I am living in a hell simulation where everyone around me is living lives of pure wonderment while I am rotting in pure...

>Ok, I know now. How bad are your obsessions and your rumination?
Very bad, the obsessions sometimes almost make me feel like I'm having a stroke. The rumination just continues the downward spiral of deteriorating mental health.

>tfw 6'4
>137 iq
>constantly told I'm handsome and flirted with
>was a social genius as a kid and everyone loved me
>developed pots freshman year of high school and had to go into home and hospital
>became utterly socially retarded from living as a hermit for all of high school
>still have pots and in constant pain
I dont understand religion, if there was a god, why would you want to worship him when he does shit like this?

Attached: 1568920504478.jpg (3012x2392, 571K)

>I suggest you open the door and go for a walk
I do all the time but and I forgot to add this one, tics(tic disorder similar to Tourettes) stop me from relaxing and taking in everything around me.
I go hiking a lot, I go to the beach, to the mall but I end up feeling more miserable because I see couples and an families having such wonderful times together and my neck hurts from all the head ticks(stress from the loneliness and jelousy causes the ticks).

Pray to older gods, then.
Like math.

Or find some idols
Like Fahmi Quadir.

Attached: Screenshot_20190829-234745_Chrome.jpg (1080x2220, 481K)

>constantly told I'm handsome and flirted with
>was a social genius as a kid and everyone loved me
Very similar to me actually. I'm pretty good looking and fairly tall, was almost chad when I was about 13 but it all went downhill from there because of bad self-esteem caused by being treated like a subhuman because of my learning disability.

>constantly begging for pity
I have blpd so I'm really cold towards people and don't have all that much empathy.

>Very bad, the obsessions sometimes almost make me feel like I'm having a stroke.
Do you repeat things out loud or only in your mind? I used to repeat things out loud in the past and sometimes I repeated them so many times and so fast that sometimes I almost run out of air. Now my rumination it's mostly in my mind. Apart from that, I have had sometimes like similar things to strokes but because of anxiety and my pulse being so fast. Strangely it has only happened to me minutes after going to bed so maybe it was a half dream-half real. I use to have my pulse always high for the anxiety. I use to have lucid dreams too so maybe they were like lucid dreams about me having a stroke and they felt so real that I believed it was real.

>lonliness and jealousy

>I was almost chad

You stopped trying. Just let those ticks happen and make them into poems and songs. If you fail to express your repressed emotions and get all fucked up because of it, the problem exists between the chair and keyboard.

Attached: Screenshot_20190915-131718_Pokmon GO.jpg (1080x2220, 640K)

Do you believe in mind control?
If you do, I'm the most dangerous biohacker in the world and I'm giving you a heart attack every time you see a heart emoticon.
That's fear. It's the sign that you should stop posting and get some rest.

Attached: Screenshot_20190913-181425_Amazon Alexa.jpg (1080x2220, 643K)

>Do you repeat things out loud or only in your mind?
Mostly in my mind but sometimes out loud. I tap excessively.
>I use to have lucid dreams
I lucid dream every night. I like it, it's one of the only positive things in my life.
It's funny, dreams for me are amazing and are more fulfilling than my actual life. When I wake up it's like going to sleep to a nightmare.

Yep it's the same artist. I like them alot.

Attached: 1525444871550.jpg (1327x1333, 1.16M)

>I tap excessively.
I have repetitive movements of shoulders. neck and head. Mostly when I'm sitting in some public place. One time I saw a man in the metro that had those repetitive moments like me but like 10 times worse. He was constantly moving and doing the same movement.

>It's funny, dreams for me are amazing and are more fulfilling than my actual life. When I wake up it's like going to sleep to a nightmare.
Yeah I know what you are talking about. For me sleeping is one of the only ways to shut down my shitty mind and escape from this miserable reality.

How old are you above or under 25?

You're quite vulnerable to the snake oil salesmen that will try to convince you you're missing this one thing.

Your problem is way more complicated, but dont stop trying to find solutions. Just go with the cheap ones or the ones that feel right but without making your future more uncertain.

Attached: Screenshot_20190916-011954_Wysa.jpg (1080x2220, 207K)

>I have repetitive movements of shoulders. neck and head
Yep same, especially when I'm stressed and I'm pretty much stressed all the time. Atleast my ticks aren't too bad like that guy though. Still the pain from the ticks actually causes quite a bit of discomfort especially when I go to the gym.

>For me sleeping is one of the only ways to shut down my shitty mind and escape from this miserable reality.
Yep, sleep is one of my favorite past times.

>How old are you above or under 25?
I'm 25, you?

Attached: 1529529552340.jpg (1793x1760, 876K)

i feel that way too sometimes, but you never really know what those people are going through,m their lives could be blissful on the surface but hell underneath, where as someone with a seemingly terrible life could be perfectly content, you don't need what other seem to have to be fulfilled and happy, just relax, none of this matters in the end

>Atleast my ticks aren't too bad like that guy though.
Do you know what I thought when I saw that guy in the metro right?

