Sir, I'm going to need you to hand over and unlock your cellphone and laptop

>Sir, I'm going to need you to hand over and unlock your cellphone and laptop

Attached: tsa.png (676x410, 357K)

Other urls found in this thread:

thepointsguy.com/news/the-craziest-ids-that-got-people-past-the-tsa/
tsa.gov/precheck
lmgtfy.com/?s=b&q=How can I ensure I get TSA pre-check the next time I fly?
youtube.com/watch?v=o7qFWltmOVM
twitter.com/AnonBabble

no

>Alright sir, right this way.
>You have the right to remain silent...

TSA never ever asked me to do this
they only check your electronic devices because some retard politician thought they could be a bomb

You can't really say no to the TSA. You've basically got no rights at the airport.

Just took a couple flights last weekend and they didn't even ask me to take my shoes off, remove my belt, or even open my bag.

>things that didn't happen.png

>Sir I'm going to need to check your asshole. Please spread your cheecks and lift that tiny sack thing

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>Mr. doesn't have pre-check

Ok then?

Not but that's probably the result of PreCheck. I travel often enough -- $50 bucks for 5 years via the NEXUS program gets me expedited security checks at the airport. It's p fucking comfy.

Firstly, it's called a mobile phone, not a cellphone. Are you retarded? Secondly, I don't own one. Thirdly, my laptop is none of your business. You probably couldn't even navigate it, since I do not use a GUI.

>Alright sir, right this way.
>You have the right to remain silent...

Don't call me sir, yankee.

*cums*

FREE PALESTINE!!!! ALLAHU ACKBAR!!!!!!!!!

There's TSA and there's ICE. TSA's job is to make sure you're not going to blow the plane up. That's the entirety of their job. ICE's job is to harass people coming into or going out of the country in the off chance that they might be foreigners.

if you look around online, you'll see stories (like this one thepointsguy.com/news/the-craziest-ids-that-got-people-past-the-tsa/ ) where people reported getting through TSA's security checkpoint with a checkbook or with an old utility bill. TSA isn't going to ask you to unlock your laptop. The only time they've ever asked me to interact with my electronics was to make me demonstrate that it's in fact a laptop and not a bomb housed in a laptop case.

the only people that'll ever MAYBE demand access to your electronics is ICE. And if you're an American citizen, you can say no. They'll hold you for a long time, but in practical terms they're not going to detain an american just for not unlocking his laptop. they got enough blowback for detaining muslims and shit.

i shouldn't be surprised that a bunch of basement dwelling shut-ins would conflate ICE and TSA, but here I am surprised at your unbelievable naivety.

Can't see any reason why they'd want to do that.

I got to the airport once for a domestic flight and realized I forgot my license on the countertop at home. It was too late to go back, so I went in line and explained it to them. I had a credit card with my name on it and photocopy of my license on my smartphone. They were real chill about it, but said I couldn't use my precheck and had to do a "more extensive" search (checked my bags). I thought I was gonna miss my flight.

don't bother replying constructively, the chan is full of Americans

You're either misinformed or you don't travel often.

or you're confusing ICE with CBP, and in general the guy you're responding to you is more right and relevant than you are.

in any case, the best bet is to upload your shit to the cloud and have someone send you the crypto keys securely once you're on the ground there.

or you tattoo the keys to the inside of your asshole, whichever works best.

prolapse yourself to scan the QR codes when needed.

Yep. I can't stress enough that TSA's job is to make sure you're not going to blow the plane up. If they're reasonably confident you're the person whose name is on the ticket, and you have a ticket, and you don't have C4 in your bag, you're going to get through. It might take longer, but you'll get through.

If there's something in your bag that you're not supposed to have, you'll still get through, but they might make you check it or throw it away. That's the WORST case scenario.

TSA even has an instagram where they post the most ridiculous shit that people try to get through checkpoints with, and if I remember correctly they commented once that most people are still allowed to go make their flights even AFTER they get found with like a knife or something.

As long as they're willing to throw it away and never see it again, TSA has no further interest in you after they've screened out anything you shouldn't have (unless they think you're a terrorist with backup plans in case the knife got found).

Attached: Screen Shot 2018-06-03 at 7.23.09 PM.png (2144x2338, 3.77M)

Yeah those faggots made me throw away my monster sips and large toothpaste

absolutely retarded, no TSA fuck is going to get access to my work machine, which I take through several different airports a week. Not only have I never seen someone accosted of their device like this, there simply is no legal basis for them to be able to do so.

I don't think you have enough control of your ki to operate my staff, but okay.

Just don't mess with the time settings, it's a pain to set em back.

Attached: whisky.jpg (1280x704, 142K)

I was about to reply to him but I realized with the tattoo in asshole bit that he was probably kidding. And in hindsight, raising a stink about mixing ICE and CBP is subtler but was also clearly being facetious.

>Going on a flight
>Got high as a kite on the 4th of July the night before
>Hit the TSA booth still high
>"Sir, please raise your arms for the machine"
>Okay.jpg
>"Sir, we need to swab your electronics"
>DoubleOkay.jpg
>"Have a good flight, sir"
>Walk over to the airport food court and grab a coke
>Realize I never put my arms down
>Realize I paid for my coke with my arms up like there is an invisible gunman robbing me
Don't get high and fly, boys.

well, do you travel internationally?

cpb/dhs certainly can and does request passwords at ports of entry, and you have very restricted rights.

