Sitting in theater

I once sharted at a funeral.

gonna try this sounds cool

What did you do?

CLEAN IT UP JANNY

>make a thread saying that I always want to fart during class
>"just go to the bathroom and fart user"
>next day
>in class
>go to the bathroom
>the fart is sucked up so high in my torse it may aswell come out as a burp now
>keep trying to fart, can't
>come back to class
>the fart comes down
>the entire class is smelling like rotten meat now

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Can’t understand what I mean? You soon will.

the worst is when you try to discretely fart and accidentally cum so you end up moaning at the same time as your fart

I told you, I sharted at a funeral.

I don't fart in public
I hold it, or if the discomfort gets too great I go to a public bathroom to fart

No retard. I meant after you sharted

So you miss parts of a movie literally just so you can fart?

I also go to the bathroom before I go to see a movie so I don't have this problem
I was just talking in general

But farts can come on suddenly

lol

Post your embarrassing kinoplex stories here

I went to see Lion King with my mom. The rest of the theater had parents with small children. Some of the parents looked to have been my age.

The trick is to throw the sound, and act as surprised as everyone else when they hear it. Works every time.

>be me at the office
>some guy is washing his cup in the toilet
>go into the toilet stall to take a shit
>accidentally fart out loud
>hear that he stops washing his cup for a few seconds, meaning that he heard me fart

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How do you throw farts?

I want daisy Ridley to fart in my mouth so bad bros.

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There wasn't a mall nearby?

youtu.be/l88AL3GJFCg

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Fucking groce

That's because you're a disgusting heathen

Kek

Are you a woman?

Serious question. What do you guys do when you have to take a shit in the middle of a movie? I fucking hate getting up and missing parts of a film.

i unironically wear diapers to the theater and shit and piss in them so i dont have to get up

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>protein farts at the squat rack
>everyone looks at me quietly
>I laugh like a retarded
>everyone laughs

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he was washing his cup inside the toilet?

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no im a guy
what the fuck is wrong with you

this fucking world i live in...

Kek. Fucking degenerate

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>have sex
>her on top
>make a loud fart
>she pretends not to notice
I wish we never parted

Fuck off faggots. Why would I want to miss something i paid good money to see?

>black girl sat in front of me at college
>large lecture theatre that is nearly empty, she doesn’t know I’m sat behind her
>she lets out a decently drawn out fart
>I can’t resist and start sniffing
>literally close my eyes in bliss inhaling
>open them and realise she stopped farting and the sound of me sniffing must have been loud and she’s staring at me in absolute disgust
>smile and laugh awkwardly and panic that I’ll get reported for harassment so pack my shit and jog out of the room
>lecturer makes a joke about me being in a hurry and everyone laughs
>just watch the lectures online now

i usually just wait until a scene where a woman or minority starts speaking, then make a run for it

I don't ever get to that. I make sure that I relieve myself before the movie starts. In fact, I even induce peeing by drinking a lot beforehand.

>Post your embarrassing kinoplex stories here

Went to a drive-in theater to see a double feature when I was 8-9 with my mom. My brother wanted to see The Cable Guy, which was the second film to play right after Stripetease, starring Demi Moore.

Idk. Movies are pretty long. Its very possible for the urge to piss or shit to not exist before it starts and then over the course of the film, develop

Not even replying to you because you're just baiting, but to anyone that legitimately gets urges to pee during movies; are you babies?

>baiting
>clearly actually has diapers
Idk. Maybe. But I wouldnt put it past some of the actual retards that browse this site

just shit before you go to the movies now i have to wonder if some cunt in a furry diaper is sitting next to me at the kinoplex and shitting himself

extremely based

I think part of why it's cold inside the theater is to make your metabolism slow down so you wouldn't pee or shit at a rate that you'd normally do, and if you empty yourself just before watching you shouldn't have the urge to pee or shit for at least the next 2 hours unless you're eating and drinking right after you relieve yourself, same with patients who undergo surgery. If you still have the urge anyway, it's normal to just stand up and go to the bathroom.

In any case, it's part of why I enjoy watching at home than going to the theater, you can just pause and play whenever you want.

>not pretending like you have the sniffles and come back with some tissue paper to pretend to blow your nose in

Not everyone can hold their pee. Elderly people can't, people with UTI shouldn't, and you could've ate/drank something that gives you mild diarrhea as you go watch a movie.

Dont care if you believe me or not. The timestamp is fucked because its just an old picture I posted on /v/ awhile back.

Again movies are long enough that the urge can come on during the course of the film.

Honestly even at home i hate pausing films. Would rather get it in one sitting. Also im usually snacking/drinking throughout the whole course of the previews/actual movie. I mean its part of the experience

>NOOO SOMEONE HEARD ME POOPING IN THE POOPROOM HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!!

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Would be based to fuck fat/ugly bitches (if you were a Chad) and fart and stuff unapologetically, cause she would pretend to not notice or care cause you're a Chad and she's a gross bitch

People will bully you if they hear you fart yourself. Even in the bathroom

Only if you go to a black highschool.

