Met a girl in college that I got along with. We went out for lunch a couple of times and I fell hard. Classic one itis. I set up a movie date and she agreed. Night before I get some texts saying she can't go. Feels too stressed and exams are getting to her. Next day at school she's MIA. Never showed up to class and never responded to my texts or messages on games. This was 2 years ago and recently I decided to try adding her again. Story begins here. I can continue if anyone is reading.
I'm lurking, but just want to tell you now: having "oneitis" from a couple of lunch dates reeks of despration, and so does adding her 2 years later. So I'm going to predict at this point that your mistake is over-infatuation due to premature fantasies
Austin Peterson
>Ask her what happened. Mention that I had a crush on her and was a bit hurt by the sudden disappearance. >Says she was stressed by home situation and classes >Glad that I reached out and wants to be play more >We play and talk about stuff just catching up >1 month passes and we play less. Exams. >I ask for number to talk more and here is the response.
(No social media btw. Just league and discord.)
Henry Reyes
Hey I'm sorry for responding so slow. I was playing a few days ago and responding to this completely slipped my mind before logging out;mb. Yea I think spring break is in a few weeks (I think end of this month and beginning of April but not sure). And thanks, I've been feeling a bit bummed out about school these days and can really use that break.
I like talking to you but I seem to get overwhelmed when a conversation or interaction with someone is indefinite. I really don't want to implode again when I genuinely do like our conversations and time together so I think if we were to take communicating a bit slow for me, it would really help me alot.
(oh and I'm sorry if my shyness comes across as indifference; it isn't!)
Jaxon Rogers
That's a fair point. We were in school together for about 4 months at that point. I'm probably pretty messed up in the head since this bothered me enough to bring it back up.
Leo Fisher
I feel like an asshole whenever I talk to this person but I do enjoy spending time and gaming with her too. Though I guess I just have problems trusting people. The reply was so genuine sounding to me that when I read it my heart dropped and I'm lost. Not even sure how to possible respond.
Joshua Mitchell
I assume this is what she sent you? You haven't responded yet? If so, you're doing better than I thought and color me impressed
Michael Hall
Yeah this was sent to me a few hours ago. Like I said she isn't online very much right now since she's in exams so we message offline on League. I'm lost on how to respond so I'm here to hear other people's thoughts.
Jaxson Morris
Like I feel terrible for even having to make her articulate the whole self imploding thing since I have that nagging feeling that I was at least partially responsible for that the first time around. (Is that conceited of me to think?) I just want to say that I appreciate her response and understand.
Ryan King
imagine going to r9k for girl advice
Oliver Rodriguez
Thought I guess my whole issue is with whether I really understand? I don't even know what I'm saying .
Grayson Young
I'm gonna level with you. I have a good paying job and a steady career path but I have literally 0 friends. My work is interacting with people and I can put up a front easily but I have no social presence. I honestly have no one else to act. So bear with me :/
James Rogers
Pay no mind to this user, OP. Nobody on Jow Forums is here because we have a good social life.
Do you have the snippets of conversation leading up to those 2 paragraphs? A way you can post them without giving up personal info? I would take your time on responding. Depending on how late it gets, message in the morning. But the important part is recognizing she is saying she wants some social space from you, but wants to keep talking with you in general
Colton Martinez
yeah of course gimme a sec.
Jason Baker
Me(sat): hey how have you been? whats going on
Her(sun): ive been swamped with studying been wanting to play with you how are you doing? anything new?
Me(sun): when is spring break for you? it should be coming up right? get past those midterms and ace them! study hard ive been good. just random stuff happening at work. i ordered some parts for my car i guess? lol we don't really get to talk too much recently since we're not online at the same time but would you be cool giving me your number? we could text a bit and keep up up that
Adrian Johnson
Okay, yeah, that's the vibe I was tuinking you put out.
She isn't saying a lot. Do not overspeak. It is something people with social anxiety tend to do; I'm literally doing it in this post, right now. You come off too strong, it ends up being creepy instead of casual/sweet. In regards on how to respond to the paragraphs from earlier:
>Hey I'm sorry for responding so slow. I was playing a few days ago and responding to this completely slipped my mind before logging out;mb. Yea I think spring break is in a few weeks (I think end of this month and beginning of April but not sure). And thanks, I've been feeling a bit bummed out about school these days and can really use that break. >I like talking to you but I seem to get overwhelmed when a conversation or interaction with someone is indefinite. I really don't want to implode again when I genuinely do like our conversations and time together so I think if we were to take communicating a bit slow for me, it would really help me alot. >(oh and I'm sorry if my shyness comes across as indifference; it isn't!) First paragraph: you are doing great, she wants to hang and talk and shit. Second paragraph: you are talking too much, give me space. Third message: just because I need space, doesn't mean completely disregard me
Do NOT try to apologize or anything like that, if that was your inkling. Be understanding, acknowledge that she feels overwhelmed on continuous talking ("I understand, I'm just hyped to catch up with you"), try to see if you guys can arrange some videogame time so you can chat and play. You're in the clear as long as you don't focus on the fact that you were talking too much
Landon Bailey
This is the whole reason I came to post this. I never would have thought of this angle myself. Thank you so much for your advice. You really have no idea how much it means to me. I'll take it to heart because you definitely have a point and I can see how it can be too much with my conversation.
Robert Foster
Just keep in mind that you appear to have social anxiety (don't take this as an actual diagnosis) and that sometimes you're speaking too much or sending too many messages. She also is saying that she wants clear ends to conversation, so don't let them ramble past a natural stopping point. Best of luck, I lurk here around these hours. Hope to hear it goes well
James King
To me, the way this is written just comes off as being very insincere. Combined with the fact that you've told her in no uncertain terms you had a crush on her and it seems like she just brushed it off, I think you should just move on before you start getting emotionally invested enough that it'll hurt you.
Daniel Walker
thank you everyone for your words. I appreciate and will try to become a better friend to this person. I understand relationships aren't linear so I don't care if nothing progresses further. I'm just happy I was able to get a bit of a different perspective so I can talk with her more normally and not be creepy. Thanks again.