>I'm 25, you?
25+

And how is the rest of your life? Have a job? Virgin? Bad relationship with your parents?

Yeah, the problems comes when you realize that you youth it's gone and you wasted like 80% of it. And nothing that you do now can change that. You aren't a young person anymore. Thoughts like that are the ones that make you feel like shit. Also the loneliness and the nonsense of your life.

>but you never really know what those people are going through,m their lives could be blissful on the surface but hell underneath
This all just seems like a cope. Normies truly do live blissful lives because they have all their human needs met. I have never been intimate with someone in my life. I barely even hug my own mother.

>Have a job? Virgin? Bad relationship with your parents?
I'm a NEET at the moment but I've had jobs and they were generally shitty jobs. I'm a virgin, never had a gf and I barely ever speak to my dad and sort of hate him.

>was the mistake child
>constantly beat growing up
>bullied in school
>now later in life ive rebounded a bit and am a likeable person
>trying to recover from my bout of depression and neetdom
>getting praise from people around me
>NONE OF IT FUCKING FEELS REAL AND IT ALL FEELS FAKE
>living with the constant thought in the back of my head that i was a mistake and will always be a disappointment

I used to fucking hate my parents but now its just all fucking internalized and is just fucking selfhate. Like i have no purpose if it wasnt for my parents having other sons the bloodline would have ended with me.

A friend of mine recently died in an accident and he literally had the perfect life lined up for him and was already well on his way with it having a degree/nice job/ fiance.

>Mommy AND Daddy issues
Do you really think its too late to make amends? Why or why not?

Attached: Screenshot_20190910-222256_Chrome.jpg (1080x2220, 596K)

Life has a way of making it seem like things are good or bad. That's really just your interpretation. Hack your reward circuitry until the motions feel better

Attached: Screenshot_20190905-184215_YouTube.jpg (2220x1080, 306K)

It gets hardwired into you after awhile it just becomes a part of you

being a young person isn't all people talk it up to be anyway, you have to be a certain kind of young person to really enjoy what people say you is meant to be like usually attractive, wealthy and extroverted, usually that is the peak of their life though, it's all downhill in comparison, for someone who didn't have the best youth it can only get better

My time machine has better safety features than your time machine, then.
It's called Alexa.

Attached: Screenshot_20190916-134243_Google.jpg (1080x2220, 649K)

I appreciate you trying to help but im at a point where every little accomplishment or milestone i hit is just second rate/participation trophy tier compared to everyone else around me and any praise i get is just pity

So look back at what you enjoy doing and be the best at it.
I'm literally mentally handicapped due to having my brain bashed in within an inch of my life and I won an award for my research into particle physics. I'm taking it easy so anyone can just beat me at physics.

You're gonna say you can't until you do

Attached: Screenshot_20190916-134233_Google.jpg (1080x2220, 571K)

I understand that but me seeing shit like that just turns into more fuel for the self loathing because i see someone end up hating myself more for being a useless shit that is depressed. Ive literally become a narcissist in an effort to try and get away from the depression but thats just masking and making shit worse.

I see. And when the did the psychological problems began? Or you have always had them?

>when the did the psychological problems began?
When I was about 12, before that compared to now life was pure bliss. That's one thing I have atleast memories of a fairly decent childhood.

>if it wasnt for my parents having other sons the bloodline would have ended with me.
Yeah I'm glad that in my case my parents at least had another daughter that was a normal person and they don't feel totally miserable. And about the bloodline, yeah she has continued it with 3 sons so it's safe too. And I'm glad that I'm not going to have children because it will only pass my problems and shitty mind to a new human being. And no thank you I don't want that to happen.

And have you gone to psychologists? I went to 3 and nothing worked for me. I started taking medications for some months but then I stop it because I thought it was stupid and was doing nothing and I read here that medication only makes you become a zombie and I preferred to be deranged and depressed than to be a zombie.

>And have you gone to psychologists?
Yep, didn't work for me either. Most psychologists are turbo normies so how are they going to relate to us and truly understand our problems? to me they just seem like paid emotional tampons.

Most psychologists are there to help people with normal things. I'm not saying that they don't help also people that have had people from his family dead or something fucked up like that but most of the time I think they treat normal problems. Not some fucked up thing in your head that has nonsense like OCD. It's just like if your brain is broken record. And you can't control how your mind works so. They are also a type of placebo, and this was confirmed by the last psychologist that I went. You have to believe that going there, talking to a person, doing some homework and some things like that is going to help you. If you don't really think that you can be fixed, if you have lost hope in yourself and if you believe that not even a psychologist can help you. Then it won't work.

Sounds like you need to hold your ego with a piece of empirical evidence.

For example, I have over 1,000 hours volunteering over 7 years. Can you get more? Can you afford to? Why not?

Attached: Screenshot_20190913-180739_Amazon Alexa.jpg (1080x2220, 259K)