I just realized that I am the backup friend for the few friends I have. I'm not sure how I feel about this. One the one hand it's nice that I get at least some social interaction. On the other hand it's a bit sad to learn that you don't matter all that much to people you care about.
I'm kind of dumb so I didn't notice at first but over time I discovered that they were only inviting me to hang out or do stuff when the people they really wanted to do things with weren't available. If the people that were their true friends were available I simply don't get invited. It also occurred that I was doing favors but rarely getting favors returned. In some ways I'd like to stop associating with them but I fear that if I do I'll be completely alone and I won't be able to make new friends.
Backup friend is not that bad user, at least you're not the pity friend >people only talked to me or were nice because they felt bad for me >only interacted with me when they were forced (in class, etc) >ignored me when I asked to hang out outside >girls always treated my like a child or an actual tard I this point I think I'm better off just not interacting with people
I know that feel bro. I used to be the pity friend but after changing locations and getting older I got to graduate to backup friend. An improvement but only marginally. Even when I hangout with my 'friends' they freely talk about how they wish someone else was there or reminisce about times they spent with their true friends. I try to make excuses for them but I have a feeling it's not an innocent mistake or even outright maliciousness. It's just that they genuinely would rather be doing things with someone else and they just don't care how I feel about knowing that.
Jeremiah Phillips
I used to be a backup friend and I knew it. I was the last to be called anywhere. My friends would make plans with me and flake at the last minute to hang out with their other friends. I remember when I moved to a new city and got some new friends, it was jarring to be part of the primary friend group. Added to group chats, invited everywhere, people responded to my texts. I'm still not used to it 3 years later.
Ayden Lopez
I know the feeling. Whenever I suggest things to do together or ask if my friends are interested in doing something I get ignored, but they're always up to do what somebody else mentions.
Gabriel Cooper
That's my reasoning too, but still, it's not the greatest feeling once you realize it. Especially when you were dumb enough to think you had made some true friends.
Bentley Gomez
That really sucks, Imagine being the background character in the lives of people you like.
Mason Ward
I imagine it's a diminished version of coming home and finding your wife sleeping with your boss. I make no mistake that being a backup friend isn't the worst thing but yeah. Being what amounts to an NPC to people you like, sucks.
Ethan Taylor
I've heard other horror stories of backup friends in other threads but by far the worst I remember is the one where user suggested to his friends that they go do {thing x} at {date y} everyone makes excuses or says what a terrible idea it is and so forth. Time goes by and {date y} arrives, user didn't go to {thing x} because he didn't see the point in going without friends. user texts his friends to ask if they want to do something else today under the assumption that everyone is free "sorry user we're all at {thing x} today so we can't hang, you should totally come with us next time though everyone's having a blast!"
Robert Russell
Don't have to imagine. I kind of want to ignore them every time they invite us all to do things, but then they'd probably ask why I didn't go and I'd lose them altogether
Logan King
Dont have any friends but feel like this with family. >family always wants me to hang out >decide to eat with them one day >nobody talks to me >just sit there quietly like an autist while they all talk with each other
>I kind of want to ignore them every time they invite us all to do things, but then they'd probably ask why I didn't go and I'd lose them altogether
Yeah be careful with that. From what I've heard if you aren't in the inner circle you get about 2 or 3 free passes to ignore invites before you just stop getting them at all.
Be glad you have family. Family is like the training level before friends (friends being the training level before GF, GF being the training level before wife, etc). You can pretty much act almost however you want around family without having to worry and they'll hopefully give you feedback to adjust you in a positive way. But family is an invaluable tool for learning how to make friends.
Hudson Perez
>mfw i'm unironically a backup pity friend just end my life right now
BEEN THERE DONE THAT >rareley invited to the real nigga shit/real nigga hours value not added, leave >doing stuff to please but no one tossed some attention nor care your way fuck em, leave >fear, ill leave and be a weanie.... fear i cant replace them nigger do you even read your own shit. 1. SELFWORTH, you sound like you dont think much of you, CHANGE THAT ( how, get on your purpose and grind that, find a sport that scares you thatll give you the SWAGGER to attract quality friends and bitches) 2.JUST FUCKING DO IT. Look you have to start somewhere to learn, YOU HAVE TO go through the pain and trouble to learn, it just takes all that to change. So dont worry about fucking up for one secound my man, THERE IS NO GOOD TIME TO MAKE A HARD DECISION. simply remove what drags down/ drains you and change shit up. now why would you listen to some shmuck you might say ? i tell you how it is... it is HARD to get what you desire, at teh end of the day its your choice. I speak from experience. here it is: back then: >a pleaser, asleep to facts of life >no standarts, didnt hold noone accountable >always the one to engage the "friendships",always the only one with enthusiasm and passion (that drained me to fucking emotional - levels man) >noone ever really fullfilled their supposed role/ added the value I needed WHat did i do ? Remove EVERY SINGLE COCKSUCKER, get a JOb i absolutly love and grind it, i am not letting ANYONE wasty my time and energy. Here are the things you need to be >SELFISH (take what YOU want) >YOU ARE NUMBER ONE (anyone else second) >STOP PLEASING/ STOP GIVING A GODAMN FUCK WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU ( you make yourlsef free, if you dont care, none of your feelings will hurt as much as when you do) senpai i have never been better and i absolutly dont miss a single one of theese cocksuckers ( i removed around 12 ppl i spent YEARS with by the snap of a finger) >Removing them youtube.com/watch?v=F1vlpybMwRI Once gone, GONE, NO CONTACT
Asher Walker
This thread has given me some gnarly teenage nostalgia. You should get some hobbies or develop yourself into being more interesting. You have to give them a reason to want you around. Groups of friends are hard to break into.
