I'm on the brink pol, it's been this way for 10 years almost now. Very Bad for the past 2

I'm on the brink pol, it's been this way for 10 years almost now. Very Bad for the past 2.
Im 26 years old living with my parents. White, straight, 6, 2. 250lbs.
I will never have a family, both parents worked at a grocery store their whole lives. I'm pretty much the product of failure at every measure possible.
My parents were the boomer generation and all they could achieve was complete failure, what can I honestly be expected to accomplish?
For what little charisma I had to offset this, i lost when i had a cataclysm that fucked up my legs badly. I have so much anxiety that I can't even go to a comic con convention and I have no friends or job.
>Backstory
Lost my virginity at 17, but have in the past 2 1/2-3 years become a NEET. 10 years ago there was an accident. I tried to willpower through it, i even got fit for years and was suffering every fucking day hating my life, forcing my body to comply. I spent 2 years getting a degree that basically netted me a job you could get farther with a weekend cert.

Today my parents are gone all day to some play called Wicked. I'm pretty sure I can kill myself with sleeping pills and have enough time to not have any chance of being found or resuscitated. Now i just need some motivation to get past my nerves and finally do it.

Please remind me how my life is useless, how my circumstance dictates my reality and therefore if everything is painful and pointless then meaning is impossible.

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Leaf user it will get better

Get off the internet, find a hobby

The World Is Mine - Poem by Joy Lovelet Crawford

Today on a bus, I saw a lovely girl with silken hair
I envied her, she seemed so gay, and I wished I was so fair
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the isle
O God, forgive me when I whine
I have two legs, the world is mine

And then I stopped to buy some sweets
The lad who sold them had such charm
I talked with him, he seemed so calm, and if I were late it would do no harm,
And as I left he said to me “I thank you, you have been so kind”
It’s nice to talk with folks like you. You see, I’m blind
O God forgive me when I whine
I have two eyes, the world is mine

Later walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play; it seemed he knew not what to do
I stopped a moment, then I said, why don’t you join the others dear”
He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear
O God forgive me when I whine
I have two ears, the world is mine

With legs to take me where I’ll go
With eyes to see the sunsets glow
With ears to ear what I would know
O God forgive me when I whine
I’m blessed, indeed, the world is mine

Maybe if you lose some fucking weight your gimpy ass legs won't hurt so bad you fucking crybaby bitch.

Don't do it user. You lost your virginity and you're fit.. you can literally become something easily.

Look at me.. i have a decent job but i'm an ugly fucking skeleton that will never have a family or wife.

Don’t do it pal. You’re alive, and that’s better than being dead. If you don’t do it, you will, one day, get out of this funk and do things with your life. You’re not a failure until you take those pills. Speak to your doctor. It might sound cringey, but they genuinely help people who feel as you do. Just don’t off yourself.

I live in canada, and I have no assistance from the government for disability or anything whatsoever but refugees get the golden goose.

I am incompetent. This is the truth. Compounded with a crippling blow to my confidence and social skills, I have nothing and can't hold a conversation anymore without feeling the utter misery of my situation seeping into it.

It is like i'm a retard but conscious and that makes it even worse. I don't know what kind of job I could get that requires average intelligence and zero communication with human beings to make ends meet that a pajeet can't do.

I would in an instant apply for the army and enlist, to get basic assistance for income if I could pass the test and was physically able. Same with a construction job. All i pay attention to is canadian and american politics, but I have no understanding of money or stocks that i could leverage this knowledge with, and am terrified of going to college again and failing.

What I can tell, trades are the only option but im turning 27 and have no experience. I have spent 4 months doing highschool courses over again and got 88 in advanced functions (math) and 95 in AP chemistry. But i don't know what STEM i could even do, or if i'm just a retard wasting my time doing this shit 10 years late.

I think it's all pointless and I will never get anything out of it.

Well shit, at least go to thailand first and fuck 100 whores.

28 year old virgin with no car, no license, no job, no career, no family, and no prospects with only a hundred dollars to my name.

Quit making shitass excuses, quit making this someone elses problem, own up to it and handle business.

Everything is pointless, this life is meaningless. By default. It is up to each and every one of us to derive our function in this world on an individual level, either from circumstance, desire, status, or whatever.

Either be apart of the problem, or be apart of the solution. We have no more tolerance for fools.

This, so much this.

