/SIEG/ Self Improvement and Enrichment General

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Bump

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I just got a 3 year farming apprenticeship abroad, starts in september. Will be learning regular farm maintenance such as milking cows and repairing tractors, and also about organic vegetable farming. One day I will buy 2 acres and grow all kinds of weird and wonderful heirloom plants, purple potatoes, extra large carrots, heirloom tomatoes, especially since we've lost like 85%+ of crop variety within the last century. I hope it will be a living preservation effort

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Godspeed user

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Supplying info until this thread dies

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this text is literally the exact opposite of the truth

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I got banned last night for making a fucking /sig/ thread.

Fuck the mods.

never gonna make it

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Good luck & God bless, user.

Just got a GF recently. Feels good

well predicted goy

thanks guys, it'll be hard but hopefully worth it.
The inspiration was from some farmers on youtube doing it, and also articles like this.

fastcodesign.com/1669753/infographic-in-80-years-we-lost-93-of-variety-in-our-food-seeds

btw why is the best thread on Jow Forums so constantly deliberately moved away to here so that it can never be of help to others? every single SIG is (((shut down!))) Fucking bullshit mods

The mods were comprised long ago friendo, Back when moot was still here, the mods would actually be apart of the community all across Jow Forums, you used to even be able to talk to moot any time with the /qa/ board. But now the mods have gone silent, and when they do speak up it's a hissy fit like that one mod who mods both /v/ and /a/ and tries to anime in any form it comes in

Oh, look at that, the fucking kike mods moved another sig thread to bant. Fucking appalling.

Why dont mods just move this to ?

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because its just a cruel joke to them

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Message Sent by: John Helix
Subject: SALAZZLE DISPLAYING HEDONISTIC LIFESTYLE!!!
Date of writing: March 4th, 20XX

Hello Oak, how's Kanto treating you? Thanks again for that enlightening report on Hypno you sent me a few months ago. I guess now is the time to repay you for an equally if not more fascinating report of my own! Haha.

As you know, I went to the Alola region quite some time ago to study some of the fascinating Pokemon native to there as well as these "regional forms" of Kanto Pokemon detailed by your cousin Samson (who is very nice by the way). However there is something equally fascinating that I want to share with you. The report I'm about to share with you is of the Poison/Fire type Pokemon, Salazzle. A Pokemon your quite familiar with I'm sure thanks to your cousin's detailing.

However I've discovered a new kind of Salazzle, one that exhibits a very odd and yet fascinating nature and eco-system not yet observed until now. This is sure to put me on the map, I'd go as far to say it will make me what made Professor Birch after his discovery of certain Pokemon who evolve after being traded while holding specific items. This new eco-system between Salandit and Salazzle that I have studied for the past few months is one of a "Feedee and Feeder" relationship!

Salazzle are a very interesting breed of Pokemon for many reasons. Such as their unique typing of Poison/Fire and the ability to produce powerful pheromones to attract (and ultimately brainwash) not only male Salandit but other Pokemon and in some cases, even male humans for creating a "reverse harem" to do their bidding as well as for sexual and breeding reasons. Salandit and Salazzle were one of the first Pokemon I wanted to study by the time I got to the Alola region and I can safely say that I got more then I bargained for.

Two days since my arrival on Alola I have been hearing reports of Pokemon known as Salandit who have been running amok on towns and stealing food from locals. From the limited knowledge I had of Salandit at the time I knew they were Poison types and natural thieves and pilferers that would steal from other Pokemon and humans who happen to be in their habitat. But what was odd is that they rarely invaded domestic places and would stay in the woods where they thrived so naturally people were baffled to why gangs of Salandit were invading towns to pilfer from humans. Locals blamed it on a street gang named "Team Skull" as they were known to use Salandit and other poison type Pokemon to commit crimes (sound familiar?), I payed no attention to it as I found it to be a police matter and none of my business.

I stopped at Paniola Town to have some of this delicious looking Watmel Berry Parfait at a nice cafe. As if by fate a loud burst of commotion happened to distract me from my sweet treat. I looked on in shock as dozens of Salandit invaded without warning and started to snatch food right from people's hands. Malasadas, burgers you name it!

I looked back at my table to see one of those cheeky bastards getting away with my Watmel Berry Parfait! Naturally I chased after the damn thing, you know how much I love things with Watmel berries in them. One Salandit whistled to signal it's brethren that it was time to go. All of the Salandit carrying their stolen goods got into a group as they made their way into the Lush Jungle. I got out my Scisor to get a type advantage against these Poison types. We chased after them until about a dozen of them stopped and sprayed flames from their mouths, said flames collided into a large tidal wave of fire which completely scorched my Scisor and knocked 'em out in one. I have completely forgotten that Salandit were part fire or could use fire type moves period. I brought my poor Scisor back into it's Pokeball and chased after the Salandit myself, making sure to also keep my distance, not wanting to get a face full of fire or poison. I chased the little thieves into the a small habitual area they've built which is where i was met with an image that I was completely blown away by. The following is my full report from day one.

