Post what's got you down...

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This is now a trap thread, do not resist

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l'm never going to have children

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>Look like pic related
>Short 5'6
>Dopey ugly face
>Small frame
>Jew nose
>Graduated December from Uni
>Mech Engineering Degree 3.6GPA
>Still have not been contacted for any job I've applied to...
>Just started job at Stop and Shop because I need to start paying loans
>"friends" from uni all have well paying jobs
>Can't work up courage to ask out girl I like from graduating class because I don't want to talk about my situation with her
>She is making 70k annually
>I am making min wage

Sucks being this ugly, sucks being poor.
My family was always dirt poor its like I was a fool for thinking I could escape that.

I tried very hard in uni, I tried very hard to look good.
I will never find someone.

I am starting to think I was born to be poor and ugly forever.

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Me either...

I just transferred last year to another college to start in their study abroad program. I am doing business and Chinese.
I spent all year trying to make friends meet girls, etc.
Now I have to go abroad for a year while everyone else from my classes is completing their senior year.
I will still have two years when I get back because I took on this dual major.

Had a hard enough time making friends as transfer student. Now I will have nobody when I get back. and nobody when I graduate

I had a hard enough time meeting girls before college, when I am out of college ill probably never see a girl outside of work again. I am not a drinker and those girls are not my type. It really sucks.

I asked out a few girls I felt I was closer with last semester and all of them basically said "eh, I dont think it will work"
I think its because they know I am leaving so I wasn't worth dating anyways...

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Allow me to tell you both a story that might scare you, and hopefully you won't make the same mistakes as me
>Be me 18yo
>fresh out of HS
>Did bad, parents never took care of me, I had no friends, no transportation to events, the list goes on
>Have to go to a Community College because uni wont accept me, plus cant afford w/ no scholarships and no parent support
>Do a year and CC and try really hard
>Spend all of my time in the library and really impress my professors and peers
>Finish first semester with a 3.9 second with a 4.0 ez
>Get a few good scholarships after applying to literally hundreds
>transfer to big uni where I have one friend who is very disciplined
>Made no friends at CC, but I plan to make a lot at uni
First day of uni
>Become acquainted with my friends friends and meet a lot of smart kids, but mostly just nerdy
>Meet QT who is very shy even though these are all of HER friends, so we don't say more than a few words
>I meet so many people in the first few weeks that I become overwhelmed and forget most of them.
>A few people here and there say hi to me, but honestly I can't remember names
>Don't make friends with anyone really except QT and a couple of her friends who happen to eat lunch same time and place as me each day
>Semester goes by fairly quick, as work load picks up I spend more time in my dorm
>roommate is a stoner so I don't speak with him much
>End of the semester comes and there is awards ceremony for students, I get award for transfer student w/ good grades
>go to ceremony talking to researchers and staff at uni
>QT is there, idk what award she got
>She comes over and follows me around for the rest of the night because she has nobody else she knows
>This is when I feel she was most attached to me
>Me thinking nothing of it, and still being overwhelmed by all the people I've met this year don't engage with her much after
>next semester I work just as hard and continue to get good grades.

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>I continue though semester without saying much to QT despite her always making an effort to be around me
>Even though I have never had a gf before and I want one, I find her behavior desperate and clingy
>I pursue other girls
>QT is really not bad looking, in good shape, doesn't swear, isn't really nerdy, doesn't drink smoke or cuss.
>Still I pursue girls who are whores.
>after continual rejection I give up, still ignoring QT
>Make some closer friends now and begin to abandon the small friend group I had with QT
>QT starts to seem sad around me, doesn't talk much, starting to get that I don't really find her attractive
>Year ends I have good grades and feel pretty proud
>Next year comes and I begin same as before
>Don't really see QT she lives on otherside of campus
>My close friends start off the semester with a bang, suddenly getting into partying smoking and other drugs quite a bit
>Find that I can't hang and I cut contact with them, ignoring most of their invites
>Contact some of my old friends who I knew with QT and they have disbanded a bit too, and don't really hang out
>One day I run into QT, I ask her how things are and try to make conversation, but she doesn't seem like she cares
>Talk to her about maybe meeting up to catch up, but she says she's busy
>Text her here and there, but unlike before I barley get a response (late, few words, but always friendly)
>Idk why, but I start to become attracted to her like no other girl
>I suddenly see value in her and think that she is the one
>remember how interested in me she was
>I start making an effort to go hangout with her
>She still hangs out with a guy and girl in the friend group who lives closer to her on campus so the four of us get dinner a lot
>Really show interest in QT, but she doesn't seem interested back
>Ask her to go our to dinner just us, she asks if we should bring other two friends
>not confident enough to make clear to her I am trying to ask her out, I say sure

