so frustrating.

Would've replied earlier but I was trying to sleep. But couldnt.

use this moment to practice some writing feller
Jow Forums has millions of users visiting every month, plenty would enjoy your writing, even if it isn't in the quality you want it to be.

Write some stories about yourself or about something unrelated or made up, anything, and share them later in multiple boards(or don't ) and this can be a start for a possible novel in the future. You might surprise yourself with how creative you can get and what you can come up with.