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>January 8th, 20XX

It was a Salazzle, the evolved form of Salandit but it was unbelievably obese. Her wobbly gut, tree trunk thighs and wide hindquarters rested on a bed of lush leaves with her fat back resting on large slab of stone. She was so big that she looked as though she'd be unable to move from the excess of flab packed onto her scaly body. The thieving Salandit surround it with their stolen food in their clutches. A large pile consisting of previously stolen food stood adjacent to the obese spectacle. Seeing as Salazzle were typically thin and sleek I was confused beyond belief. I hid behind a bush and took my Kecleon out from his Pokeball. I had him climb onto my back and use Camouflage to make us appear completely invisible where I could study them without fear of being found out.

The Salandit surrounded the massive Salazzle, it was obvious at this point that they were her harem. The Salandit started to feed their bloated queen. Entire bags and plates of Malasadas disappeared into her greedy maw. She messily munched and chewed the piles of food given to her, crumbs flown from her mouth and onto her gargantuan belly, her Salandit helpers swept the crumbs from her belly using their tails like brooms before getting more food for her. As if though their gluttonous queen should't be distracted from her feast. She constantly lead out loud smacking sounds and even louder burps, making obvious that she wasn't very familiar with table manners. I took several photos of this bizarre scene as it went on.

The sheer size of this Salazzle made me think I was in a dream. She was so fat that her immense belly rested on the floor like a blanket in between her fat little legs, she looked as though she was completely immobile. Said legs touched the sides of her bloated gut. She used her chunky toes to rub and kneed the sides and bottom of her belly as it packed away pounds and pounds of food. She used her front hands to rub and contently tap the top of her fat belly. She continued to massage herself as she ate and ate. The Salandit took turns to feed their gigantic leader. Being weighed down by her weight and busy with massaging her corpulent form, the Salandit simply dropped the food into her mouth as she lazily opened it. She moaned as she chewed the contents given to her, obviously finding great euphoria in the unique tastes she was experiencing. She ate so fast that the Salandit looked like they were trying to keep up with her gluttony. She didn't stop for a minute, more food was dropped into her greedy maw the second that she was done.

She continued to gleefully patted her belly, causing her massive gut to wobble and shake like an ocean of flab. Her throat was like a glob of fat, her chin completely disappearing in the blob of dark-purple flesh. The food she devoured were visible as lumps in her throat but only for a few seconds as they quickly made their way into her ever-expanding gut. At some point, the Salazzle which I've decided to name "Queenie" for the sake of convenience stopped chewing her food and started to swallow the offerings whole!

Queenie slapped her gargantuan belly with great gusto, as if signaling her Salandit to go faster. She swallowed each offering given to her whole as fast as her throat muscles could allow. She didn't even care for the taste at this point, she wanted, no she NEEDED food inside her greedy stomach and she wanted it fast. A symphony of lip smacking and burping was the only noise she made besides the occasional moan of pleasure, as the feeding went on I started to notice something.

She seemed to be bigger then the average Salazzle. Not in terms of weight of course, that was obvious by this point but she seemed taller. Salazzle typically grew to 3'11 but this one I estimated to be about 5'11 to a full six feet and as long as we're talking about statistics. I estimated Queenie to be over 180 kilograms and I know that's a lot but she seemed much bigger then that. I usually never second guess myself but the sheer girth and insatiable gluttony of this creature was simply staggering.

The feeding continued until one Salazzle grabbed something from the sizable food pile. It was my Watmel Parfait! The Salandit displayed my frozen treat to Queenie in front of her. Queenie stopped for the first time since the feeding begun. She licked her lips and beckoned the Salandit to come closer wit her chubby claw. The Salandit ran on it's second pair of legs and on top of Queenie's huge belly. It's small feet sinking into her fat like quicksand as it started to struggle in making it's way up to her mouth. The Salandit got up to her chest, which was accompanied by two, very large breasts. Typically Salazzle don't have breasts but a feminine shape that alludes to an ample bosom but these were breasts, two large pockets on fat that rested at the edge of her jelly belly, another testament to her impressive obesity.

Queenie messily dug into my parfait. Watmel berry ice cream got all over her fat face and neck as she made loud slurping sounds but the majority of the contents within the glass were quickly devoured. The ice cream, the Watmel slices, the shortbread cookies and pecha berries were all being added to the contents of her stomach. By the time she hit the bottom (which didn't take long) she was licking up the remaining debris of the bowl with her long, purple tongue. Once Queenie was done the Salandit threw the bowl onto the ground, it was quite literally licked clean as it shined in the sunlight. Queenie's face was completely covered in ice cream and whipped cream but it wasn't long till she took care of that as well. Queenie started licking her messy face clean and licking her fingers as well. She was desperate to get every single morsel inside her.

Minutes went by until finally the entire pile of stolen goods was gone. Queenie licked her lips and patted her engorged belly with utter content. I thought her belly was big before but now her belly doubled in size! Where it looked like two layers of fat stacked on top of each other at the beginning of the feast, it was now a perfect sphere and took up more space then it did before. Queenie licked her hands and face over and over, making sure that every little crumb was not wasted. Queenie was now quite content with herself. She moaned with pleasure as she rubbed her stuffed, corpulent figure all over with a visible sense of acomplishment. All of her servants observed as they waited for commands and I've observed that they were all sweating, either from nervousness or... dare I say, arousal or excitement.

