Chris is dead, weekly family thread

Hi hello this is a thread to talk about everything family related. Doesn't matter if you want to kill your sister or fuck your mom, it's all welcome.

This might just be the Couch + new people thread because nothing good happened to me this week and I have nothing to say about it.

Pastebin: No pastebin didn't feel like finding it.

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Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/XNp9jWRy
youtu.be/uCGD9dT12C0
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

Sorry to hear you had a bad week. Is there anything we can do to help?

I dunno. Tell me how I can articulate to our parents that I'm doing well and don't need to move away from my brother without telling them we're dating and without hurting their feelings/making them angry since they're actually genuinely trying to help me and right their wrongs.

You could also show me brown anime girls with abs that might help too idk

I think more robots should use Grindr and actually have sex

I'm sorry about your week, my dad was abusive and my mom was mentally and emotionally insane, on top of verbally, and physically abusive, along with her druggie bf's and I had to be taken in and out of the house by my sister and her fiance through most of my teen years. So I am not on good terms with either of my parents. Still love my siblings for trying to help, still very impaired and have breakdowns when people yell and at certain times black out due to ptsd

I'm not dead, just a little under the weather.

Here is paste for you
pastebin.com/XNp9jWRy

How's this?

amazingly original

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I want couch to get anally creampied by her brother.

That's a bummer. Hope you come out ahead someday.
Yay. Don't die.
Kinda not into the proportions, maybe it's the angle.
It's almost not worth it though.

Thread theme:
youtu.be/uCGD9dT12C0

Dedicated to the fat mexican Anonette and the master liar Couch, current holders of the "Todd Howard" award for biggest liars.
Buy Fallout 76, its actually not terrible now

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>Almost not worth it
How so? Just imagine it:
Couch's brother gets home from work. They're both on the sofa. Couch is lying down on top of her brother and they're having fun. But by the end of the night, he's balls deep inside cough, throbbing in her colon and pumping her full of hot cum.
Couch wakes up the next day ass aching with semen still dripping out.
Now that's based.

you're not doing a INCEST are you? incest is a SIN!

Sorry about that. This one any better?

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It's hot for like five minutes but then it's like, wtf do I do about this goo in my butt. And water makes it worse so there's like nothing you can do.
Bible said the incest rules were to be followed by israelites and the foreigners living in their midst. I'm not jewish and I don't live with jews.

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Wow brown hivemind. That one's almost too muscly but it's better. Getting that weird "I want something but idk what the fuck" feeling so I guess that's a success.

I'm on a roll now.

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Why would I play 76 when I have New Vegas?

the new testament also says no incest
a guy in corinth was fucking his mom and paul told them to kick him out

"Lyin' Todd Howard enters the battlefield with X Skyrim counters. His power and toughness are equal to the number of Skyrim counters on all permanents.

{UW}: Remove a Skyrim counter from Lyin' Todd Howard and place one on target artifact or creature and opponent controls. That permanent gains "{4}: Remove a Skyrim counter from this permanent"

Tap an untapped permanent with a Skyrim counter: Add one mana of any color."

I might not be the best person to help on this matter, seeing as I have never had to explain away an incestual relationship, but I can try.

You could say something to the effect of, "I'm actually doing really well here. I'm loving this town, and I'm slowly but surely making my way higher in my career. I know that you're worried about me and [insert brother's name], but we're getting along really well. And besides, living with [insert brother's name] is way cheaper than living by alone, and I know that he would ask me to move out if he wanted me to."

A key point might be to act as though incest hadn't even crossed your mind, ie. not even addressing it as an issue.

You okay?

Just tell them younare doing fine and they don't need to worry about it. Let them know that if you have any problems you will go to them. They are just trying to look after you I suppose.

Me too. I've been sick the last 2 days, feel really weak.

He has no desire to put anything in my butt he is happy with my hands and front.

I'm sorry to hear user.

Hi Todd.

That but in the front is basically how date night ended up turning out.

Well that's an interesting bit if info.