Don't listen to these platitude spewing cucks. They know nothing of your pain. They're not walking around every day with the shame weighing them down like you are. Do you really want to drag out this life as a hopeless pathetic socially retarded shut in who can't look another human being in the eye and carry on a conversation correctly? You want to continue to be a burden on your poor ashamed parents? You want to get fatter and dumber and put this off for a few more years while you pray that thing's magically get better? Well they wont. This is inevitable anyway. Get it over with.

Think about that release bro. No more pain. No more problems.

Cowardice.

Says the fucking 28 year old virgin. If you had any courage you'd have tricked a female into thinking you were worth 8 minutes of her life.

How are you posting on the internet if you have only 100$ in assets?

Also do you take any meds? I'm on some anti anxiety Amitripytline and my psychiatrist just point blank retired on me. I'm pretty sure this is fucking up my life. I found SSRI's really useful but then again I was a zombie fake as fuck. well maybe that was a good thing I had hobbies and didn't spend all my time here.

What do you think what meds are you on that gets you by day to day?

>I am incompetent

nigger, knowledge and skills don't just fall from the sky like mana, they are earned through work and practice. just stop being a faggot, stop procrastinating and do the first step, whatever that may be - mailing out CVs, learning a 3rd language or whatever.

confidence is knowing your worth based on what you've accomplished. How can you have any when you haven't done shit?

There's tonnes of people who were fuck ups deep into their early 30's and are killing it right now.

also SSRIs.

My priorities in life aren't getting my dick sticky, try harder, slave.

You could go to prison for this :)

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The only "medicine" I take is a library card and preworkout.

Or having a car a job or a family. Fucking kek. Idgaf what your priorities are you loser.

you have a healthy body therefore then. I fucking knew it.

I'm behind 7 proxies swedecuck.

...

I'm working on the job and car, Only difference is that i'm not giving up like the other anons, you're part of the problem when you refuse to help brothers.

No, I'm just pissed and refuse to give up.

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Hey OP stop being a little bitch blaming the world for your problems. At some point you decided to do nothing to make your life better.

Best case, you get you shit together. Worst case, there is one less Caniggerian in the world.

Dhe Dark Night Of Dhe Soul

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t. alive coward

Do you think the fascist literature posted here is a fucking meme, white man? Get off the internet, hit the books and reclaim your inner fire.

So you are in Toronto. Too much opportunity to go the way of sleeping pills. Make a statement and do the country a favor while at it. Know what I mean?

If you lost 50 pounds you could fuck women without even trying

> how my circumstance dictates my reality
Fucking socialist moocher. Reality is whatever you make and achieve in life. Get a job, produce things of value in exchange for money, and feel what it means to matter to the world.

>Okay then. Say i was going to take this first step.
>I live with my parents. So I should probably learn a bit about money and saving...I want to learn how to use politics and stocks, where do i start?
>I've asked my parents before but they are illiterate about money and saving and have no concept of stocks and have never invested in their lives.
>I'm considering 4 things, the army, a trade, STEM (longshot why am i even wasting my time desu), or some type of pot course since it is getting legalized there would be guarenteed hiring spree (if i haven't missed it already) to get in on and no fucker with senority breathing down my neck. Also, I'm sure these jobs will be lax as fuck for the few years.

What do you guys think?

Breh, your dick still works, your eyes still work and if youre truly disabled, you'll collect a gibs check.
There are people wirh eyes that dont work, people with dicks that dont work and people that dont have a roof over their heads and dont have access to gibs.

Why do you believe your life to be shit? Because it was better at some point? Because you arent wealthy? What? People live with fucked up legs all the time. Fucking krauthhammer not only livved with fucked legs, he had children. He lived in his situation until he was in his 70s before dying a more natural death.
If you absolutely must kill yourself, wait until you folks have passed. Things might get better before then.
Also, if you can drive, you should apply for a private security transporter in Afghanistan making some $15k a month. At 8 months at a time.

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Private security transporter? 15k a month for hazard pay right, do i need to be active military or what civilian credentials would I need specifically to ferry around military and contractors? I doubt they trust that job to a anxiety ridden idiot like myself.

Don't confuse a shitty life, which can easily be changed, with Fate. You're living an unhealthy life and most in your situation would feel just the same. You need to make changes to your life that will likely seem unpleasant to you at first, but that you need to do regardless.

You'll have to jewlge the internet for details on how to become.
>will they let me drive with anxiety
Kek, breh, the people driving over their now have anxiety all the time. If they get hit by a road IED and dont die, theyll be pulled from the wreckage and decapitated on YouTube. So they take a shit ton of anxiety meds and so will you. It might very well be the best time of your life.
Make a shit ton of money. Come home and play vidya for a few months when youre off. Maybe hire a couple of hookers now that you have cash. Make a lifestyle of it, lad. Lifes short anyway. Enjoy it whilst you can. Live, user. You'll be ok, I promise. ;^)

Are you a desperate private sec recruiter or something?

