I was just about to hang myself using a sturdy dog leash. Dogs noticed and started barking loudly and woke my mom up.
My dog keeps pawing me and my cat keeps scratching at my closed door.
I have it around my neck, and was going to hang myself from a sturdy wooden coat rack in my closet.
But then I realized it isnt tall enough and people might be able to keep me alive and put me in a box for trying to kill myself.
Then things would be much worse.
So here I lie in bed.
I don't really feel anything anymore than death calling to me. No desire for happiness, no desire for death. I just have a blank expression and I can't bring myself to interact with my animals.
I don't even feel like I am here, I have no sense of me and myself. I only feel the lure of suicide.
I've never come this close before. Not at least in 10 years.
I don't want anything anymore. I'm tired of going to sleep and not staying asleep. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of evil, I'm tired of good. I'm tired of school shootings, I'm tired of reasons to get a degree in school. I'm tired of relationships and lack of relationships.
I am tired of this ride. I don't want off of it, I want nothing.
I want the essence of "naught".
Fellow men that have dwelled here on this site for over a decade that still live here... Fellow men who just happened upon this post by chance...
came here to post this. fpbp. us ops too retarded to realize the closet bar would be too short for it to work. it's a shame too, nothing of value would've been lost.
Benjamin Gonzalez
I am glad you all are still just as predictable as you always were.
Keep sharing that festering and hissing mind virus of hateful words. You will serve well in your purpose here, I'm sure.
Ryan Morris
dont do it man your pets even are concerned
Nicholas Parker
OP reconcile, perhaps a good mate to share interests may reignite your emotions cobba
Nicholas Hill
Yes. Spread the hate. If we have enough of it, everyone will murder everyone else in madness. Or, at the very least, another world war will destroy the planet along with every other neglectful habit and lifestyle we live.
Then no more suffering. It must come to a head before explosively releasing its contents.
Mason Hill
I would say to meditate and free-up your mind. buddhism has a lot of advice you should read about it
Ryan Diaz
Anyone who is mad at reddit spacing is a redditor themselves.
Henry Lee
I just got done talking to someone who I get along with. I feel nothing. I have shed tears but I still feel nothing.
It's as if my body is crying and I am staring blankly into the walls of my mind, just with a lack of anything.
Mason Reed
cool, im up for it
Jason Edwards
im pretty sure your dogs just thought you were going to take them for a walk your cat is a dumb cat
it's not gonna work if you tell everyone the plan stupid faggot
Leo Young
Preaching to the choir. Recognizing awareness and grounding yourself is one of quite a few methods of spiritual "attainment".
The final secret was that there isn't one.
Buddhism is acceptance of what is, and becoming at one with nothing. Atonement. At. One. Ment.
Jayden Rogers
To add to this, my mind is empty save for one idea.
Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. End it. Let the void take you. End it. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
Eli Roberts
>What say you I do at this point? Take your dog for a walk, you got him all excited for it when you took his leash. Use a different rope next time so you don't draw attention.
Colton Garcia
Why should I do anything but lay here? (yes, lay, I am little more than a sentient meatbag).
Why should I care to waste what little bodily resources I have on such things? It is all for naught.
The dog will die one day, so will I. Yet life has only taken things from me, and given despair in return. The dog has reason to survive and carry on. I lack.
I lack.
I am empty.
Sebastian Ramirez
Have you thought about wondering the earth? You could end up feeling something
Gabriel Perez
I have some bad news for you, bud: you can only be aware of existing, meaning you will never experience death. Killing yourself won't do anything, you'll just end up back to this point, because existence is eternal.
Instead, you should meditate and inquire into the true nature of the self, so that you may come to recognize yourself as the He who is All and goes by many names, e.g. All, Father, Father-God, God, Brahma, Ishvara, Mind, Atman, Varuna-Mitra, etc. Doing so will cause you to recognize this world for what it is, an illusion, and thereby liberating you from your worldly desires.
