"I bet none of your sex stories compares to user's"

Nonono, user. SEX stories!

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i have none. I get no pussy bro:(

If I don't fap for a day or edge this happens to me. I can usually hit the top of my shoulder or face too.

Are you a twink and is he masc?

What about those animaniacs you guys watch? Tell us about those.

So I didn't jerk off for a few days, then I stuffed a dildo up my ass and pounded it while I jerked off watching a couple porn videos, and I came so fucking hard I could feel my heartbeat thumping in my head and thought I was gonna have a heart attack. Left me a panting mess.

i watched hellsing ultimate last week and i am watching the abridged series now.

How about you spend the time you would spend doing that going out and talking to girls?

Thank you for sharing that with the group.

ah but that implies i want a girl. Some men have the miraculous ability to not think with their dicks, brad.

the first time i had sex with my last girlfriend, the condom got stuck in her cervix and she accused me of not putting on a condom. she pulled it out while in the car on the way to a pharmacy to get plan b.

Nice cope, faggot. Keep thinking with that big brain of yours while you're weeping and complaining about your virginity.

But why do that?

Don't respond to me, faggot.

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It's time for animaniacs! And we're zany to the max!

If you can't think up a reason, don't tell people to do pointless things.

I once nutted so hard it painted five spots on the ceiling. After it got nice and stained it looked like a dummy THICC woman so I nutted to my cum stains when the internet shuts off.

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And accomplishing what, exactly?

I don't care that you're gay. Shut the fuck up, faggot. This thread isn't for you.

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>i've fapped to my own cumstains
wow. that's a new one.

I posted about it on /b/ in 2009, maybe if you dig around well enough you'll find it, it did pretty well.

A 10 year old thread?
Or you jerked it to the stains 1n 2009?
Im confuse.

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Both, I did both.

>tfw even the 40 year old virgin got farther with girls as a teen than you ever did
that's the worst part, not realizing I'd end up like him but that I'm even worse off than him. he actually had chances and fucked it up.

Not gay, dumb frogposter. I'm above you animals driven by lust.

>attend christmas work party
>get invited to the private after party that someone had at their house
>Meet the sister of a workmate, cute short and chubby with large breasts
>We talk shit the whole night while getting progressively drunker
>Head into town and vomit everywhere, have no idea where I am
>She holds my hand and leads me on foot back to her place
>We get back and I'm half passed out on the bed
>She wants it bad, starts taking my clothes off and rips my belt in half taking it off my jeans
>Gets me hard and proceeds to mount me
>Rams her tongue down my throat while doing so, she doesn't give a fuck about the vomit
>Proceed to fuck for hours
>Finish and leave, ghost her the next day and feel bad about it later
I dunno that's all I got

So you're just a worker bee, lmao. Keep working wagie. One day you'll drop dead and that's that. Now stop talking, you're nothing but a tool.

>I'm above you
How so, faggot?

No reason, just your feels? As I thought, you're just a coping fagboy.

Those grapes must be real sour, right boys?

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I'm not gay, I just know there's no possible way I could ever attract a woman

> be me
> be hypersexual even as a kid
> always thinking about sex
> also be slightly autistic
> so no sex or meaningful relationships
> raised by female family members as mom is single mother
inb4 bastard

> be early teens
> have 2nd cousin in early 20s visit us
> she lives in the country and us in the city so she stays cause trip is long and travel sucks
> she sleeps in the living room (floor)
> I say I'm a big boy and I wanna sleep on my own (as in, not in my bed in my room)
> get to sleep on sofa.. in living room
> wake up in the middle of the night
thank the sleep gods.jpg
> move from sofa to floor mattress
> heart pounding to my ears
> gently nudge her to see if awake
> no response
> lay down beside her but not quite touching her
> inch closer and closer
> lay arm on tummy as test
> slowly move arm up
> now arm is touching her boobs
> women in my family don't believe in wearing bras at home
thank the cultural gods.gif
> small B cups, small nipples (getting hard)
> "cuddle" her and place my leg over her thigh
> start slowly moving my leg until knee is hitting top of her pussy
> softly touch her each breast
> play with nipples using fingers
> knead my knee into her pubic area making sure I don't put too much pressure on bladder
> pull dick and balls out through thigh hole of briefs (yes, used to wear tighty-whities)
> press dick and balls against her bare thigh
> do that for either 5 minutes or 5 years, can't tell, heart feels like it's gonna explode
> have my first dry orgasm
> no jizz, pleasure just built up to when I'm supposed to be cumming but no cam, just slight pain
> she never woke up
I love that cousin of mine. not the brightest bulb in the shed but she did sleep like a sack of bricks.
also, that's why I have a sleep fetish and constantly fantasize of drugging my light-sleeping girlfriend

(You)'d do anything to fuck some dumb girl, including orbiting and generally slaving away to her.
My glorious self has no needs for a woman's service. I'm certain everyone here agrees that roasties are below a thinking man. However, if you fall prey to their shenanigans, you're clearly below them as you serve to glorify the roasties.
So, basic logic concludes: me>vag>(you)
Stop letting your dick hold the wheel and you'll be up here with me where the thinking man is, enjoying life for the simple reasons and abandon the need for worth projected by the shadows of women.