Top kek. No. If i were Id give you links to sign up.
The message is you're going to die anyway, all of us are eventually.
Until then for now, vidya, girls, beer and good times.

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>Working at pizza shop at 27 with no degree
>Friend makes fun of me
>feelsbadman.exe
>Go back to school
>Deans list, Academic Scholarships for doing well
>Graduate at almost 31
>Quit pizza job
>Get job as analyst trainee
>Get married to PhD
>License and credential up like whoa
>Grad school, homey
>MBA at 33
>New job at $65k
>Promotion $80k
>Promotion $105k
>36 and making six figs

It just took being ridiculed by a friend and I got my life in order.

When you say "go back to school", elaborate.

Trade. Skip "learning about money" until you finish your apprenticeship: for you, still retaking high school courses, "learning" has become an excuse for procrastination. Get certified in a trade (I'd recommend electrics, since my brother did that and now owns his own company) before you procrastinate any longer. Once you are a licensed tradesman, then move out on your own.

So that's Jow Forums's fucking realistic solution huh? Go to Afghanistan and become a mercenary. Tic toc OP, that play won't go on forever.

You gotta accept the fact that it's okay to be a loser. Cheap robo-waifus will happen in your lifetime. Don't kill yourself, it's not worth it. Don't you want to see how far humanity will go in your lifetime?

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Fucked off and got bored with school at 19. Spent my time traveling, working shitty jobs, living with friends, wasting life. Thought school was bullshit.

It was actually smart that I dropped out. Why? I had a bullshit major and a shitty GPA at the time. If I just roughed it out, I would have a worthless degree and a shit GPA. College at 18 is stupid as fuck. Like you have any clue what you want to do with your life.

But it was a shitty time. I always felt like a loser even though I was always smiling on the outside. I skipped my high school reuinion because I was so embarrassed by what I had become.

>that play won't go on forever
Does OP want to live forever? Once OP has made enough money, could he not pay off his own home for himself?
If he does, has he not accomplished more than a large portion of people in this country?

This is good advice. Don't get "analysis paralysis" thinking you have to learn a ton of shit before you get your life together. Easy ways to get moving are to either go to school (community/2-year college is cheaper and transferable to 4-year universities) or learn a trade (trade schools, apprentice, etc.). Find something you like and go do it.

Then, once you have learned and are making some money that matters (i.e. you can save 10% of your income every month without it being a problem) THEN learn about stocks and such. Because that's a huge-ass can of worms, and you need money to make money.

So when you went back to school, what courses did you take?

OP, you're only 26. You can get so much shit accomplished and you have the benefit of not being a retarded 18 year old while figuring it out.

wow almost a centaur trip.

where should i go to learn a trade, i guess just look up what is canadas best electrician standard and narrow the results from that?
i like this idea that pol has come up with, if i'm truly retarded my mettle will get tested and eventually i will die by electrocution like on liveleak.com where they burn to death and get lit on fire.

Double major in economics and finance. Did my best to load up on accounting courses, too.

long gone are the days of 100 DO IT FAGGOT posts. Jow Forums truly is the board of peace

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The play his parents are at that he's going to kill himself during. Like a stage show. The theatre.

Trust me. Find the simple small joys in life. I have seen 200k year people with beautiful families lose the plot and fuckup. Find out what you NEED and pursue it. Forget the rest. Simplify.

>eventually i will die by electrocution like on liveleak.com where they burn to death and get lit on fire.
Private security firms, need electricians to set up power to the tents and warehouses, lad. Jow Forums is your friend, listen to it.

Excellent.

Dont be such a faggot. What are your skills? I have a job for a neet like you

>why doesnt Jow Forums tell this faggot to do it? They used to all the time
>posts a depressed nigger.
OP isn't a nigger, otherwise this thread would look dramatically different.

Sure beats my original major - sociology. cringe

Even if you don't go into finance/investments, every fucking business has a finance or accounting department.

OP doesnt want to put his parents through the loss.
If he absolutely must an hero, he'll wait until after his parents have passed.

True talk. Shiny things don't make you happy. You buy it, are happy for a bit, get bored of it, and then suckered into buying version 2.0. Rinse repeat.

It'll get better user.