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i want to fuck my aunt, my cousins, and my sister

>little brother is 13 and he smokes cigs, weed and has tried shrooms before
>his grades are utter shit and doesn't like any subject
>he's convinced that he can become a professional fortnite streamer as a career

He recently told me about the drug thing and asked me not to tell anyone. I know pretty well that bitching isn't an effective form of communication, as well as that just finger wagging at him would be pointless because he well enough knows what he's doing is bad, so I just said that i'd keep it short and tell him he should make an effort in quitting.
And so, he's been coming to me each day and telling me how many ciggs he's smoked, with the idea of decreasing the amount each time.
Yesterday he told me he didn't smoke the whole day even though his friends egged him on to, as well as that he hasn't smoked pot in awhile.
I don't even know what the fuck 13 year olds are doing nowadays. I was playing flash games and drinking soda when I was his age.

He's quiet the asshole, actually. Impulsive, awkward body language both at his norm and especially when he's angry. He's had everything I didn't when I was little - his own room, phone, computer (that could actually run games), console and friends. Whenever he doesn't get something he wants he emits a powerful ree, and verbatim says "I fucking hate my life" with loud stomping, door slamming, and further talking to yourself out loud ( I don't think he has an inner voice ).
And I just observe from a distance, tending to my programming and drowning out the arguments between him and my parents with japanese funk albums. Before I used to tell him to do his homework and other related things like that, but he would just say "You're not my dad, why are you telling me what to do". And that's when I just got the mindset that it really isn't my place, I guess. I don't know quite what to do.

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I really wanna outline her abs with a sharpie. I don't know what that means.
Also I guess this shit helped me because it got me in a good enough mood to actually get something to eat.
Yeah guess what, Paul was a big jew.
Yeah that sounds good but the problem is not crying or freaking out when I try to tell them that.
Hi cute, hope you feel better. Come steal some pancakes I made too many.

It's hard to try and change a person who is hostile to any kind of advice. I wish I could help but I only have the experience of being the youngest brother. Maybe instead of trying to say something you should ask him if there's anything he's wanted to say or do but hasn't had the opportunity to. I'm not saying it will work but if it does and you two get to connect over a joint (heh) activity then he might be more willing to listen to other people once he sees that they're not out there to get him.

Glad to hear the pics helped. Hope you feel better soon.

ok well dont be surprised when it rains fire and brimstone

I haven't eaten anything today besides some tomato soup. Guess the plus of being sick is I get spoiled. He just wants me to lay on the couch and relax, he was going to make me stay in bed but I told him I wanted to be by him so he brought me to the livingroom. He cleaned for me and made me soup. I love him so much.

My hope would be that when puberty ends your boy will be more peaceful. But if hes already deep on the drugs and shit then boy, he really will be fucked.

Is this a tripfag discord drama thread?

Thanks.
Cute, I'm glad you have him. Also I ate all the pancakes blahhhh.

Ugh. I just know when I explain to my parents why I should stay with my brother that I'm gonna get way too emotional and start begging or something. Then they'll double want me to move back home. But they're being so nice about it that I almost wanna go home and try again but then what, do I just forget I love my brother. ugh.

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Just tell them you are fine and appreciate them worrying but you can handle it. My parents did the same thing when both of us left the house, they just still see you as their little girl.

The best thing you could do is to maybe practice what you are going to say in front of someone, or maybe in front of pictures of your parents.

Another good thing to remember is that, even though they are your parents, you are a legal adult and you can decide for yourself where you want to live.

How to stay with your brother-bf when your parents want you to move:
>step 1: fuck your brother
>step 2: call your parents while fucking your brother and ask them to visit the next day
>step 3: keep fucking your brother until your parents come and open the door
>step 4: show them the heart pupils from hours of fucking to prove the love between you and your brother
>????
>profit

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Yeah that's what I've been telling them, but it's hard with them being so genuinely nice and "helpful" suddenly.
No joke, I keep wondering if them accidentally finding out we're dating/fucking would somehow make things easier. I don't think it would but I keep thinking it might, idk.