None of the Salandit seemed to mind fattening up their master at all throughout the whole endeavor but then again, they were all probably too wired from pheromones to even know what's going on. Finally, after what felt like hours of nerve-wracking silence Queenie gave out a loud burp, a small burst of purple flame came from her mouth and gave her belly two proud pats. Queenie then signaled towards her servants with a shooing motion with her hand. Half of what I've counted to be a hundred Salandit all ran into the bush of the Lush Jungle while the other half circled around their obese queen in a defensive circle. Four other Salandit pulled up a makeshift hood made of leaves and branches over Queenie. Queenie's belly was barely covered by the shade but her face was now in cozy darkness, her purple eyes glowed in the shade until she closed them. She then laid her head back and placed her hands over her ample bosom, falling almost instantly to sleep. The Salandit guards stood guard for their gluttonous mistress, their mischievous eyes darted back and forth, clearly ready for any attacker that could come by at their queen's most vulnerable state. Queenie's breathing was very labored from her massive feast, as if her belly was so big that it pushed against her lungs (which could very well be possible). She blissfully snored with her guards on watch, a single but racing thought bounced around my mind.

This is going to make me a Pokemon Professor legend!

>January 13th 20XX
Five days have gone by and I have been observing Queenie and her servants non-stop, I smell like a Muk from the lack of showers and changing of my clothes, I'm practically starving from eating nothing but berries scavenged by my long-time partner Kecleon and seeing Queenie greedily scarf down delicious burgers, fries and malasadas didn't help. I barely sleep in fear that I might miss something or get found out.

It's the same thing every day, eating then sleep, eating and sleep. The only new change I have observed all this time, which granted was the biggest change was Queenie's weight gain. Queenie has gotten noticeably larger from all these fattening sessions. The rocks and leaves of her throne had to be switched around and pulled out to make more room for her ever-growing figure. Queenie's belly has gotten so big that her feet and legs would be completely swallowed up by it if she sat in a cross position, she has since sat with her legs spread as a result and the effort it took for her to move into that position was the most amount of activity I've ever seen her do and she was exhausted when she did. Her thunder thighs were about as wide as a Kanto-breed Exeggutor's body and her breasts have indeed also gotten bigger, she in every way perfectly matched her greediness. If I were to make an educated guess I would say she gained at least a hundred kilos and I have to say, a hundred kilos in less then a week is very impressive to say the least.

However, Queenie seemed to be enjoying all of this. The way she grope and fondled her obese form seemed to stem purely from arousal and pleasure. It's not just her belly that she has shown love towards either. I have observed Queenie fondling her bosom and her thick ham-like arms as well, sighing and even giggling in content as she she did. She would probably grope her legs if she could even reached them but the length of her arms and volume of her belly made this an impossible feat. She was ballooning at an exponential rate and she was loving every minute of it. Not once have I seen such hedonism and self-satisfaction and I studied Snorlax back when I was still your student in Kanto!

It was 11:38 and Queenie was still having breakfast or rather her "Day-Long Feast Part 1" as this usually lead to her second feast consisting of human food her harem steals for her as soon as she was finished. Part one of said day long feast consisted of berries and fresh Poke Beans. Tons and tons of the wild food made there way down her gluttonous maw and throat. As she consumed her morning offerings. One Salandit was fanning Queenie with a big palm leaf, the other placed a crown made of flowers on her head. Queenie squealed in delight to the beautiful flower crown she was given. Now this was something new, the Salandit haven't given Queenie gifts beyond food up until now. Two more Salandit came up with two small rings of flowers in their arms. Queenie stopped eating, which was very rare for her. She patted her ever growing belly with glee as they crawled up to her sides. Queenie presented her arms. Her pidgey-wing arms wobbling like a Ditto trapped in a ziplock bag. The Salandit placed the rings of flowers over her fat wrists like bracelets while another wrapped a necklace made of Big Pearls around her fat neck. Queenie blushed and she rubbed her belly in glee, she was visibly overwhelmed by all these wonderful gifts. She was now starting to look like a princess. A spoiled, morbidly obese princess but a princess nonetheless.

gay thread

Then finally, as if on cue her gang of Salandit came back with a whole smorgasbord. Queenie excitedly licked her lips and rubbed her belly in anticipation as all the fattening treats started to pile up, the combination of delicious aromas mixed with my starvation was driving me crazy. The food pile was complete and it had to be the biggest one I've seen yet but then all the Salandit got into two separate rows and bowed. Out from the bushes came two average sized Salazzle carrying a humongous cake. One of them looked like the average Salazzle, roughly the same height, weight and coloration but the other was a shiny. Possessing a white coloration and darker purple markings. For the sake of convenience we shall dub these two Vendetta and Albedo respectively.

I was absolutely flabbergasted by what I was seeing. I was observing two average sized Salazzle presenting this giant and presumably stolen cake to Queenie and Queenie seemed excited to see them as well as the cake. Her fat tail going back and forth as the two Salazzle and the cake came closer. It would appear that it wasn't just Salandit that participate in this feederism lifestyle but other Salazzle as well. Vendetta and Albedo placed the cake in front of Queenie and walked up to her. Vendetta leaned against Queenie's huge belly while Albedo stood in front of Queenie and signaled the Salandit to commence the feeding.