Idk about how long accounting will survive, though.
Everything else you have is great

OP, if you love your parents, maybe you should be the one who betters themselves so you'll be in a position to help them out when they need it.

>boohoo gib sympathy pls :(
ahahahahahahahahahaha what a faggot
>pol
do a flip faggot

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How the fuck would you know? You don't even read his posts.

Accounting is more than just making sure things balance. It helps you understand the value of something and whether or not shitty tricks are being played. It's far more than doing boring taxes and corp fin nonsense sometimes.

I want to work in the industrial sector isolated on some site that is away from human interaction.

i'm just wondering, where should i go to schoolio for electrician ? And how will the apprenticeship work if i have contempt for people and communicating with people in general( and those who are good at it). Yes, in 10 years it has escalated past wanting to get better with others to just realizing i can't because my physical induced anxiety is unmanageable, to then having malevolent contempt for people who get along fine with others like it's no big deal.

how will an apprenticeship work if i hate people and i am not fun to be around?

by the way, i dont have any real interest in electrician or any particular trade...i dont get an Aha! that's really something I think about alot or have a fixation on, i just don't have that. I'm an incredibly boring and bland person. I like anime, politics, and not communicating with people. I also like video games. I want a job with no social interaction and complete reliance on my competence that can't be taken from under me while i work to obtain it by a immigrant pajeet. I can't do physical labour, commission based work that relies on social interaction/retail. I don't know what jobs are available for someone average and connectionless like me.

You're lurking here so you aren't a failure at all, you're woke.
With 26 years, you still didn't reach the first adult brain reboot, that will come soon and your personality shapes with it. You'll become more confident, stronger, more objective, funnier, sympathetic.
Life means to struggle, for everyone.
Take long walks through mother nature, take food and water with you, stay overnight in the woods, meditate, don't force yourself to think, let it come to you.

Leaf user, I don't know your individual situtation or personal pain. But I too have pondered suicide. Not that long ago I wished I would die.

Thing was there were two things that kept me going, even if I saw no point to it.

>It would devstate my parents and friends

>I truly had nothing left to lose, things couldnt get much worse no matter what I did

The last one takes a bit to sink in but is far more powerful. If you are truly to the point of wanting to kill yourself, then you really shouldn't.

Because at that point, you are truly free.

I can't tell you for sure things will get better. I can tell you that it is worth it to keep rolling the dice.

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>mettle

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Survival instinct kicks in.

Look at the first 4 hits I get on jewgle, user :)

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I don't know what leadland does, but in the states the first step is often seeking out the electrician's union. Try reading this: ecao.org/become-an-electrician
Your apprenticeship is paid—you earn money to learn skills instead of paying tuition for Marxist indoctrination.

Sorry man, I did go through this reshaping at around 21 actually, when i got fit while having crippling physical disability to boot and went back to school for a degree that got me less than minimum wage when it was worked out. thats because that physical disability made me an absolute miserable person and still does. I realized then and now I cannot be happy, have genuine conversations with coworkers, or be generally likeable.
I had a gf in college, i ended up breaking up with her because i actually disdained her from the start and she was convenient.

You don't get it, i hate people, including women even a person i had a 1 and a half year relationship with, she would call and i would literally put the phone down for a minute while she was talking and i did not miss a beat in the conversation. we used each other.


sorry for that rant, i was in pain every fucking day and still managed to get laid, i didn't even enjoy the sex (back pain) so while my dick works i'm basically fucking useless in the sac.

idk man, maybe i just should pony back up and get back on the SSRIS, everything was great when i took cymbalta for 2 years striaght. I was on that stuff and i could find meaning in life, as soon as i got off it my life fell apart and i was at a comission job i failed at for over a year afterwards wasting 3-4 years of my life for less than minimum wage it worked out to.

>With 26 years, you still didn't reach the first adult brain reboot, that will come soon and your personality shapes with it.

Tell me more about this.

i do understand this. i think i just need to hop back on SSRIs fucking hard and do a gym 3x a week + pony up for a psyiatrist for my shit leg compartment syndrome. i had to get a fasciotomy for that it was so bad man, my muscles don't even function in my legs any more they had no bloodflow and were starved for years. now i'm a cripple.

What he is talking about is that males hit their developmental peak later then women at 25, so it makes sense men aren't getting their shit figured out. My shit was good by 21 thanks to SSRIS but a terrible profession choice fucked up my confidence something fucking miserable.