Anyway whatever, I actually feel pretty good finally. I guess I'm way too dependent on these threads. Gonna try to surprise my brother with something neat when he gets home we haven't had sex all week lol

Let him sleep on your lap. Maybe cuddle.

this was a good webm up until the zojirushi moved
never move the zoji

>I keep wondering if them accidentally finding out we're dating/fucking would somehow make things easier

It definitely would. You should fuck in their bed and let them find you.

Noooooooo.
Maybe after we do a sex thing.
Ugh I'm back on my tomboy bullshit, hair's finally at the length I wanted it but now I'm like "what if I cut it again and also started working out" blah.

I exercise enough to stay my size, I don't wanna gets abs or anything like that though.

I've been sweating all day and I already threw up again. This sucks. He is worried and says if I'm not getting any better by tomorrow he is gonna bring me to the doctor.

your pregnant couch. taking multiple onii load a day will do that to you.

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I am not. I know that much for sure.

Is this even a thing How come pastebin?
No cant be

Every time I see these threads I think that I should come up with a new roleplay. Shame these threads are so inactive and are basically just blogs. Though it probably wouldn't be a good thing if I got into another character.

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>laying down
>he comes over to give me more medicine because the bottle says
>he gets on his knees next to the couch and gives me the syrup and a drink
>makes me take it and just pets my head for a bit while staring at me
>feels so soft and nice
>he asks me if I need anything
>tell him I'm okay
>he hands me the remote so I can change it to whatever I want
>he wipes my face off with a rag and goes back into the kitchen
>says he is gonna make me something that will be easy on my stomach
>kindness is just making my heart swell
Love him so much.

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I cut my hair heehee.
No homo but ugh I wanna take care of someone so they'll love me like that.

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>I cut my hair heehee.
enjoy regretting cutting it in 3, 2, 1....

Well that didn't take long. You gonna start working out as well?

Check Out this EXTREMELY HOT Server for thee BEST LEWDS of TRAPS and FEMALES!

discord gg/a2HBMrj

Naaaah this is new me, old me with long hair was a coward who didn't know what she wanted, new me is cute and hot and fucks her brother and knows what she wants. I'll only regret it if my brother comes home and gets mad at me for cutting it again lol.
I dunno. Cutting hair is easier lol.

We all know she isn't going to start working out.

Is new you still an obese mexican?

Trips of truth.

Now the whole world knows, without a doubt, Anonnette is an obese mexican.

Here I am growing my hair out and you decide to cut yours?

Bump to keep the thread alive


Original

Getting kicked out of my house in 10 days, asked my friend for a ticket to go to his house across the country. If I am homeless or not fully depends on his mother and father agreeing for paying 300 dollars for a ticket. I have exactly $40 to my name. Wish me luck robots.

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Forgot to mention, its because my mother and father hate me. Literally, those words came out of their mouth. Then they called me a sociopath, even though im the only mother fucker in my family that keeps in touch with my father and went to live with his ass so he doesnt get lonely.
fml.

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What have you done to deserve their hatred user?

Dropped out of high school, held a job down for two months, never got another job. Now im almost 19 and once my father gets back from out of the country he is gonna "smash all my shit, throw my phone like a Frisbee". He set conditions, I need a job (duh), need to finish my highschool, and need to see a shrink daily. Otherwise he will kick me out and make sure I become homeless. Yes, I have made mistakes, but all I wanted was a dysfunctional family to love me unconditionally like I did. Not gonna happen, need to gtfo while I still have my passport and functional phone. Live my life, gonna miss my brother and sister.

While he clearly isn't portraying it very well, your dad probably just wants best for you. The problem arises where his boomer brain thinks that what's best for you is for you to just get a job and to get off your ass.

I agree 100%, but when he holds his love for me hostage against me, that is dysfunctional. I can solve my own problems, and this whole "phase" if you can call it that. Was me rebelling, trying to test if my parents really did love me unconditionally. Idk man, im fucking retarded. I just need to get out of here. I already have a job lined up for me and a place to live. Going to go be with my friend and get my life in order.

Okay fuck me user was right. I was riding on a "haha tomboys so cute and sexy" high. As soon as I calmed down and had an orgasm I wanted my hair back. Fuck me I'm an idiot. I don't deserve anything.