I'd post a link but Jow Forums says no. just google cbp password airport.

I travel internationally for work 20 times a year. You're full of shit.

I gave you my source, you've probably never been through advanced screening, probably because you're a nobody.

Get a warrant , fatfuck.

>large toothpaste
This shit right here.

What about flying with loose hard drives? I asked this question years ago, nobody answered. Do they give a shit about my massive amounts of JAV porn? I have a couple terabytes worth. What are they looking for? Will my shadman collection fuck me? What about all my trap porn? I only use Linux, will they be able to search the drives?

>flying domestically with wife
>use the self check-in kiosks to print boarding passes
>wife gets randomly selected for TSA pre-check
>i don't and have to go through regular check
>line for pre-check is like five people; wife gets through in under 5 minutes
>doesn't even have to remove shoes or belt
>get stuck behind fat hillbilly fuck who insists on arguing with the TSA reps about his rights, holds the line up for the rest of us
>finally get through after 45 minutes and put my shoes and belt back on like a good sheeple

How can I ensure I get TSA pre-check the next time I fly?

I'd tell them to fuck off of they asked.

I took a flight recently and my very small originating airport was screening fucking everybody, opening everybody's luggage including mine.

I was told that they're screening for explosives. The woman opened my bag and swabbed my dress shoes. I thought "how the fuck would the scanner find traces of explosives on shoes in the middle of my bag?"

Fuck those fucks. They security theater is bullshit.


I did have an amazing black TSA agent who wore a hijab and probably came from Africa somewhere though. I was getting a connecting flight from international to domestic and had to go through security yet again to catch my domestic. I had like 35 minutes to run through Dulles to get my ticket, go again through security, reach my concourse and then gate. She saw I was panicking trying to rush through but it was the evening so everybody was slow and tired, and she helped me unpack some and pushed others gray tubs back up the belt and got me through.

I'll never forget how cool she was, but the rest of them are fools.

Attached: index.jpg (159x159, 1K)

apply for it.

tsa.gov/precheck

lmgtfy.com/?s=b&q=How can I ensure I get TSA pre-check the next time I fly?

Heh, that small airport sounds like RIC
Also
>who is the shoe bomber
You honestly don't remember the guy that was foiled by air Marshalls in the 00s that tried to set off the bomb in his shoes? Or how about the Nigerian diaper bomber who was foiled around Christmas a few years back?

>mfw i'm a free sovereign agent
>refuse the nudie scanner machines every time
>get treated like a piece of shit for requesting a patdown, forced to weight 10-30 mins each time
>get interrogated about why I request a patdown

T-t-thanks TSA...

Go through the nudie machine with an erection, and then ask for a pat down cause you don't feel it scanned all of you.
Bam, free handjob

No, I know you can pay for it. I'm asking how do I ensure I get selected like my wife did.

>implying they're ever polite enough to use Sir or ma'am

Every experience I've ever had with them they've been excessively rude for no reason

AM I BEING DETAINED?

It's probably random, or the dude or woman fancied your wife.

In my experience, they often do use sir or ma'am, but in a negative and accusatory way. It's like when you do something stupid and someone addresses you as sweetie or sweetheart.

I think there was some kind pen testing done on the TSA at one point that resulting in somebody sneaking a fake bomb through airport security by gutting an old, thick laptop and putting fake explosives in there. Not sure about that, but I think I remember reading about it.

this

The last few times I've been through TSA they don't even ask me to power
the laptop on. it just goes through the xray machine in a seperate container
ofc, this doesn't fit with Jow Forums's "The j00s are out to get you and your anime" meme
I don't fly international so maybe its different, but at least domestic flights are this way

YOU CANT PROVE I WAS DRIVING

>tfw you take a bunch of pics of your balls from behind just in case authorities want to look at your phone

Funny, that's close, but even smaller, CHO.

I remember those cases, but Cville is so small and remote, that it's unlikely any bigtime security issues arise from here.

We just got those big nude machines like a few years ago too.

There's a YouTube video channel of a woman trying to smuggle cocaine formed on a thin sheet installed into a laptop screen w/ aluminum foil to try and fool the scanner.

youtube.com/watch?v=o7qFWltmOVM

>pilot
>private jet charter
>drive right up to the plane
>very seldomly go to a commercial airport or through TSA
>when i do, I have known crewmember and get to use the access point
>skip tsa, skip frisking, skip xray
>TFW going shooting tomorrow in another state as my layover

I'M NOT DRIVING, I'M TRAVELING

>sure thing, but I just need to go to the bathroom for a second, I'll be right back

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the xray machine is actually a device which instantly clones your storage bit for bit. Of course (((they))) let you think it's a simple xray

yeah, but that was the whole point i was making. you won't get forced to unlock your computer getting through security to board your flight (ie TSA). you'll only get asked to unlock your computer on entry, and that's CBP. this whole discussion started when said you can't say no to TSA, and the OP image, which all illustrated a deep misunderstanding about TSA vs CBP/ICE. TSA are somewhere between cops and mall security.