Samuel Roberts
>Why should I do anything but lay here? because he isn't some fatalistic cunt, so he wants to go for a walk so he can enjoy his time on his earth instead of moping on some chinese cartoon forum.
Joseph Cox
My illnesses do not allow it. Attempting to do so will result in more agony. I've no desire to travel.
Nathan Wilson
dont travel user just search for meaning and what gives you drive and purpose. Your going to stumbling in the dark for what might feel like forever, but to catch a glint of glint is to find a reason to go on. Take it from someone who has made attempts and failed; you'll always carry the weight of your actions, but with that weight you'll only grow stronger and maybe even beat your demons I hope the best for you user, genuinely and with feeling I dont usually feel
I desire nothing, nothing at all. To call myself a god is folly.
If I truly were, I could make gold coins appear out of thin air, and rain upon me. Laws of nature would be obedient unto, because I made them, and I am their King.
But that's bullshit.
We are all derived from one source, but we are NOT that source. We are made from the same contents, all things that are, are made from the same contents.
This is like saying a broken mirror has not been broken into individual tiny mirrors, never broke at all, and is still the same as it once was -- whole. One. In reality, it has been separated, creating differently expressed and smaller versions of what it was once made of.
All reflective as the original, but broken.
Noah Martin
Find a MLP fanfiction and read it to remind you of how much worse your life could be
Aaron Torres
What's are these illnesses that cause you be sedentary?
Benjamin Stewart
That is no one's business but my own. The only thing anyone needs to know, is that they prevent me from functioning like a normal human.
I have trash piled up in my room along with months of laundry. I rarely brush my teeth.
With what little drive I've applied to survove thus far, I've put it to 2 things. Eating, and taking a shower every couple of days.
Sometimes I go longer without showers, because there is mo energy there to put forth.
I can sleep 18 houra, and wake up exhausted, just disappointed that I didn't die while sleeping.
Also, for anyone that believes in complete reincarnation:
Doomed to be imprisoned in Maya is your fate. Existence is punishment, at least in the way that it works here. It isn't called a prison planet for nothing.
Alexander Johnson
kek orioriginallly
Dylan Ramirez
Better or worse, at the whim of merely chance. Should I take what little power I have, and take my life back to uncreation?
If better, life will be enjoyable. If worse, life will be worse.
Why should I let pure chance decide? Why shouldn't I just kill the game I've been forced to play?
Truly if there is any sovereignty to be had, it is over my body that which I inhabit and nothing else, yes?
You only get one roll, faggot. If there is anything in this life you ever wanted to experience and haven't yet, then it isn't time to be planning your exit. When you have gotten everything you wanted from this world and still feel unfulfilled, it's time for the rope.
Nathaniel Parker
nice job on outing yourself as a redditfag, faggot
Oliver Richardson
Fucking faggot. Good job outing yourself.
Samuel Bailey
What's even the point of this thread? You don't want to consider what anyone else is saying. It's like you just want to watch yourself type these fake deep thoughts. If you're so sure about how meaningless everything is, then why are you here?
Give them some fun, user, the exercise will do you good.
Gavin Ramirez
>What say you I do at this point? Well if you're not going to kill yourself you should probably stop telling people you came out of the closet or they'll think you're a fag.
Challenge yourself. Seek strength. Start simple, physical exercise will strengthen your body and eventually yr mind will gain strength as well. Do anything, jog, lift, calisthenics, whatever you want as long as you do it consistently. Just endure and things will begin to change. Life is a struggle, you were born to fight so start training for the challenge.
Mason Miller
Please don't do it user, don't do that to your mom and your pets. You are capable of so much more. We just have to endure, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and we must remember that at times like this. Focus on fixing small problems and changing minor bad habits and work up to the bigger ones. We're rooting for you user.
Camden Bailey
Agreed. OP, start doing something or neck yourself already, just don't post shit like this anymore
Anthony Murphy
Just become a welder or some shit, it sounds like you fell for the college meme.