Honest question, how do you get to this stage? I'm 24 and realizing i'm gonna be alone forever, and I'd really like to be "over" human sexuallity
is me btw

Different guy here.
I never really gave a shit in the first place, it was mostly just lust. Every single human being within proximity of my life has been apathetic or hostile. I haven't experienced human kindness or friendship. That's what stops me from wanting a relationship or love. The thought of being treated nicely or seen as desirable is just horribly alien to me. It doesn't hurt anymore, not since my agitators fucked off after high school graduation.
Too much effort, both marriages my dad got into (my moms and his current one) ended up being very unappealing. I'm also pretty hopeless in general, so really it just reinforces that I don't want or need a relationship. I already have enough crap on my plate trying to find a stable way of living when I'm completely alienated from society outside of my family. I've got bigger fish to fry so I have no time for ">tfw no gf", hell that isn't even a blip on my radar compared to everything else.
As for how to get to it, I can't really say. You probably have to have no hope for it whatsoever. I'm overburdened with failure, so it just happened naturally for me. I expect nothing whatsoever out of life.

Ah yeah. I had a pretty nice home life
I'm hoping if I keep ignoring women, eventually I'll be over them. I haven't had a real "crush" on anyone in years, but I still crave female attention and I'm trying to squash that

I had sex with my ex and like carried her while I fucked her. I proceeded to throw her onto my bed but fell over my own feet, slipped and missed the bed and almost killed both her in myself in the process.

I was exaggerating for fun but am serious about the lack of desire for a relationship
I had it easy because i developed a contrarian mindset to relationships when i was a kid, but the basic idea is to seperate "biological" feelings and "logical" feelings.
IE you fancy someone, your wiener gets excited, but you yourself know that it's just a natural reaction and nothing more. It's a very casual approach where you fundamentally don't mind it. I went further with it by weighting the pros and cons of a relationship and decided that it would cost me more to be in a relationship and i would be better off free.

Actively forcing yourself to ignore it is the worst approach, in fact it makes things even worse than actively pursuing it.

I definetly don't want a relationship either... anyone who was into me would be SERIOUSLY damaged.
But I really just want to stop worrying about what women think about me

Cant imagine I'd feel good after sex with my ex. We ended on really bad terms. But the idea is always there. It's like why not, but at the same time I fucking hate her.

Well back then she was my girlfriend, now my ex.

>But I really just want to stop worrying about what women think about me
You "just" need better things to be thinking or worrying about. Worries tend to be replaced by new ones, making old ones obsolete and seem silly.
Getting invested in something automatically pushes idle thoughts away. You don't stick around thinking about that sarcastic smirk a girl gives you at the market, you find yourself just thinking that she's a bitch, and then you go back to thinking about your interests.
As for how to get ivested in something, you might have to force yourself first. Find something with reasonable depth, be it even games or anime, and if you even have a passing interest, ignore your low energy and just watch/play it. People here can dangerously feed too much on internet content and its very similar to pandas and bamboo sticks, not really nutritious but addicting.

This one time I was really desperate for money so I sucked my own dick in the hopes of remembering where I put my emergency stash.

One time I fucked my ass with a dildo for 4 hours straight and then I got cramp and my mom found me lying in the bathroom crying and covered in shit and lube

>first gf nowhere to sex and frustrated
>she still wants me to sit with her family waiting for their bedtime so we can makeout and feel each other up
>boring, boring and many times her younger brother stays up so I give up and go home with nothing
>day at lake to be alone
>raging boner seeing her in tiny bikini but people everywhere
>go in water to cool off and we float to semi secluded place
>makeout, hump and hand down but damn tampon string
>she says sorry but I give it a tug anyway
>no she trashes and down her bottoms and out it comes
>now she wants it and we fuck hoping no one knows
>our intensity mirrored by the bobbing tampon in the wake we make

O-ok
So uhmm... One... One time i had this sex
A-and i uh... I totally put my penis inside hehe
*gulp*

I was couchsurfing in Ukraine, really horny, first night female host older woman mid 30s, me mid 20s was sleeping in bed me on floor, so I decided to sneakily sort myself out on floor quiet like

Next night she says we if I want bed we can share nothing implied, then when I get in she says "I won't ask you to kiss me" then we had sex,

Turns out she had heard me on floor and said she knew I wanted her, and it had turned her on / scared her but she wanted to hadn't mentioned entire day

Hey, would you be interested to chat somewhere off of Jow Forums, It's so rare to find someone as thoughtful as me, thougtful as in, thinks about everything in a logical manner not overthinking. The way you thought when you were younger and I suppose now too sounds eerly similar to mine.

I was kissless virgin until 21. I decided that I'd stay an antinatalist and antisex till I die because of everything I've suffered. I had a chance to fuck a girl on 22. When I first met her I told her I'm antinatalist and that I don't want to fuck, but she probably thought I was just pretending. She was a roastie. We were going out for some time and once she tried to fuck me. I rejected her. She said "this is just awful, user, a girl trying to persuade a man to have sex" and told me I'm a "cockless cock". She tried having sex with me once more and again I rejected her.