/mentalhealth/

how you holding up friends?

Im not doing so good.

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feel like life is meaningless and pointless and often want to just stop existing altogether

>life is meaningless and pointless
This is why I embrace being a good werewolf vampire demon for angel mommy. It might be a larp but it doesn't matter in the end anyway.

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i often ask God to kill me so i dont have to do it myself

My brain gets stuck obsessing over thoughts that don't make any sense and sometimes my thoughts beam in as patterns or numbers in ways humans can't understand. I also sometimes think I am talking to someone before I realize that nobody is there. I can see with my eyes closed and I've had precognitive dreams.

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The dissociation and sado-masochistic tendencies are getting worse.

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i have those repeating thoughts. Mine are all just words and sounds though. its like i have things on loop inside my head just playing over and over again.

you too? I feel like i might explode one day. I already abuse myself nonstop, but i constantly think about hurting other people subconsciously. I blame the autism

I just started binge-listening to Alan Watts, and i like it. Here's a comforting thought: if we exist now, it's statistically impossible that we won't live again. Like multiverse theory, but strictly in the time dimension, pertaining specifically to waves (cuz my nibber Alan Watts says everything's waves). So i guess it could be a gazillion raised to the gazillionth power a gazillion times before we happen again, but at some point we will indeed happen again.

Then you really don't want to kill yourself.

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I guess this also means that we've also all already happened, infinite times at that.

>put a police gun up to my head
> after being fired god knows how many time it failed
> family and local police lock me in a mental place for year.
What do I need to do to fucking die holy shit!!!
>jumped off a 20 story building end up in ICU for like 2 weeks

At this point I feel like I need to try to kill others to end up dying correctly.

sometimes patterns and textures give me this burning sensation. it's most apparent when I go through benzo withdrawal. it's like looking at a light that's too bright but when I close my eyes it doesn't stop.

a 20 story building? what injuries did you sustain?

Yeah 20 stories sounds far-fetched. Many people have died off of 5 stories.

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not good frens. not good at all.

Oh no, im just waiting til i get to the point where im actually going to do it. Im not there yet, but its coming sooner and sooner every day. I hoping to die by accident, which is preferred. A man can dream.

whats wrong user?

my life is misery. forever alone. masturbated myself stupid to interracial porn. fat. eaten too mjuch. work is shit, minimum wagie and i start in less than 8 hours. lonely. sad. borderline suicidal tonight

thats a lot of problem. but they all seem related to each other. you're alone because of the porn, fat because you eat too much, and you're sad and suicidal with your job. Not judging but damn. stop the masturbation to interracial porn. thats not healthy.

I'm going to try my best and not go on Jow Forums or reddit or normibook for this week. I need to stop. Time is running out and it's rate is ceaselessly increasing. Wish me luck guys.

They are all poison. Stay out.

ADHD fag reporting.
Not good. My life is like a spinning top, while it is spinning everything is cool and good and i am appropriatly stimmed; but if it falls over it's almost as if I need someone from the outside to spin it again for me. I hate this and i want to die.

>constant mood swings between groundless anxiety, crushing loneliness, and suicidal despair
>also working between 60 and 80 hours a week
>next week will work 96 hours with no breaks

>Have general anxiety disorder
>Fixate on my failure to comprehend a literal fucking electrical switch for 12 hours after trades school on friday
>wasted 2 whole days feeling bad about it
>Maladaptive daydream
>Literally cannot stay still while listening to music
>Instructor let's us listen to music while we finish work sheets at end of day
>Get super jittery and look like a crack addict since I have to stay in spot
>Have tinnitus, so the quite is just as bad
Terrible weak. Made me suicidal again.

wemt bowling for my bro's bday and just felt like i wanted to die halfway through, like actually contemplating how i should kill myself when i get back.

fellow ADHDfag, user. I feel your pain, man.

Nice. I occasionally tell myself to kill myself outloud in a sort of weird uncontrollable way. I can't tell if I'm just retarded or actually mean it

My mind feels like it wants to torture me
>Be me
>Really destructive anxiety
>one day my anxiety does the usual questioning every little thing in my life
>questions if I could even read anymore
>my mind has been going nuts for the past few days and everytime I read something my mind feels numb
why was I even born anons?

desu, out of 10, I'm probably a 4 on the 'do i wanna die' scale. but this felt different; this was the first time i actually wasn't afraid of dying.
i dont think that's gonna be good for me

also, if it's uncontrollable, you're probs just retarded. although, maybe in your subconcious, you want to. idk

Had been pretty on edge and felt pretty shit in general for the past week so I made efforts to improve my life, like going to the gym and reconciling with my best friend. Went out last night and had a couple drinks and it was nice and took my mind off shit for a couple hours (although my personal anxiety concerns shit like drugs and I feel guilty at the thought of having alcohol to relax).

