Story time! I have many stories. Take your pick! Tell me your stories!

On the first day of university me and a couple friends got stupid drunk and went over to the next block, crashed a party and ended up trying to get with these girls.

>see my friend trying to pull this 7.5/10 paki
>doing a really bad job
>keeps trying
>she rejects him
>we go to the Student Union (a club, basically)
>he is trying to dance with said paki
>she looks really unimpressed
>I have a word with him "like dude.. she ain't into it"
>he just walks off and finds some other chick
>she thanks me, starts dancing with me
>notice her rhythm is all kindsa fucked, it is like she is dancing offbeat at 2x speed
>keep dancing anyway
>get bored because SU's are boring
>ask if she wants to come back to mine
>she says no
>get taxi back
>she says "Okay... I'm not going back to yours but you can come to mine. We ARE NOT HAVING SEX"
>sure sure, follow her back to her flat. Get in, start making out
>"I can't have sex with you because I'm a muslim and a virgin.... but I can suck your dick"
>sucks my dick
>"Okay just the tip" (paraphrasing, it was something to that effect)
>end up fucking her
>her rhythm is still annoying the fuck out of me
>we are fucking doggystyle and she is slamming her puss back and at the wrong time, realise I need to intervene
>Faria- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>pull out, turn the light on
>"what's wrong, what's wrong" she says
>the head of my dick is pointed at a 30 degree angle and it is visibly expanding beyond full erection. My dick is 6.5 inches long and it was already 8 inches
>start calling an ambulance
>sit on her bed just looking at my dick in absolute agony and despair while she is crying sat next to me just murmuring "I'm sorry I'm sorry"
>she goes to let the paramedics into the flat
>two big burly blokes and one of them just looks at me and goes "jesus mate"
>end up in hospital. Damage urethra and a "penile fracture" (penile "pop" more accurate)
>much more to this story but I'll leave it at that for now

Have you got any stories?

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Cont nigger

Aftermath

>penises essentially comprise of two blood balloons that are held together by skin with a urethra down the middle of it and a bell end on top. A fracture is more accurately sometimes called a "pop", because there is nothing in there to break. A single fracture is 1 balloon popping, a double fracture is both. I had a single fracture
>I popped my right penis blood balloon, which caused a lot of blood to leak into the skin, causing mass expansion of the penis and the pressure then damaged my urethra
>when I got to hospital, my penis was around 10/11 inches long and probably 7 inches in circumference. It looked fucking disgusting. It wasn't like an actual 11 inch penis would look, it was the shape of a yam. I had a picture at one point but it was lost with my phone
>I had to "accept" that I would never use my penis again. This wasn't the case, but I stared this reality right in the face and let me tell you dude, it is rough
>went for surgery where they let blood and sewed the "balloon" back together
>used a catheter for a few weeks, erections hurt for 4 months or so

>now onto the girl; she text me once the day after. It is hard to imagine dude - this was her first time. She will carry the image of my swollen broken dick with her for the rest of her life. I had had sex long before this event, so for me it is now just a great story. But for her... well... I can't imagine it was good for her
>On top of all that, she was very obviously a conflicted muslim. She thought she could sneak a bit of casual sex in on the first day of university with no consequences, but this very obviously wasn't the case
>saw her around quite a few times. her face dropped when she saw me. We never spoke in person after that night
>I now never, ever let girls do any movement when we have sex. FUCK THAT

Imagine telling this story to your grandkids

Nigga why did you fuck her if you knew she will regret it?

Because pussy, I guess. There are loads of things I did around 18 that I wouldn't do now

youtube.com/watch?v=E1R48hHU0Ys 26+6=1

Story of shitting yourself in school pleased

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I am interested in the psychotic breaks

Eh, isn't much of a story to it

>tuesday, year 7 (aged 11)
>eat curry at for school dinner
>need shit but don't go because shitting in school was a death sentence
>go to German class
>fuck I'm gonna need to go
>"Miss, can I go to the toilet?"
>"No"
>"Miss-"
>"No"
>*stand up* "I'm going to the toilet"

Okay, timeout. Here is where I need to explain something and I promise you this isn't a meme. In our school we needed passes to use the toilet during lesson hours, one could say, a toilet license.

>knew I needed toilet license otherwise I'd get stopped
>"Miss, give me a toilet pass"
>"No"
>walk out of the class
>see the toilet within 100 yards
>asshole teacher walks around the corner
>"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
>"going to the toilet"
>do you have your pass?
>"No, I really nee-"
>"Well go back to class then!" *grabs my arm*
>I try to pull away and in the ensuing struggle I start shitting
>run to the toilet
>toolate.jpg
>shit in my pants
>do my best to clean up
>tie my blazer around my waist
>run home

I was paranoid for at least 2 years that the story would get out. I told my friends I was sick and went home. The teacher never said a word, god bless them. Some kids had a suspicions I shat myself, but there was enough plausible deniability to get me through

okay will do, need to shower first tho

Does your shower have anything to do with you eating curry again?

Okay, here goes, Psychotic Break 1.

>be me
>have insomnia all of my life
>have taken a range of tablets for insomnia
>they usually work for 6-18 months and then I need new ones
>on amitriptyline
>they work, but have very noticeable strange side effects
>I start sleep-walking for the first time ever, completely harmlessly though. I am also said to have started talking in my sleep
>dreams are extremely lucid and memorable
>stay on the tablets because for me, sleep is like gold
>start getting really vivid dreams that feel like they are just before I wake up in a morning
>a recurring dream starts where I dream that I get up, make breakfast, brush my teeth, leave the house and then I wake up again
>this happens like 4 times every morning. It is really exhausting
>slowly start to lose faith in reality in the morning
>start getting up in a morning and thinking I have to go to work (I am out of work atm, supporting myself with my own savings)
>start walking to work, getting halfway to somewhere and thinking "where the fuck am I going?"
>small things like this happen multiple times a day
>start waking up in the middle of day. I don't mean literally, I mean I would "wake up" consciously in the middle of an activity. Like I'd go to sleep and wake up immediately brushing my teeth in the morning. Memory loss, I guess
>start telling my family and a doctor I'm having memory/sleep problems
>simultaneously start getting paranoid that I have "outed" myself for a crime
>stop taking my tablets, now I have insomnia again and I'm going crazy at the same time
>start plotting my prison escape, taking extensive notes, downloading blueprints, etc.
>get an emergency therapist meeting which I go to because I want to profess my innocence for a crime
>they manage to talk me down and eventually I start feeling better again
>don't get hospitalised because NHS init lad
>happens like 4 more times before finally I go in for about 10 days
>don't have schizophrenia, they are blaming the meds

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>>>>>>jesus mate
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