No bullshit thread, describe how you feel and whether or not you ever will escape it. Does it get worse then better? Does it stay the same? How long have you had it? What started it? What does it lead you to do? Have you attempted suicide and/or cut or burn yourself or use drugs? Do you wallow in it or fight it? Spill your stories anons, and even if you feel like nobody will reply (which is possible), at least feel better that you may help others feel like they're not alone, or that someone knows how you feel even if nobody else does.
/depression/
Connor Hill
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Christopher Lee
tried to kill myself twice, failed both times because my tolerance was unexpectedly high
none of the antidepressants I've tried have worked but I found out recently it's because I have genetic mutations that make most of them ineffective
my doc's getting me started on a different class of med soon and I've been referred for ketamine infusions
hopefully this stuff starts to work. I've been depressed for 10 years, in therapy for 6, and medicated for almost 3.
the stimulants I get for my sleep disorder help but once they wear off I'm back to baseline, I can't keep living like this. my family is rich so if none of the treatments work I'll just move to the netherlands and apply for assisted suicide.
Adrian Scott
>middle of spring break from uni
>already on track to graduate 1 semester late
>no internship yet and don't have 1 lined up
>grades are slipping even more, might graduate a year late if I fail anymore
>don't hang out with RSOs or friends anymore
>people don't invite or ask me out anymore
>don't even watch that much anime or play vidya anymore
>just no interest to do anything
>don't enjoy the things I usually like to do
>my usual day involves going to classes then going back home after to just lay in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling
>don't do homework or assignments until the day they're due
>can't complete assignments because I'm not smart enough or put in the work to learn the material
>wallow in self pity
>never been suicidal really
>start reading about tulpas
>make a tulpa based on my waifu (pic related)
>still not sentient yet but self induced schizophrenia's better than doing absolutely nothing
Thanks for reading my blog.
Jeremiah Cruz
New antidepressants. Went from being apathetic about everything on account of despair to being apathetic about everything for no particular reason. Yay modern medicine.
Chase Hernandez
To be completely blunt, medications outside of stimulants (abused, of course) have not been effective for me in any way. I hope the ketamine works for you, I've never tried it. In the meantime, I hear dextromethorphan (otc) has some antidepressant effects but even if it doesn't it'll get your mind out of your body at least for a bit.
Joseph Long
I can relate to the blank staring and lack of interest in anything. It feels hopeless, and at my worst nothing can get me out of it. Loud music might help or doing something reckless.
Thomas Sanders
Better or worse than before? Medicine now for mental illness seems pretty ineffective for some, it's unfortunate we exist in this time period.
Ethan Ramirez
Idk what started it OP. All I know is that I never had drive or motivation and never was that happy slappy guy that never tires.
Is it fear of failure or the truth of me being a failure that keeps me like this? Idk. I get the feeling though that maybe one day things will just get so bad and BS that I'll just off myself because there won't be a point to living anymore. Probably not.
Thing is, whenever I feel failure or notice that I'm not doing as good as the average Joe or as my lucky friend who just landed a kickass job and a sweet girl, I fear the future. I fear what my future will look like. Will it be as happy as theirs is right now? Will I still be in the same rut? Will my dreams ever become a reality or will I one day just face the music and either off myself or sell my soul and wage cuck it till I die. Idk. That's my biggest fear though. Where is my drive? Why can't I get up in the morning like a normal human being or find the motivation to see something to the end? How do I become a bloomer? Idk. Chances are I can't.
Christian Gomez
Yes, on the blue moon that I actually feel like doing anything it's usually something reckless and my regular filter gets turned off and I'm more abrasive.
Owen Sullivan
It got better after going on antidepressants and sticking to them, and also changing the way I think/solving the problems that caused the depression, the antidepressants just helped me to do that.
Henry Morgan
threads like this getting so few replies really shows how many normalfags there are here.
