/r9gay/ - #792

Tell me about yourself user... Maybe we can be actual boyfriends or something (I hope)

that's not a long time at all, i was thinking maybe a little longer
im racist and spend my time listening to the smiths

Maybe like five years then? Or is that pushing it a bit? What do you need this pretend boyfriend for anyway?

I need a pretend boyfriend for pretend cuddles, pretend flirting, pretend handholding, pretend day trips, pretend dates... it's quite a long list.

Wow user that's a lot of pretending. It'd almost be like we're spies! I like the sound of that arrangement

What do I do to cure prison gay

suck a dick and see if you like it

Cute spies who's mission it is to be the most convincing pretend boyfriends in the world!

I'm not into sucking dicks or stuffing my ass. Just cute boys

That sounds like the best mission ever user! I'm in!

Are you a good actor, user? You'll have to pretend to enjoy every second of our time together, even the icky stuff like the kissing and bedroom stuff. It takes a special kind of person to be right for this job.

Oh I hadn't thought about the icky stuff. I like to think I'm a pretty good actor, I could pretend to enjoy it. For the mission of course!

You "could" pretend to enjoy it? I'm gonna need a stronger level of commitment than that, user... our lives depend on the success of this mission!

Of course I can handle it! I'll be so convincing that I'll even have you fooled!

>tfw no watersports bf

Wow, you must be good! I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty good actor myself. It'd be pretty silly if we both fooled each other into thinking we were serious about being boyfriends x)

That would be pretty silly! Although out of curiosity, if this is just pretend then why would we be doing bedroom stuff? It's not like anyone would know anyway right?

You never know who might be watching, user! We need to keep up the facade at all times, no matter what! We wouldn't want anyone to find out our secret, would we?

They'd be... watching us do that?

I was really into that stuff for a while. Weird how it just stopped and now I have a watersports folder that is useless.

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It's entirely possible that our house would be bugged with microphones and cameras... we can't let our enemies find out we don't really love each other, so we'd need to do EVERYTHING that real boyfriends do!

That's a lot of pressure! What's the goal of this mission anyway?

Uh... Erm... The goal of the mission is to be the best pretend boyfriends in the world, dummy!

user forgive me if I'm reading too far into things here but this doesn't sound like a mission at all, it sounds like you just really want a boyfriend

Okay, you're right, I just really want a boyfriend ;_;

I bought like five spy books in preparation for this mission of yours and you're just now telling me it was all a ruse??

I'm sorry user, I just don't know how else I'd be able to get a bf... is there any way I could make it up to you?

Hm well you do sort of own me restitution for these totally real not made up books. What did you have in mind?

A hug! :D

user these books were very expensive and took a long time to find, I don't think one single hug is enough

Really? One hug isn't enough? Wow, I really don't know then... you're the victim here, so what did you want?

You know what I think? I think the mission is back on. What about you?

But you know the mission was a lie! What's the point in pretending to be lovers if there's no mission :/

Maybe this is a new and more important mission

Gah, just shut up about the stupid mission and kiss me you dummy!

I umm... I thought you'd never ask!

Just kiss him already, user.

I didn't ask, this is a demand! Pucker up and DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES c:

That sounds pretty good bro, have a nice day :)

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Right of course! I know how to do that, this totally isn't my first time or anything!

That's what makes it so cute, we're two idiots trying to figure out how to kiss for the first time... it's kinda embarrassing.

It's very embarrassing! With all the hidden microphones and cameras around and all! What if they see us?

That shouldn't be a problem if we both actually want this! We don't need to act, we just need to let our emotions take control!
user you're adorable

>user you're adorable
Ah thank you but I think I have to disagree there

I think you're adorable, your posts have made me want to kiss and cuddle you, after all.

>tfw no body wants a slightly chubby minecraft bf with a big uncut pp who is also autistic and self-loathes constantly

Well thank you. And I would very much enjoy that too I think

Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?

I think I'm in a big spoon type of mood tonight

I want a bf like that, especially if you're more of a bottom/switch.

every nice picture i see, every hint at a happy couple, everything feels like industrial-grade suicide fuel
where's the button that kills me instantly, i don't want to be alone forever

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That's good, because I could do with someone holding me tight! Make sure to run your fingers through my thick hair and to tickle my tummy.

Anyone want to join my swarm? youtu.be/Cdi4GvF6bAM

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More of a switch, I'd want to top as well as bottom.But no one likes chubby boys with glasses and dumb hair and pubes. Everyone only wants hairless skelly twinks.

>no views

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>now you've viewed it so that there are views

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>tfw no 3:16 AM bf

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I have regained the ability to cum.

now its time to cum in my future bf.

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>hes a chronic liar

hope youre okay aaron.

>tfw he is hurting you on purpose

>he cheats on you

>he prostitutes himself on the side

sad nite

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>he treats you like dirt

getting plastic surgery tommorow. hopefully then i can pull a bf

>he can't stop making up lies

>tfw he doesnt exists

That's actually adorable.
Have a good day user.

>it was all pretend , he never loved you

Go away HRT tranny.

Tfw no neet csgo friend who can play 10 hours a day and is European

>it was all true, he hated you from the start

Tfw all these feels with him and then he told me I was wrong to get mad about it

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And slim white boys began to cry,
a system of hands interlinked within hands interlinked within hands interlinked within one discord. And dreadfully lonely in the dark, a short, loud *bang* was heard.

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theres not enough boy butt to go round in this house im staying at

>in this house im staying at
crack house?

I would like a bf like that, user. Sorry it took me so long to respond, but I had some connectivity issues. Anyway, I unironically like boys with glasses a lot and pubes are fine, and I hope you wouldn't mind a bf that also has pubes.
>More of a switch
I'm fine with that.

How do I stop being weak? I'm gigantic but ultimately that doesn't matter because I have unironically been scared by my own shadow before.

Yeah but are you okay with autism and minecraft and me being insecure and self-hating a lot

If my post doesn't end in a 7, then these two have no actual hope of forming any sort of relationship.

I'm okay with it, yeah. Some of those things also apply to me, and I hope you'd be okay with it too as I mostly keep it in check.

I just woke up and I dont feel rested at all

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That would be okay with me! Do you live in the US?

>Do you live in the US?
Yes, do you?

Yes, I live in the US too. What state? Also can you tell me your age? Are you ok with someone who is 18?

exchange means of contact and stop shitting up our thread already

Dump the folder here

>want to top people on grindr to know what sex is like
>be a fat manlet with a tiny dick
at least I don't have to worry about being outed

We can exchange some emails for now if you want and continue our conversations in private. [email protected]