Except it was white guys who bullied me

Lol faggot you can't even do it even could you? Loling at your loling at your life kiddo. :Ddd

What?

What the fuck is wrong with you people? I can easily sit through 8–10 hour drives without having to even pee once, how can you not go through a scheduled time frame of 2–3 hours where you don't even have to move or consume anything without your body forcing you to excrete waste?
I mean sure, during normal days I often don't go around planning stuff like this, but preparing yourself for a film by going into a fucking bathroom of all things isn't that hard.

the one time i fucked a fat bitch because i was desperate she kept saying stuff like "oh my god youre so hot" probably expecting me to say it back and i didnt. then when she asked me if i wanted to hang out when we got done banging i said "no" and left without saying goodbye

in reality you sharted, didn't you?

>mfw I've sharted enough to tell the difference between gas and liquid shit so I can make it in time to the bathroom

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Who doesnt have fucking snacks during a movie? Its literally part of the experience

>Who doesnt have fucking snacks during a movie?
Me. I don't see the point. I'm going to see a movie, not try listen to dialogue through chewing

Am I really the only one on Earth who knows how to fart silently 100% of the time? Is this my superpower?

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Have the bladder of a camel and don't fart unless I shit which i can hold for a good while. I can't imagine what life must be like for you unfortunates

I don't, because I eat healthy.

>Snacking
Dude, I'm about to hit 30 and it's getting harder to maintain Jow Forums tier shape. Also, greasy fingers, ridiculous prices for unhealthy snacks, eating sounds, distraction... it's just not something I need. If I ever go to a cinema to watch a film it's mostly because I think the experience is worth it over watching it at home or because I'm doing it for the social part of it. Neither has me busy snacking on shit junk food.

How loud do you chew?

i dont even go to the movies anymore. i have ulcerative colitis and shitting myself is almost guaranteed. i only ever go if my nephew wants me to go with him. last movie i watched in theatres was lego batman

it might be because you’re skinny. im skinny and i can too

Bitch how bad is your diet that a couple of snacks at a theater will ruin you? Or do you really go that often. Its not like popcorn is the worst either. And again how loud do you niggers chew? Idk getting popcorn and and a soda has always been part of the "theater experience" for me.

>So you miss parts of a movie literally just so you can fart?
Stop eating so much beans and shitting so rarely that you need to fart constantly. And if you don't want to miss it, just sit there embarassed and don't focus on the movie rather than missing a scene, cause you sure ain't gonna play it off like a chad and not give a fuck if it happens.

I usually yell and fart at the same time when in a public setting.

>Bitch how bad is your diet that a couple of snacks at a theater will ruin you?
Not him but I can't eat the theater popcorn, it literally tears up my insides making my shart, and I'll bits and pieces of popcorn kernels in my shit for days afterwards. Normal popcorn from the store doesn't do that.

It was one point in a list of things. If I actually wanted to I'd definitely not get fat from eating popcorn or w/e whenever I hit the cinemas, agreed. It's just reverse habit to never eat shitty food, since otherwise I'd constantly have to think about when I'm finally going to eat something shitty. I never meant to imply my "diet" (there is no such thing) would get ruined by snacks, it's just not something I usually do.

Is this common here?

The 21st century will end in humanity's destruction.

>I can easily sit through 8–10 hour drives without having to even pee once
Dehydration is not good for you

Same bro

Not very loud, but the point is I'm watching a movie, not trying to stuff my face with snacks.
At most I get some water. Mineral water if I'm feeling fancy

You are dehydrated.

I make sure to shit before the movie if I've been having a rough day I will douche about an hour early so I can clear everything out ahead of time.

I'd say about 95% of my farts are silent but maybe I just know how to control my asshole so the gas comes out at a constant rate rather than all at once

Not him but I have to agree with him.
You just have a small bladder

I used to not drink enough water and pee very rarely. Now I drink a lot and pee a lot. How does that even work? Anyway, I don't care. Don't drink water, goyim. A soda here and there is perfectly fine. Stop replying.

No, I'm not. I usually pee regularly, doesn't mean I constantly have to empty my bladder.

If it's a constant thing, sure. But drinking half a liter over the course of those drives has been okay. I have to agree though that whenever I had to take these trips on my bike I'll go use a bathroom on one of my refuelling stops, but that's all not my initial point. I'm not saying that everyone has to have the same ability to not take a leak for 5+ hours at will, but not being able to sit through a film or a fucking scheduled 90 minute lecture has always baffled me.

is this the conclusion to the nigga eatin beans story?

All I’m saying this that you have a small bladder. Being dehydrated isn’t good. GOD HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOI PEOPLE

>eye balls
>green eye balls
>eyes are not closed

>Hold in fart
>Stomach gurgles loud
>Sounds like you farted anyway

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It's loudly. Why can't ESL into adverbs?

It was a typo, leave me alone.

I have no ass so yeah I get that.

BRAAAAP