Get a job at the grocery store, work your ass off, get into the meat department, bakery, florist and work your ass off have them pay for you to become a baker, meatcutter or florist. Research how to come up with a good business plan, workout, and make a point of being friendly and conversing with customers. It'll get better user

stop feeling sorry for yourself you utter faggot. making excuses for your shortcomings is just giving you an easy out to not improve yourself. the more you cry about it the worse it's going to get and the harder it's going to sting when people laugh at you for being pathetic. get off the internet, bang a nasty thot on tinder and get on with your life.

but if you are going to do it, please livestream

maybe your depression has nothing to do with chemical imbalances and more to do with knowing you aren't living your life how you should be. That's what the issue was for me. All the pills did was make me autistic and incapable of emotion. Sure, it felt good to feel nothing but life has little meaning when you're emotionally dead to the world.

I'm sketched out by SSRI's, but if you've done them before and they helped, all power to you man. FOr therapy, check out betterhelp or talkspace, they are, at least, far cheaper.

this was a huge component for me as well.

I might have gone through this (I'm 27, always been a late bloomer too), but I might not.......

it sure does make you incapable of emotion, but when all you are capable of is being miserable and rude to people because of pain that no opiate can fix (i've tried them all) it is better to not notice the reactions of people and so then you can just slog through the muck of disgusting people.

chill out OP, log off the internet and go watch a movie/play some vidya


then tomorrow the new you starts

the Jow Forums memes about inner fire and become yourself are not just memes

Stop it with the "I hate people" bullshit.

You know what? Fucking learn. Human interaction is a system like any other. Learn to communicate well. Learn to ask questions. Learn to take direction. You don't have to love people or even like them, but you do have to work well with them. You don't even have to be fun, just good at your job.

i don't think you get the whole, constant physical pain i am a cripple thing.

What province are you in, OP?

Ontario

Canada blows now sorry leaf friend

imagine being this much of a pussy. there's no hope for you lad, you just want everybody to feel bad for you. you are not being opressed

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Go to a Doctor and get antidepressants until you find the right one for your social anxiety. For me, I found Paxil in my 30s and it was a life changer. Felt normal for first time ever.

My Son found relief in Phenibutt. It is somewhat addictive but much better addiction that what he was on. Makes him normal.

Aging is a wonderful thing. As you get older the angsts of young adulthood subside.

Get a dog. Take it on walks and to a dog park if one is nearby. Great for practicing social interaction.

My Momma's best advice - do the things you fear. Force yourself into uncomfortable situations and overtime they become less so.

I'm in my 60s now, had a nervious breakdown at 18, could not look anyone directly in the eyes for next 7 years, ultimately overcame my social anxieties, became quite successful in life. This will happen to you too, be patient withourself but also keep trying. Baby steps at first. As long as you try you are a success, do not constantly evaluate yourself or compare to others. When time are tough, ask yourself, "did I try my best?" If yes, then you succeeded and should feel good about yourself. Most ppl don't even try. If you do, you already are ahead of the game.

You prolly are an INT P or J, just a guess. If so, accept that the blessing of being more intelligent and insightful that others comes with the disadvantage that social interaction skills are learned and do not come as naturally as they do for normies. You can be sad about this, or you can take the approach that it is something you will dedicate yourself to learn and practice. Think of yourself not as a bad social interacter but rather as a different specie of human who must learn the ways of the normie. At least this approach helped me.

Vociferously read self improvement books to find the approach that works best for you.

Irf you are religious, I am not, go to a church, join a bible study group, do it for the low risk opportunity to develop social skills.

Not anywhere near me. Anyway, losing weight is probably the easiest thing you can start doing today. You have at least 60 pounds of extra fat.

Start counting calories and weighing your food. Use the sailrabbit calculator to figure out how many calories you actually need per day and eat 500-1000 less. It will only feel that hard for the first week or two, then you get used to it and you are not really even hungry anymore. You're overweight because you eat too much, it's not a matter of exercising. That won't help that much.

Fine. If you just won't deal with people, you have two choices: get doped up on meds so you don't feel anything, or die. Pick one and stop being a worthless piece of shit.

>mfw OP leaves the thread after it gets moved to Jow Forums because he'll get less attention here

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I'm still here. I actually got some motivation to live reading this so much so that i saved it.

But i called my doctor and they are closed so i have to wait until tomorrow.

>Ignores advice on weight loss
I don't think you realize just how much weight you have to lose. You're going to regret not starting sooner and it's going to take a year dieting just to get back down to a normal weight.

You have around 70 pounds of extra fat, that's 35 liters worth. Almost 9 of those 4 liter milk jugs.