The hundreds of Salandit went to work, snatching up the food and bringing it to their gluttonous mistress. As Queenie went to town devouring every scrap of food brought to her Vendetta and Albedo started to dance in a seductive and yet ritualistic kind of way. They shook their curvaceous hips as they grinded themselves onto Queenie’s fat form. Albedo rubbed her posterior on Queenie’s fat belly while grabbing large handfuls of her flab. Vendetta rubbed her crotch on Queenie’s gigantic bum like it was a strip pole. Queenie seemed to be completely oblivious to this however, she was far too distracted glutting on her offerings to either care of notice. Albedo turned and started to smother herself in Queenie’s belly fat while grabbing clawed handfuls of her plentiful fat, an audible moan came from her mouth as if she was in heaven.

This was big, bigger then Queenie even. Homosexuality has been observed in many Pokemon species before but Salazzle was not one of them. Salazzle were a highly heterosexual Pokemon until now. These two Salazzle were sexing up this obese and pampered Salazzle. Proving that not only homosexuality exists in Salazzle but Adipophilia as well.

Queenie continued to eat and eat as she usually did, it was her most basic instinct by this point. She was fed everything from Malasadas to prime rib, Rawst Berry Shortcake to tacos and Queenie was showing no sign of stopping or slowing down. She was even starting to burp less to keep a constant stream of food running. Just then, Vendetta walked up to the food pile to pick up a huge bag of icing, just pure, white sugary icing in an industrial sized icing bag. Albedo, who was peppering Queenie’s belly with kisses was pushed aside by Vendetta rather rudely, earning her a fiery hiss from Albedo. Vendetta crawled up the mountain of belly fat that was Queenie’s belly and placed herself near her bosom, Vendetta’s knees sinking into Queenie’s plentiful belly like memory foam. Queenie swallowed the mouthful of food she had previously and looked at Vendetta with bedroom eyes. Vendetta brought the bag up and Queenie instinctively placed her lips around the nozzle and started to gulp down the sweet contents. Vendetta squeezed the bag tightly, causing a constant flow of pure sugar to pour into Queenie’s mouth. Queenie’s cheeks puffed up from the huge quantity she was given but she gulped it down all the same. Her throat bulged with each glob she gulped down. Queenie slowly rubbed her belly as Vendetta fed her icing until she finally stopped. The icing bag was half empty.

Queenie beckoned her Salandit helpers to feed her more. One Salandit emptied an entire take-out bag of Malasadas into her mouth. Queenie packed those away quickly and then returned to her icing, she gulped a good amount down until opening her mouth for delivery of burgers, fries and mozzarella sticks all dumped into her greedy maw at once. Vendetta, ready to give her more icing was shocked to see that Queenie snatched the icing bag from her claws and placed the whole thing into her mouth and swallowed it, the entire bag of plastic and the nozzle with it. Queenie burped and then pointed into her mouth, signaling for more. Vendetta smirked and whistled to the Salandit. The Salandit started to pick up in speed and quantity, grabbing small clusters of instead of one thing at a time. Soon entire clusters of miscellaneous treats was dropped into the constantly eating queen. Stuff like licorice, rice balls, fried pickles and sandwich cookies were being dropped all at once into Queenie’s garbage disposal of a mouth. The combinations of food she was packing away mustn’t have tasted good in the slightest but I wouldn’t put it past Queenie if she just didn’t care about the taste anymore and just wanted all of her offerings to be packed away as quickly as possible.

Queenie’s gluttony was starting to get out of control. She was eating everything at a breakneck pace, even things like take-out bags, bones, plastic wrapping etc. stuff that‘s not suppose to be eaten is now on Queenie‘s menu. She didn’t want to waste those precious seconds of eating for waiting for bags to open and eating something off the bone, she wanted to spend every single solitary moment eating, eating without rest and that is what she’s going to get. Vendetta massaged Queenie’s ever growing belly as Queenie made it grow bigger with every calorie she was gulping down. Queenie eyes were closed as she was fed by her servants, making her appear as if she was in pure bliss. Her meaty tail wagged as fast as it can, giving an idea on just how happy Queenie was now. The food pile, though the largest I have seen yet was starting to get visibly smaller by the large quantities of food being pushed down her gullet. The only thing that was able to pry my observing eyes away from this display of unadulterated gluttony was Albedo.

Albedo laid on her back as she fingered herself. Pure lust was in her eyes as she gazed upon her obese friend/lover/leader and masturbated to her, her breath getting so hot that it was visible as steam coming from her mouth. I tried my best not to focus on her masturbation too much since it made me feel like a huge pervert but the photo I have taken of her will at least confirm the sexual elements of the ritual I have observed. No doubt in my mind that this whole thing was purely a sexual thing at this point.

About half an hour went by and the food pile was finally gone. Queenie breathed heavy as she blissfully looked up into the sky, a line of drool coming down from her mouth and down the fat folds of her three chins, like a light stream of water coming down some stones. Vendetta picked up some of Queenie’s drool with her clawed finger and licked it. After getting a taste of the queen’s saliva, Vendetta and Queenie started to kiss. It was very passionate in nature. Vendetta groping Queenie’s chest as Queenie raised her massive arms up and placed her hands on Vendetta’s back. The passionate moment as cut by Albedo who whistled Vendetta down. Vendetta begrudgingly slid down Queenie’s belly and walked to the large cake that accompanied Albedo where she started to cut a slice from.

The feast was over but dessert has just started.