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>tfw unfeeling 90% of the time
>I quit the meds because of the emotional blunting
>they came back as I was weening off, but after a month I'm back to being depressed, mildly anxious, and socially reclusive
>the meds cured all of that but made my dick not work


>Other girl doesn't show up so its just me QT and OtherGuy
>OtherGuy and QT kinda exclude me the whole time, almost like it's just them at dinner
>Tfw you set up dinner for girl you like and your friend
>guy and QT stop going to our regular dinner so other girl does too, because we aren't interested in each other just QT as out mutual friend
>OtherGuy and QT begin dating and I stop seeing QT
>At this point I am very much in love with QT and this hits me hard
>Kids from old friend group start getting together again and so I hang out with them
>They all know the OtherGuy and QT so sometimes I see them when we all hang out
>Hurts bad an I usually don't even talk those times
>QT doesn't ever talk to me when before she wouldn't leave my side
>One day QT is home for weekend and OtherGuy is hanging out with us
>Guys start asking him "how is she", "did you hit that yet"
>OtherGuy acting like a cock describes in detail how he had to break down her morals to get her to fuck him
>Talks about how they fuck all the time, and the nasty shit he gets her to do
>with every sick thing he has to spend time convincing her she'll like it even though she doesn't want to
>He gets her to drink and smoke even though I knew she was very much opposed to those things
>Never realized how much of a piece of shit OtherGuy was
>After that I stop hanging out with those kids
>Don't ever really find another group of friends after that
>Start to think no girl will even like me even though I've put myself out there quite a bit.
>Can't forget QT
like , I also decided to do a year abroad, except I didn't have to do an extra year
>Go abroad one semester senior year try and forget how socially I have failed in uni
>grades are still good, I am at about a 3.5
>Come back for final semester, QT has broken up with OtherGuy
>She reaches out to me and I fall for her hard
>we start dating, and shes just so different now

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>She's no longer shy, shes genuinely desperate acting, where before she was just very attached to me.
>OtherGuy runs into me and talks a load of shit around my old friends calling me a bottom feeder and says I can enjoy his seconds. He brings up all the sick shit he got her to do like anal
>Can't like her anymore
>Shes so different
>find out from her OtherGuy was actually abusing her too and beating the shit out of her
>only people that know is me and other girl we used to eat dinner with, which is how she got out of relationship
>Can't stand the sight of QT
>She's just ruined
>I feel responsible, but just leave her anyways

Always think, If I hadn't gone abroad maybe she would have reached out to me, if I had dated her before when she liked me maybe she would have had more self respect than to stay with OtherGuy

Now don't worry the story is not over yet

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>find girl who is actually interested in me
>feel interested in her for once
>start to talk on the phone
>panic again

why the fuck is it so hard for me? why does rocd destroy me? fuccccclaslk;djfa

>I want to be able to play piano well
>it's the one thing in life I want, literally the one thing
>my brain doesn't allow it
>I can't read sheet music fast enough
>my fingers consistently fuck up and press the wrong keys despite months of practice
>despite knowing how to read the music my brain can't process it quickly
>I just can't seem to make it work
>even if I get better at one specific piece of music, my overall ability at piano never improves
>there's literally only one thing I want in life, and it's something the world has decided to rob me of
No reason to live, no reason to die.

Why did you call her on the phone

I can only bring myself to text girls, none of them would ever answer my phone call.

this was believable up until this post

> can't read sheet music fast enough
Don't use sheet music, memorize songs
>my fingers consistently fuck up and press the wrong keys despite months of practice
do hand exercises and stretch out you muscles in your hands, they might be getting cramped

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boom...what post?

Feels 90's Playlist







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My mom found my yugioh cards and I feel shame

Started typing and it got long, will be in like 2 or 3 parts. For reference this story started summer of junior-senior year in HS.