Depression feels like a constant negative force sucking away all my energy like a vampire. If i could find this vampire i'd kill it and finally be free. I just really cant seem to feel anything enjoyable anymore except food. Coupled with my desire for aesthetics i am in a constant struggle of avoiding my only pleasure and maintaining an aesthetic physique which is one good thing in my life which no euphoria stems from. Maybe I should just do drugs like mdma and methamphetamine or maybe just accomplish something. looking at cute anime girls hour after hour sometimes works but it seems to get old. I draw anime girls occasionally mostly of my waifu who is the person I love the most in my life
Julian Wood
>maybe just accomplish something
of course leibniz you must accomplish things to be happy did you not know this?
Anthony Moore
I feel like it's due to primarily due to 2 things:
>posting here is an admission of defeat
If you don't admit you're depressed then you'll delude yourself into thinking you're daijoubu. It's also seen as a sign of weakness to be depressed. "Poor kids in Africa don't know where they're getting their next meal and here you are crying about your grades/friends/family/yourself. 'Woe is me.'"
>it's hard finding the right words
Sometimes I uncontrollable cry for no reason when I'm by myself in my room. I try to rationalize why I'm crying or why I'm sad but I can never exactly figure this out. I'd like to believe I've narrowed it down to unironically autism or panic attacks.
Parker Gonzalez
>To be completely blunt, medications outside of stimulants (abused, of course) have not been effective for me in any way.
Yeah I was even on the max dose of bupropion and it did nothing
I tried to get my psych to prescribe me selegiline, which acts on dopamine, but he's too afraid because lots of fat americans can't follow the MAOI dietary requirements (I'm not even fat so wtf)
>Better or worse than before?
Not that user, I'm still depressed but my medicated state is 100% better than my unmedicated state
People who whine about antidepressants taking away their happiness weren't sufficiently depressed as to indicate SSRI treatment in the first place
Austin Harris
Doses of selegiline under 6 mg/24 hours is proven to not to cause significant reactions in terms of blood pressure.Most MAOI's inhibit an enzyme (MAO-A) in your gut that breaks down a chemical called tyramine. When you eat foods high in tyramine (which is why it is called a beer and cheese reaction, beer and cheese are high in tyramine), tyramine is absorbed and raises your blood pressure a lot (hypertensive crisis), which can be fatal. Selegiline is selective in low doses (e.g. under 6 mg in 24 hours) for MAO-B in your brain but at higher doses is not as selective. The problem is that a lot of foods have enough tyramine to cause the reaction if you're taking more than 6 mg a day. Talk with them again and tell them to read more about it, if you assure them you will watch your diet I don't see any reason they wouldn't prescribe it.
Jason Ward
Probably have some form of depression.
I feel like I'm incompetent in everything I do.
Like no amount of dedication and or hard work pays off for me.
I feel immense distrust of other's.
I feel paranoid, anger at family.
I know a large chunk of this is my fault.
Tried to kill myself 3 times. pussied out,
settled for self harm but, not with blades just punching myself in the head and face.
I wallow in it most of the time and try to fight it pretty at other times.
The one symptom of depression I don't feel is lack of sex drive. So I figure i'll arrange to get laid tomorrow. I might even have a good time, I might get ripped off but, at least I tried.
Juan Gonzalez
>describe how you feel
I.. I don't feel and that's the thing. People have varying definitions of what depression means but one consensus I often see is inability to feel at all. That's where I am right now. Nothing going on in my head, I'm just in auto mode.
>and whether or not you ever will escape it
How the fuck would I know? Maybe if I try hard drugs in the future, but I don't think this is the sort of thing that will fix itself.
>Does it get worse then better? Does it stay the same?
I have to admit it swings by itself in the timespan of months, I'd say every 4 months it goes slightly up/down.
>How long have you had it?
This feeling of numbness rather than depression, I've had it for about 2 years now, before it was nothing but sadness and some anxiety (still get anxiety).
>What started it?
Dunno, I guess life being shit and zero hope for a better future, prolonged isolation and some traumas.
>What does it lead you to do?
Nothing, literally. If I let it overtake me I'd probably die in my bed.