Julian Hernandez
I know what you mean and I get where you're coming from but here's the thing. I've already had true friends in the past that drifted away due to getting families and jobs in different parts of the country, etc stuff that was beyond my control and not my fault. I know what a genuine friendship looks like. But I'm getting old, it was hard enough to just become a backup friend to this new group.
I know I probably sound like some retard housewife who stays with an abuser because she doesn't know better but sometimes you can get trapped in circumstances you don't like. I can't make friends at my job because they all are older and have families and friends of their own and not time for me.
But here's the main thing, the thing that differs from what Sam talks about in that vid. These people aren't actually toxic or bad friends, they just don't value me as much. I've cut ties with bad friends before, ones who actually got me in trouble with the law or fucked me over at work to advance themselves. This is different. Sometimes it's better to just have a crappy imitation of something than to have nothing at all.
Because there is a risk as well as a benefit to what you suggest. Say I do drop these people and find new friends that do value me and act as genuine friends should, that's great. But what if the alternative happens? What if I make that choice and I don't make new friends? It can happen, this place alone makes that point self evident. Would ending up with nothing really be worth losing at least a bare minimum of something?
Anyway, I do appreciate your advice and I have been trying to get better at looking out for my own interests. It took me a while but you are 100% correct when you say that you gotta look out for #1. Because the world at large does not give one shit about whether we are happy or what we think we deserve.
Ethan Collins
If I wasn't a train wreck of an individual I probably would have left this shit way behind in my teenage years. Much like a lot of people on here though I am stunted socially and emotionally.
Liam Bell
Which is to say, yeah I get it, this shit is pathetically juvenile. But when you miss certain developmental milestones growing up you still gotta overcome them at some point. It would be a rare thing indeed if an autist could go from KHV forever alone to wife and kids while skipping the steps in between. I'm not saying that never happens, but I doubt it's very likely.
Elijah Lopez
YOU ARE ALL RETARDED FUCKING NORMALFAGS STOP TRYING TO FIT IN ON Jow Forums, YOU WILL NEVER FIT IN ON Jow Forums, YOU ARE NOT FUCKING ROBOTS >B-B-BUT MUH FRIENDS DON'T CARE ABOUT ME I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, YOU HAVE FRIENDS, YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING ROBOT YOU FUCKING NIGGERS FUCK OFF
Assuming: >you are the one to engage incontact >they care as little as you mentioned Do it this way. Mentally you cut them out, that gives you around 1 month to find new friends, take on a hobby you love, start a friendship over this. Say you didnt find what you were looking for you can just out pf the blue reengage the fakes, (you put it as of nothing happened since they dont know what you are all about). You need to know WHAT value you want your ideal friend to add to your life, you also need to add value to their life. You can only attract a dime if you are a dime. Simply put yes there are things beyond our controll, (like a friend developing into a person that only has the outer shell of who you used to lile) BUT you have keep blundering along until it is right. I personally am a social person i trive on that shit BUT with all the friend and people around me being the way they were i choose to have standards, enforce them no matter what, FUCK THEIR FEELINGS (one nigger in particular was manipulating me for a year, tried to shame me into taking the bones, accepting yadayada hippie bs) currently i tried to have a good relationship with a few of the guys at work and again the same goddamn pattern of i am the one to carry everything. I just stopped right away i dont pretend anymore and being "alone"(not feeling loneley btw) is so much better than being with fakes my man. I got my cutlery i fingerfuck when at home i hit my gym, i do other stuff and thats that, i want more and will seek it out too
Take it to wizchan guy. If you want to play purity patrol you'll fit right in over there.
Aiden Reyes
Solid advice. I never thought of it that way. Thanks I'll start giving that a try. No need to tie myself to a sinking ship after all.
Nicholas Ortiz
>gets actually invited to parties and vacations >always makes excuses not to go >Friends get tired of asking me >Eventually they stopped asking me out >A month ago same friends asked me out. Made an excuse not to attend. I used to be one of the cool kids in High School but now I'm a fucking recluse.
Christian Richardson
i feel the same...i just feel other people are stealing my time and energy
Brody Gray
I had one friend but he preferred other people to me. When my birthday went by i heard nothing from him and asked him why he got annoyed and stopped talking to me, that was 6 years ago.
I just don't care, the moment a friend group starts involving me in tribal-drama I dial contact back to minimum. Enough I can benefit/ask for favors from the nicer members, but not enough to bother me
tfw only get invited to a friend's parties because i get freaky weird when im drunk and they bully me bc i cant fight back and the next morning i say i dont remember anything but i really do remember everything and this goes on nearly every week
I'm the backup friend simply because I don't do acid or smoke weed. I'll always be passed over by all of my friends to do that stuff instead. It sucks, I just wish my friends would mature and get interested in other things but the herbal jew has already consumed their mind.
Jack Foster
Oh yeah this was an issue in my life but i out grew it recently, brave on autistic one!!!
Could be worse, OP Throughout uni I only got invited to parties or to hang out with friends because I was one of the few who could drive. Basically unpaid taxi service. A few times I left the scene and went back to my car to cry because I was always that one person everyone ignores.
