Hugging pillow while thinking about a chick

>Hugging pillow while thinking about a chick
>Touching my own back/petting my head
>Feel really good,shaky and almost crying
>open eyes for a second
>see myself hugging a pillow and touching myself
>Cry
>Cant stop

No one wants a loser like me,i tried to change,but theres just some things you cant change
I feel so ashamed of myself

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have you tried clasping your hands together, pretending you're holding another humans

Yes
Ive also gave myself tummy rubs and back rubs
Even whispered to myself sweet things

just take the panpill. if you limit yourself to half the population it could take a while to find someone
you sound really cute. id cuddle you and pet you all you as long as you want

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Part of becoming a man is realizing that you can never have headpats, and dealing with the consequences.

Ive thought about guys as a desperate thought
But i feel really guilty for thinking about it

Well then i dont want to be a man
Id rather be happy than a man

why would you feel guilty? do you not want to disappoint your parents by being a faggot?

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That too
But im not sure even,i find being affectionate with a guy uncomfortable
But when i get really lonely and desperate and sad i think then id like someone-even a guy to just be nice to me
But im not a homo,im just so scared of girls and my ciew of them is so twisted and fucked that i dont see them as humans anymore (not in a bad way,but like theyre aliens) and dont know how to talk to them or do anything with them

Have you thought about getting a realistic sex doll to practice intimacy with? I get very lonely sure but I've never tried to do what kind of shit you're doing, if I ever get too desperate and there's no way out I'd go on a sex doll for reassurance then hire a prostitute

>Id rather be happy than a man
It would be extremely painful.
I hope you find your headpats someday.

You need an anxiety riddled gf so you can both be scared of each other till you're comfortable. Never take the pinkpill and you might want to try the psych ward for obtaining a girl to talk to, just say you're suicidal and boom access to all the mentally unstable girls you want

No i havent
I think ill feel bad about it if i started cuddling a sex doll

Thanks friend

Wont mentally unstable girls hurt me? Like emotionally

>ill feel bad about it if i started cuddling a sex doll
You literally cuddle a pillow and play with yourself, a sex doll won't increase your patheticness

>being affectionate with a guy uncomfortable
it kinda is at the start, but you kinda have to be open to the idea of them being like a female and not just some dude.
>im just so scared of girls
humans in general are pretty scary imo. i find it really hard to interact with people normally since i know they all have the ability to judge me. from there they can use their speech ability and talk about how socially inept and awkward i am

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It will
Buying an expensive sexdoll which is for sex to just cuddle it is much more shameful

Depends what type of girl, if she suffers from BPD then yeah you're in for a ride or if she's a sociopath then you can easily be manipulated. Not all of them are that extreme though, I met plenty of nice mentally ill girls in the ward who'd be gf material, even got the number of 2 of them. Unfortunately my autism turned them away but I believe you can do better

Yeah,people are really mean
Idk why,didnt their mothers raise them to be nice?

from what ive observed, parents either let their children walk all over them or they just dont know how to parent correctly. granted i imagine its a fairly challenging thing to do

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My mentally ill ward gf had and still has a bf and we dont talk, and I went in a few days ago to emerhe with intrusive suicidal thoughts and they just sent me home with a referral for counselling

Why would you go out with an already partnered girl?
>intrusive suicidal thoughts
They should of kept you in for a couple days just to check up on your health. For the unlucky few who have them all the time such as being schizophrenic, they don't care as much because it's so frequent. They can't just send you to the psych ward every week, we have meds to help us out but the others with these thoughts who are not accustomed to intrusiveness, it may spell out actual suicide. That was a bad move on the wards part, you must live in a shitty area

>Why would you go out with an already partnered girl
I didn't, we just held hands and spent a lot of time together and she wanted to hug me and stuff so it's the closest thing to a gf I've ever had IRL but then I found out she had a bf

Yeah the mental health system here is garbage. We have the worst mental health laws that are a rights disaster, and compliance by institutions is also pathetic. Gov released a report about it earlier this year. It's weird cuz my city in particular is some kind of retirement home liberal hippy paradise for rich people if you believe the marketing

I'm not schizophrenic just had two psychosis when I was 20-21 but it never developed into the full thing and I never had any self harming or suicidal thoughts. They kept me in for 6 weeks, twice, when I really only needed one or two to settle down. But now that my subconscious wants me to die I'm too good for them

The socialization of even being around a bunch of crazy people would help a lot rn :(

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>spent a lot of time together and she wanted to hug me and stuff
That sounds nice, sorry that you weren't able to go any further
>The socialization of even being around a bunch of crazy people would help
No shit aye, I enjoyed myself a couple times in the ward to the best I could, made friends who I visit outside of there and got to know a few more on the inside. Sometimes I can only be my schizo self around others like me, it's hard to relate to normal people

Sorry OP but that's life, none of that shit exists in real life or at the very least it has no meaning. No woman gains any pleasure out doing those things with you and if she does those things then it means she sees you as less of a man and she'll cheat on you. The idea of the loving woman is complete fantasy like dragons or magic, you nor anyone else can ever experience such an incredible thing. Just do your best to forget about it, if you start heavily focusing on your work/school/hobbies/gym etc. then it should start to happen slowly, they aren't worth your time or admiration their only purpose is to breed any meaning beyond that is impossible. I don't judge though man if you need to buy a love doll to cope then do it

>if you limit yourself to half the population it could take a while to find someone

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I dont wanna live this life then

OP I do the same.
>feel you

just because you can't get it doesn't mean it's a fantasy.
it's pretty fucking retarded to write off an entire gender as being incapable of loving

Prove me wrong with a verifiable example

>verifiable

Lol what does that even mean.

Something that can be proven. For example:
Non verifiable would be you on an anonymous image board telling me that your girlfriend or mother loves you
Verifiable would be pictures/letters/memoirs etc. of a couple who have been together for life, things like the woman being genuinely happy to be with the man and have a family, doing stuff like in OP's post