>Have you attempted suicide and/or cut or burn yourself or use drugs?
Never.
>Do you wallow in it or fight it?
I just try to ignore it as much as possible.
Logan Walker
I wanna kill myself but I don't have any access to guns or ropes, what should I do? I didn't eat anything for the past 3 days, I sleep the entire day, I can't take this anymore. I'm tired of normalfags, of this shitty board they destroyed the only place it felt like home to me.
Leo Wright
never tried to kill myself or self-harm because i guess i'm too much of a wuss. i just feel so alone and hopeless about the future. when i'm in public i feel so out of place like everyone is staring at me. i can think of positive qualities for basically everyone in my life, but all i think of for myself is a waste of space who is only alive because they're too afraid of death. i've pretty much managed to distance myself from all of my friends unintentionally by overthinking every conversation we've had and using it as grounds to justify that they dont like me or want to talk to me anymore. not really sure when this started. probably about a year and a half ago. feelsrealbad.
Christopher Carter
I have a series of mental illnesses brought about by chemical sedation at 8 years old as well as having a shitty life.
I essentially feel overwhelmed/overstimulated. I can see the "mountain" of effort in any goal - whether it be doing dishes or flying around the world - and can see all the various things that I would need to do to accomplish the goal. I just lay there and stagnate, instead. I feel nothing. Not sad, not numb, not comfortable or discontent. I just am. And there's nothing I can do to put forth the level of effort required to get up.
I did drugs to feel better. I overdosed, so now I don't like doing the drugs that made me feel good. They don't even let me feel good anymore.
>Tl;dr it gets worse in the winter, I don't want to due but I don't have a will to live
Nicholas Ortiz
that hampton inn looks so stark. i want to live in that moment forever. i want to wake up every morning, and pull back the blinds and look down at the parking lot under a grey sky. the misting of fog and rain will remind me that there is no hurry to go outside. i will phone order food at the nearest restaurant, and walk with my umbrella down the empty sidewalk as cars and their halogen lights pass me in steady succession. ill walk by ford lots, honda lots, gas stations, half-empty mini malls, only to arrive at the restaurant. pay for my order and walk back. eat my food in front of my computer while i steal glances at the window to remind myself of the dreariness outside. then go to sleep on a slightly uncomfortable full stomach. wake up and do it again.
Nicholas Smith
Hey thanks for that merchant, come to think of it I rarely if ever see merchants outside of Jow Forums anymore.
Carson Johnson
>aspirations to maintain physique
>finding enjoyment in anything
Fucking normie, get off my board, you don't know depression
Jonathan Parker
discord
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.gg/Bsyufq6
Gavin Campbell
>ds like this getting so few replies really shows how many normalfags there are here.
its called apathy and feeling lethargic
Xavier James
>threads like this getting so few replies really shows how many normalfags there are here.
Forget about how few replies these threads get. Think about how many replies relationshit threads get, now thats a real gauge of Jow Forumss normalcy.
James Carter
identifying with your mental illness is bad
healing is good
Joshua Sanchez
I am struggling with religion at the moment, I really fucking hope that Christianity and Islam aren't true because if they are I am going to hell, I hope so much that Atheism is true, because really I don't want an after life at all, I just want to die and go back to peace like it was before I was born. Existence is a painful agonizing thing.
Angel Thompson
goes from wanting to jump off a bridge unironically yesterday to being barely tolerable. went to a bridge a few months ago to kms but was too cowardly to do it. I guess that's the one benefit I've ever gotten from being a coward.
Aiden Jackson
I usually just feel numb, but some days it's a mix of anger, sadness etc. Or there's this feeling of yearning that I don't know what it's for, because I don't feel like doing or achieving anything, and ultimately hope humanity just perishes.
I've had it for 11 years, it does not get better in my individual case.
I wouldn't attempt suicide i'd do it, I've cut before just to feel adrenaline, not a habit though. I used to do drugs but can't get psychedelics anymore so I quit.