Albedo grabbed a large chunk of the giant cake and crawled up Queenie’s now twice as large belly. I wasn’t as jiggly as it was at the start of the ritual thanks to the sheer volume of food she has taken in, making the journey to her face much easier. Albedo brought the chunk of cake to Queenie’s face and it was then where I have observed something I never thought to see from Queenie. Queenie had a look of disgust on her face as she eyed the huge chunk of cake and icing, Queenie then looked away from it and placed her hand in a stop motion. It was surprising that she could even lift her arms from what was the biggest feast I have ever witnessed but even more surprising was that Queenie actually didn’t want to eat. Albedo got visibly impatient with Queenie. She groped Queenie by her left bosom and hissed at her. Queenie winced and slowly opened her maw. Albedo immediately stuffed the chunk of cake into her mouth and manually closed it for her. Albedo kissed Queenie on the tip of her snout as she swallowed the piece given to her.

Vendetta and the Salandit followed suit and started to grab big pieces out of the cake, which dwarfed Vendetta and Albedo in comparison. Queenie had a look of fear in her face as they all brought her huge pieces of the already huge cake. She was now being force fed at this point, not wanting to actually eat anymore. But still, even if she didn’t want to she complied. She obediently opened her mouth as Vendetta and the Salandit stuffed cake down her gullet. Queenie became more and more uncomfortable as more cake was given to her. Albedo kissed and licked Queenie's bloated throat as a soothing mechanism.

This is when I started to feel bad for Queenie. She obviously didn’t want to eat anymore, she was too full but her followers only wanted her to eat more, to eat far beyond her capacity which I always thought was infinite, that she didn’t have a capacity but she did now. What was once a pleasurably experience now looked and felt like utter hell. Queenie swallowing slowed down significantly, they were giving her more cake then she can put away but she swallowed every morsel nonetheless. Clear and purple tears started to come from her eyes and down her face as more cake was fed to her clearly against her will, she didn’t fight back or anything, either because she was simply weighed down by her fatty form or she simply can’t fight herself. Eating was her most basic function, not even breathing was a priority. Her body just wanted more even if she didn’t want it.

Finally the cake was brought down to a quarter of it’s bottom half. Albedo grabbed the giant slab of sugar and brought it to Queenie. Queenie looked on in horror, icing and crumbs still on her face. Queenie pleaded with Albedo as she held up to her head. Queenie even started to move around slightly, her entire body quivering as a result to the very weak movements. Albedo smirked and stuffed the huge piece into her mouth. Half of it sticking out as more tears came down from Queenie’s face. Despite this however Queenie still instinctively chewed the large quantity of cake but after running out of patience Albedo started to stomp on the piece, forcefully stuffing the slab down Queenie’s throat, not giving her any time to chew it. Queenie let out a terrified whine as Albedo forcefully stomp the final piece of the cake down her throat. Finally the whole piece was in her mouth and Queenie swallowed the clump in her throat, causing a quiet but still audible splash to be heard in her junkyard of a stomach.

Albedo and Vendetta snickered as Queenie gasped for air. Vendetta then hopped onto her belly, it was so big that both Salazzle were able to be stand on it. Queenie let out a huge burp accompanied by a huge Flamethrower-like burst of purple flame which shot into the sky. Queenie’s breathing has become extremely labored, she was basically gasping for air at this point. Just then Vendetta waved her finger in a condescending motion as if to say “we’re not done yet”. It was then that Vendetta let out a burst of purple gas from the glowing markings from her body, said gas was darker in color and it didn’t have a glittery appearance like the usual pheromone had. Queenie inhaled the pheromone and her eyes glowed a dark purple as drool started to pour from her mouth. Queenie started to pat in her belly in an excited motion. What came next was something that could very well haunt my dreams for a long time.

Albedo got up closer to Queenie’s mouth which instinctively opened as if she was given food. It was then that Albedo crawled into her mouth and down her throat. Queenie mindlessly swallowed her feeder as Albedo slowly disappeared deeper into Queenie’s maw. Albedo slowly and almost sensually slid deeper into Queenie‘s throat until all that left was her tail. Queenie then closed her mouth and slurped Albedo's tail up like a spaghetti noodle and led out a satisfied burp. Vendetta clapped for Queenie as the Salandit cheered for their mistress.

I was completely mortified by the display I have witnessed, more mortified then amazed like I was throughout this entire study. Not once has cannibalism ever been documented in any Pokemon, let alone consensual cannibalism!

I can't do this anymore!

>End of Report

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>The park is quiet tonight
>Other than the quiet splashing of the fountain and the rustling of wind in the trees, nothing seems to move
>Even this late at night, there's usually one or two people going to or coming back from a club somewhere
>You'd guess it's due to that brand-new bar that opened up on the far side of town - apparently it was run by someone who'd nearly become Champion, although you're pretty sure that's a marketing gimmick
>You don't mind, though; a peaceful night in the slightly chill air of early spring, with a cloudless sky and a waning moon, is perfect for you
>And the dark and quiet are perfect for practicing

>You sit down on a nearby bench under a lamppost, flicking open the latches on the small case you carried
>Carefully, you lift out your flute, looking it over to make sure it's still in good condition
>You give the mouthpiece a quick swipe with your cleaning cloth before calling it good enough
>You flip open your book of sheet music, selecting a piece you've been working on - perfect for a quiet night such as this
>Placing it on the bench next to you so you can read it in the streetlight's glow, you take a deep breath and begin to play