Uncontrollable in the sense that whenever I start thinking about my life, I end up at that conclusion and uncontrollably say it out loud. This is what happens when you go therapy, you get honest with yourself I guess

I can't relax with alcohol anymore. It's like I'm emotionally scarred from passing out drunk too many times

I'm at my best!

Good for you, hope it keeps up. We'll all make it one day

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>ex gf/ would have been wife 8 year relationship blocked me again when I made an alternative number
>I'm going to write her a letter or two then give up
>I think she completely moved on
>no relationship will come close to that again
>drinking myself to an early grave now
>hope I die in my sleep

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What happened, user? How'd it die

>parents in the process of getting a divorce and selling the house
>im the youngest kid, both older siblings are moved out
>dad drinks too much, moms in debt
>have 3 friends, khhv, feel very isolated and alone
>dont understand the point of this world, no girl will ever love me, true love doesnt exist, waste so much time at work just to get home and cope until the next day
>want to kill myself but thats painful so idk what to do
Advice?

I sometimes think I'm seeing vermin from the corner of my eye but when I look directly it's not there.

I feel detached from my body. It's like the real me is watching a movie of someone else in control of my body.

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That's understandable. The thing is that I never really drink too much anyway because I guess I don't really feel like I need to, plus I'm a lightweight so I get really fucking lethargic and tired very quickly. I only had like 4 pints yesterday but I felt like I could just fall asleep at the pub.

Since I've practically been in the same boat, I'll just day make a choice. Make a choice with what you want to do in life and just focus on it. Be really careful to follow it through

That's just a floating piece cells in your eye, mate. Plenty of people have one

>im 27 m, i have no friends but lots of acquaintances, never had a gf
>go to a meetup through meetup.com for socially anxious people
>like 10 of us, some girls mostly dudes
>music so loud can't fucking hear anything
>get drunk
>still extremely anxious
>people do that thing where they're proud of being able to drink a lot - calling everyone lightweights
>don't connect with anyone
>go home feeling more depressed and anxious

I met new people which was good but I can't shake the feeling that it was totally pointless and a waste of money.
I will probably die alone.

no I didn't mean literally in my eye, it's an expression

The whole drinking and bragging about how much you can do is very juvenile. Like they wanted to do while they were young and never able to

But also, real connection takes time. All the close friends I've had came with time. I never even shared something common with them at the start.

I have the exact same two things happening to me! And also some anxiety from amphetamine abuse, have you been to a doctor about these things? I went to an eye doctor and she found nothing wrong.

I can see myself getting worse every day, it's odd being able to see my decay and where it's leading me but there's no way to stop it. I tried to get help but it isn't working and I'm scared because sooner or later I know I'll end it all.

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Thank you for reading and replying. I appreciate it :)

How can you tell what mental illnesses you have? it is hard to find a good doctor

when I'm manic colors are more saturated kind of like MDMA but not as intense. I read that is a symptom of psychosis. I don't really know what to think.
I got lucky and I already found a good doctor who can do MRI scans and stuff but I'm scared that I would have to take medication because of it.

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agreed but if someone did it i'd have to prove i can do it better
not sure why

refuse to take them
i don't know if they can force an adult or not

Is it mental illness if you're ok with it? Genuine question.

the only thing I could do with an official MRI scan diagnosis is apply for disability.

what do they do the MRI scans for?
going to get diagnosed for a bunch of stuff soon

I have an addiction to mania. the part about mental illness is completely different.

is it normal to be the same but really hyper and doing everything faster in mania?
because that's all it is when i have it
and the other phase is just being very lethargic and not functioning

Lonely nights. Empty beer cans. Tears. It never gets better, does it? I only hope bipolar is curable soon. I want off this roller-coaster that is BPD. My brain taunts me with hope, convincing me it'll all be ok, then brings me crashing down. Let me be free from this emotional hell.

the MRI shows exactly what's going on for a real diagnosis. like one disorder could be normal and another could be caused by a brain tumor or something. or it could all be autism.
MRI scans are better because doctors don't know what they're doing with some kind of armchair diagnosis.

do MRI scans show Asperger? i just wondered what all they detect

for me it feels like being on stimulants. it's drugs for free. there are a lot of negative side effects like the euphoric impulsivity and the tweaker comedown.
the depression sucks too.
I still get to be normal for a good while. I spent that time smoking weed for a long while though.

I heard there are MRI scans and fMRI scans so I guess you just have to ask the doctor and hope he knows what he's doing

haha
i don't get the normal part because i keep the Asperger
energy is nice though

Getting out of bed and doing anything feels like an absolute chore. I keep saying to myself it isn't depression and I'm just being worthless, lazy NEET. I've tried excercising since I've heard it does stuff with brain chemistry, but I always feel too unmotivated, and always think it's worthless. I wish I wasn't like this and could actually sustain myself, but it's only that simple in dreams.

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