Can CBP demand your laptop password? Sure. Can you say no? Sure. Can they detain you? Sure.

Are CBP ever GOING to detain a white american citizen for more than a few hours for not unlocking his laptop? No. Not unless they have enough on him to arrest him for other shit.

don't even joke about this stuff. there are honestly retarded people on this board who will show up at the airport with an assault rifle thinking they're going to uncover some vast conspiracy because of some offhand joke one of us made.

Some of you guys are alright. Don't go on any flights tomorrow.

The fire rises

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>Jow Forums - autistic roleplay general

It works, see? Boots? What else do you want. I can login, but why? I am late to plane anyway.

Fuck, if this existed then they need to get out of the airport security biz and get into data centers.

>ever travel to USA
I hope nobody does this. Why would anyone want to visit your third-world shithole.

Get a job

>Sir I'm going to need you to stop the austistic screeching or youre going to a black site

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Murica land of the free my ass

mashallah brother

Living rent free in your mind since 1776

>I am a Muslim in the United Kingdom with a bomb
>Right oh then go on ahead
>Oi mate I am just heading back home
>Do you have a plane Loicense?
>No I think not.
>you are under arrest!

Oi m8 you have toothpaste Loicense?

>flying
plebs

Do they ask your password and unlock themselves or do they ask you to unlock?
>they start my laptop
>it boots to grub( dual boot)
>dumb ape sees the boot count down
>screams "ITS A BOMB"
>get shot

>Powers off encrypted devices and hands them over with a shit eating grin

>be australian
>takes 10 minutes to pass security at busiest airport in country during peak

Attached: australian shitposting copy.jpg (662x393, 60K)

DOG BLESS

the chinese are always in a hurry

Fuck yeah

Attached: 26.jpg (940x529, 55K)

No. Get a load of my freedom and 2nd amendment you basedboy cuck libtard.

Must suck to be colorblind, nigger

>there are actual people like this

can't do much about ignored americunts

>sister flew to london a few weeks ago
it's a wonder she didn't get raped when she went, or shot when she came back

Rent free. 1776.

with the exception of montreal a handful of other airports (probably single digits), CBP only exists on the arrival side of the flight.

CBP's not worried that you landed with a bomb. if you had a bomb and you took a flight into the US and you DIDN'T hijack the plane, then what the fuck were you doing flying with a bomb?

if CBP asks you to unlock your computer, they want access to the contents. if TSA asks you to unlock your computer, they really only want to see it boot up, and they'll probably wave you off before you even get to GRUB. they're seriously just interested in seeing that the device has computer parts in it and not C4.

yes, you could put a raspberry pi or whatever in there and fill the rest with C4, but right now that's not in their threat model. also, they have all sorts of chemical tests and all that other shit that would signal to them that something's fucked up, and pull you aside to ask for permission to run more tests on the laptop. but in all these cases it wouldn't be an analysis of the content of the drives; it'd be an analysis of the physical materials.

again, TSA just wants to make sure people aren't getting on the flight with bombs or things that can be used as weapons. they err on the side of "retarded" by banning all liquids over 1oz or whatever, but there's no intelligent scheming going on behind the scenes.

What did he mean by this?

>Be me
>small child
>parents ask me to carry water bottle in my rucksack
>airport security pulls me aside
>pulls out water bottle and GameBoy pocket
>"is this a bomb?"
>"n...no?"
>"what is it?"
>"it's a GameBoy"
>"turn it on"
>switch on GameBoy, makes the classic "ding"
>security looks scared but let's me past.

If it was a bomb, is getting me to turn it on in front of a large queue of people a good idea?

yfw

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>very cute sir, now decrypt the device
>no?
>then come with me, you've been randomly selected for extra screening

It's done to check if it's actually in working condition and not a bomb. Tell them it has confidential data, but you're willing to boit to bios. Problem solved

>"huh. It says in your passport youre a Male."

Wrong. They will at most check to see if your laptop turns on, then x-ray it. The TSA will not arrest you or ask you for your logins or passwords or anything like that.

Nice fear mongering though.

lol, TSA cannot/wont arrest you for non-compliance (unless you become hostile), at most, they will deny you boarding and/or ask you to leave the premisses (as in, leave the terminal) but should be able to walk free out of the airport.

I always ask for a pat down if the person is a woman. It's the only time a woman will touch me.

dystopia af

>Bam, free handjob
by a dude

Is there a problem?

Attached: 310518.png (500x750, 410K)

By an overweight dude that doesn't have a choice. Kinky as FUCK

Jokes on them. I have a flip phone with no data on it.

>I thought "how the fuck would the scanner find traces of explosives on shoes in the middle of my bag?"

Using an ionic mobility spectrometer they can detect all kinds of substances down to parts per billion.
Same goes for drugs etc, the tiniest bit of coke residue on your skin for example can be found using this method.
If you had assembled a bomb and didn't have clinical level conditions (positive pressure rooms, full body suits etc) they could very likely find residue somewhere.