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You've had a bad week. It's okay to let off some steam. Hair grows back; you're gonna be fine.

It's okay. It will grow back, just this next time before you cut it think about how good it feels to have someone run their hands through it.

Your brother had been supportive of you, and not just as a lover. He encouraged you to go to work, gotten you to go out with your friends when wanted to be a shutin and gotten you out of your apartment more. It may be more impactful if they hear it directly from him. He could say how he enjoys being with you, how close you have become as friends and how he feels living together has been beneficial for both of you. If they are still being stubborn, he can say he feels guilty for hogging their attention and wants to actively help you. Also mention how helpful it is just to have someone to talk to every day and not come home to an empty apartment every day.
For your part, you should try to make tangible progress. You can put out applications to jobs you want to work at, even if you feel like you won't necessarily get the jo then tell your family about it. Try to hang out with friends more and take photos you can show them. Make plans for the future and tell your parents about them.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss them. If they didn't care about you, they would just ask for rent. If you don't have the means to support yourself, it's natural to want you to finish high school, as it would open up more opportunities for you. Even if they see you're a good person, if they don't see that you have the skills to be a functional adult that can support yourself they will want you to do more. Have you spoken to them about what you want to do with your life and what your plans are? Maybe they want you to see a shrink because you won't talk to them. If you tell them your plan, and that you have a job lined up and set up a living situation, they may even support you.

We learned a valuable lesson today:
long hair tomboy > short hair tomboy.

I spent time with my dad today. I hate him but I get fucked up when I'm alone too long and he tried to visit me. So I let him in.

This is why women should never get their hair cut. Ever.

Thanks. I'm okay now, bro said some really gushy stupid things about me and my hair.
There's enough for him to do that, I didn't shave it.
I wish I could show him this post. But thanks. I feel like telling them about job applications and being like "look look I totally have friends" would make me seem really pitiful or something. But idk I think you're still right.
Long haired tomboys just confuse my brain, heart and vagina even more.

god damn, is this the caliber of tripfag posting these days? kill yourselves, even your e-drama is pointless, boring pussy shit

Like yours was ever any more interesting, you fat alcoholic kike.

I keep forgetting your bro doesn't know about these threads. Guess there's no real way to mention where you suddenly got advice on something like this, huh.

Cute flower, user.

Thanks, flowers are my thing kind of.

I'm trying to get back into gardening more, spent the whole of today cleaning up my front garden and moving my chrysanthemums. What's you're favourite flower, user?

Chrysanthemums are lovely. I actually like similar shapes flowers like marigolds, hydrangeas, or hyacinths. The fastest way to my heart would be a bunch of dahlia bulbs. Any sort of aquatic flower is great too.

Basically anything big and plush or with just super smooth color.

Well I figured that much. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, he let me lay on him like he is a recliner and he has his hands on my stomach. He is completely passed out though and I slept so much today that I can't sleep now.

We've got STEAM CODES, they're being given away, join bFeKS6z to get yours for free right now, I'd post one but I already claimed it!

>marigolds, hydrangeas, or hyacinths
You have some excellent taste in flowers user. My purple hydrangeas did really well this year and marigolds are beautiful.
>The fastest way to my heart would be a bunch of dahlia bulbs
I saw some pompon dahlias for sale and I considered buying them, have you grown any before?

We put a few cactus Dahlias in the garden when I moved with my mom a while back. They're easy peasy here because they're just perennials that do well in warm climates.

Plushy flowers are the best. Honestly I like greenery more than most other types of flowers. Either than or flowers that are huge or wild flowers. Wild flowers don't look good in a garden though.

I'm just on the outside looking in. Sucks man. Wish I could find a place but my heart is cold for some reason.

Enjoy disappointed pity sex from your brother

>Wild flowers don't look good in a garden though.
My bluebells would disagree with you there although I suppose it all depends on what grows in the region that you live in.

If you live in an area with blue bells do you happen to have any hollyhocks? Those are incredible garden fillers.