>At first, while you're staring at the page before you, the music is...well, "imperfect" would be generous
>You keep blowing too hard, or missing a stop, or simply forgetting the next note
>But you just don't let yourself get frustrated
>You just keep on playing, trying again and again
>And, eventually, you fall into the right mental state
>When you're like this, your eyes shut - you don't need the page anymore, not with the music in your head
>Your fingers dance over the stops, and your breath never wavers, and the music flows right out of you exactly as you envisioned it
>This, right here, is why you play music

>Once you repeat that piece a few times, you call it done for the night, and fold up that piece
>You're preparing to move on to your next practice piece when a piece of paper catches your eye
>A smile involuntarily crosses your face - it's the old piece of music you tried to write, way back when you were just starting and thought this was all easy
>You gave up after a while of frustration and a complete inability to make it sound good
>On an impulse, you decide to try it again - can't hurt, can it?

>Your first few attempts are just as crappy as you remember
>But you persevere - if there's one thing you've learned since then, it's perseverance
>And, eventually, it starts to sound good
>Clashing notes resolve into minor-key harmonies, and the piece begins to take shape with many, many edits
>And then...it clicks
>You didn't change much, you think, but somehow now the music is flowing as perfectly as any classical sonata
>Your eyes close as you sink into the music, and when you reach the end you come back to the beginning in a seamless loop
>Your can hear how the rest of the piece should go in your head as you play
>A complementary sub-melody of clarinets, a staccato beat of drums, and the clear voice of a singer in some other language harmonizing perfectly with the tone of your flute
>In your mind, you guide the entire orchestra to the finale, as everything goes silent
>And, capping it off, your flute melds into the singer's tones as the piece comes to a close

>You open your eyes, breathing a little hard, and realize something
>That wasn't all your imagination
>No, a full symphony orchestra hasn't suddenly taken up residence in the middle of a small-town park
>But the singer was real, and more than you had conceived of
>A tiny, pale-skinned, turquoise-eyed woman in a black dress stood before you, frozen in the act of walking away
>No, not a woman - a Pokemon, and a mythical Pokemon at that
>Meloetta, the muse

>You...aren't entirely sure what to do
>From what little you remembered of your mythology class in high school, Meloetta were the ones who originally taught humanity of music and dance
>However, once humanity learned these things well enough to start creating them on their own, Meloetta began to disappear
>The ones who remained became muses, inspiring musicians and artists to great works of beauty
>Even those were rare, though, because too many myths told tales of Meloetta's beauty attracting those who would harm it
>The end result was a lonely, skittish Pokemon who wanted nothing more than to inspire beauty, but who risked harming herself if she exposed herself to do so
>And now here she is, standing before you, frozen in your gaze

you are doing god's work

>You blink, swallowing, and she flinches a little
>Slowly, without any sudden movements, you bring your flute back to your lips
>You take another deep breath, and - without taking your eyes off her - begin to play the piece you'd just invented
>Hesitantly, she adds her voice to your flute's melody
>As she does, the tension in her body seems to seep away
>She steps forward, closer to you
>Her voice takes on a playful hint, and suddenly her melody breaks away from yours to form its own line, still producing harmony but no longer just accentuating your flute

>Ordinarily, you wouldn't be able to keep up, but tonight you're full of inspiration
>And a little mischief
>You bring your own melody crashing down through a set of rapid scales, as fast as your fingers can dance along the stops
>Not to be outdone, Meloetta dips into a contralto, matching you pitch for pitch
>Then she swoops upwards as fast as you dived, singing out a vibrato at what must be the very top of her range
>Your fingers can't match that, but you don't think they need to
>Instead, you seize the advantage and take control of the melody line, forcing her to follow you instead
>The two of you duel like this for some time, each vying for control over the song, neither with any idea of how to end it
>You find yourself standing, but she doesn't seem to mind, and the two of you step around each other as you play in an intricate sort of dance

>Eventually, the music ends as you both return to a single high note, and simultaneously break off to gasp for breath
>You collapse backwards onto the bench, legs a little wobbly from the complex and completely improvised steps
>To your surprise, Meloetta hops up to sit next to you, and leans against you
>Her body is cooler than you'd expect, and you remember just how cold last night in particular was
>You shift under her to bring your jacket around her shoulders
>She's small enough that it covers her perfectly if she presses up against your side
>She flinches a bit as you move, but snuggles into you with a sigh

>The two of you relax like this for a while, catching her breath
>Then you notice a telltale sensation
>...Oh god
>Of all the times to get a random boner
>You shift a little bit, trying to subtly pinch it between your legs, and Meloetta looks up at you curiously
>Then she looks down at your crotch
>Her face practically goes into the infrared
>You turn your head away from her, feeling your face burn with embarrassment
>You wish you could just sink into the ground
>Then your heart skips a beat as you feel something slide along the crotch of your pants

>You look down to see Meloetta running her hand along your bulge
>Now it's your turn to freeze, unsure of how to react
>On the one hand, she's a Pokemon
>On the other, she's very feminine, and attractive in an ethereal sort of way
>And on the radioactive mutated third hand, she's evidently willing and you haven't fucked anyone in a very long time, and who cares what she is
>That third part is getting a significant portion of the debate