Started dating a QT girl summer of last year, it was great and lasted a few months. First real relationship I've ever had. We'd always go to her grandparents' farm (this was in tennessee) and ride 4-wheelers around and cuddle in the fields her granddad would rent out to other farmers. After about 3 months find out she's very depressed, and she wants to take a break from relationship and "work on herself." Break turns into 5 or 6 months apart, she still is contact with me sometimes and says she misses me, keeps my hopes up. Friends say she's just leading me on, I think otherwise. Eventually, she starts dating another dude. When I found out, I nearly lost it. Knew where his house was, was legitimately planning murder. Worst part is me and this guy had been in the same friend group for a few years. Anyways, I get pissed off and abandon any hope of getting back together with QT. Talk with some other girls, no real connection. Still thinking about QT 24/7. I've had clinical depression for quite some time now, basically since the beginning of highschool. That went away when I was with her, though, and then after she broke up with me it was only worse. I basically go from a low to the highest in my life to an all-time low, and that fucked me up bad. Playing video games most of the time to forget about her, but it doesn't really help because I get burnt out easily from playing so much. Sometimes I'd just sit around doing nothing for hours, just laying in my bed crying/trying to go to sleep. Eventually end up browsing omegle, that's nice because I can talk to people and will sometimes find good convos. I saw an omegle ad for a discord server that said "join if you hate women and minorities" or something dumb like that, and I joined cause it seemed funny. (1/3 I think, cont)

i know you're trying to help or whatever but you have awful taste stop forcing it upon others

Basically was 100-200 people who didn't really know eachother with no real set topic, just a general banter server. Met some cool people, some of the mods were dicks though. Eventually met someone in general and started talking to them through pms, we both had an interest in music (they played piano and sang, I play trumpet and also piano a little), and talked for a good hour or two. Eventually, they told me they went to an all girls school. I didn't really know how to respond, but apparently this was a girl in Australia. Didn't really matter, we had a good time talking and I'd like to talk to her in the future. Over the next week or so we talked more, and VCd some, and I ended up flirting with her a little, just saying little things that were more of compliments than anything. A week later of back and forth flirting and now i'm e-dating a girl from australia and have a lot of feelings for her, and vice versa. Oops. We'd voice call almost every night, or if we couldn't we'd just chat. (night for me was after school for her. She was the same grade as me but about 6 months older tho) After about a month of falling harder and harder for her, I decide that it's not good to have an online relationship. Neither of us were 18 and couldn't really buy plane tickets (round trip across the pacific is fucking expensive, like $1400 just for tickets). Anyways, I had to break it off. I felt so bad about it, but I knew that it was better to end it then and have it hurt a little than last a few months and have it end and then hurt a lot. We were a "thing", if you could call it that, for about 4 or 5 weeks. It felt like a year. I can't even describe it. She was everything I wanted. About 5 foot 2, attractive face, ofc the hot australian accent, fun to talk to, interested in music and we shared some other hobbies as well, basically anything I could ever want. We talked about what it'd be like if maybe one day we even had a life together. (2/3)

The only problem was that she was a few thousand miles away. After the relationship was over, QT from before started talking to me more. Eventually I got back into a relationship with her (guy she was dating only lasted a month). I still have some resentments about the way that she handled things, with breaking up with me and then especially with how she dated that other guy. She's said that she was very sorry about the whole thing, and that breaking up with me in the first place was the worst mistake of her life. Now me and QT are back together and have been for about a year now. I had to move to Colorado for college because of the way scholarships worked out and the fact that my mom and dad moved out here pretty much with me (mainly because colorado springs was my dad's boyhood home and he really likes it out here). I'm doing long distance with QT, but only because plane flights are quite a bit cheaper, and driving is also an option. I see her on most of my breaks, and we talk very often. After dating the australian girl, though, I can't help but feel like something is missing in my relationship with QT. I would make the australian girl blush and audibly say "awww" just from telling her nice things, and we could talk about anything for hours. With current gf, it's a little harder to find things to talk about and I have a harder time coming up with things to say to her. It was just so easy before, but now it's not. [Side note, I have a foot fetish and current gf is fine with me giving her foot rubs and stuff, australian girl said she'd be against it. So I guess that's a plus?] Tangents aside, and to wrap it up, I'm now back in a relationship with girl from Tennessee but am living in Colorado, and still miss the girl from Australia.

(ended up being just over 6K chars, sorry)

I still get depressed sometimes when I think about all this stuff but I got a job at Walmart unloading the trucks and stocking stuff, so that's kinda fun honestly and something to keep my mind off of it. But yeah, thinking about her makes me sad, and that's what has me in my feels. If anyone wants to talk I could give my discord or steam I guess tho. Might accidentally dox myself but I don't think anyone cares enough to do anything that could harm me.