I'm from Texas which is wild flower heaven and even then I just think wild flowers look so much better in their natural habitat than they ever will in a garden.

better than this cucked shit for sure. death threats, illegal nudes, all manner of fucked up shit. these fuckers are nothing but whiny pussies whining about pussy shit

>do you happen to have any hollyhocks
Definitely, I have a small group of them in a corner. I was thinking of getting a larger patch of them to replace a buddleja I uprooted but I don't want too many because they spread like wildfire if given enough freedom.
>wild flowers look so much better in their natural habitat than they ever will in a garden
I agree there, nothing beats walking in a bluebell wood or seeing a daisy filled meadow.

I live in Canada and have a lot of nice wild flowers in my front yard. It's somewhat relaxing to keep them trimmed.

I'm not saying walk up to your parents and slam a completed job application on the table. Bring it up in casual conversation. Maybe say that your brother helped you with your resume or telling you how to answer interview questions. You can do the same when talking about your friends. Just bring out up during the standard, "What have you been up to?" question parents always ask.

>Long haired tomboys just confuse my brain, heart and vagina even more.
The color of a tomboy is most prominent when contrasted against the canvas of femininity. What could be better than seeing a tomboy tie up her hair before she plays sports or trying to keep it out of her eyes when she moves around? Or like what you posted in , seeing a tomboy move her long hair aside to reveal her well defined back.

That sounds like an ideal night, barring the fact that you're sick.

All this flower discussion has me regretting that I can't identify plants unless they are something edible, and sometimes not even then. Maybe I should ask my mother to give me a tour of the garden some time. But, like, not while the heat index is near 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

>seeing a tomboy move her long hair aside to reveal her well defined back
Careful, user. Describe too much of that, and you might accidentally turn her gay.

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>mom blames me for all the problems she's having and constantly comparing me to other people my age
>says how I'm not normal and an egotist because I don't show my emotions freely because whenever I did my family ended up rejecting it
>constantly threatening to kill herself because of me and saying how I have to find a gf despite being a faggot
>is generally being manipulative and using underhanded tactics like acting like the victim and emotionally blackmailing me
>rest of family doesn't know about any of this and I am unable to get her help because she sees me as a piece of shit
>still financially dependent on them for another year until I finish university

I'm honestly not sure what the fuck to do anymore, I thought about telling my dad but he is busy as hell and not sure what he'd do if he found out about me being a fag, on the other hand I'm worried my mom is getting more unstable every day and might actually go through with her threats of suicide if I don't do something.

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I can't tell most of them apart either. I have rhubarb out back and some roses out front that I didn't plant, though.

My manipulative whore of a mother texted me to complain that my younger sibling has cut all contact with her. I reminded her that I asked her to get a therapist three years ago and told her that that was why I'd asked. She's left me on read for the past four days. Normally she replies immediately.

It was the only request I made for my birthday. Because of that, the past three years she hasn't asked me what I want for my birthday, or any other holiday.

Once I grew taller than her and she couldn't hurt me until went catatonic anymore, she basically lost interest in being a parent at all. I had to raise my half-siblings while she joined a cult and rode the cock carousel. 100% of the time, she chose dick over her children. Didn't matter what dick it was, she bent over backwards for it and was happy to throw us under the bus.

Now she's old and alone. As a child, when she was abusing me I used to tell myself "one day she will be old, and weak, and you will be able to have revenge" to calm myself down from the homicidal rage. I don't even want revenge anymore. I just wanted a family.

She manipulated my siblings into believing that everything was always my fault, and I didn't badmouth her to them at all. Now that we're all adults, I'm glad at least one of them likes me and hates her. But I wanted us all to be happy together. I failed.

Just putting it out there again that I lift every day and I have a vagina. Also I can help you identify flowers because I was a part of the flower conversation. Plus I'm ginger which is spicy.

Bumpity bump for more tomboys

Weren't you the one who made a subtle pass at Anonette? I felt bad for you when she seemed to miss the cues.

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well, have fun waiting for it to grow back.

You're getting sick so often because you're eating too much junk.

>I wanted my hair back
My hair has been gone for years and it's never coming back.

is that gardevoir female(male)?