AWW SHIT NIGGA WE HAVE TO FIX THE WORLD BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FIX OURSELVES NIGGA

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>For her part, she seems almost mesmerized by a cock that's half as long as her arm
>You take advantage of her distraction to reach around and cup her tiny butt
>She squeals quietly, wriggling up against you and pressing herself up against your cock
>When she pulls back, her tiny black dress is smeared with your pre, and clings to her chest
>Even with that accentuating her curves, you can barely see her breasts
>Her ass is small too, proportionally speaking - this girl is slim, not curvy
>She seems like some kind of artistic ideal
>It's telling of your state right now that it takes you a few moments to remember that's actually what she is, in a way

>Meloetta pulls herself away from your cock, standing gracefully
>She swings one leg over so she's standing on your thighs, legs spread over your cock
>She tugs her little black dress to one side, revealing a dripping-wet slit
>She lowers herself down with poise, right up until the tip of your cock brushes her slit
>There, she shivers in pleasure, slowly rocking back and forth, before working up the courage to start to push you in

>She slides onto you millimeters at a time, constantly voicing a low hum of pleasure
>You can tell she's loving every second of it
>Thing is, if she keeps going like this, she may get about an inch down by Christmas
>And with how horny you are right now, you'll be damned if you're going to wait any longer
>Reaching up, you gently grasp her by the hips
>She gives a musical cry in surprise, unsure of what you're planning
>That cry turns into a scream of mixed pain, pleasure, and surprise as you force yourself deep inside of her in one smooth thrust

>You can, just barely, fit your whole length into her
>You're not entirely sure how - physiologically, it shouldn't work
>Right now, though, you don't care
>She's tighter than a velvet vise, absolutely sopping wet, and her pussy seems to mold around your cock like it was meant for you
>Hands grasping her hips, a thumb curled under each thigh, you bounce Meloetta up and down your cock as she screams in pleasure
>The scream takes on a vibrato, a throaty quavering high note that seems to go on and on
>Something about it just drives you crazy, and you start to thrust faster
>She grabs your wrists, pulling your hands tighter around her, leaning into your grip as you fuck her senseless

>With how eager she is, it's not entirely surprising that you feel your orgasm coming relatively quickly
>You bend your neck down, releasing one hand to cup her head and tilt it up to meet your gaze
>Her eyes are glazed over, her mouth is half open, and her face is red and flushed
>Her long scream has become little more than high gasps and moans of pleasure
>Exhausted as she is, though, she still reaches up to hold your head and guide your lips to hers as her pussy clamps around you in orgasm
>You bury her song in a kiss as you explode inside her

Your motives for sig may be political but improving your self is not political.

Mods automatically move your thread to bant and then we troll you guys.

Seriously just make it on advice or fit. How many hundred generals have to get moved for you morons to understand that?

>You release Meloetta as your climax ebbs, but rather than move, she simply collapses on your chest with your dick still inside her
>The two of you lay like that for a while, letting your bodies cool in the night air
>Eventually, she musters enough strength to push herself off you
>Your cock comes free of her with a gasp, and you can see your cum dripping from her battered pussy as she stands on shaky legs
>She collapses back alongside you, catching her breath once more
>You watch as she gently presses the small bulge in her belly, and twitches in pleasure at the small gush of cum released
>...you hope you weren't actually too big for her

>Something tells you she's not going to be able to move much tonight
>But if she stays here, she'll be found, and then it'll all be up to the first news station that gets wind of her
>Given that she was hiding before, you suspect she doesn't want that
>As you put away your flute and sling the case over one shoulder, you come to a decision
>Gently, you scoop Meloetta up in a bridal carry
>She squeaks in surprise at the sudden movement, but once she realizes what's going on, she cuddles into your chest
>The two of you set off for your home
>Perhaps a little belatedly, you realize that life is about to get really, really interesting

Hey wow I've never seen anything get shilled quite this hard. The Jew fears Hu-Whu-hite people improving themselves.

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BUT NO NIGGA WE POLITICAL UP IN THIS BITCH YOU JUST DON'T GET IT

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/SIG/ is Jow Forumss wife now

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>This was a terrible idea
>The words run around your head incessantly as you try to hide your head under your pillow
>It was a terrible idea, you should never have agreed to it, and you regret the hell out of it
>But no backing out now

>It had all started so simply
>You and your friends had been touring the islands of Alola, and had just reached Ula'ula Island
>Your tour had taken you past the observatory, the Aether House, and most recently the Tapu Village
>You'd met the local Trial Captain, Acerola, who had claimed that the ruins - including the wrecked Thrifty Megamart built nearby - were safe to visit
>Assuming, of course, you didn't do anything to anger the Pokemon there and you weren't doing an Island Challenge
>Really, though, it's perfectly safe
>So long as you don't act like a total idiot you might even make some friends

>Of course, since your friends were dickheads, this immediately resulted in a bet
>You were to spend the night in the Megamart, and if you came out unscathed and well-rested, you'd get your meals paid for the rest of the trip
>It was too good to pass up
>Now you're wishing you had

>It's not that anything is outright wrong with the Megamart's ruin, outside of the obvious
>There aren't Ghost Pokemon floating around cackling and making will-o-wisps dance
>It'd be easier if there was
>Instead, the whole site just has an inherently creepy sensation
>There are the classics that you remembered from your (much briefer) tour of the Strange House in Unova - pervasive chill, movements in the corner of your eye, a constant sensation of being watched
>But the Megamart manages to double down on the creepy
>The sensation of being watched is stronger, but you aren't feeling unwelcome - not like they want you to leave
>Instead, you get the somehow more terrifying feeling that they want you to stay
>You do your best to vanish into your sleeping bag, trying hard not to think about the Gengar you'd seen once that could go through solid objects

>Something touches your leg, almost a caress
>You practically bounce straight up, a scream choking itself off in your throat
>You stare around, wild-eyed, but see nothing at all
>Maybe it had been your imagination?
>Trying to calm your racing heart, you lay back and tuck your blanket tighter around yourself
>So soft it was barely noticeable, you hear the sound of a young woman giggling

>You tell yourself firmly to stay calm
>The Trial Captain had said it was perfectly safe
>Many Ghost-types feed off fear, you know this
>They're just scaring you so they can eat you
>Wait, that's not right
>Is it?
>Okay, so telling yourself to stay calm definitely isn't working

>You shiver involuntarily as a chill races up and down your spine
>Another caress seems to run along your arm
>You manage to stifle your jolt this time, keeping your head firmly buried under your pillow
>It's all psychosomatic, you're certain of it
>Absolutely nothing is wrong and you can just go to sleep and it'll all be fine and -
>Then you feel the absolutely unmistakable sensation of someone grabbing your butt

>THAT makes you jump clean out of your sleeping bag, the old zipper on the side flying open
>That was definitely not psychosomatic
>Someone, or something, is fucking with you
>You really hope it's just your friends
>Especially because the sensation of being watched is stronger than ever
>And, you realize in creeping horror, it now feels like it has a source
>Right
>Behind
>You

>You spin around as fast as you can, arms coming up in an utterly useless defensive posture
>Nothing's there
>Were you just psyching yourself out?
>Then you involuntarily freeze as something closes over your eyes and around your head
>It's like black fabric, but somehow not - too smooth, too like skin
>The giggle you heard earlier comes again, but right in your ear this time
>You're too petrified to move or react
>Some part of your brain comes up with the utterly inane thought that you're certainly not collecting on that bet anymore

>With a rush of cold air, your face is released
>You spin again to get a look at your tormentor, and immediately come face-to-face with them
>Literally face-to-face - your nose is practically touching them
>Their gold-colored teeth glint in the moonlight, mouth curving up in a jagged smile
>Their silky dark-grey arms land on each shoulder, holding you in place - as though you could even think of fleeing right now
>Your gaze is fixed on the burning red eyes of a Banette

>They blink, slowly, once
>The spell breaks, and you stumble backwards, eyes wild in fear
>You stare at the floating Ghost-type, trying to understand
>As you look at them, you notice - "they" are a she
>The clues are subtle, but present
>The spikes of the head are shorter, the tail pom larger, the shape of the zipper mouth's handle a diamond instead of a rectangle
>Lines of her body, as you stare, resolve into the gentle curves of small breasts and hips
>And then there's the fact that she has a wet slit between her legs that you really can't help but notice
>Even as you watch, a drop of ectoplasm falls to splatter on the ground
>She notices you staring, and rather than any signs of embarrassment, the characteristic grin of her species only widens

>A little biology lesson from your sex ed class surfaces from that same inane part of your mind
>Since arousal and fear have many of the same physiological symptoms, the body can effectively "mix up" the two
>Scared people can become horny, and vice versa
>It's why scary movies make for good dates
>It probably isn't the WHOLE reason your rapidly growing boner is poking through the front of your boxers, but it's certainly contributing

>Your face flushes, and you try to cover yourself
>She notices, though, and the sound of her zipper flicking back and forth as she licks her lips is loud in the stillness
>She floats towards you, and you back up, keeping your eyes focused on her
>Almost immediately, you trip over a broken wooden beam, and fall backwards
>When you look next, a yelp escapes you without you meaning to
>Banette is floating directly over you, smiling in a predatory way
>Her eyes flash a brighter pink, and motes of light appear in your vision
>They spin around your head, twisting in dizzying patterns, and you lose track of her again

>The lights are almost hypnotic in the way they flit here and there, and you feel like you'd be happy to sit and watch them for a while...
>That inane part of your mind comes up with something useful for once, though - a reminder from the battle with the Gengar so long ago
>You break free of the Confuse Ray to see Banette straddling you, grinding herself back and forth on your chest
>She notices, and presses herself flat against you, sliding herself down
>You can feel a trail of moisture running down your body
>Her breasts are pushing against your torso, and her pussy is leaking just above your dick
>Her breath is surprisingly chill on your face, and her eyes are filled with lust
>It's all enough to almost make you forget she's a Pokemon
>And even when you remember, it has less of a negative effect on you than you thought it would

>You remember Acerola's advice
>Don't act like an idiot, and you might make some friends
>She knew exactly what she was getting you into
>How did she know you'd be okay with this? That you were a Pokephile?
>YOU didn't know you were a Pokephile until now!
>But if she knew what she was doing, then she thinks you'll be safe
>So long as you don't do anything stupid
>Well, you won't know if it was stupid until you try it
>Steeling yourself, you reach up and cup Banette's small breasts

>You're rewarded with a throaty purr of arousal
>She grips the back of your neck gently, pulling you upwards, and you stumble upright
>Once you're up, she gives you a light shove, sending you into a stone pillar
>She floats after you, in no hurry
>She's savoring you